Jonathan

I'm really confused After watching Leo's video "Guided Meditation - The Next Level Of Meditation" I decided to see what this Adyashanti fello was about. After watching 10 or so of his videos, I've come to realize that I've spent the last year manipulating my experience with control type meditations. I've listened to a lot of Shinzen Young and I think there might be parallels between the do nothing technique and none manipulation type meditations. That being said, Shinzen advocates a discipline of the mind where Adyashanti advocates a letting go of control. I was fine doing both meditations until Adya talked about control type meditations being used as a way to resist what is. Now I'm questioning whether I should even do concentration type meditations. Entering into these trance like states have been the best thing that has ever happened to me, yet, I guess it has nothing to do with letting what is, be what is. I've heard Leo say that emotional mastery and enlightenment don't have to be exclusive. I'm wondering if at some point emotional mastery is used by the ego to perpetuate manipulation of reality. Even when i'm letting go of control, my mind is so accustomed to dropping into states of absorption. I still feel like i'm resisting what is by accidentally dropping into trances like states. Now I know that all states come to an end and letting reality be as it is, doesn't require any state for lasting happiness. This all makes me very uneasy and I'm just not so sure about even continuing my daily meditation habit now. I'm open to the possibility that I'm seeing this too black and white and that there is something I'm missing. I've started attempting to just let go of control and realizing no practice is needed to be what is. I love meditation as it's made a lot of hard times a lot easier to deal with, but am I wasting a lot of time developing high degrees of concentration and equanimity? Any advice or guidance would be extremely appreciated! What do you guys think about all of this?

@How to be wiseUsing spiral dynamics to postpone realization til some point in the future, a future that will never come. Either see it now or never. Whatever idea you have, be it materialistic or even that enlightenment will take years of meditation is just an idea. If you want to, you can wake up now. You are god(or awareness, presence, reality, everything.. w/e) pretending you're not. This is true every moment. Even when it feels least true. Regardless, if you want to stay asleep.. that's fine. All falsehoods are seen through in the end. From my limited opinionated self, I'd say it's a shame to not realize this whilst ones alive though. Driving in a Ferrari at top speed, listening to your favorite music, while under the effects of ecstasy , while getting your dick sucked by your trophy girlfriend AND being in the deepest state of meditation possible has NOTHING on waking up from the dream of thought. Now I will say, if you've awoken and realized that reality reduced to thought stifles the orgasmic ecstatic and awe inspiring reality present always.. Then that car ride would be quite the trip ;P

@Leo Gura.

@cetus56 Not too far open yet. I enter into states of consciousness where it can be harder to relate and communicate to others though. When i'm on meditation walks it's odd to see a friend and try to have conversation with them. I'll be so concentrated on thoughts and feeling and unraveling the hollowness of them that jumping into a conversation will have me fumbling for words. If not fumbling I just say some "interesting" and contextually out of place stuff. Fortunately I think I just found the answer to my question. Shinzen Young talks about using "focus on positive" (if you're not familiar with that, basically you just consciously bring about positive emotions and thoughts.) to combat meditation induce DPDR. I don't have dpdr. That being said, I do experience the world as being dreamy, and my thoughts and emotions not being "my" thoughts and emotions (after meditating for awhile). So I figure, while not closing the door of perceptions but rather focusing the already opened doors on positive image, self talk and emotions.. I'll be more readily able to have meaningful conversations with people. Instead of being spaced out and appearing aloof and detached (I really enjoy these states but unfortunately the inner tranquility isn't as visible from the outside.) Anyways, I wouldn't have had the idea to look into this if it weren't for your comments. Thank you

@Arnie I'm curious Arnie.. What are you doing to recover from meditation induced DPDR?

@cetus56 I'm curious.. do you perchance know how one could close the doors of perception? I know stopping meditation, binge eating at Mcdonalds and watching a lot of television could do the trick.. but is there an actual technique to quickly bring the senses back to their average capacity?

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Here's some videos of one of the greats talking about dealing with extreme physical pain. This is a game changer. (I'll also include a video about anxiety and fear.)

