iTommy

Thanks man, I hope you find your way

I've been wondering what it means that reality is infinite. What does this entail/mean? - Is it infinitely big? - Does it mean that everything even mystical creatures like physical pink unicorns exist? - Does it mean that there are multiple (infinite?) Tommy's exactly like "my" body and ego, doing their thing and perceiving some sort of experience? - Does it mean that "evil" does exist even though it's rather a perception/interpretation of content, because of reality being infinite? (I saw Leo's video on evil and it resonates with my interpretation of reality. I am bringing this up because I've had a discussion with someone saying that it does exist because it's a part of "reality".) Now, personally I think that it's all (sorta like) a dream, or atleast that's what enlightened people tend to say. So really in my mind I go "So all experience is just like a dream, an illusion of perceptions and experience. That means that nothing ever has been "real", nor is the current experience any different." But, then I also go "Well, sure it might be like a dream but it's all we know, so isn't it plausible to say that the content within reality/awareness is real? Maybe it might only be real from a human/animal perspective, but doesn't this mean that it is real in some sense? I mean there seems to be an experience that each individual has, sure those are subjective but subjectivity is all we know. Aren't those individual experiences real? - They seem to exist within awareness, otherwise there wouldn't be experience at all, right? So... maybe evil does exist within it." I am very conflicted on the one above, since I am unsure what to classify as real or unreal. So... what does it really mean that reality is infinite? This is probably something to be experienced, but I hope that some of you can somehow verbally sorta put it into words.

Hey folks! This is a question I've been asking myself for a while now. As I understand there is no best method, but still I am trying to figure out how to combine meditation with self-inquiry in a way that both fit together smoothly towards having the realisation of enlightenment. I meditate with contemplation twice a day. Here is what I currently tend to do. - I set a timer for 30+ minutes (I am working on having longer sessions) and I sit down closing my eyes. I like to meditate in complete silence even though I suspect having tinnitus, so I am not even near complete silence at all since there is a ringing noise which seems to be quite noticeable once I am having a meditation session. - Once started, I take four deep breaths, in through the nose and out through my mouth. At times I hold the breath for 5 seconds and exhale for 7 or 8 seconds. I might do this during the meditation too at times. - After this I tell myself, "Become fully aware right now. Become aware of the present moment." Here I scan the body and I become more aware of feelings, sensations & thoughts. I sit with this a few seconds before telling myself, "We're trying to find formlessness. It's not hidden, in fact you're so close to "it" that you need to soften your focus. We're searching for something that is always there regardless of what you perceive and feel. - Then, I am using the Neti Neti method mixed with mindfulness. Basically I go in my mind, "iiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIII..." what is this "iiIIIII?" Here the voice comes in and says things like, "You're (I am) the body. You're the brain. You're awareness. You're a perceiver - and so on...", but then I try to "logically" disprove this by taking the components apart. Such as... "Wait... this voice is it me? No, it can't be because it always changes. Wait a minute... there is this feeling and the thought that there is an entity sitting here meditating, but am I a feeling and thought? Hmm... those always change. The body dies eventually and we're looking for something that can't die. So I can't be that." I have to admit that I am at times "half-assing" this process. During this I might say things in my mind like... Become present. The now, is all there is. Let go of trying to figure out things with the mind. Let go of trying to control things. Let go of thoughts, feelings, emotions, just let everything go. Just be here, observe, let awareness wander wherever it wants to go. There is nothing else to do. There is nowhere else to be than here, in the now. Surrender yourself completely, to what is. Just let go, surrender to reality, just be aware. Relax. There is nothing to figure out, just be aware. Soften your attention. Let go of ideas and concepts, let go of "you". Everything that is perceived is not you. It's content arising and "you" focusing on it. This tends to ground me in some ways, but I also then tend to label perceptions. For example, I hear a bird, then in my mind I go, "Sound." I perceive that my leg hurts, I go "Bodily sensation." A thought is arising? I go, "Thought" in my mind. This right here might be conflicting, because on one hand you're supposed to surrender and leave the mind be, but simultaneously my focus at times is on labeling. In the beginning of the meditation/self-inquiry that's when I usually do this labeling thing, but after maybe 1/3rd into the session I just stop it to some degree and I go with just observing - yet also saying phrases like those above so I don't drift off in monkey mind. This at times leads me to "states" where the heart startes beating rapidly and where the perceptions seem more sharp and me more sensitive to perceiving. It then feels at times like the mind just can't really support the "I" concept, since it's rather a belief, thought and a feeling, so it kinda seems to be more open to other possiblities. But those again are just feelings, thoughts and perceptions. - The alarm goes off. I open my eyes and continue with my day/night. This is roughly what a session looks like for me. I've been looking for meditation regarding enlightement, but I mostly got guided visualisations which require focusing with the mind, maybe even more focusing than just repeating phrases now and then to ground yourself. People say that you should leave the mind alone, be present and just observe. Sure, the neti neti method isn't exactly "leaving the mind alone", yet it helps to break down the belief-structure of "I". Many guided meditations for enlightenment can be bought and are expensive, yet I don't really trust them so I thought I'd rather hear what you guys have to say . What do you think is "the best" method regarding meditation when working towards enlightenment? What are your experiences with combining meditation & self-inquiry? What method do you find useful? If the method/process that I use is alright, is there something I could do better to improve it? Do you have any tips and pointers on how to meditate and do self-inquiry. Also... the picture isn't related to the topic. I wanted to check out the upload feature.

