Proactive

Alone, the darkness enravels me. I can make it. I can survive. Remember the times i’ve gone through. I’m strong. Really strong. So lets go. Lets fucking GO. DESTROY THIS WORLD. I WILL FUCKING KILL IT

The world is a mirror of who you are. I've heard this so many times, but i've recently discovered how profound it is. You effect everything around you, and if you were to change yourself, it would give a different reaction to you. This gives me a actual logical reason to believe "Everything is my fault" which is something that I just use to say to myself to win my video games. Regardless how "unfair" it felt, it was my fault we lost the game. Fuck logic, EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT. I guess I forgot this philosophy. live the selfish life or the selfless life? I'm going to contemplate on this again This is basically talking about how if you try to help others, you'll gain an energy that'll be much stronger than just helping the self. Which'll obviously be better for the self. If you are are helping yourself, you will gain more power which in turn will help you help others. Also if you want to be a shellfish, you need to become a fish with a shell. Soooo, yeah. Be selfish or selfless? I've actually already talked about this topic oops. Welp. The answer is both. These days, I just want to get deeper and deeper into the moment. welp, lets stop deliberating. I feel like going deeper into the details actually.

ni hao, wo shi proactive Wtf is going on in china. The brainwashing of the uigurisrsd is pretty scary. ?. I've visited china a few times in my life and I thought i'd just share some info about my experience there that was pretty scary. One really weird thing is the gap between the poor and the rich is fucking huge. Children missing limbs is something that I saw so often. Apparently the mafia there kidnap children, and remove limbs then force them to beg for money. Kinda weird for a country that apparently has a lot of money. yeah, thats all I know ?. Maybe someone can use this knowledge to derive something. Anyways back to the important stuff. Should I buy my coffee tomorrrow or not. This time I have right now is so valuable. SO VALUABLE. Idk if I'll ever get this much freedom ever again. but yeh, my mind is thinking about politics, and the world right now so. Yeh The future, is so complex. It is hard for humanity to survive. So much hurdles we need to get through. Humanity as a whole does not appear to be conscious enough. We are not united. When 3rd world countries start industrializing, I think by then sustainable energy better be cheaper than the alternative. Otherwise uh oh.

bonjour, je suis proactive I'm going to contemplate about my job at McDonald. So, only place that would hire me for some reason. In work, i've been the front counter guy and i've been trying to make every customer feel welcomed and shit. Give love to these people, to everyone. However, a person has always been very disrespectful to me. Just making me feel bad and shit for stuff I can't control. I could just feel bad and give up. Or I can use this anger, to fuel me. I've done that a little bit today. I get the, I'm going to die before I become a wage slave mentality. But anyways, she's not a problem. I'm grateful for the energy she provides me. After work. I want to improve delivering on the love. It's genuine, and I believe others feel it. I am not putting 100% of myself out there due to the amount of customers we have, and I started losing my voice a bit. So I stopped having such big fluxuations in my voice. But yeh, good job me! I'm proud of myself for giving so much love. I'm going to keep giving love until they fire me. I don't care. Give 100% of myself to the customers, give all that I can. Just thought i'd get clear of my values at my job. I will say in the past i've been quite a "devil." I've done things i'm not proud of, i've hurt people. Such as in my door-to-door sales job, such as being a bad best friend, even physically hurting people when I was 3. I like to think i'm a nice guy, but I've done things i'm not proud of that I will live with.( just some thoughts I had in my head last night).

