Proactive

that's horrible.. i'm so sorry for your loss

Socialization. So, I want to get better at socialization because I want to feel belonging believe it or not. Now, most conversations are boring. Cuz of the limitations put on by social standards. Don't say mean things to others. That limits our conversations so much. "hey" "HI" "how are you doing?" "i'm doing sad! how about you" "i'm alright, why are you feeling sad?" "because I just lost my dog" "oh man dogs are cute and funny" versus "hey" "peanut butter" "uhhhhh, ok" "do you like them?" "sure?" Yeah, basically I just wanna be more funny. Be more random, be in my own frame. Remove limiting beliefs regarding socialization. You need to ride the edge, because obviously you can go overboard and say some shit that is completely not acceptable.

flow, and just forget everything. flow, and become everything flow, and just float. just flow. flow. flo. w stop resisting. stop having an identity. That is resistance. when resistance comes in let it come let it destroy everything that is within you. hehe, I was just trying to type in a wave. In case you didn't see.

HOW TO CONFRONT TRUTH I recently realized how much we deny reality, just because it's painful to realize some hard truths. Anyone have any ideas about how to deal with them? I guess in the end we just, have to accept it. Then integrate it into our world view. A certain part of our self has to die to incorporate this worldview. This is where, oneself can go crazy if too much of themselves is detatched. They lose direction. They lose too much of themselves that they become non-functional?????????????

Be one with failure, become failure. Let it flow through your body with no resistance. Let uncertainty,let fear come in, welcome it.

Oh man, I'm doing great! I'm headed towards this path. When I think about my future, I feel like i'm going to be in school for 2-3 more years than I need to be. YES WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. FUCK YES. I'M DOING IT! Oh man, i'm just so happy that i'm becoming what I have set out to do. Ok, I want to fail even more today. So in order to set myself up for failure, I must do an impossibly difficult goal. I'm going to study in the library for the rest of the day, to gain knowledge of an entire chapter of calculus. By the end of the day, I want to be able to look at my homework, and be able to do all of it. Theoretically.

it still exists on the apple podcast app last time I checked

holy shit. So today I ended up in my room again. Whatever, Anyways. I'm not doing well in school so my ego has nowhere to attach onto. I did the whim hoff technique, then took a cold shower. I literally felt like a demon. Holy shit. If i'm not careful I could go crazy. Now it's time to just recover. I had just told myself today that I was not searching for truth. But here I am doing spiritual practices. Killing my ego. It was at this point in the past where I decided I would die before I would become a wage slave. What i'm actually afraid of is meaninglessness. This was where I started meditating like crazy, for egoic reasons in the past. So I can understand myself/consciousness, so I can control myself. So I can become who I want to be. I have no clue what I want to do. This is because the academic route is closing off. I'm met with this existential crisis. I could choose to allow my ego survive, by continuing the academic path. Then once I get a degree, I have another thing to latch onto. Or I could abandon everything, and let my ego attach onto meditation. Or I could become a wage-slave and have nowhere for my ego to latch onto. Truthfully, this existential crisis is not gonna go away. I need to bite the bullet eventually. Normal people have friends, jobs, and family to shelter them from this truth. I'm lucky/unlucky to not. So, I will try to take a long break. Eventually to just work on this. Once you recognize truth, you become much stronger("possibly my ego talking"). So how'll I avoid the uhm idk what to call it?? GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM. LIKE RIGHT NOW. OK BYE GUYS btw i'm gonna take a break from journalling and meditating. I'll be practicing more self-love. Maybe focus on lower level shit for a while.

Disconnection part 2 So I watched leos video on discouraging certain people from spiritual path. lately I've been starting to accept that i'm just different than other people. It's my path. My personality does dictate that ultimately i'll be a loner. But this sealed the deal. Friends are like money, once you have it. It's like meh. But if you don't have it, it is painful. That is the journey. While I don't think I'm on the path for "truth." I do believe i'm quite close to it. I kinda wanna be like a monk. Except rather than meditation, I get lost in a world of information. Just getting better and better at my craft inside the cave called my room. Exploring this fascinating thing. BEING. No need to worry about family, status, friends, money, ect. That is why i'm likely to be alone. It will be painful, but I don't really have a choice as this is who I am. This is my path. One thing I'd like to explore is expression through movement. I will be seated on most of my days. I should go to yoga classes somewhere. Society avoids loneliness, this is not good for people like me. As that is not what we do. It is nice to just accept there's a trade off. But yeh, this was just a quick contemplation. I could be wrong about any of the statements I made in this post as I didn't think it through too much.

