WaterfallMachine

@Dan Arnautu Thank you for all that effort into a reply. I was a little too busy with stuff to do yesterday and was too tired coming home to reply then. When I said I was afraid about being crazy, I was more afraid of how others think I might be crazy than believing I was crazy. I'll check out the 48 Laws of Power. Any similar books you can recommend?

Leo, I've been following your blog for nearly a year. I've read many of the paradigm shattering books in your list and experienced certain . . . unbelievable things first hand. I'm sure I'll commit, but I could use a faster way to get through it. All this just makes me feel crazy. I've been doing self inquiry for nearly a year and it's gotten a lot better than before. But it's still there. I can't stand the thought that I could lose credibility. I can't stand the thought of being insane. I can't stand the thought of having to hide certain things sometimes. What can I do?

How do I get over fearing that others would think I'm crazy? I've seen some things first hand and read many of Leo's list of paradigm shattering books. And a year later from starting self inquiry, I still can't bring myself to fully believe what I've experienced. That maybe I'm crazy. What can I do?

I don't see how other pieces of nature aren't dysfunctional. I've been reading The Inner Ape by Frans de Waal, a leading primatologist, lately. I read a case where chimpanzee females often have to protect their babies from their fathers, because they often kill them when they get the chance. A case where two apes killed the tribal leader for ambition for their own power. Cases where apes steal the food of others, and so on. I've also seen a TED talk about someone who specialized in the mental health of animals. There are depressed dogs, cats and many other similar cases in the animal world too. Other species can be rather similar. Many animals kill each other all the time. I'd go so far to say that human beings are a lot less dysfunctional than many. Put random apes in an airplane from different tribes and they will go crazy to murder each other. Put human beings who don't know each other from different countries in an airplane and most often, they'll have the discipline to sit down peacefully where they are. Or at least, peacefully enough that they won't resort to violence. Why is nature seen as something good here? It's a neutral thing. Viruses that kill animals and humans are part of nature, but no one ever tells you that they're "good". If anything, I'd say our intellect is what may give us a better chance to go against our nature. We're definitely far from perfect and there are kinder animals than many of us, but to see it in a way that's so black and white seems like a bad idea. Human beings often like to forget it, but we're not above nature. We're part of nature. That's why we're like this.

You might want to know about CPTSD - a type of trauma that is not one time like PTSD but often comes from prolonged abuse, especially over the years like you. If you can, get some of Pete Walker's book on the subject or at least visit his free website on the subject. Maybe come visit the forum Out of the Storm for people with similar experiences for help. It is okay to be angry. Anger is needed in life because it allows us to stand up for ourselves against people who hurt us. When people think of healing, they often think of forgiveness. But people misinterpret forgiveness to mean absolute acceptance for someone doing something horrible. In that case, the problem isn't too much anger, but too little. If you can find a way to deeply feel that anger - fully and deeply, you can find the courage to respect your worth. You can practice by thinking angry, and maybe later feeling angry could come as well.

There needs to be a meme that says “But Leo. . .” on a picture somehow. Then spread it around the internet — advertise for more views and get profit.

Well, if a man is skeptical that his horse needs water, then he’s going to not have a very happy horse. He needs to doubt his doubt.

I also had the same confusion around this before. Why did I understand intellectually that wanting to be liked doesn’t help and doesn’t really matter but for some reason still emotionally affects me? Turns out the culprit was a lack of awareness. Hear me out. It’s likely that when you understand something intellectually, it means you only understand it abstractly. As an idea, not an experience. One of the reasons human beings are so irrational is that they when they understand an idea like say, “What other people think don’t matter”, they can’t find this idea specifically in their everyday life. It’s hard to be aware on being able to catch the thoughts you have throughout life. The specific reasons, past events and intentions you might have around this fear are often buried in the depths of your consciousness — to be aware of it one time is easy, to be aware of these constantly throughout every moment of life is difficult. Another is experimentation. If a belief is hard for you to believe, try to do something to see for yourself. Then work to reflect on these new changes and gain new beliefs. You can start with something small first.