Sometimes when I'm meditating my forehead and eyebrows rise. Also my ears sort of wiggle. I'm not sure why this happens but I do know that if I don't relax my eyes and my entire head I eventually experience a headache. I'm aware I could be completely wrong about this next point, but I want to mention it anyway. When my forehead and eyebrows rise slightly the meditation seems to be getting pretty intense. It's almost as if I'm blown away by the profoundness of whats happening. My eyebrows raise like they are reacting to the waves of energy and perspective shifts. Nonetheless, I still try to just relax my face and enter into deep states without tensing up. It's helped me have less headaches when I do longer sits. Also, I'll still (if not me, than whatever I am metaphysically) enter into deep states without a tenseness in my head. I'm no meditation expert but something I could suggest is to consciously relax your face. Maybe do some face stretches (look it up online) and possibly massage. Other than that, as you relax and let go more and more.. the tension in your face could resolve itself. Good luck

I intend for this journal to be about my journey with 5+ hours of meditation a day. I've never journaled, nor have I written much before. Excuse the deluded mumbo jumbo that will most likely occur through out my meditation purges/ raising of awareness. Also I'll most likely be quite scattered in how I organize all my sentences. If things seem ill arranged it's because I don't know an ideal order to present my thoughts. All the being said, here goes nothing! I'll write briefly about the logistics of my practice. I wake up and on an empty stomach (aside from a glass of water) I'll set the timer for 1 hour and 30 minutes. Whatever technique I feel like doing that morning, I'll pursue. If at any point during the sit I feel another technique would be of better use, I'll switch to that. Most sits I'll use only 1 or 2 techniques, sometimes I'll switch it up and use 3. I do try to maintain a single technique if I can through out the entire sit though. After my first sit, I'll wait anywhere from 10-20 minutes to an hour to do my next sit. Which is generally an hour. Then I'll wait 10-20 minutes to an hour again and sit for another hour. After my third sit I'll wait maybe an hour or 2 then do my last formal sit (an hour and 30 minutes). That puts me up to at least 5 hours a day. (I'm not going to go into what makes me decide which technique to use, or when during a sit I'll switch to a different technique and why. I'll go into that another time) After that, I'll pepper my day with non formal sits and just enjoy the massive benefits of an expanded consciousness. I'll briefly discuss how I have the free time to pursue all of this meditation. I live at my mom and dads house. A lot of people live at my parents place. There's my 2 brothers, (ages 19 and 23) my 2 sisters, (20 and 30) my nephew, my mom and dad, and my grandma. There's always a lot going on here. It's less eventful now as my 2 other sisters and 1 other brother have moved out in the last few years. Anyways, to the point of why I can afford all of this meditation free time. Long story short, I've been unfortunately blessed and cursed with a sensitivity to most artificial fragrances. Shampoos, detergents, deodorants, lotions, soaps and the list goes on, all have a strong effect on me. Some of the symptoms include dry eyes, dry throat, dry nose (all of these symptoms get really out of hand if I don't remove myself from the cause quickly) massive headaches, irritability, inability to concentrate, mood swings, depression and possibly a few I've left out. All of these symptoms make it difficult to be in a normal work environment. In the future I'll be pursuing out door work or working at home from my computer.(whatever jobs that entails) Anyways, in the meantime I've got a free pass to use 24 hours of the day, rather than be used by it (Zen quote I think) I feel very blessed and thankful to be cursed to a solitary lifestyle. (I literally get sick when I'm around people who apply perfumes, deodorants, shampoos, yada yada) It's sped up my consciousness work tremendously to suffer from the emotional and physical issues life has dealt me (Albeit I definitely have it WAY better than 75% of the population still. All this consciousness work has made life very manageable and at times extremely rewarding!) Alright well, I think I've covered that enough for now. I know I could go into a lot more detail (How did I get sick, what have doctors said, and this that and the other..I'll save that for when I feel like writing about it) A few words to talk about the epicness of a lot of meditation on my psyche. Although I'm only 4 days into my journey of 5+ hours of meditation a day, there are some major differences I've noticed. I must say, I've meditated off and on for 30 mins, or so once a week for 3 years using count the breath meditation. In the last 5 months I've maintained a daily practice of at least 1+ hour of meditation a day in the morning. The benefits of meditation daily are tremendous and emotional intelligence is one of those tremendous benefits. Anyways, to speak more about my brief journey of the last 4 days. Everything is just BRIGHT, and beautiful. Everything just has the mystery about it, and I'm more fascinated by the mundane.(less boredom) When i'm around angry or irritated people, their emotions don't seem to trigger a reaction out of me. I'll still feel their emotion, but I don't argue with them or try to change their emotional state in any way. (That's huge for me, as I am the only meditator in my family and I used to walk around feeling like I need to help people get back to a relaxed state. Now I'll do that by remaining calm, rather than telling them to relax :P) My meditations have been a lot deeper. I seem to get to a state of profound presence at least once a day (randomly) and holy shit are these positive states. They make me feel like nothing in the world needs to change, everything is in fine order and I needn't strive for anything anymore. (My family is already fine with me not striving for stuff, as I'll be the one to tend for my parents when they get older and I've already failed hundreds of times at the striving game. I don't think it's in my cards. We'll see how things are after I'm enlightened.) Alright, well.. There are more benefits but I feel like I've written a lot already today. I'll stop here.