FAILURE. I've talked about this, failing changes your brain. It will adapt if you keep failing. However; I don't believe it is being implemented at all. I find posting on this forum helps me with keeping things in my memory. I didn't change the way I live. If your not failing, your not growing. Also; I've gone back to just being in my room studying which is bad. Library. My environment at home should honestly be rarely be used to study. It's my place for relaxation.

i've been on this forum for a few years, and i've never posted a topic except for asking for better emojis ?. I just can't seem to find a question to post ? so sad, so sad

melatonin spreads, spreads, and spreads like a disease. i'm paralyzed, gone into another world a world of light and passion for my soul. i'm gone. ok i'm back. I head out, drink coffee, then shit now alone with my thoughts inside the stall. Who loves me? Nobody Sweet! Nobody cares about me, that means I can do whatever I want! so I head out, curious as to what I want to do I want to watch the joker movie, and that, I shalt do \=?=/ no one cares , no one exists, who the fuck gives a fuck

mind on task only on task Where does distraction come from? It comes from your intention not being capable of being achieved. So the forces tugging at your body, pull you. I'm being tugged in different directions, lower-self, higher-self where do I go? What do I do? how do I do? what am I do? lower-self and higher-self unite as one. like a uh, synergistic thing love flows through my body as I fade into the darkness. yehhhhhhhhhh that was kewl( no idea what it meant but kewl).

I don't laugh laughing is pointless I use Crying to lubricate my insides

@JustThinkingAloud I once worked on a project aswell. BEWARE, I once thought "I had the data structure," I ended up rewriting my project from almost scratch like 5 times. ? hopefully you are smarter than me hehe.

What do YOU WANT ME TO DO? Fuck changing the world, Fuck getting good grades. Don't conform. Be yourself. My intuition doesn't tell me to say fuck getting a job, but don't be engrossed in looking for one The only thing I should be focused on is learning. Learn as much as you can. Never stop reading, Never stop contemplating. Never stop exploring. Keep exploring, Keep learning. What I learn idc. Just keep goin. I can do it. I will do it. Just keep swimming, just keep learning, just keep swimming, just keep learning. thats it? What should I do right now? meditate

I vow to never use the word loneliness ever again. Loneliness doesn't exist. Just disconnection. Disconnection part 1. What is disconnection? It's a feeling where you feel like you are separate from the world. Isolated . It is a perspective that causes pain. I'm guessing underneath it all, we all know we are connected. We just don't know it. So; the goal of life is to feel connected because that's just what feels right. So we feel disconnected when we subscribe to a worldview that causes us to be separate from a certain group of the world. Disconnection can come in many different forms lack of stimulation( you haven't engaged with the world deeply for a while) outside influence( external factors change your beliefs, which causes you to feel bad) Yeah, that's all I could come up with. Now; we could look inwards and spend our entire life there. By just meditating and living like duh buddha. Which is kinda contradictory because you know. Disconnect from the world to connect with it. But I've been programmed to want to make a change in the world. Which is something I should go deeper on; because at times I say fuck the world fuck all goals. Just flow with the wind. Let it blow me to pieces, becomming the wind. man that is beautiful? Honestly fuck GOALS, THEY ARE SHIT. The only purpose of goals is to give you a direction, a direction for the wind to blow.

lol, so I wanna create an organization that'll be for that generation. We wanna make sure they are as strong as possible. If that generation is connected via internet while roaming around in tribes. Things like research may still be possible, the generation of knowledge may still be possible. Now there is no way to get funding really, and i'm heavily unqualified to be in such a position. But it is an interesting idea. I will do anything for a cause like this. For now I think I will make projects aimed for such people. Should I go to school? Well, yeah. The things I learn actually do help me with my projects. They do provide me with a theoretical foundation for my projects that I would not have discovered if I learnt it alone.

