hinawashi

I honestly don't believe we're stuck in time. The past and future of course exist, but only conceptually. We use these concepts like tools, just like all other concepts. When we brush our teeth, not only do we pick up the toothbrush (a physical tool) but also pick up the concept of the future that our teeth would be clean in when we brush them (a mental tool). The main fallacy that we can fall victim to is we tend to abuse those tools. When all you have is a hammer, everything would look like a nail to you. When you fight fire with fire, you end up making a bigger fire. That's exactly why meditation is super useful when we're feeling stuck. When we meditate, we temporarily put down those mental tools and we go back to the workbench, and sometimes we end up crafting completely new tools (gaining new insights).

Depends on what you define as fun. If you meant humor, then I'd encourage you to go for it. Make fun of yourself and crack a few jokes. That's the perfect way to let go of yourself but also appreciate yourself in a meaningful way. On the other hand, if you mean what kind of fun activities you do in your spare time, like partying and drinking yourself into a coma (just kidding), I think a good way to draw the line would be to see whether it's good for you. Yes, you are allowed to do anything but not everything is good for you. Not just physical health, but also ask what are some long-term effects they will have on your psyche.

When I was high school I was just as shallow-minded as everyone around me. Believe it or not I was the type of person who only cared about herself and my life was all about being validated by the peoples. But let me answer your question of why, since nobody really gave a direct answer to it. The reason is kind of complicated but I'll make it short and sweet. They are shallow-minded because their experience of life is very limited. It's quite strange but the more limitations you have, the more you think you have... stuff, whether it's material belongings or knowledge in general. I'd love to explain it in detail but I think it's better to make a separate thread for it. Since the main objective of self-actualization is to break free of our barriers, when we throw away our limitations we also throw away what we were clinging on to. Why people believe that ignorance is bliss is because they don't want to let go of their way of thinking, for within the limitations they set upon themselves that stuff is super valuable to them, and they simply cannot afford throwing it away. So in a sense that today's youth are shallow-minded because they want to stay that way, which nobody can ever convince them to get out of it. So don't get frustrated. Instead, be thankful that you can use them as mirrors to reflect upon your own limitations. At the same time be more compassionate towards them, because everyone including you and me have gone through that shallow-minded stage in our lives. If people with higher consciousness didn't have the compassion to grant us the knowledge for us to become enlightened like them, we would forever wallow in the darkness blindfolded.

I've been thinking about starting a journal for a very long time and in the past I've written broken pieces of entries which never connected very well with each other. I know that many of you would definitely encourage me to keep one, but here's my dilemma: Whenever I look back on my old entries I find them rather stupid and absurd to look at. At the same time I know that whatever I'm writing down today will suffer the same fate in the near future. Has anyone come across this problem when keeping a self-actualization journal? What would be your solution to it? I'm thinking of keeping a "dynamic journal" where I can go back and edit stuff I've written down before, but I'm not sure if it's feasible. Thanks!

So the dynamic journal is the way to go. Sounds like a good plan. Life is indeed like living on the seven seas like a pirate. Grab your eyepatch, pegleg, musket and cutlass, and loot and plunder your way up from deckswabber to captain. Ever hear about the Argo paradox? When Jason first set sail with his band of swashbucklers, he built the Argo from new materials but as he sailed from port to port part of the ship got old and was replaced until all parts were eventually replaced with new parts. So some peoples argue that the Argo at the end isn't the real Argo anymore but an entirely different ship altogether. If that's true, then when did the Argo become a different ship? Is it when the first piece is replaced or when the last piece is replaced, or some halfway point in the middle? Or is it possible that no matter how many pieces were replaced, the Argo is still the Argo? It's the same problem with life. We all know that we've transformed when we look back at our past lives, but we cannot define the precise moment in time when the transformation took place.

@Dan Arnautu The way I see it, is simply not to go to extremes. I've been reading a lot of books lately on this issue and my own insight on this issue is that whenever I feel like I "have to" do something, then it's a red flag that I'm going towards one extreme or the other. If I have to show myself as capable that's too prideful, if I go to the other end then I'll just have to repress my pride all the time. So right now I'm just pausing and evaluate my thoughts. It's slowing down everything but at least it's giving me more breathing room to be more conscious.

Sorry I'm asking for advice again. I've been thinking over this problem for a few weeks now and I still haven't found a good solution for it. What I found is that I always have this need to prove that I'm better than others, and I've been trying to repress it. But that leads to a lot of self-sabotage behavior, like putting on a humble attitude but really afraid that I'm going to show my prideful side in front of others. I want to help others but I'm afraid that people might think of it as me being prideful, for example. I think that's one of the reasons I often avoid social interaction even though I'm an extroverted individual. When I'm meditating I realized that deep down inside that's actually a weakness. I've been running away from this problem by repressing and now I have nowhere to run. Sometimes I regret taking on the journey of self-development because the more I meditate the more I find myself disgusting, filled with pride, anger, jealousy and hypocrisy. I really wish I can just forget about all this and return to being a reptilian, or an ape, whatever you call it. I don't know what to do. I'm really looking for a way to control my pride without having to repress it, or maybe there's a solution to just quit repressing altogether. I really have no clue on this. Please help!