@Natura Sonoris I meditate with eyes open and closed. 75% of the time I'll keep them closed. Just keep bringing it back to a straight position, one day it'll stay there with ease. I swallow the saliva but this doesn't seem to be much an issue for me. Thanks for the questions

A quick post about my meditations lately. Utilizing Leo's video "Radical Openmindedness - How To Break Free Of Dogma & Beliefs" I've been inquiring into the nature of my assumptions. Lately it seems that this of utmost importance. One assumptions I question, is the idea that there is an experiencer experiencing reality. I assume that "I'm" meditating or that "I'm" here. Who is this "I"? He seems to appear for a few moments than vanishes, only to reappear moments later. The continuity of this "I" is what usually gives it so much power and seeming truth. As "I" meditate and inquire more and more it becomes easier to see that this "I" isn't completely me. Where does "I" arise from? Where does it go to? My awareness isn't sufficient to see this yet. Still too many thoughts claiming authority over experience. This muddies the inquiry. Anyways this seems a good place to be; a lot of aspects of life are losing their intensity and where that tension once was contentment and joy now reside. On to more inquiry!

@step1 Thanks! Yes that is a possibility. First off I can only recommend a course of action, that being said.. my advice isn't to be taken too seriously. Listen to Leos or Shinzen Youngs content, they've got a lot of it. Alright.. On to the advice. Keep doing the 1 hour sits. Something will come up from the surface eventually. If you want quicker results (these sits don't have to be Strong Determ sitting) do another 30m-1h meditation a day. If you know Shinzen Youngs 5 meditation techniques + self inquiry.. you'll have a lot to work with. Take your pick at what tool to use. Also, if you really want to make some quick progress be sure to do some sort of mindfulness or do nothing technique when you're in the midst of a crisis. (not always practical, I'm aware) But if you're able to bring awareness to painful experiences it'll make those experiences easier (as well as advancing your practice.) A simple trick (not so simple at first, but the anticipation is worse than the actual experience) for experiencing negative sensations while remaining mindful is to start with cold water when you take a shower. Get under the shower head, turn the water on, spend 20-30-40-50 seconds remaining conscious and aware of all the sensations arising whilst under the cold water.If you do try this, be sure not to spend too long with your head in the cold water. It'll give you a headache and is supposedly unhealthy for the brain. If your water is FREEZING than 2-3 seconds of it on each body part is sufficient. If it's just pretty cold, you would do 4-7 seconds on each body part. (spending less time with water on the head, also you can mostly focus on the upper body) Anyways, than you can switch to warm or hot water and take a normal shower. I hope you don't need any tips for that ;P Alrighty I could go into more detail but this might be enough. Good luck Step1!

@Zane Thanks man! Although I don't want to hide from the fact that I've not been meditating as much lately. I did 5-7 hours of meditation a day for the week that I started this. Now i'm doing anywhere from 2-4 hours a day. If I could, i'd change the title of this journal. Nonetheless your comment is appreciated, and after I work out a few things.. I'll get back to lengthier sits.