?I HAVE A FOLLOWER GUYS OMG. OMGOMGOMOGMGOMOGOPAOSJFJASDFJ After YEARS UPON YEARS OF HARD WORK THE DAY HAS FINALLY COME. im changing the world already. Today was honestly pretty "decent" , if we are talking about hours spent studying. I was engaged for the first couple of hours, then I dwindled after ate,exercised, and shit. Got pretty distracted by Canadian politics video, cuz I realize I can vote now ("nvm it was last year lol")and I probably should. I did salvage the situation a bit by attempting to study a little, then watch the video a little. This is not the level of focus i'm looking for. I'm not headed in the direction i'd like. I'm remaining the same. I just want to be more driven, be more focused. Here are some steps for me. Make sure you do take more breaks, do more pomodoro sessions( it's a requirement.). But I need to plan very carefully, it should be planned based on the task and how much we enjoy it. We don't want to interrupt our flow. But we also don't wanna procrastinate. After a large break, realize what your doing is your changing your identity from ME, to nobody The trigger for this super intense focused state will be the memory technique using the caards 2 posts ago. Where I just calmy sit and feel these emotions/visions I have created and recall them.

live the selfish life or the selfless life? There is 2 sort of ways of looking at the world. You can measure success as who you are, what you have, ect ,ect. I think this is the way typical people look at the world. If they look at you, someone who is operating completely differently according to their hierarchy you're at the bottom. Is their way of living better? Yes their way of living is better, currently. Because obviously they'll grow weaker and whatever. This sort of party, have fun, go do all the things that give you dopamine mindset. I've been there as a child, eventually it does get a bit boring. You then look to change the world and shit. Which is a totally other mentality, Your here to live an adventure, create your story, something like that. I thought i'd remind myself of this, because their judgement onto me is not the best and it'll make me feel inadequate if I follow their frame. I just need to remind myself that pursuit does not have the best late game. We are given a certain amount of time in our life, so lets not waste it on a reward-less pursuit. Now I don't want to paint the picture here that their pursuit is somehow bad. Enjoy life! idk, I was just looking at it objectivelyish so I didn't really associate feelings with that contemplation. I guess I still don't know if i'm approaching life correctly.

How do you focus? How do you dodge all these distractions. First, set your intention. What task are you going to do.( NOT ALL TASKS FOR THE DAY). Then, I have a deck of cards, and I will try to memorize as much as I can within 15mins. I'm using a memory techinque that essentially has me associated each number with a visualization or feeling. I've made a specific visualization for each card, that reminds me of who I am, and what I want. This is a habit I want to build to change my identity to work identity.

The next generation I see a bunch of problems coming in the future. Job security, global warming, depression/loneliness. Idk what the future holds. We are going to be put back into the state of survival. We are going to need a huge shift in the way society operates. Something radical. Before I worry about that, I need to worry about myself. I need to make sure I survive in the future, I'm having a hard time being motivated by school. I need to really grind, I need to work unbelievably hard. I need to put my head down and ignore everything else. I need to do well in school and have time to work on my projects( "that should have some goal of making money "). I have been doing quite a bit better due to my philosophy of "focus on what you can control." My only purpose is simple. To work. Forget the future, Forget the past. Forget it all, the only thing i'm doing is working. Learning. Motivation doesn't have a logical reason, it's simply what you decide. So decide to ignore the distractions. one-day, i'll be needed. I want to emerge strong. I'm giving my life so humanity can survive.

Just an idea I got from a video Motivation comes from the higher self, and lower-self combined. Everyday, you must re-motivate yourself. You can't operate as a highly conscious person all the time.

Enjoy this present moment as it is the only thing that exists. ❤

The benefits of thinking about death are starting to really hit me. I'm both engaged, yet detached. The depression I faced in my darker days gives me the energy to go all in. Overcomming the negativity and toxicity of other players in video games and just "focusing on what I can control" have provided a very very good foundation that'll help me in getting into the present while doing any activity. I'm grateful that i've experienced a balance of "fuck the world, i'm living on my own" and "fuck myself, the world is all that matters" throughout my life. Yeah, just felt like doing a positive post for some weirdass reason. Probably because i'm sick or something.

hehe just joking, I have no idea if your running too much. I run moderately and i'm still at the age where I can just jump off a building without being scared of dieing. So yeah

definitely, you should absolutely stop exercising. it's only for young people who wants to be healthy, live longer, and feel good anyways ?

yoyoyo Thought i'd remind myself that I will not become a wage slave. I will die before that happens. I will die trying. guess i'm stage orange This mindset never actually works. But I thnk if I combine this with like a self-love/being present, I could live a very fulfilling life. Lately i've been coming back to my mantra "focus on what you can control". It is amazing at bringing you into the present.