@JustinS I'll definitely maintain my habit of keeping myself aware. It's hard but I know it'll be very rewarding in the end.

@JustinS Thanks for the video. Yes I've done a 10-day meditation retreat two months before. During the retreat it felt wonderful and I've managed to let everything go, but not long after returning to the "mortal world" my problems started flaring up again. I guess it's up to me to sharpen my awareness even more.

@Visitor What I'm doing right now is to quietly observe myself from another perspective. It's a big leap of faith because my ego doesn't want to let go of its own perspective. I think it's a good idea to just observe for now and don't try to correct it. @Spiral Yes, I do lack confidence in some areas and I really have this need for validation from others. But right now I'm practicing the detachment technique and that helps separates me from my prideful ego. Instead of focusing on the results of my actions, I simply detach the results and focus on the present moment.

Well, I missed out a full decade of my life, now that my teenage years are behind me. However I'm still thankful that I get to begin my self-development journey now rather than ten more years down the road.

Thank you for all your feedback! I've already gone past the stage where I'm easily aggravated by peoples easily. I've been using the technique of detachment to untangle a lot of stuffs in my life, so I've been hoping that I can give some advice to people that have similar problems. However this feeling of detachment has left me feeling empty. I think I might have to start another thread here because that's a completely different topic.

Sorry for disappearing for such a long time. I've been looking into this problem with self-image for a while now, and from what I can understand so far, I think the way other people see me is nothing more than a fictional character. I came across this idea when I was explaining to one of my friends, who was being bullied online, that people can hate anyone for any reason. I tried to elaborate on this idea but the only thing I can come up with is the idea of the self-image being more or less a fictional character. It was meant as a way not to take any insults personally but later I realized that it sort of applies to me as well. Of course they dismissed my idea as pure crazy cuckoo-speak, but when I think back to it and I realized it might be a sign that my ego is dissolving. I'm still having doubts whether it's a good thing so I thought it might be a good idea to come here and ask for help.

Sorry for not being active here for a long while. I've been having the very real struggle letting go of my sadistic tendencies towards a lot of my former enemies, many of which are my family members. Although I've learned not to let any of them hurt me anymore, but the most difficult part is letting all that go. The problem with self-improvement work is that now I have the power to see through them and I could completely manipulate and torture them, because they're totally unconscious. From time to time I keep thinking about setting up various scenarios to bring out the maximum amount of emotional pain in them and feed off that pain myself like a vampire. I know that it's not the right thing to do, but these thoughts keep coming back to tempt me. Sometime I can come up with ways to torture people that are really disturbing even I find it disturbing. Any advice? Would I become a sadistic monster if this keeps happening?

@Prabhaker OK, so that cleared everything up. I've been thinking of the same thing, actually. However I've never thought about accepting other people, but I'll give it a try. Thank you so much!

@egoeimai @S33K3R Thanks for your advice. I had to go thorough a bit of meditation to realize that the darkness that I fight was inside me all along. I'm not fighting against anyone else, I'm fighting my own evil desires. Sometimes I want to "fight the good fight" but it was all repressing my sadistic tendencies to hurt people while keeping up an image of being righteous. This makes me really sad. Really sad. I thought I was being in control. I thought I was the puppet master, but I was letting myself be controlled by this evil inside me. I guess the first step would be forgiving myself then.

@sgn The way I see it, is that you're letting too many cooks into the kitchen. A people-pleaser is someone who lets other people run their lives. One quick way to get a taste of your authentic self is to pretend that nothing you do will matter anymore. Suppose that everyone would just give you approval for doing absolutely nothing. I know it sounds completely crazy but just roll with it on this mental exercise. Now just pretend that's true. Would you go and please people anymore? If your answer is yes, that would be excellent news, because that would be an authentic desire to care about people. If your answer is no, then your people-pleasing tendencies stem from your selfishness. Not only that you'd be selfish by focusing on people's approval, you also would be repressing your selfishness by what pleasing others and giving an image of being selfless. You see, the difference between pleasing people and genuinely caring about people is where their approval lies. If it's your goal the whole time, that means your self-image is relying on that approval and as soon as that's taken away (which is why I used the above mental exercise to imagine such a scenario), it would fall apart and that's why you fear that people wouldn't care about you if you stopped pleasing them. Hope this helps!

