kalter000

You've been installed with certain standart how tall people should/shouldn't be. Your self worth is based on external things, which is extremely unhealthy. You have to realise, that this belief was unconsciously integrated into your ego structure, but in reality it's nothing but a thought. Be mindful of your comparing habit and drop it, it causes a lot of trouble. The true growth is in practising self-acceptance.

Don't confuse possession and neediness with intimacy.When you are in relationship you with partner can become soulmates, understanding each other on a deep, almost spiritual level. Intimacy = "into me see", as Teal calls it. it's stage of the most real, authentic relationship, where you aren't afraid to be vulnerable and open - lone wolves can't stand it. If you take this consumerist approach towards women then that's ok. But you might miss something deep you can create.

You are absolutely right. World is our mirror, we can either drop ego and look honestly at ourselves through it, or escape into fantasies.

Naah, graphics are shit.

Have you noticed, that people, who are constantly talking about sex or always mention it somehow in reality have either lack of it or some problems? Desire in itself isn't wrong, but psychological component, neurosis associated around it - that's the issue, making those people to overcompensate and brag about it. "to release psychological pressure from suppression of some kind of desire" means heal the neurosis, causing this behavior. After that sex ,all of the sudden, is not a psychological "need" anymore, you don't attach your sense of worth or self love on it.

@Irina Irina When it's all started I've realised, that I was a product of conditioning. I was really unaware who the fuck am I and what do I want, I couldn't exert my will, cause "my" was missing. It's since that big moment of raising self-awareness things started to change, so I would recommend to put close attention towards what you don't like in yourself, what feels inauthentic. Hard to say, what exactly needs to be done, I was observing my behavior, noticing what I liked to feel and what not, reading books to broad my perspective,I've found role models, borrowed mannerisms from people I liked (mutated them to fit my particular style)- everything I could call self-discovery. I wasn't forcing myself to do it, it looked like natural progression. I hit hard on psychology, what started as a tool from killing myself became my passion, did a lot of shadow/ consciousness work to find roots of my neurosis, fears etc. It is a long process, I've spent six years since then, but I was really bad. The most profound changes came from subtle epiphanies expanding my consciousness. I wasn't deliberately doing spiritual work, but on my journey I've come to small realisations of my being and world around me- those were serious paradigm shifts. People aren't lying, when call it The Journey.

@Irina Irina Yeah... It's very deep level change, you are rediscovering yourself from scratch, trying to recognise your forgotten values and boundaries. I remember being sooo confused at the start, it was like 2 years of intense white noise in my head. I don't even remember who I was back then- obscure cocktail of sorrow, guilt and shame. But from new foundation I became sooo "me", much more stronger, that shit was worth it.

Well, that's two different kinds of need. One need is simply physiological impulse along with hunger and sleep, and another is psychological, as if you need sex as a pillar for emotional equilibrium. Even though they are interconnecting, I can't say they are "versus" each other. By trying to be not-needy we understand that sex isn't the basis of our emotional well being, we aren't seeking fulfillment in it. In the other hand, denying sex as physiological act is as silly as denying yourself a cup of water- only if you have prejudices and traumas( or you are asexual, old, castrated etc.) The problem occurs when there is inner conflict between authentic desire to have sex and it's suppression. Authentic desire is not neediness, it becomes the need only when we have unreleased psychological pressure from suppression.

@Rosie I didn't say it's impossible. In your relationship notice every time when you or your partner get triggered and be mindful of that. Ask yourself "Why am I feeling it? What struck my nerve in this situation? Why am I feeling insecure or fearful right now? Oooh, perhaps because of this, that, etc". The more you notice these situations, the more you have control over them and start acting in positive manner, more consciously. It's almost like behavioral therapy.

What are you talking about, orgasm doesn't exist! it's all woo woo hippy shit, scientists in laboratory couldn't find orgasm! All prophets claiming orgasm is real are liars, I know that, I lived in the basement 20 years.

