Seed

@DIDego yes, I think it is dissociation of some kind. Who’s the protector? Is that me? He seems to be working at my pace and says to respect the resistance. So he’s not rushing me at least.

Interesting. What is good for then ? I use an EFT app on my phone and it helps a lot of me in the present moment but obviously can’t reach those deeply repressed memories and emotions. My trauma is very, very suppressed and deep rooted. I’ve tried all sorts of things and the closest I’ve got to releasing it is shaking and tremoring in transformational breathwork session. But not actually releasing anything. After that the sessions no longer worked as body build up a new defence. I thought Jungian approach might be good as it’s about exploring the unconscious You don’t rate kinesiology then ? when he’s done energy work with me in the past. I always felt so drained and depleted afterwards. And even after just talk therapy with him, he drains me.

Even though we’re going into the belly of the beast ? i thought you were meant to feel worse cause of having to dredge up years of suppressed emotions. And the only way out is through? I hope i am wrong !! As I find it so difficult. Therapy always makes me feel worse after for two days. The therapists say that is cause we’re working through my protective mechanisms and it stirs up suppressed emotions and memories. But that they need to be felt to be released ?

@DIDego yes

You don’t think I could be overreacting? I am aware of my neediness but isn’t that a hole that can never be filled anyway ? Is it Not dangerous to chase it. E.g moth analogy that he gave in post above. I am suffering a lot of paranoia atm so I also Another reason why I think its all me projecting. Thank you for the help

Ironically, he does energy work. Specifically to release trauma in the body. He does EFT and muscle testing. Usually he spends 30 mins talking and the 2nd half doing working with the body. However. The last three sessions, he didn’t do any of this. When I asked why he hadn’t done it with me in for the last few session he said because it’s a very direct approach and he is apprehensive to do it as when he checked me energy system last time, it was all mixed up. So he wants to wait for me to balance out first. It’s very confusing. But I am a confused person generally atm. I feel I’ve lost my compass ? He said that the image that comes to his mind when He thinks of me, is of a moth that keeps thrashing about trying to find the light and then burning itself on the flame ? so he has to be very careful with me.

@DreamScape thank you. So even if I am projecting - you still wouldn’t recommend I go with him? It’s so hard to know whether I should just work through it with him or not. Now that’s we’ve started. Or make a clean break.. ?

@Toby are you I’m not the one who’s nuts and projecting onto him? ? @DIDego thanks for this!!

You don’t think that all this is to do with my own projections onto him in an attempt to self preserve ? (This is what he said) it’s just I’ve been through a couple of therapists in the past 18 months I am very conscious not to waste money (and time) going from one to the next. I desperately just want to settle with someone I can trust so I can get on with the work. It may be that I don’t like his style because of my own discomfort and need for presence. So maybe that’s something I need to work on ? I am very aware that all problems come from within. So wouldn’t changing the therapist just be avoidance ? And if I am really honest, I had two therapists before that I felt comfortable with but we never actually made any progress.. ? It’s so hard to know what to do. I’ve been involved in abusive relationship over the past year which has destroyed my self esteem and intuition. I am not usually so unsure and doubtful. The reason I’m in therapy is so I can learn to trust myself again at the minimum..

I've had a couple of sex dream about Leo... so at least your's was on topic..

@Robi Steel Feminism is not complicated. It just means you wish for equality of the genders. Why is that so scary?

Or choke?!? Maybe we're just pessimists @Charlotte

Just be you. Strength is being who authentically are. Don’t hide your vulnerability. Don’t play into a role. Just be.

'To God - how did you get invented?' and this was the response.... “Dear Lulu: Nobody invented me – but lots of people discovered me and were quite surprised. They discovered me when they looked round at the world and thought it was really beautiful or really mysterious and wondered where it came from. They discovered me when they were very very quiet on their own and felt a sort of peace and love they hadn’t expected. Then they invented ideas about me – some of them sensible and some of them not very sensible. From time to time I sent them some hints “specially in the life of Jesus” to help them get closer to what I’m really like. But there was nothing and nobody around before me to invent me. Rather like somebody who writes a story in a book, I started making up the story of the world and eventually invented human beings like you who could ask me awkward questions!” Kind of sums up what Leo says in about 8 lines... http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2019/02/24/to-god-how-did-you-get-invented/?fbclid=IwAR3Wg1XHv0HZL4pR-Q1ZZw5yx7lbXhvy9pwy7RM9gByduQzrY5LLBhKhmJg

@Leo Gura Sometimes when I meditate it gets so close... I can feel it physically. It's quite amazing. But it just wont burst. It won't release. Nothing. It's almost like it's hovering there in order tease me. A big cosmic tease created only by myself - of course! Cause I am GOD! And then the cling film is when I get emotional. I can feel all this emotion pressing against the cling film inside me. I use that analogy because that's what came out when my therapist asked me to describe it and she loved it. So now i keep using and cant look at cling film in the same way now.. I will look into this Shamanic breathwork. And ive had psychedelics before but this was before I had awareness of this suppression (?) even existing within me. It's therapy that's brought it into light. But it cant penetrate it. And now I know it's there, it wont go back.

@Leo Gura - what about if your trauma was before you able to make a mental script of what happened? So before aged 5 - 6 years old? So you mind cant deliver it you because there was no narrative whatsoever. And probably no memories. However, you know they are there because they've come into your awareness through therapy and meditation. But you cant 'dig them out' They are trapped and blocked and your awareness, knows it. Feelings like being wrapped in cling flim. Or carrying a volcano around in your body that never erupts. Is it just a case of accepting that feeling? Accepting that you can never truly let go? Or understand? Thank you..

Haha.... @Charlotte Ive a long way to go before I can claim that role! But would def recommend Toastmasters for overcoming fears and sharpening your skills.. You'll meet some amazing people too. :-)

I put @Leo Gura down too. Just dont idolise him.. take the bits you admire.. :-)

Hello. I am currently in the process of some therapy and finding it is making me worse and causing lots of ego backlash / drama. However, I kind of feel it needs to be done because of childhood trauma. Although, the phrase 'let sleeping dogs lie' is rattling around in my brain and I feel I have gone downhill since starting. But, only 6 sessions in. Would love to know everyone else's thoughts / experiences. Thank you

Hey! I like my ego...

@Joseph Maynor Awesome..

@Leo Gura I feel like it distracts me. But, yes. Totally agree that sanity is overrated. I needed to hear this tonight. Funny, cause I dont usually hang out on here. I love my mind. Wouldn't give it up for the world. Maybe that is why I don't chase enlightment. Although the glimpses are often a welcome treat.. ;-)

I feel like I don't understand anyone else, who isnt this way. I keep meeting people like this, groups even. And I feel like an alien amongst them.

Yes, This is exactly me. Nightmare! It fabricates enlightenment experiences for me all the bloody time... or just uses it as a time to plan / conceptualize / day dream..