Guys, guys, I agree that Thanatos is mislead here, but geez, no need to be extremely insulting on a sucidal person. You can say your insights straightforwardly and honestly without making fun of the guy. Thanatos, If you’re not willing to go through the enlightenment route, there are all kinds of other ways to heal as well. There’s exercise, journaling, a site with volunteer listeners called 7 cups of tea, CBT worksheets you can get online, and so on. People are giving you too many answers, Thanatos. But they don’t ask you questions — not enough info to know the root cause of your situation here. I won’t ask you to do some confusing spiritual thing right now. I just want you to answer — at least just in your mind — why are you feeling empty? Often it’s when people suppress their emotions that they lose their purpose. Was there a time in your life where you felt you had purpose but it disappeared? What thoughts are running through your head now? What are your intentions and feelings throughout your life — even the really tiny ones — starting with now? In a change, you can’t find the answers without finding the right questions. You can’t solve a problem in your life if you don’t understand it. .

@Thanatos13 I see that you're suspicious of Leo, and I respect that. We may not have the same viewpoints, but I admire your willingness to question things. Without forcing you to believe anything, (Only sharing my ideas, not pushing it to you.) I believe vagueness is a double edged sword. It can be used to fool other people to allow them to imagine their ideals and beliefs placed upon something - such as a politician talking about "Truth and Justice" without specifically defining what is is for him and how he would go about it. This vagueness goes against and prevents thinking. In the other hand, vagueness is also a tool for teaching. How would many books and movies be intelligent enough if every piece of information is handed to us directly and on point? Sometimes character's intentions aren't fully explained and sometimes endings are unclear to be pondered on. This type of vagueness allows us space to think. I know my skepticism - I don't believe in global warming deniers or people who believe vaccines causes autism, but through experiencing and reflecting on Leo's ideas - not just listening to his own videos all the time - it makes more sense somehow to me. I think Leo's vagueness as more of the latter kind - as many of his posts here I've seen tells you to question him and that he even allows many people like you who are skeptical of him around here - without banning you or removing your posts. You're right. Many of his in depth videos are repetitive, and they are drumming the same type of content over and over. But repetition in greater detail isn't always just useless. A person may repeat the same exercises over and over - moving one foot and another over and over can progress from being able to have a small daily walk to a long running marathon. If you still disagree, that's fine. Just wanted to share this so we can possibly respect each other as people more, even without respecting each other's viewpoints. Thank you for reading.

I would separate manipulation from influence. Manipulation gives off a very cold heartless intent like a conman. Influence can be something like a doctor advising his or her patient to eat more healthy. I never see Leo saying people should believe him blindly like some kind of cult. In my several months of being on this forum mostly lurking and following his videos, I've heard many times him telling people to question his ideas. His ideas are just ideas communicated, and for those ideas to become conclusions is something you have to do on your own. I don't see banding around him or working together as a bad thing - it's like a teacher in school with a gathering of kids to listen. One guy knows something we don't. We might know something the guy doesn't know. Until one day we could look at each other and think, 'Hey, maybe we can share our knowledge.'. I don't see how just because something is done for profit, it's immediately done out of malicious intent. Hey, we all have to make a living somehow, right?

Yes, I had this problem too and I still can get anxious about it at times. What helps me is to practice just allowing my ideas to flow. I often hesitate on just finding the "right" piece of words to say, but conversation at its heart is a trial and error process. If it's interesting, you can continue. If it's uninteresting, you can just hop onto the next topic. I know that's easier said than done, but being able to jump in and "Just do it" is something essential. Boring and fun is subjective. It may be boring to hear about advanced physics for most people, but in a party of scientists, it might be really interesting to them. No one will be interesting all the time, but that also means no one is boring all the time. There are more than 7 billion people in the world. I bet you can find someone who finds "you" interesting. Though, to be more interesting in general, you can leave unnecessary details in a story or topic. Use more interesting analogies or use sensory words that allow whoever's listening to be more involved in what you say. Maybe find something new to learn that you can talk about with someone.

Sorry to hear that happened to you. Mistakes can really have consequences. I've met all kinds of people in life or read about different kinds of lives before. Many of you would be surprised to know how many unstereotypical places wisdom comes from. People have heard of multiple intelligences - such as being good at music, math, moving their bodies and writing. but in the same way there are multiple pieces of wisdom. No one is wise in everything and about everyone is wise at something. I grew up with a mom who gossips all the time but has an ability to be grateful for the simple things in life that many people lack. I had a good mentor figure who often pushed his ideas on other people too much, but in many of his ideas, lots of them were insightful enough to change my life. As someone who likes talking intellectually, I know people who can make lots of poop jokes one time and talk about the depths of philosophy the next. Wisdom doesn't always look like an old guy with a beard, who's quiet, serious, reflective - all that "old soul" stereotype people talk about. Wisdom expresses it differently. Wisdom can be playful, charismatic, fiery tempered, blunt, bold, risky and extroverted. Being able to go out into the world to explore and learn ideas from people is a certain type of wisdom that comes from a courage to do what other people are too afraid to do.