Step one: have relationships (or try to attend them somehow). Step two: be mindful. Let the life to give you necessary lessons and through careful introspection find hidden sticking points. Step three: as you become aware of them most will fix themselves. Step four: find material for specific problems, that have stood unfixed . Best material is your own experience, I'm not a fond of seeking resolutions for non existent problems. Broad answer for broad question.

Partners use each other to provide their egoic needs. They are lacking something in themselves, but little do they know they can't fulfill themselves with each other. This codependency is called love. There are a lot of reasons for that, as cool guys ( and girls, ok ok ) stated above, it might be issues from parents, bad socialisation experience, other traumatic events. High level of consciousness is required to dig out this stuff and find root causes of suffering and codependency. But hey, who would waste their time on this silly stuff, huh?

Sometimes girls start to "fight" not because of the content of the argument, but because she is seeking personal attention and your presence. You should approach this situation in non egoic way, stay calm and present, create sorta deep intimate understanding, rather than "yeah,yeah,ok". Half of all conflicts were solved by hugging. Because really, most arguments start of stupid shit. At least one of you should be above this "chimpery" (c), and provide necessary support.

@Vida The most important- don't shame her. If she is trusting you enough, that asks you for this intimate fetish- then she is really into you, don't scare her. Tell her kindly to wash her feet, or even better- make it as a foreplay and wash them yourself. If she won't appreciate it, then she is just ungrateful beeaaach. Man, she can jack you off with her feet, enormous possibilities, that's interesting. Make use of it, where will you get those experiences?

Our lord and savior Jesus Christ never told us to suck toes and lick soles of loved one. Tell her, that she'll go to hell for that. ...or just do it, because you like her, what's the problem?

@Ken Lecoq I'm sooo proud of you, welcome to the manhood! Thank you for sharing your excitement, hopefully your new activity will help you on your self-actualisation path (or at least doesn't distact very much, lol)

Keep doing what are you doing. You aren't the hero forum wants, but the hero forum needs.

@Frankie I think his sexual drive decreased because he is in his 100's. jk jk

Fear, that I won't achieve ultimate self-expression. I was supressing flow of my (psychic, vital) energy for sooooo fucking long because of neurosis, traumas, self- hatred. Deep down inside I know how powerfull and free I am, but inability to express it was eating me alive. All my life is dedicated towards it and, thankfully, I've made some progress.

Perhaps, you should try harder.

Sexual desire- libido- is based on certain chemicals in your body/brain. You might naturally generate small amount of them, so it's normal for you to have humble sexual drive.

@Ken Lecoq I respect your decision, but have you ever wanted to try masturbation at least, just to understand and see what's all this hype about? Just out of curiosity. Masturbation can be used for good, such as to explore your feelings, sexuality, intimacy within yourself. I believe it's a nice hobby.

I don't know either From my perspective and research, you just won't be attached to outcome. You can go and pursue sex (or connection) just for fun of it, and any result would be fine, you won't make an ego out of it, since you're perfectly content with yourself. My response was mainly towards guys, who use enlightenment as a escape from building connection and sexual relationships. I see a lot of people saying "I'm too high for this chimpery, I don't have to fulfill this lower need, that's for low conscious plebs", amost like they trying to convince themselves. But in reality they might want it, but insecure or frustrated about this whole thing. So, to cut it short: enlightened person won't suffer with any decision he'll make on that matter, but he won't bullshit himself, that he doesn't need sex, when he wants it.

"Mom, that's not what you're thinking, I'm just getting enlightenment!.."

Some folks here think, that enlightenment is gonna free you from burden of human flesh, lol. After enlightenment there won't be you to decide it. Sexual feelings is a part of overall phenomena, and your body and mind would act according it. I don't know why so many guys are trying to supress this desire, if you are asking this question you already have some problems and just seek justification towards your action, imho. Sex is certainly a need, not the most important one, but still. You can choose to manifest it healthy or deny, creating unnecessary suffering. Osho was enlightened and was fucking like a rockstar.