So it appears i'm switching between a inventor and a physicist Yes, yes I am. The good thing is that they are somewhat correlated. I'm not even going to contemplate it, i'm doing both and lets see where that takes me.

Money so I thought i'd think a bit about money. Having money obviously isn't everything, but it allows for greater freedom in life to do what you want to do. So i'm just going to keep trying out new ideas, and releasing them into the market and hopefully one of them succeed. In this post i'm actually going to talk more about spending. How do I invest my money? Every week, i'm going to save 50$ in the bank <- this is going to be used only to help me explore my life purpose, build products, ect. Also to relieve some payment of tuition if I have leftover. everyday I can only spend around 15$ on takeout food and such. Unless it's like a special day. I can also exchange this 15$ into my next category of money. Assuming i'm working 16 hours a week, that'll leave me with 70$ to buy groceries, and other random things that I want, such as a better laptop. I'm going to make it a habit using "HABITLY" A FREE HABIT SETTING APP THAT IS SIMPLE YET POWERFUL. EDIT Ok, i'm going to rethink the money thing. I want to MAXIMIZE my health and happiness. While saving money. Buying out saves time, and is convenient. We basically need to pack up more things. Coffee can be cheaper by buying packaged ones. Or buying a cup and pouring tea, ect into it. Saving money is all about preparation in my opinion. Cooking in batches. Storing the food in jars. We really don't actually need to be eating out at all. I just need to go out and buy groceries more. Cook better.

YO, I am here, and alive. So, I thought i'd work a bit more on openning myself up to others. Basically i'm afraid of others rejecting the real me. Why would they reject you? What I say may be really weirdly timed? It could be really not what is meant to be said in the moment. Tip to self, embody nobody. Then you'll start flowing with the moment.

Why are you guys on this path of self actualization? i'm curious. I'm also here to improve myself so I can improve the world. How did this affect your life? It has allowed me to know myself a lot more. Gives me a lens to see the world through that actually matches what's happening in reality moreso. Therefore can control reality more. Has it improved your life in a meaningfull way, or is it just a dream that you hold but you secretly know you cant achieve? My life has improved so much, if I just used the perspectives I was taught while growing up, i'd either be dead or almost dead. Are you happier overall? Or are you just using your mind to overthink about existencial things and getting burned out? I do put myself through a lot of stress because I do have goals. I would have just run away from the obstacles in the past because I didn't really know how to deal with it any other way. I tend to write in my journal when I have problems, I just look for ways to improve. I don't really report my successes in life on there. Hehehhe

I also experienced this during a period where I meditated more, I felt reality getting clearer, and clearer. Till the point where I FELT like I was in the present moment completely for a long period of time aswell. From there, I kept on meditating and that's where sadness started to creep in, which was really weird. Due to external circumstances, I had stopped meditating that much( 1.5 days only lol). So i'm kinda conflicted with this issue aswell. Here are 2 perspectives. An analogy I guess that could be used is the rubber band one. You want to stretch it, but you don't want to break the rubber band. My dad has warned me about people going crazy from seeking too much. I'm not too sure about the specifics, but yeah. Just a warning from my dad lol. Or you could just continue to go deeper and detatch from the feelings, and hopefully there's some insight there. That's also another thing I hear. I was forced to go talk to people and become part of society again, and those feelings subsided. That's how I temporarily removed the sadness feeling. So, maybe take a break from meditation. If your just looking to be normal hehe.

