Adrian-

Hey guys, I hope someone can help me with this issue I'm having. I have no idea where to start with personal development and self actualization. Maybe I have analysis paralysis but I fear the problem is much deeper than that. I've known about personal development and Leo's channel for over 6 years now. There was a point where Leo and a couple other spiritual channels were all i was watching. But thats the thing, I was simply "watching" these videos. I never made any actual effort to apply what I was absorbing. And I'm not even sure I was absorbing any of it. I've been watching Leo for 6 years and I wouldn't be able to explain any of what he has said to someone if they asked. Thinking about it now this leads me to believe theres something wrong with me. At this point i'm afraid that i'm just not capable of learning what Leo is teaching. Everything he says resonates with me deeply but my actions dont reflect that. I want more than anything to "do the fucking work" as Leo puts it and really see some results for my life. I just don't know where to start. A bit about my life: I'm 23 years old. I was introduced to spirituality by my ex girlfriend when I was 17. before then I would spend my time playing video games with my friends or surf youtube watching nonsense videos for hours. Shortly after I was introduced to spirituality, I developed schizophrenia. (you dont show any signs of schizophrenia until about 17-18) So the spiritual teachings I was being exposed to felt extra mystical and special. but what i believed to be a spiritual awakening was nothing more than a psychotic episode. I struggled with this illness undiagnosed with no medical treatment for 5 years. It wasnt until last year that I was hospitalized and properly treated with the right medication. All that to say I feel like I'm starting from the absolute bottom. I feel like those 5 years were completely wasted. Those years, (16-21) are the most critical in my opinion for learning essential principles and morals for the life you will lead moving forward. Now I'm 23 and I have trouble socializing, articulating my words, verbalizing my thoughts and struggle with the most elementary elements of being an adult. I say I want to self actualize, but I still do the very same things I was doing when I was 14. I feel like a child. BUT!!!!!! I know theres hope for me. I want more than anything to become the person i know i can be. It's really all i think about. unfortunately I don't even know the question to which i'm trying to find an answer for. I don't know where to begin with self inquiry or any of it for that matter. I know that my vision should be clear and although I can feel the feeling of what i want my life to look like, I cant even begin to think of where to start. I hope I explained myself well, and I hope someone can help me with my Issue. Thank you for taking the time out to read this and I wish everyone the best. Thank you.

I would like to know your guys' opinion on taking psychedelics while having schizophrenia. So I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder when I was 21. Schizoaffective disorder is on the spectrum of schizophrenia and is essentially a combination of schizophrenia and Bipolar disorder. I don't necessarily hear voices or see hallucinations but when I'm off my medication I have very strong delusions while being in a manic state. These episodes are almost like a psychedelic trip itself. I have a very skewed sense of "reality" and cannot function properly in society. Without medication, I am a madman! Before I was compliant with my medication, I would take psychedelics quite regularly. Unfortunately, being young and dumb, I took them for recreational purposes. Since then I have been taking my medication consistently and haven't tripped in about 4 years. My question to you guys would be is it smart or safe for someone with a mental illness like schizophrenia to be taking psychedelics, even if its for spiritual purposes and intended to be used as a learning experience. After battling this illness for a long time I've grown to value my sanity. At the same time I regret only using psychedelics to have fun, and would love to use them as a tool for spiritual growth. Would love to know your thoughts on this.

@Leo Gura True, the only way to know is to try. It's just a little scary letting go of the feeling of control I now have on my mind with taking my medication. I use to love being in those states an embraced the absurdity. Now I feel like a square lol.