Bananas

I felt like an alien too and I still do. I was just gradually becoming myself more and more. I was facing my real self and my real desires and that is how I attracted real friends. I carried a lot of shame inside for being myself, but then I decided to stop running away from myself and let myself be me even if I am perceived as weird. It will be awkward and unpleasant at times, but honesty with yourself and others in the right contexts will pay off immensely to you. When I operated on a lower lever of my consciousness, relying only on my social mask, I wasn't able to find real people to connect with, but only those who reflected my mask, ie fake ones. But sometimes, you can find yourself surrounded with people who are not like you on a daily basis without your choice. For example, in high school, so maybe try to find some activities or different places to hang out with people who are more like you.

I think that I am at this point of my journey where I am realizing that sex doesn't have to be connected with love. Human relationships are very weird to me. And sex is also weird to me. I'm trying to make sense of it and I probably never will. I will always get the answer like ''it is supposed to be enjoyed'' or used for a reproduction or something. I decided to stop watching porn because I want to adopt a healthier view on sex and see it as something positive. Oh, and female male friendships can be possible with a certain dose of awkwardness from my experience. I deal with it well because I love talking with intuitive men, females in my life mostly turned out to be my enemies.

I am curious about this one thing. Can best friends fuck and still be best friends? Some people think that sex is not so important and that its only a release but I can't come to terms with that kind of worldview. Is that even possible? To do that and still call each other ''friends''. I see things pretty black and white in that area but then when I hear what other people do I'm just baffled. I would just like to understand where that kind of thinking comes from, without judgement.