I can take things too seriously. Mistakes. Failures. Criticism. Impatience. Particularly at myself. I have a habit of seeing how small everyday things can connect to something philosophical or essential to life in general or society — which is a strength at times, and really pressuring at other times. I don’t just see an event at the present, I see an event to how it connects to the far past and the far future. I have this “Search for Truth” and “Working on Life Purpose” thing going on 24/7. I look pretty easygoing outside — I’m fairly good at humor. I don’t act that controlling. I look patient and pleasant. Inside. . . well . . . I think I could lighten up.

Tsk. Tsk. I think all you people are rushing Thanatos into something too fast — that’s advanced already with the dying ego and all. Start with things like a few minutes of meditation or well, this. From a perspective as we are in the universe, life has no purpose. The universe doesn’t view us as important. We’re a tiny speck in the middle of the universe. But that doesn’t mean that life needs to be ended. It doesn’t matter as much if the world doesn’t think we matter, than how much the world matters to us. Purpose may or may not be given — If it is, we get the final choice of whether we follow that purpose passed to us. If there is none, we can create our own purpose to live in the world. What if there really is no pupise though? Then screw that. Rebel and find a purpose anyway. The philosophies of Existentialism and Absurdism. It may be something you’re predisposed to enjoy or something from the environment — a drive for curiosity and truth, a drive for fun and play, a drive for duty and service, a drive for compassion and authenticity, anything. It could be a gaining a small sense of achievement over little things as simple as doing daily tasks well. These all add up to big things. I can’t prove to you that all this ego death, not existing and so on will work. But if you search online, there’s a lot of scientific evidence that meditation allows a range of mental health benefits. When you practice focusing on something like the breath, you practice focusing more deeply in everyday life. Awareness of problems is what allows for awareness of how to better yourself. Those vague spiritual concepts? I gotta admit — I can’t prove it to you, and it can’t be explained. Because it’s a state that’s only found by removing words and concepts — only for experience. Think of it like martial arts . You can read a book or somehing online, but you don’t understand it if you don’t do it — all the kicks, punches, blocks, and all. It’s not something you gain by believing something blindly or even believing in something at all. But something you gain by doubting and removing false beliefs — which some people here aren’t making a good job of making you go that direction. You can only discover it for yourself with meditation if it works or not. You can only truly verify if something is true if you don’t just do armchair philosophy, but to go experiment out in the real world. Your choice is yours.

From the Philippines passing by. Hi.

I don’t understand your point. If we’re talking about labrador dogs or bulldogs, then ideas relating to dogs in general will still apply to that idea. Like how love as a general concept has to do with romantic love.

I’ve did so months ago, and still trying to put the actions in place. What’s confusing for me is how Yellow and Turquiose look too much of the same thing. If I need to emphasize one of the stages before the other, shouldn’t I be able to tell the difference?

Hmm, sorry, but I’m confused. I thought those videos and statements applied to the Yellow stage already. Would you mind explaining what makes Turquiose different from the Yellow stage, as well as explain it more concretely?

I tend to distrust others too much and get overly pessimistic about people, which doesn’t help in asking for help or connecting with others in intimacy well. I’m trying to open up to certain close people more, and ask favors a little more. It’s difficult, but I’m getting there.

Yes, I agree the voting and repupation points shouldn’t be there. The thing is that points don’t do justice to how thought out someone’s ideas are. Someone may be terrible about life purpose advice, but be good at relationship advice. Also, people change over time. They might become even more experienced and wiser over time, but their points in the past wouldn’t reflect that. Another thing is that I used to be on Quora before, a high quality question and answer site, and some of the issues there are also issues here. Some people just upvote on the basis of someone being familiar or liked more — such as how Leo’s posts are always voted up despite putting a lot less effort in answering than some less well known forum member. Also, it’d weed out the people who come here only for upvotes, rather than genuinely wanting to help. I believe things should be judged on context and its specfic situation, which requires us to read the actual words of what someone is saying.