The system I've set up is more of an experiment. First I use on of Leo's points as my hypothesis, then I design a way to test it. After I've set up my experiment I go ahead and do it and record the results, then I find a way to interpret the results and see what I can improve. Here's one of my tests not too long ago. In Japan there are plenty of game centers and people waste their time and money on those things, so I thought it was the perfect spot to test Leo's theory of excitement VS gratification, you know, his whole talk on happiness. I went in there and picked one of those crane games and nailed one of those plushies which I wanted, but during the whole time I was recording my feelings inside my mind, which I played back afterwards. Then it all came clear that indeed the reason people get addicted is because they believe that winning the prize will lock in their feelings of excitement while playing the game, but since that doesn't work, they have to keep the addiction going by seeking more and more excitement. So by doing this quick experiment I proved that Leo's theory was true, and I can be more mindful in similar situations so not to let too much excitement take over my mind.

The whole deal about exploiting people is just one application of being mindful, which boils down to controlling your response to people, in this case. But you can exploit not just people, but things, events, and situations. You can exploit just about anything and everything you encounter in your life. It's actually quite difficult because you have to keep on questioning not just your surroundings but your own thoughts and feelings towards everything, which is what being mindful is all about. Leo makes really good videos on applications. Short but to the point.

@S33K3R makes a great point. The monkey mind is indeed a tool for our survival. What's important is that you put it to good use and don't abuse it. Most of the time when people talking about their monkey mind being negative it's because they're abusing it. Actually there isn't a positive VS negative way of looking at it because it's all up to your definition. Part of the enlightenment journey is realizing that everything that you used to consider positive becomes the negatives and vice-versa.

Everyone has their past, myself included, which we don't want to face. But it doesn't matter how you look at it, what's done is done, and there isn't a way to change the past. What you CAN change is your attitude towards it. Instead of being bitter and resentful, maybe you can just look back at your life like looking back down on your path and see how much you have grown since then. Maybe a lot of problems you had back then still aren't solved now, but at least you're making progess, because awareness alone is a sign of growth. Instead of being ashamed, be grateful of your past.

Yeah I have that feeling too when I started talking about self-actualization to my friends as well. Nobody understands a thing and they all think I'm starting to go insane. It's a bit depressing, yes, but the key is to that issue is to make it a non-issue. Marcus Aurelius once said that "the obstacle becomes the way", so think of loneniless as the way instead of the obstacle. Instead of thinking how to overcome loneliness, think about how to make use of it. Leo said that this loneliness should be the very foundation of self-actualization, so keep that in mind when you're feeling lonely.

Tokyo, Japan. Just to weigh in a little bit.

@Torkys I meditated about 8 to 10 hours daily. I just pretend it's a full-time job and instead of work, I'm taking a vacation and meditate for 10 days while keeping the same schedule as if I'm working 8-hour shifts daily. with a few extra hours before I go down to sleep at the inn. About the technique, I'm not like a monk just sitting there with my eyes closed, but rather walking through the woods and occasionally look down on the town and the shrine from the top of the hill. This gives a sense that I'm alone in this world and that my body and my "ego", so to speak, are merely tools at my disposal and not really part of me. I was just in the moment and throwing away the concepts of the past and the future, and these concepts are also tools that my mind comes up with to aid me in my life, but they're not life itself. What's really interesting is that I'm unable to fully share my experience with anyone, even on this very forum it's very hard to describe what I went through. But just to add one more point to this whole experience, it feels like the meditation brings this sense of true happiness that I can just tap into anytime I want, instead of chasing after excitement like everyone else, which doesn't last very long no matter how they try to lock in that feeling of excitement. So to me (as of now) meditation is like trading away what can't last for what's everlasting. I have to give credit to Leo when he brought up the idea in one of his videos because that's probably the only thing that I haven't had the chance to try out until now because of my busy schedule, but I finally had the chance to take a short break from my work and that's the very first thing that came to my mind. @Leo Gura I owe it all to you!

I'm back, everyone! I've been travelling solo for the past 10 days just like Leo suggested. While I wasn't completely cut off from all stimulations, I did spend most of my time meditating in the woods just behind Kasuga Shrine to the east of Nara, only to come down to get some food to eat every now and then. But other than that I'm pretty much surrounded by nature and the deer and birds. It was an amazing experience. Yes, I've had that hump period where I'm having withdrawal symptoms but after that I felt completely at peace. I was at a complete loss of words by the end of it. If I have to describe it, I'd say it's a feeling of contentment, like I don't have to make myself feel good anymore. I don't have to please my ego anymore. I used to complain about my weaknesses and vulnerabilities but now I appreciate the fact that I have weaknesses. It felt so strange like I'm being turned inside out but in a good way, of course. Also I'm looking at the world in a completely different way as well. Instead of thinking that everyone else is stupid and unconscious, I'm starting to have this feeling of melancholy mixed with compassion for them. Maybe they deserve pity instead of criticism. For example, when I see people around me going to a party and drinking themselves into a coma, I used to think "they're so dumb, I'd never get myself drunk", but now I look at them and think "wow, that's quite unfortunate and sad". I don't know if this is how I'm supposed to feel, because it's difinitely my first time doing an enlightenment retreat. If anyone else on this forum can share similar experiences I'd greatly appreciate it.