Mehyar

have any body seen a joker/clown/jester while tripping ? long story short , i need help knowing what is the joker or what is he or what is he supposed to do i had a very emotionally violent events in 2016, i think at one point i died because i saw my face on a pixilated cube that looked like a digital box and it was spinning some how that event blew me out of reality and i lost everyone in my life, today is my birthday , i have different emotions that i had yesterday i'm just curious, if any body knows of any useful resources i can use, like books or articles, ill be so thankful the fact that i don't know who am i anymore is freaking me out so any suggestion is largely appreciated

@Nahm well, it's all in my head, it means i could be the mouse , but why ? Im sorry for too many questions, its who i am since i was a kid, i just want to know more and collect as much information as possible about everything, but last few months proved me that i absolutely know nothing, when i thought i knew more than most thank you for your feedback again

@Nahm another question who's Ganesha ? when i was 13 years old i had a dream when i was sick, ill never forget the dream was of a pink elephant was sitting on top of me , and it was not heavy, and i was looking at him with my eyes but not tilting my head i don't know if this is relevant , but i had this dream 18 years ago and i would never forget it do you know of any Hindu resources or book i can read that relate to Ganesha and the mouse he is riding ?

@Mondsee it happened to me and it freaked me out at first, and then i started reading and reaching out to more resources im still confused and interested in knowing your experience more or what are the resources are you reaching out to for better understanding

@Nahm thank you , i kind of noticed that, i also noticed also its a gift and a curse at the same time i come from Syria, and i don't know if what ever experience i went through recently to send me to hell only is a wake up call or something i don't care who i will be, i just want to help ppl and not get criticized by my extreme curiosity to see, experience and know things. i am 31 right now, i thought i knew alot. Turns out i didn't know anything

@Fidelio your a 100% correct, i posted this because i think i am that fool , and i was living my life exactly how all cultures interpreted the joker but i don't like being the fool or the entertainer any more , i only get hurt and back stabbed by ppl i love what is interesting is that i discovered that my life is a Cycle, and i'm stuck in this Cycle to the point that now im trying to recall my life events in the past to try to calculate when am i going to fall in love again i have fallen in love 3 times and lost the love of my life multiple times, only later to discover that those lovers i lost are the same person (internally), and i will meet them again in a different form just to learn another lesson, sad huh i hate being the star , i no longer want to be the center of attention , i just want to be left alone of so much criticism i have recieved in 2016, although i always was trying to be a hero for ppl i care about, but recently i was described by all the ppl i know as the devil , imagine that.

@Emerald thank you, actually it was few ppl i did few trippin experinces with who saw the joker, i only saw my face, i have never experienced any entities but my face in/on a box that looked like a screen whats funny compared to your friend story was that i also had a major life altering event had move recently from NY to florida, idk why exactly that happened , but i know i feel that i need to be here , and everything bad back in NY, vanished. from bad situations, friends or GF also dissapeared Also, all the of the sudden, i don't have any fears or insecurities, but confusion and curiosity. my diet changed completely. im reaching out to sooo many resources to try to understand , i read some of joseph campell work , and discovered the hero's journey only to realize all moveis and shows and TV serious is the same exact scene that's being repeated over and over and over i came across the book of changes , i read many many biographies because i'm sensing that my life story is being repeated and have been even before i was born , not to mention that a bad event always happen to me either on Halloween or xmass i'm aware now that i have a lot of work to do to try to balance my life out, but i don't know where to start. all of the sudden i lost interest of many things i used to like and all materialistic desires. i know im not going crazy, but i know there is way more than what ever this is we call life , and i know or i feel that im being directed in some crazy way to do things and know more thank you for your response