If it only worked for me... I think not everyone gets something "enlightening" from it, and yes the dosage used was enough - even more than enough (overkill). Just like not everyone responds to weed in the same way. I might try it again in the future, maybe in a few years and see if anything changes.

@AleksM Ah I see... so basically just "looking" for yourself using only awareness? I've been doing that now and then, just trying to soften the focus of attention and just being aware, well and then looking for whatever I could be. The only concern I have here is that it will be very similar to mindfulness meditation practise and less self-inquiry - I am not sure if that's a bad thing though. The attention always catches objects, so when I am trying to soften the attention, the mind will automatically find something where it can rest its focus on, like the breath. I tend to experiment with different approaches, at times I just let the mind wander wherever it wants, while trying to be aware of whatever the focus catches, and other times I am defocusing the attention - meaning that I am trying to not let the mind rest on objects. Not sure if it's the right way to go about it, because the focus is always on objects within reality and it seems impossible for the mind to not catch objects. What exactly would you recommend me doing during self-inquiry? Should I just sit there searching for the real "I" using awareness only - even though that will trigger thoughts, but then again paying no attention to them at all?

Now... it's always great to come to insights on your own, but I will just link Leo's video on "free will" here because it will give you broader view on your eh... issue. It might be easier to move forward once you look deeper with some guidance. Also you say that you're the observer, be careful here. Notice that it is primarily a feeling that makes you think that you're an observer, and also thought that suggests it being so. Might you be an observer, or maybe "some"(no)-thing that is beyond being an observer and perceptions? This one is tricky...

True, self-inquiry is best done after meditation. I plan to make it a habit in the future to seperate both into their own sessions.

I have to try this in the future. The mind already goes "Oh shit..." when thinking about it x)

@AleksM Interesting reads, thank you for sharing! Hmm... I am still unsure about the asking questions part. Isn't it useful to counter beliefs using thought especcially when the mind still deep down thinks that I am the body or an entity? So that the mind after a while gives up trying to push its own preferred paradigm into the foreground and slowly starts opening up to "not knowing".

Indeed the idea is that there is no "you", but here I rather mean multiple, maybe even infinite versions of the exact same human being - "me". That means multiple (different?) human beings with the exact same appearance as "me" and the same illusory ego. Maybe one Tommy sits right here at a PC typing this comment and somewhere else another Tommy plays a game on the same PC instead of typing this comment. So, I am hinting at infinite (all) scenarios within awareness happening all at once.

Hey guys! As the title already reveals, it feels like I am stuck when doing self-inquiry. I usually meditate, and during the session I ask questions like "What are my, really? What/who is this "I"? What is the nature of reality/existence?" and so on. So then while asking what I am, thought arises. There isn't really a mental image of an "I", but it usually says "Well, you're the body/brain. If you're not the body, then you're consciousness." So then I keep the awareness on that, only to always realize that this is just thought arising, and the feelings coming with it are also just... feelings. They all occur within awareness. Then I look deeper, only to find nothing, just emptiness. Here the mind thinks of the concept of nothingness, saying "Dude, maybe this is the nothingness, maybe this is you - consciousness, maybe everything just arises out from that." But I then realize too, that this is just a feeling and thought. Then, I still tend to still look for a perceiver, some "thing" that perceives the one meditating. Yet, this here is an ego trap as far as I know, thinking that there is someone who perceives. But, I just keep the awareness on that. "What is being aware? What is aware of being aware?" - here the mind comes to conclusions yet again, it's saying, "Well, since you are awareness, it can only be awareness that is being aware of human awareness." Apparently you can't find yourself, since there is no you. So the mind also comes up with "Why bother trying to find a perceiver, when you can't find one and when you "know" that you're awareness. Stop seeking enlightenment, because where does this seeking come from? Who/what seeks and wants to "become" enlightened? There is nothing to "achieve", to figure out, you already are what you seek." I always remind myself, that the truth is not hidden, it's quite simple and seekers often tend to tackle this whole thing in a more complicated way than necessary. Now, even when softening the focus, all that I am left with is bodily sensations, thought, feelings, emptiness etc. So, then I also think to myself "Everything that arises, is not you. Everything that you perceive, is not you. Even the awareness of the human being, is just an object occurring within nothingness. So... how the fu** are you/human awareness (or rather focus), even supposed to realize anything when everything that awareness catches isn't you? Even if you feel that you've got it, it's just a feeling occuring within your perception, feelings come and go. It's ironic that I put "feeling stuck in the title", isn't it? - It's just a feeling. The feeling of being incomplete, seperated and this ego-self is also just a feeling occuring within awareness. "I" am dancing in circles here... and it's pretty darn frustrating, really. I am not sure how to break out of this cycle. Any thoughts & tips on how to progress?