Not Joseph Maynor, but I’ve been using mbti for a few years as an INTP myself. So I can suggest something here. Developing your strengths is actually essential to developing your weaknesses well in mbti. If you don’t develop your strengths, your weaknesses will be used in an unhealthy way. What do I mean by that? If you skip learning sensing before intuition or use SI before Ne, you risk being too stuck in your own past. Ti’s function requires new ideas with Ne, and Si is needed to further review those ideas in detail in how it’s used over time practically, and to have more experimental point of views on ideas rather than just theoretical. If there’s no Ne stage, all you’re doing is reviewing old experiences over and over again with no insight. Even worse, if you skip to Fe too soon, it often means using Fe to unhealthily look for “the one true love”, “gain fame and fortune”, “Fix the entire world (which is impossible)”. get overemotional or something else. Without Si developed first, there’s not much enough practical experience with other people to ground us to not do something unhelpful with our own feeling side. Not that you shouldn’t develop weaknesses at all — at some amount you can as we ideally need a level of well roundedness to work at our highest, but the basics are better off mastered first. Even I still have trouble with Fe well, so good luck on that.

Damn Leo, no wonder I like this place. Championing truth, reflection and solitude, coupled with all the philosophical ways of personal development, and you get yourself an INTP magnet. Ne — the second cognitive function we have — is usually what’s to blame with the lack of focus. It’s what causes our minds to flip from one related idea to another unrelated idea. It seeks novelty, Usually what balances out is the third function of Si — which focuses on experiences from the past and a larger emphasis on repetition. How to develop Si though? Here are some suggestions. 1. Be more specific. You can want something like, “How to look for truth”, but if you can’t visualize the steps of how to do it with any of your 5 senses, you’re doing it wrong. 2. Practice focusing on what has happened, then only on what could happen. You could go long range and review how your entire past life affects you today and/or have a regular review of what has happened recently. Use your Ti to figure out the cause of why mistakes happened or figure out new practical ideas on what to do next. 3. Practice sticking around with projects a little bit more. Not to levels of perfection — that’s too much for your level, but when your boredom is wavering, try holding on for a little more and more over time. 4. Whenever you’re introduced to an abstract idea such as some psychological theory about humanity or philosophical concept, try to write down examples of this you see in your own life or other’s lives you know. 5. Practice making repetitive healthy habits — even small ones — to train your discipline in some way. Such as having a short exercise or at least a few minutes working on some life purpose project. See https://jamesclear.com/ for more discipline advice.

I rewatched Leo’s video on loneliness, and when I thought it was crazy before, it began to make sense. One of the things he mentions was the insight during the pursuit of enlightenment that you’re entirely alone in reality, literally. No one else exists, and everyone else is just my own self parroting back at me. I can’t say that I’ve completed and will maintain this insight, and it was several months ago that I first saw a glimpse of it, but I can tell I understand some . . . deeper level of it. I know I’m supposed to face it alone, and I will, but I don’t have the will to do it now. I know I’m supposed to keep going, and I will, but I just can’t do that now. I’ve been through a lot worst with self inquiry, so I know I’ll keep going. I’m more at peace than before. Less rushed towards wanting the next goal in life or less attached to the regrets of the past. Less arrogant of claming I know more than I think to myself and others. Less concerned with what others think. But really — I’m still depressed. Damn it — but just for a little, I want someone to read this and acknowledge what I’m going through for now. I loved being in solitude my whole life — but even this is too much.

Thanks for all the additional videos. I'll go watch them after I eat lunch. @egoless Thank you for the video, and the insight about the loneliness. But I know I'm mental masturbating. I've been actively working on it for years, and after my post yesterday I meditated on these ideas again. I don't get why people seem to assume that everyone depressed should keep going with their recovery infinitum. Sometimes it's rushing the recovery and insight process without a break that makes it even worse, and if I do too much than just some amount over time, the more I avoid it for longer periods. Trust me -- I'm not the type to sit around in mental masturbation. I'm more likely to overwork my butt off on this stuff, and self criticize myself of how much I'm not working on it too much. Many people grow by getting out their comfort zone, but when someone like me who grew up with trauma, I need to grow by finding a comfort zone I lack. But that doesn't mean I'll keep going -- I will. Always will.