HelloThere

@SOUL said it well, "but what about ideas that aren't testable at the moment..." Most ideas fall under this probably since you are not going to be putting it in practice at the same moment that you are having the insight. There is only one "now" so you'll need some sort of vision of how implementing it(after the "now") will lead to one of your goals. I guess that's also another example of mental masturbation, having the insight but not tieing it to an activity towards your goal so you feel satisfied for realising it(masturbation) but don't make an action item out of it(remains mental). "..., or are not a part of this reality (as far as I've experienced)?" What is the point of having an insight that you can never put to practice and therefore can never have it have any impact on your experience? Doesn't hurt probably, you might have a use case for it in the future. Though if you keep wasting time thinking about it without doing anything with it then you are just feeling good about yourself and wasting time that could be spent practicing useful insights.

The magic is curiosity of the unknown. It's why humans have explored the earth and are now looking outward towards space travel more probably. Games that we've played before aren't as interesting as the first time around because we have little left to discover. You might try a different approach this time around though to discover if that changes the result in the way that you expect which is also unknown. People like discovering and trying new experiences and as a kid everything is new so you are submerged in magic basically. Nostalgia brings back some of the old feelings and excitement for me but it doesn't really fully bring back the awe and desire to discover the unknown that makes me lost in the moment since I kind of already know it (even though I might have forgotten some of it). That's my initial take on it anyway.

Then who wrote this post if you've never ever been there?

"You will just know" has to be one of the least useful replies you can get to a question. From what I've gathered mental masturbation means having theoretical ideas that are of little use when put to practice or are useful ideas/realisations but since you don't actually ever put it into practice it still isn't of any use since you don't actually realise them to bring about change. So I figure the way to see if an insight deserves attention and therefor has worth is if you put it to practice and it brings about growth or positive change. If after putting it to practice it doesn't bring about anything of considerable use then it either wasn't much of an insight or you didn't use it in the context that it would be useful in.I think you still have to put it to practice to find out though, otherwise the same insight can be an insight and remain a mental masturbation at the same time.

Thought you meant you had trouble starting for a second. That formula sounds really good indeed, nice and clear. Thanks. I haven't bothered meditating much but I did give it a chance for a week once (20min timer). The method I tried was ridding my mind of any thoughts that came up as I noticed that they had come up. I was practicing how to stop thinking about stuff as soon as they popped up which is quite hard. Anyway days later at work I found I had a lot better focus. It makes sense since the things that are taking away your focus when you are studying or working on a problem or whatever are new distracting thoughts that just kind of interrupt whatever you are thinking about. "...followed by myself trying to rationalize why i shouldn't do it, and why it's pointless..." "...but i end up procrastinating mid way and not being able to actually concentrate on the activity. " These sound like exactly the kinds of things that I was practicing of killing as soon as they came up with this meditation. I really think it could help. Whatever you practice becomes more automatic so you might end up shutting down these thoughts without even realising when you practice it enough.

This is a really important point. If you lose sight of this you cap out on the ability to grow in a sense I think. I don't feel I bullshit myself much but the lack of some results speak for themselves, so I must be doing it. It's a very sneaky thing so shouldn't ever be forgotten. It feels safe and comfortable to be certain about things, all your mind wants to do is find a stable idea about the world and affirm that it is correct. I can feel this is what my mind wants too. I wonder where the sensible limit for doubting yourself is though? If you are certain that you have found a true enough way of seeing the world then if you happen to be wrong then you won't ever look for the benefits that come from being skeptical and potentially growing further (when there is something major to grow towards that you are blind to and missing out on). Then again being uncertain all the time feels really unsafe and uncomforting, this is definitely not a very good place to be at either. Balance in life is very important too. What are the red flags for doubting yourself too much and not doubting yourself enough?

Cannot answer, the question was too specific.

@nightlight Could set up a Teamspeak server or a live chatroom. Would feel more personal for sure. Then again typing stuff out probably forces you to think what you are saying and might produce more substance which you can later look up. Could do both?