That's true. The mind really loves concepts, it really wants to label and figure out stuff, but all the stuff that's happening is rooted in perceptions. I am practising to let go of all concepts and ideas, because those are just... concepts & ideas, and not really what "I" am. The mind really loves to play its own game of deception.

Haha true. The last time I took psychedelics "I" had a breakthrough. It might have been an "enlightenment experience", but I am still a bit uncertain if it truly was one. During self-inquiry while on a psychedelic, something just *clicked*. "I" was nothing, but this nothing was also everything, this was then followed by crying and laughter that lasted around 2 hours. It seemed so obvious that I was it all, yet all this time I've been dancing around in circles, not really "getting" it. Hell, that was one experience that still makes me a bit emotional when talking/writing about it. The part that I sadly can't really grasp is what happened, I mean... what did really change? Did anything change at all? Here we could say that awareness became aware of itself, yet the mind tries to find a process, some sort of model that lead to this experience. It feels like I had gotten a deep insight about reality, but one that the mind can't really grasp or recall. So I am having trouble integrating it all. It has been two months since I last took psychedelics, so before I give it another go I'd like to integrate/"understand" the experience to some extent. But... I am not sure if it's possible at all to really understand what was going on. I might just be trying to grasp something, that can't be grasped with the mind. Psychedelics can really open the gates, even if those gates create experiences that are a total mindfuck, those experiences inspire/motivate me to go deeper, to explore "reality"/what is.

Savanna scatters and the seabird sings So why should we fear what travel brings? What were we hoping to get out of this? Some kind of momentary bliss? I waited for Something, and Something died So I waited for Nothing, and Nothing arrived It's our dearest ally, it's our closest friend It's our darkest blackout, it's our final end My dear sweet Nothing, let's start a new From here all in is just me and you I waited for Something and Something died So I waited for Nothing, and Nothing arrived Well I guess it's over, I guess it's begun It's a losers' table, but we've already won It's a funny battle, it's a constant game I guess I was busy when Nothing came I guess I was busy (when Nothing arrived) I guess I was busy (when Nothing arrived) I guess I was busy (when Nothing arrived) I guess I was busy (when Nothing arrived) I guess I was busy (when Nothing arrived) I waited for Something and Something died So I waited for Nothing, and Nothing arrived I waited for Something and Something died So I waited for Nothing, and Nothing arrived Category - Enlightenment & Meditation I picture the "nothing" in this song, as nothingness. It just inspires me since it really drives some deep points home if you actually view nothing in here, as nothingness, the no-"thing" that you are. Basically, he waits for some thing, and always chases after things. But then there is this nothingness, which is always there, yet he was always busy chasing after things while totally overlooking what already was there, nothing(ness).

Hello guys! I've a friend who I'd like to bring the concept of enlightenment closer, maybe even to the point that he walks the path. Yet, he is very skeptical and has assumptions about how you are, after you've had the realisation of enlightenment. He says things like... But then you will be like a robot. Once you realize that you're everything, and that you're at peace with what is, what is there to pursue? Wouldn't you just be sitting somewhere with no motivation to do anything, because you already have it all? Why would you want to choose what feelings to feel? Why would you want to choose to love someone. Isn't falling in love a beautiful thing?, without needing to choose? Life would be monotone, you would be like a robot without emotions because you're so detached from the feelings and thoughts. If you love people unconditionally, what would you do if they would hurt you? What about excitement? Wouldn't that feeling just fall away, because you already feel complete? What is there to be excited about? I don't think that you just can consciously change how you want to feel, because the subconscious still runs the show, right? Apparently you pretty much always feel positive without having those downward curves in mood like a "normal" human being. That just doesn't seem realistic... Isn't it all just an illusion, the concept of enlightenment? Aren't people just deluded? This isn't natural at all. Why would I want to be like that? So... I myself don't have much knowledge about how one feels and acts after having had the realisation of enlightenment. Can someone please elaborate? How is life after the realisation? How does one feel, what does one do? What can "you" control about your inner workings? etc. Answers would be much appreciated. - Tommy

@Shiva I really like this part, "Enlightenment makes you detach from the entity and attach to existence itself." Thank you for sharing! I now have some things to work with.

