Proactive

@Raptorsin7 So i'm not 100% certain how it works. Place your desires on something physical? Then get clear on your vision feel your desire for this vision watch for signs of improvement I wish there was like a way to take a sample of my blood, and it goes like oh he's 50% happy, and 10% detatched. Cuz the data i've taken so far is quite inaccurate . So happiness is such a weird thing to measure. I think i'm just going to relabel it as pleasure. So in order to maximize happiness, we need to be more healthy. I think the food from my work makes me unhappy, even though I try to eat as healthy as possible. I need to start cooking food.

@JustThinkingAloud yeah, thanks I will have lots of fun today. LOTS OF FUN AND NOTHING IS GETTING IN MY WAY. hehe

Doesn't matter. I'm going to die. Why worry so much. Fail 12000 times, Fail 0 times. All the same.

Happiness -4.33333333333333333333333333333333 Detatchment -5.66666666666666666666666666666667 focus - 5.333333333333333333333333333333 external results -1.6666666666666666666667 Score 42.4% - the reason for the weird numbers is cuz I took 3 measurements today. got bombarded with external results attacks yesterday. Shit sucks. Anyways, lets live 1 day at a time. Life is a hard one, atleast for me anyways. No need to blackmail myself. So mean. Also these stats feel very wrong. All these things are measured subjectively, and I intend to maybe run some exercises in my head, and see how I react. From that reaction, I can give myself some score??? visualization and unconscious mind shit is important. Gonna try nahms dreamboard. What do I want? you I think i'm just gonna imagine what I want my day to be tmr, b4 I sleep.

@Raptorsin7 CAN U STOP @Nahm I'M TRYING TO FIND HIS DREAM-BOARD BUT WHEN I SEARCH FOR HIM, ALL I SEE IS YOU ???

It's been 5 DAYS AND I'VE ONLY HAD 1 MATCH. ????

Tackling depression,so i've been depressed because I've been going home and just staying here. Get the fuck out of your comfort zone. Easy as that. If we can push ourself doing someting as simple as running. Or washing the dishes. Or eating food. We can be push our-self doing something like reading lecture slides.

My self-confidence appears to have gone down, but really I think it's a matter of just posture, and looking at people for me at the moment. I've been listening to THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF-ESTEEM. reading is for old people. Anyways. There's a concept call self-acceptance. Then there's self-trust I have been working on self-acceptance, but never realized there's another fascet to self-esteem or whatever called SELF-TRUST. That is why I am quiet even though I feel pretty decent in the moment.

Happiness - 4.25/10 Stress - 3.25/10 Focus - 4/10 External achievement - 2/10 score - 42.5% How can I improve? All my scores, I'm not even passing. 1. Go to school more, so I have this idea that studying should be fun, and I should flowwwwwwwwww. We should not ever be studying because it feels goooood, or because it feels bad. This will cause inconsistency. This is a matter of life and death for me. give it everything you've got. Goal from tomorrow till the end of semester is to get above 70% average.

@Raptorsin7, isn't the dream-board like finding pictures about where you want to go in life. Then putting it on the board ? I was working on drawing some images a while back, but I suck at drawing. lol. I love long distance running, amazing way to realize that we are capable of more than we think as well as managing self-talk. @JustThinkingAloud - thanks for babysitting me ? Happiness - 6/10. I had a bunch of external events that made me happy. There was this girl at work that had a bunch of feminine energy and I was just soaking it up. Aswell as I enjoyed improving my focus by a ton for a short period of time. I am not in the moment currently. That is causing me lots of pain. stress - 5/10 External achievement - 5/10 Focus levels - 8/10 - I gained a bunch of motivation due to me reframing my failures. Aswell as having a ton of energy from no-fap. I was literally jumping up and down, basically sprinting to do my homework. For a short period of time. Score - 52.5% I'm going to start taking multiple measurements a day and average them starting tmr.

@Raptorsin7 srry, don't wanna say. I've posted way too much personal stuff on this forum. ??????

I'm a great failure. I'm an amazing failure! Today I got sad, because I remembered my most painful failures. Failing 2 physics courses. Victim mentality. I had been stabbed in the heart once, Then while I was down, I was stabbed once more. Oh man, this excites me! I'm down on the ground right now, hope is low. Everyone else I was running with initially is starting to reach out of sight. But I am going to get back there, I am going to catch up. Oh boy, i'm excited. I'm going to make it back there, and be stronger than ever. I'm going to embody the masculine, and just fucking run. Run, just because. I'm going to outrun everyone. Become at the forefront. Not giving a fuck about anyone, or anything. If it gets in my way, it's dieing. This wound I have is what makes me strong, I'm alive, and i'm rebuilding this wound with gold.

