Ether

No, I dont know if you will feel better in a decade.

@Nahm Since I was a young child. I remember already having depression at 9. Yes, nothing gave me relief. The best I can do is doing things to feel less worse. Feeling better? I have been trying for years with no success

What if I accept it my whole life and I still feel like this in my death bed?

@Torkys Funny cuz I have been doing the same meditation shit since I was 16 and I only felt peace once in 100 meditations. I might...oooooh. iI might. Nobody in this world can help me, its an ilusion.

Everyday since my childhood I have been going through hell. It never ended permanently

Pills - Failure Without pills - Failure Nature - Failure Meditation - Failure Acceptance - Failure Postive thinking - Failure Help from others - Failure Help from myself - Failure Awareness - Failure

What if...when i get out of AD's i will feel depression 24\7? Thats the reason I went to the pills.

yes yes, one of my biggest worries is that i will feel numb forever

@Arkandeus Well, thats what i do everyday and i havent reached nirvanna

I cant tell the difference between my true self and my ego self

Go ahead

How do I attain the freedom?

@Faceless Yes, something I havent fully realized

@Faceless Ok, I can try to live in this moment but whenever I try to be at peace right now I fail. So, I think to myself:"Humn, so If i cant have peace right now, I could work for it now and in the future I will enjoy it"

Yes, I still think this is a long process and that one day I will awaken.

Yes, some people have told me that but even from that opinion I have to de-attach. Its not that I dont appreciate it, I do but it gives me no sense of security. Many times in the past, I thought I was going to the right path and bamn. Everything crashed and it made me feel terrible agony. So, now, I dont even want to think im on the right path.

Yes, I recognize that i need a lot of experience

@Faceless Hey, Im not understanding anything you guys are saying, I just know I had an LSD trip without LSD and without the emotions.

@abrakamowse

Damn, you got me But, arent we the ones thinkign and making that decision?

What I mean by paying no attention is that Im aware they exist but im just watching them pass by like clouds in the sky. Im just being aware of them but not buying into their story. Im not going on to imaginary land and staying there for long periods of time. Thats what i mean by paying no attention.

@abrakamowse Ok, I pay no attention to thoughts, so, I know this. I might have a thought saying: "Jump". But because I dont pay attention to it, I dont ALWAYS jump. Sometimes, I decide to jump. And it might be that our actions\words comes from thoughts, yes. So, the thought is saying to jump but we can decide to listen to it or not.

But im controlling my body, how come it isnt mine? I can jump if I want. I can go to bed If i want. If i control it, how come it isnt mine?

You mean the physical person doesnt exist?

Then how did the first person had the first thought , if it was not his?