Although I don't agree with the education system very much, changing it isn't a personal goal in my life currently, I feel the whole of the way our society thinks and what it values would have to change first. That or the internet just becomes such an easy and ridiculously obvious place to learn stuff from compared to our current education system that it will sort of be deserted due to low demand. Haven't put much thought into it though and this is too wide of a problem(project I should say) to start tackling for me. Sounds like you have something in common with salesmen. You are trying to pitch an idea to people. Maybe look up what motivates people to get them on board or maybe somehow make a business out of it so that the people helping will work for cash. I honestly have no idea. I'm more curious about the different practical ideas in everyday personal growth and how well they hold water. All I know is that progress takes quite a bit of time and getting back up when things don't go your way. Best of luck. Oh and progress also probably takes not sitting around in forums reading peoples stories all evening as I am doing currently

Pleasantly suprised that you said that yourself. So atleast now there's a chance you won't be stuck in fantasy land and realise that what is required is action. Once you start doing stuff alot of your furstration and stress will melt away just by knowing you are now in the process of doing something about it. Leo has a shit ton of free videos on youtube that explain how to take action and not procrastinate and backslide and kid yourself and all of that and much more. They are literally practical ideas to use and take into use starting from then and there. Makes me a little nauseous promoting his videos so much but you basically have what alot of people, including me, lack. And that is a life purpose. And he has everything else about how to make progress towards that in his videos. Even if your life purpose isn't something for me I envy you that you have something to chase so go and get it ;] Also can't help but think that you have alot of unresolved issues due to this: which you are trying to resolve through this life purpose. Leo also has stuff about how to find peace with yourself and deal with negative emotions so you might want check those out. I mean if you grow to be stronger then maybe you'll be stronger and more able to help others too. Specially if you are not strong enough right now. Disclaimer: this was a random person on the internet speaking.

Dude I know something that has helped me quite noticeably. Using it is kind of ugly but I'll remind you what you said: You said having no screens before bed would probably help. So you even know what to do now. Except you also said you can't live without a screen so use what I've been using instead, Flux. I'm sure others have heard of it before but it's like 0 maintanance and runs in the backround very gradually lowering the brigthness after sunset. Just don't go straight from bright to ultra dim or it will look kind of ugly for a few minutes until you get used to it. Otherwise you shouldn't even really notice it much. Anyways I get sleepy now behind the computer screen most nights when it's really late instead of going to bed at like 3am. Before I started using this I was convinced I was just some sort of super nightowl person since I'd been up late my whole life so I almost didn't even give it a proper chance.

Ok so you are talking about alot of different issues that probably have very different approaches to solve them. You seem overwhelmed. I would be. I have been. Being overwhelmed is one of the biggest debilitating factors I think. I mean how are you going to muster the strength and dedication to solve your problems if you're given a scary pile of crap to deal with right from the start and told to solve it all together. That probably won't work very well so don't tell yourself you have to solve it all together. That's almost like an excuse for why not to start solving them. Pick one of the issues and make sure it is one that you actually really would love to be changed instead of it just being sort of nice. Might wanna pick a smaller one too so after you do make a good amount of progress (happens quicker when it's smaller) with it you'll start to feel achievement and prove to yourself that you can actually tackle issues. I was a binge eater/drinker and loved it. Then I slowly started decreasing those by actually realizing and believing they were going to (very slowly but surely) make me sadder in the long run. Started going to the gym and counting calories (didn't do those things together right away either). And this progress happened with several ups and downs(fallbacks) but the average situation was getting better because I believed that it was a good way to go. So just pick some aspects and start chipping away at them. I still love binge eating and drinking, I just rarely do because deep down I know it's just really fun but not fulfilling. Also after a while I started seeing the results of not doing it and they pretty much even out so you are like meh, I don't really need the binging that much and even if I sometimes do it doesn't hurt my average. Also you enjoy it alot more when you usually don't do it kind of like with getting laid after a long time so there's another perk if you like the intensity of pleasure. Now that I think of it when it came to losing weight I did get hard and strict on myself because I was like if I'm going to give up the food that I love so much it better be worth it and I better not be disappointed at myself for giving it up. But after a while when I started to see that it was working and I started believing in myself then I relaxed and didn't worry about fallbacks as long as the average was improving. When you beat yourself up too much and stress yourself out you will be so so so much more likely to break and give in. You'll be weak. So pick some combination that suits you and gets you results . Sorry for the wall of text apparently I like to talk alot. Truly wish you the best of luck. It worked for me so I know and feel it can work for you. Oh and accept it can take a good amount time. People don't change that quickly so don't force it.