CHANGE 1% A DAY. This sounds like you'll slowly improve Rather than aiming to improve 50% today. Improve that 1% . This builds up so much, you'll grow exponentially. I'd rather not get into too much detail but yeh. Anyways that is quite a good goal to accomplish everyday. Fail more. Failing. I need to get better at it. I sorta wince in pain everytime I fail. Then I will get distracted, and that is no good. No good. One way to push this all out is by assuming failing is the standard. It's what is expected. How to deal with pain from small failure? It's what keeps me going when there's big failure. The vision. But yeah, I gotta think in more detail about this "POST WAS INSPIRED BY JORDAN PETERSON TALK"

Complaining about my failures. So I wanted to complain about my previous physics teacher as it has been on my mind. I'm going to give myself 5mins to complain. start 12:38 - 12:43. He screwed me up, I worked the equivalent of 2-3 courses on his courses and completely ruined all my momentum as well as failed me. Not only that course, but other courses. This caused me a chain reaction, I was forced to take less courses, and was unable to continue onward my physics path. 2ND year was a year where I was just trying to pass. Getting through courses that would've been much more interesting if it had been beside physics courses. Then I met him again last semester. Failed all of my courses, my entire momentum destroyed once again. it sucks you know. It truley does. Now i'm behind, and there's fear of judgement from other people. Why are you taking so long to graduate I hear? Wtf, your still behind a year? Ok that took 3 mins lol. It just brings tears to my eyes when I think about this loss. This painful loss. Ok, time to get back up. but honestly it's hard, I'm still suffering from the effects of these failures. All I can do is just focus on what I can control. The past has happend. The only thing I can do right now is continue learning. Continue learning even if there's no external motivation. Keep trying, whether you pass or you fail. You cannot control. All I can is work my hardest right now. https://proactivelycurious.wordpress.com btw i'm starting a blog. This'll just be where I record my journey. There will be less self-help. Less reflection on how I can improve I think. More math.

I feel like i'm doing nothing. Really. I'm just spinning in circles AHHHHH. Ok, up there is my GOAL. so I believe in order to make money you must provide value, and I believe the greatest value right now is connection. I'm not too sure how this will help me make money. I think i'm going to switch towards a vlog. I want to become a SAGE/PHYSICIST, i'm going to inspire many people. I'm going to raise peoples consciousness by doing the impossible. I want to unlock deeper states of consciousness, and be able to move within it and everything like that. I also want to use these states of consciousness to explore physics. I'm going to probably document my death. I'm going to document me going through very rough places because I put myself there. But atleast I tried. I'm not at the place where I can integrate these 2 things. I'm still learning the tools. I want to learn them faster.

what I want has always been quite simple. To just live a life where I can explore nature at a very deep level. So i'm not talking about traveling that world, or anything like that( that is fun aswell too) I imagine myself on a cabin in the middle of the woods learning about all sorts of shit. And just explore, explore, explore. Physics was my go to place since there's so much to be explored. But it doesn't feel like it. The plan i'm going to go for is just create a product, or something that gives me passive income. Then continue doing it. I want the freedom.

are girls actually human? I think so, I think so. Yeah, so I will say YES YOU ARE A HUMAN. ok, whats next. I just think that helps a lot with talking to girls, thinking from their perspective. It also helps me with facing rejection.( never got rejected though) I really hope nobody I know in rl ever reads this. heheehe. It is time to find a m8. Or atleast see what's out there. I just need some more feminine energy?

My 2 life principles to live by Focus on what you can control( which exists only in the present ) Grow my curiousity Ugh, I feel like i'm mentally masturbating too much UGH BUT I CAN'T STOP. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. COULD IT BE THAT WHEN I SAY I'M IN THE PRESENT MOMENT? I'M ACTUALLY NOT? COULD IT BE THAT I'M ACTUALLY 1 NANO SECOND AWAY FROM BEING IN REALITY? OR 1 NANO SECOND BEHIND?