That might be a good sign. It might be time (if you have the time to do so) to increase your time spent meditating. Anyways it's really a beautiful thing to be able to sit there.. do nothing and actually enjoy it. Plus It's free!! (Except the time put in, but the rewards are out of this world.) To be frank, I've no idea if it matters. That being said, I think it's good to meditate in the morning everyday. (Whatever time you happen to wake up) It'll help you get some traction with your practice. You'll notice it takes less time for you to get into a state of being that promotes relaxation, reflection and emotional growth. If you're able to (spare time during the day, if you've got any) just being mindful of what the senses are sensing can be helpful. Anyways, I'm really not qualified to give any advice..Leo is the dude for that.

@Kelley White VERY inspirational indeed! You're welcome Kelley

@appleaurorae I can't sit cross legged let alone in half lotus for longer than an hour, it causes some flair ups with some damage I did to my spine in my weight lifting days. I want to make it clear, I don't do much crossed legged sitting. Every other day or so i'll do some but it usually isn't optimal because of my back. Most of my 5 hours (3-4 hours) is done in a chair, than the rest is walking meditation. I've gotten profound benefits from this, that being said.. Non of this would be possible if I had limited myself to only crossed legged meditation. You'll still want to claw your eyes out (that feeling doesn't appear as much once you sit through it enough times), feel strong emotions, get aches and pains, and still feel an emptiness that needs to be filled with awareness. Anyways, I'd encourage you to spontaneously just sit longer than you would. Just see what happens. Sit with it, and remember that nothing is permanent, and give yourself completely. This will bring about emotional maturity and the release of past trauma. Good luck Apple!

I quite enjoy dark chocolate. It can be a good replacement for coffee, as it does give a slight energy boost. Also, from my experience if you only eat 2-3 small squares of it (I'm a sensitive fella, so maybe you'd be able to handle more) there's no crash. Dark chocolate has theobromine. "Theobromine has a similar effect than caffeine, but about 10 times weaker. Theobromine has diuretic, stimulant and relaxing effects. Theobromine can lower the blood pressure because it can to dilate blood vessels. Theobromine has stimulant properties, similar to caffeine. Unlike caffeine theobromine does not affect the central nervous system. Theobromine can also relax bronchi muscles in the lungs. Theobromine can be used as cough medicine. Studies indicate that theobromine acts on the vagus nerve, which runs from the lungs to the brain. " (source http://www.phytochemicals.info/phytochemicals/theobromine.php)

Alright alright, I was a little high on insight in my last post. Things are pretty normal now. I guess to give a more practical, less air fairy description of my experience so far with ALMOST 5+ hours of meditation a day. I'm able to access peaceful states of meditation more quickly. Emotions are stronger but I'm able to handle them without feeling overwhelmed. Physical pain doesn't really evoke as strong of a ouch response in my mind. Cold showers are a little easier to hop into. (rather than spending some time getting over the anticipation.) But yeah, normal benefits I think.. Anyways I'm tired, off to bed for me.

I'm dreaming.. I always have been dreaming! I've had glimpses of lucidity in this dream. I realize the all pervading presence is lying in bed right now dreaming the dream of all of creation. Another thing I've realized is that mystical states of consciousness and waking up aren't the same thing. In the dream I can have all sorts of larger than life experiences but still not realize I'm dreaming. I can become convinced that I've awoken from the dream because I'm flying through the air, (metaphorically) walking through objects, and feeling and seeing things I'd never thought imaginable; I'll miss the fact that I'm still in the dream doing all these magical stunts. I am awareness. I'll never die, I'll never be born. I make up everything, everything exists inside and on top of me. I am locationless and dimensionless. When you look for me, you'll find nothing and everything. All of that being said; I'm still not awake. I fall back asleep but not as fully as before, this knowing sticks with me. Only time will show if I'm deluding myself. Regardless I have the utmost assurance that upon the death of the mind and body, we'll see through it all. All in all, the dream of life seems to have lost a lot of its power to scare me. BTW! I only meditated 3 and a half hours yesterday and I broke my commitment to do 5+ hours of meditation a day. I feel no regret or guilt. I'm going to do my best to shoot for 5+ hours daily though as its really fun anyways.

