Juan

I was watching recently a Andrew Schultz podcast (he is a comedian), and on his recent one interviewing Patrick Bet David, Patrick was telling a story about going to a queer club and in summary somebody in the story asked him: “how do you know you’re not gay?”, and Patrick says: ”Because I know it”, and the guy responded: “But how do you know it if you haven’t been with one?”. And there was a serious pause for contemplating the question. It resonated a lot with me because some years ago I discovered I’m bisexual, but the way Patrick responded it was the same way I was responding for over 20+ years. So one day after a deep contemplation of my “something is missing in my relationships”, I asked myself this question, stick with it and go for the experience to confirm it. So for the people here on the forum, how do you know or confirm you aren’t another sexual orientation aside of straight? Just a feeling? Because even before I discovered I was bisexual, I thought most of my life I din’t felt attraction towards men, although there was one case in my childhood that confirms it and if you see my beginning drawings, there was A LOT appreciation for human/muscle anatomy so I enjoyed watching body builders competitions. Insights? Thoughts?

I think she/he do it on purpose, maybe to call out attention, not gonna take him/her seriously.

The reason I ask this is because since I was a kid I always had a question back in my head which is: “what if the relationship doesn’t work out in the long run?” “Isn’t a lot of work, drama, time and money for both of you guys to have to deal now with signing divorce papers, throw away thousands of dollars you guys spent for your rings (unless you resell it I guess), see who stay if someone actually stay with the house if you both lived together, the pets even maybe?” “And if you have kids, there are some laws that require the other parent to support financially if not you’re going to jail”, which is a lot of pressure looking back of how maybe my father was feeling when I was growing up. Even when I’m gonna connect on a normal relationship, sometimes I still think: “what if this doesn’t work out in the long run?” (Some of you guys might point out “well she/he wasn’t the right one if you’re thinking of that”, sure I can see that). Am I not being very optimistic here? Do some of you guys feel the same way? I would like to see some perspective about it.

Had anyone here experimented with this? Today I took a cold shower after quite a long time, years!, and I feel very pump out compared to hot ones (my bath temperature is limited so it’s either cold or hot, not in between sadly). I know there is a science behind the benefits of cold showers, but I wanted to ask the forum, had you seen the benefits in both of them? Do you have a preferred one? Depends?

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Not everything, sometimes you’re lucky you got invested in something that it isn’t even a hard work! It’s your lifestyle! Sometimes you gotta work smart, not hard. Don’t tell me what to do.

There is nothing wrong with you, maybe you haven’t found a good match. The trans that I know here in Puerto Rico, they are attractive af and I can see they work a lot on themselves and they seems to be very independent people, they accept themselves SO MUCH that that’s another reason why they are so attractive to me. I also watched A LOT of porn while young and I would consider myself functional still, I tone it down A LOT cuz of age and I prefer the real deal experience. I can get hard with both sex easily, if I don’t get hard on someone it is because I don’t vibe with the person really and we are just forcing the experience. Do you consider yourself very spiritual and balanced? Cuz I’m a believer that we attract what we are. Usually my best partners are involved in the same stuff I like, like art, creation, exploring, etc.

Is not a limitation but rather a organization, unless you wanna call yourself gender fluid which for me it still be bisexual.

You can be masculine and still be gay or bisexual. If you’re a girl and you’re masculine you still a girl (physiologically speaking).

Maybe, maybe I’m good at switching my male and female energies.

This is soooo relatable. For me it felt even annyoing. Oh gawd what a time. Ever considered do drag queen?

The best thing for me in this case is to cry a lot, listen some lofi music or something with sad vibes if is hard to release the emotions, and yea once again see your break up video.

The video that started it all, my spiritual journey, my first Leo video, def check it out.

@Leo Gura Very straight answer of yours. Yes but for real I think is tricky depending the person, I even remember one time a guy asked me at the beach if I wanted to kiss him and I answered him no with a straight face haha, telling him I was straight back then, I laugh now and regret it a bit for not had done it with the understanding I have now.