I believe that most of humanity is going to die. But we are not going to lose the knowledge we've learnt. We are too strong to die from climate change.( within maybe 100-200 years) What we have now is resources, and I think we should be investing it into helping humanity when it is down. In maybe 100-200 years. We like to imagine the future being full of technology, but instead it'll probably be us trying to survive as a smaller group. But we are united. Right now is probably going to be a peak for humanity for a long time if not the biggest peak for power. I just imagine a future where humanity has to keep moving to avoid natural disasters, I think these humans will be really strong. They will inherit all the knowledge we have, but not be too comfortable. I feel like they'll be stage yellow. They'll have to get creative. Or they'll be red.

Hi sweethearts I am proactive the legend. I wanna contemplate a bit on loneliness not only for myself but , for humanity. This'll be what I will be thinking for the next while. Growing up, I saw a lot of people being in groups because they were afraid to be alone. Being alone is extremely painful, but the benefits of it have diminished because we are all in a bigger group. I'm going to list out some pros about being in a group It is very good at creating change in you, if you manage to be in a group that is super hardworking. You'll become super hardworking, ect. You won't feel pain of being alone. You won't be iscolated. If you spent all that time being out with friends, working on creating some life transforming project that changes the world. Imagine how much better that'd feel. pros of being alone The weak flock flock together. Being alone makes you stronger eventually, if you don't die. A lonely person is someone who has weights connected to his shoes. While the unlonely person has no weights. If these 2 were to race, who would win? Now imagine 10 years later. The person with the weights removed them. Who would win? That is given the person with the weights confidence has being destroyed. Provided he never gave up. The point is loneliness is nature is throwing shit at you to make you stronger or you die. If you can survive this bear attack alone, holy shit. On the outside there is no difference between this person and a group of people. They both survived.

Everything is going to die, just like you are going to die All the knowledge humanity has created will die Humanity is going to end( i'm 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% sure). I say stay in this hopeless state because the truth is, it is the truth. EMBRACE IT. You'll then learn to enjoy what we have now, and be grateful for it. While we are still alive. I'm not saying give up, you don't give up living life once you realize everything you create as well as everything you do is going to die.

So recently i've rediscovered a game i've been playing since I was 4-till like 15 years old. Man, the music brings back memories. It is actually kinda motivational, because back then, nothing mattered. I didn't give a fuck about school, or anything. All I thought about was this game. It really helps me to not really care about accomplishing anything. Just be yourself. It gets me in a discovery sort of mindset.

WARNING, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. JUST HAVE A GUTT FEELING WITH NO IDEA WHAT IT IS TELLING ME. ALSO NOTHING PROFOUND, SO DON'T EVEN READ THIS. Life is not a story. I like to dream of my life being a story, being the heroes journey. Just do what you like, follow your heart. I am having a hard time explaining it. It's not anything profound really, but is a part of reality i've been unconscious of. Imagine we are dory from the nemo movie. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming. hehehe. That's it. We like to think we are much better than dory, we are different because out memory lasts longer than 5 seconds. Enjoy the process, Be yourself.(<- I think the part that is hard for me to explain is this part, being yourself. You are not defined by your environment. These stories are deluding me, they are stopping me from being me.) Reality is weirder than the stories. Reality is not a story. Your ego is creating it and I love you. just had to slip one in there. cuz i'm a sneaky ninja. These stories squish 70 years into 2 hours. We just don't live like that. Our reality is completely different.

Sorry, doesn't work. I scrolled down for 20minutes to post this. hehe Just a reminder if you aren't already doing this, unconditional self-love is super effective right after a breakup.

HOLY MOT9EHRASE[FASHDF SO I'VE JUST USED MY TESTOSTERONE TO USE IN WORK. THE PROBLEM IN THE PAST WAS THAT I WASN'T MOVING FAST ENOUGH. YOU GOTTA MOVE FASTER FOR THE SEXUAL RELEASE OF ENERGY. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.