So I had my first false awakening in a dream.(Google false awakening) I woke up in a dream believing I was in the real world, and that I was awake. This ended up leading to one of the oddest experiences I've ever had. I woke up (in the dream) and said to myself "alright, my back hasn't taken so kindly to all the sitting lately so I'm going to meditate lying down." I think I did some Vipassana or Do nothing. Within a few seconds I realized this isn't an ordinary meditation session. Suddenly my visual field is completely spiraling into oblivion and I see a collage of psychedelic like images. (Blending, spiraling and melting of the whole spectrum of colors.) Then I was completely taken over by the strongest current of energy I've ever felt course through my body. (Dream body though, even though it REALLY felt like it was my actual body) Which in turn led to the weirdest thing my body has ever felt.(although words don't really describe the oddity of the sensation) My jaw started uncontrollably chomping up and down as if I was some robot trying to completely demolish a metal carrot. (It was some strong chomping, all the while I'm experiencing the crazy visuals and body is going through some sort of convulsive exorcismesque experience.) Then I didn't even wake up or assume this a dream, I just thought I was having an extremely crazy meditation. I manage to open my eyes and get a hold of myself. The jaw clenching/biting thing stopped, the energy dyed down a bit, but vision was very impaired. Everything I looked at had this vibrant glowing overlay to it.(Similar to maybe a visual effect you'd edit into a photo or a video. I'm not sure which effect.) Anyways I make my way to my computer and start typing into google - "Weird convulsive chomping during meditation". Some links show up and the only one I actually read said "some possible negative side effects of meditation". I click the link and am flabbergasted that I've never heard of this sort of experience before. As I'm about to read the article I'm suddenly no longer in control (I think I went unaware mode like normal dreams) and the dream took over.(like I was ever really in control though) I forget what happens next..some vague experience about me going downstairs, and asking someone for assistance.But then something that I thought that was even more wild; I woke up into another dream believing I had actually woken up!(again.. lol) The scene was my living room at my parents house. I was surrounded by a few friends and some family members. I starting telling all my friends and family the crazy shit I just went through. This is where it got semi real for me and tapped into some insecurities that I've not really taken seriously. I tell them that I've had some odd experience during my meditation and that I don't feel right. They end up saying "looks like we've got to take you to the loony bin." and "See!! Meditation is terrible for you." and then "You're so nuts." All of which was stated in a very authoritative abrasive tone. It really made me feel like I wouldn't be accepted, and what I'm doing is completely wrong and not needed. It had a nightmareish feeling to it, and I was filled with fear. Finally I actually, for real, 100% woke up this time! I was surprised when i realized it was all just a dream.

Leo posted this video in a forum thread I wondered into the other day. I think it might be of some use now.

I've found that as I've increased the amount of time I meditate daily, the heightened awareness remains for some time without effort. Just enjoy the process and meditate as much as is manageable. As the awareness muscles in your brain grow and the scanning or danger finding (sense of self, egoic parts of your brain) gets less attention you'll be more aware and relaxed without trying. If you want to speed up this process, meditate more. Even just brief moments of mindfulness through out the day can be helpful. Have fun (Just a little edit, Rupert Spira pointed out to me that awareness never actually increases; the objects that obscure awareness lessen and awareness appears to increase. Awareness is always pure. Only the things that block this pure awareness change.)

I'm on my 6th day of this practice. I'm realizing slowly that continued meditation helps to SEE and FEEL nonduality, but being aware of the presence I am isn't always necessary. It definitely helps me to see more clearly the awareness that I am.(Or to see everything I'm not and pretending to be, or the things I am and pretending I'm not. Or rather I'm not any particular thing, I'm not this, or this, or this, I'm all of them.) I'll continue to meditate for 5+ hours a day but I sense that I won't need to do this for very long. I am creation or presence whether I'm feeling blissful or high on meditation or not. I want to practice integrating truth realization with everyday life. Whether I integrate it or not, whether I forget it, or feel it, I am and have always been pure presence. Like I said, I'll continue to feel this felt oneness with the universe but I don't feel it's necessary anymore. I know I'm not enlightened though. I don't need to make this any bigger than it really is. Anyways, I enjoy meditating so I'll continue. I'll probably look back at this post and realize how I was deceiving myself once I've peaked further (even though no one is home to do the peaking) With that said, I've clearly got unfinished business. On wards to more realization!