Interesting answer Yeah, I just wanted to see others people of concluding their answers, some people haven’t even question themselves this and it could be affecting negatively their actual relationships and life (at least that was my case with my firsts girlfriends).

This is a good point, if not you wouldn’t be complaining about it, it’s like: “oh yeah?! you don’t want to text me back?! Well imma tell you or do this!”, is not necessary nor attractive, you move on. I learned from the book “The 4 Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, whatever somebody said or do to you, is not really about you persé but rather how they see you trough their “screen smoke mirror” or their perception, so I move on if they don’t text and respect it, it’s like asking forcefully for attention. P.S. If you’re a creative person, you’d be amazed by how some of these people text you back once they see you creating cool stuff.

Why so focused on teaching a gf or female? Is it mandatory? The last thing I want out of a relationship it is my partner wanting me to believe her/his stuff, want me/force me to believe of what she/he says and talk spirituality 24/7, it’s gets old quick when there is so much other stuff to talk about. And if you want to teach, it would become a student, not a girlfriend.

Yes, as someone who dealt with it years ago, I’ve become aware of how silly it is actually but when you’re in that state of mind it doesn’t feel that way, it feels as tangible as touching yourself right now. My insight about it coming out of it is that you will have to do some deep deep reprograming because those thoughts are sometimes beyond our control, not even doing daily affirmations helps depending how hard wired is your brain right now, so you have to somehow “allow the light penetrate into you, like when the sun hits the flowers, so you can see through the illusion”, I quote it because it’s the poetic way I see it now. You’ll have to find practices and methods that allows your mind first to calm down, allow whatever trauma you have to release, is ok if it looks even like a exorcism lol, been there, and by the end of the storm, the sun will comeback at you and you are gonna be more conscious now. Now what causes suicidal thoughts that is gonna vary for each person. It could be a trauma from childhood, it could be because of a consumption of a drug and it programmed your mind to be negative about life, etc. And very important have FAITH that healing is possible and PATIENCE, take it easy on you, you’re doing your best even if it doesn’t feel that way right now, each solution(s) is vary for everyone.

Fly for 2024 let’s fkn gooo!

@Water by the River You’re very informative, I like that, thanks for your input.

Never forget

@Water by the River there is a HUGE difference about depersonalization/derealization in spirituality and mental illness. Speaking from experience that I had to live in that hell on 2019 and had to start working with ayahuasca in order to get better and get actual awakenings. As a mental illness it’s hard to sustain yourself, you can’t fit into society easily, as a spirituality you’re more “normal” and can still function to keep going with your life.

@Inliytened1 Here is a more nuanced examples of depersonalization & derealization, from experience: Disconnected from yourself and environment (literally, you can feel in your bones) We could have a conversation and my mind is elsewhere and this is beyond my control (not even meditation or yoga helps) Emotionally disconnected Visually (this is hard to explain if you haven’t experimented changing your state of consciousness), things look doll, fake, like you feel so separate from everything, hard to explain if you’re emotionally stable now Hard to sleep Sure when you’re in this state of mind you can also get depress and I loosed some hair People will see something is wrong with you, they are even afraid of you at times Mental disturbance (incoherent thoughts) Ungrounded, you even feel uncomfortable touching grass Hard to look at people faces (cuz you know something is not ok with you), this is connected to feeling shame And the list goes on…

It wasn’t depression at all bro. It got to the point that I even had to go to a psychologist and got indeed diagnosed back then to my, “my” (however you want to phrase it) condition. It doesn’t need to have suicidal tendencies but like Leo mentioned it has many qualities, degrees, etc. And yes it is a full dissociation from the self, now the degree that I’m talking about here, it was beyond of not being capable to even sustain myself.

You have zero clue of what depersonalization is. I could even write a book of how horrendous it is to be in that state of mind to the point of suicide, you don’t want to be there, everything feels so doll and fake. Separation with everything escalated to who knows what percentage, you could become even antisocial for how much disconnected you are with yourself and the world, you have a big ass victim mentality, physically you are here but mentally you are elsewhere, is not a pretty place, it’s hell, not identical at all to awakening or God Realization. One thing is to experience this in order to awake, another thing is being on that state 24/7 for months and years.