I am guessing he believes it because of the detachment component. "If things aren't real, thought isn't real, feelings aren't real, how can you feel immersed, and not detached in experience?" Now, my guess personally would be that experience/reality is real, it's mainly the "you" part that is phony.

Good reply. It's true that "you" are like a machine, this is something I can't get fully across to him either as of now. He still thinks that there is free will to some degree. At number two, although there is no "you", "you" or awareness, according to some video about enlightenment (not from Leo), can supposedly just consciously interfere with feeling a certain way. For example, "negative" emotions arise, and with thought it's apparently possible to completely "choose" to not get affected at all. He thinks that it the same with romantic love, that you can just choose to feel that kind of love towards another person, or not. Point number 4. I get that the border between "you" & "I" dissolves, yet currently as not awake yet, one can only wonder how you will react to someone who wants to hurt you, if you love unconditionally. At number 6. You're not the body/brain. Yet this again, is hard to grasp currently, because we know of the subconscious activity that happens which normally influences how one perceives and interprets reality.

That's one point that I think that I can get across to him. Maybe one of the more important ones, since it's really that what he is worried about. He is worried that "he" will become this heartless being that's just careless, without motivation, without any drive, completely detached from people.

That's what I still can't yet get fully through to him. He thinks that the ego is what makes the individual, it's what makes us unique. "Why would I drop all that? That's what makes us human and individuals with different qualities." He doesn't really see the ego as something "dangerous", as something that causes problems, but more as something that differentiates us. He doesn't see it as something illusory, because there is this sense of self in awareness.

I believe that he went over some questions, yet not as deeply as I'd like to. Correct me if I am wrong, mabye I've missed something.

@Nahm I agree, psychedelics do wonders. Personally I prefer LSD over shrooms for now for self-observation/meditation.

Hello folks! So I've been pondering on a few things regarding enlightenment. During my meditation session yesterday where I usually contemplate a bit at the same time, some things kinda made a bit of sense to what "I" am, atleast to the mind. So you're apparently like a flashlight trying to become aware of itself. You try to find something that seems hidden but it's not. It just goes unnoticed, so you usually look and stumble around a bit inside and outside of your body in hopes to get a glimpse of what you are since you're not body & mind. It's always in your current experience. My mind then suggested and I know that mind shouldn't get this, atleast not on a deep level... that the awareness present which you use to feel the skin on your ears, notice your breath, notice sensations in your mouth etc. that this awareness might be you. You're also in a way aware of the awareness itself especcially when you shine the light of awareness onto different areas of the body. You can notice being aware of something. Yet this is very often overlooked since we tend to "look" outside of awareness iftself using the awareness. Basically we try to find ourselves somewhere else using the awareness that is present, but the awareness itself is what we already are (I find it a bit difficult to explain this). Obviously this didn't trigger a huge "aha moment" or anything, since as I understand that mind can't get this and I am generally unsure if it is another trap of mind. Yet this is a suggestion which my mind finds very plausible. Could it actually be it, yet the mind can't figure out exactly what it is and still has tons of ego-smog attached to it, so it prevents "me" to become fully aware of the present awareness, realizing that this was it all along?

I am crying as I write this... Everything is in your mind. But even your mind, is in your mind. This will be hard for people to grasp but... think about how fucking significant this is. EVERYTHING is in your mind, even the perception that you have a mind is in your mind. I usually contemplate during meditation. "What are my?" "What is reality?" and since I took psychedelics it amplified the process. I sat there for quite some time going deep when I suddenly realized... well holy fucking shit. Turns out that "I" am it. Everything. Absolutely everything. I am not a thing that is seperate from reality. I am reality itself. Once I realized this over three hours ago, I just bursted out crying and laughing all at once and I still am. I really wish that I could communicate it to you so you "get it", but sadly I can't. Again. Your perception of a self is in your mind. This perception of the perception is then again in your mind too. Even your mind is in your mind. What "you" are is reality itself!

@AdamDiC I did take 1P-LSD (400ug).