Well could you explain what you mean by that. Your life means life from your perspective. My life is then life from my perspective. They are both individual perceptions that are very differently felt by both of us (in that sense they can be special to us or "ours"). I can't know what life is like for you. We both probably share the same reality or life around us though (not special to us) but perceive and interact with it differently. So I figure depending on what you are talking about the answer might change.

How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You How To Love Yourself - How To Like Who You Are Right Now

Analysis paralysis basically. Yeah I try to avoid that as much as possible (succeeding is another thing ) and still take the action and it's messy and it feels crap sometimes but that's normal I guess. Correct. An easy way to not make any progress is to trick yourself into thinking you are making progress but are actually avoiding the actions that bring progress. I've done that before and it is such a shame so I think it would be valuable to fine tune my bullshit detector for my own thoughts. If I need a reason to justify why I'm not going to do something I will most likely find it. The rule is mostly benefitial probably but I was just wondering if there are any additions that could make this rule of doing the most emotionally difficult thing more fool proof to the tricky weasely mind. Until then, just going for it is better than being indecisive I guess. Goes well with the "doing leads to thinking but thinking rarely leads to doing" idea. I just noticed the potential threat there when you get into the middle ground between bad and "bad" and might not know the difference. Choosing to feed the ego/lion what it wants might be appropriate maybe to keep it from making you overly emotional/irrational from starving it too hard (idk I'm not so knowledgeable on the ego subject). But I'm pretty sure that feeding the ego when you can't choose (when you can't tell that it is happening) is a pretty bad case. That's what I'm basically trying to identify/avoid.

I'd recommend water. It is pretty healthy I'd say and it is a big component in alot of foods. I realise this sounds a bit off topic and smart allecky but so much of the feeling of hunger is just your body being thirsty. It might not be a healthy food per se but drinking water frequently will neutralise some of the fake hungers and keep you from eating unhealthy stuff ;]

Point being it's not supposed to be emotionally comfortable and "painless" to get out of what you are doing now and it probably helps to accept that and just take the action and feel a bit weird about it after. You said you always laugh at other peoples jokes. You could try not laughing or if you think it would be funnier told in a different way you could retell the joke differently. Express yourself somehow to show that you think it is less funny. You don't automatically have to be a dick about it

Was listening to the video about backsliding today and how homeostasis is the default position that you tend to be dragged back into whatever you are trying to do unless you spend energy and emotional labor to get out of it. I realised that at some point in my life I went kind of onto autopilot mode and it felt comfortable but something was a bit off. I had learned how to respond to people in social situations and sort of dodge most uncomfortable encounters with people by defusing the situation in one way or the other but it was just so I could avoid the uncomfortable. Avoidance of conflict was my default position that I didn't want to change because it was "the nice thing to do". I've started to think now that being uncomfortable is not a bad thing and being not liked always is completely fine if you do it sincerely and respectfully. You start feeling more true to yourself when you express how you feel even if you know it will likely bring some friction between you and that person/group. Just don't lose sight and start stroking your ego by criticizing every situation or seeking attention with bold statements or something (kind of do that sometimes). If you do it carefully and slowly with small expressions of yourself it will feel like being yourself more and the friction won't be as big. You'll develop in chunks. Think Leo had some video about how not to be a people pleaser. My main motivator was thinking something like how the hell am I supposed to have any relationships and connection with people when all they know is the mask behind me and them. That's one sure way of being forever alone even when you are surrounded by people. Plus apparently being authentic (not people pleasing) is attractive so in a funny way you will actually be liked if you stop trying to be liked. So if all you want to do is be liked then I guess even then you should get rid of the mask