This way of measuring is not a very accurate one, as I am only doing it during 1 time during the day. I could keep a notebook or something. And do this multiple times, then average them. Happiness 6/10 - got reminded of how beautiful this world is. How beautiful nature is through some alan Watts videos. I focused a lot on feminine energy today. Just enjoying the moment. Remembering that happiness cannot be achieved by attracting girls. Or, doing well externally result wise. I let the external achievement lower down my happiness by a bit.. Stress 3/10 External Achievement - 3/10. I got some homework done. Probably just enough so that I can survive school. Focus levels - 3/10 , I didn't even focus much. I was scattered with all sorts of ideas. With videos. Score - 47.5% Setting intentions - This is hard, because if we plan shit out. It takes away from the process. Therefore should be very broad. Today I had low levels of external achievement and focus because I decided to go home, and the environment here is very distracting, but is more relaxing as i'm alone. Tomorrow I have work, usually tired. I'm going to come back home, meditate, feel what I want to feel. Journal, whim hoff technique. Homework assignments currently feel very scrambled, and there are many things i'm not too clear about that have to do with the questions themselves instead of the content. Make a clear plan about how I'm going to proceed with doing these questions. Send emails. I also want to start on my next project. This semester at-least, finishing my course load is not enough external achievement to push my limits. Maybe contemplate about that during your nightly walk.

If I were god, I would create a world with a story. Imagine you have gotten everything you wanted. All the resources you need, all of humanities needs are met. There's no more left to explore. Then i'd create some sort of stimulation where I can start over.

Something weird i've found recently is that no-fap is not backed up by science. Apparently the effects are negligible. i've only been doing no fap for like 9 days, and i've noticed some benefits I think. Thoughts?

Time to disolve into everything around me. woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo btw thats the sound of wind tearing through my body. All that's left is nothing. Just like how it started as. man I really want to nut. No, we shalt NOT. We shalt use this energy.

ok back to less seriousness I should find something I enjoy to do. I've like squashed everything I like to do because i'm addicted to them. I'm feeling more confident at the moment. I wonder if i'm bipolar. Idk. In life we are expected to have hobbies, I want my hobbies to be my job. So they ultimately don't become hobbies. I'm too goal oriented again. Gotta get practices that make me less so. Like right now, i'm just happy doing nothing I suppose. If someone ever asks me what are your hobbies? "Oh I like to do nothing. " But honestly, it's pretty nice. Stop chasing goal after goal after goal after goal. But chasing goals is what feels nice. so I failed the challenge today, everyone looked so busy while I was walking to school. but yeh, lets just enjoy this moment. life is chill. Life is meaningless. like a river in a pond. sounded nice, so I said it lets just create more, and more, and more text. CREATE A WALL OF TEXT. ONE THAT IS IMPENETRABLE. NOBODY WILL GET THROUGH ALL THIS TEXT AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHA. What do I enjoy to do anyways? I like take the fun out of everything I do with my ambition. I am always moving. Never just watching as the sun goes down. No need to go anywhere. Just stay here. stay here. Why do anything? lets just sit here forever. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

everything is one. love is infinite everything is one. love is infinite everything is one love is infinite

If I fail yesterdays goal. I will feel happy, because that is a true failure. A true failure is the test of oneself. I love failure for some reason. If you were were forced off a cliff, as a knife is slowly being pressed into your skin. Would you jump? Would you attempt to fly? This is what is happening in our life. In everyone's life. Your outcomes here are you die slowly by the knife. You die quickly from gravity. Or you fly. Some may call you crazy because you jumped. But are you really the crazy one? What we should be afraid of is the knife, not the cliff.

I caught myself in the mirror today. What I SAW SHOCKED ME FOREVER. find out ON THE NEXT LINE OF THIS POST! Yeah, so I look so weird. Basically my eyes were in puppy-mode. But it didn't look cute, it looked really weird cuz i'm 19 and not a kid. Regardless of what I looked like, I changed it to one of being self-fulfilled. Not needing anything and I looked way better. People often ignore me, reject me like really quickly. This is a sign that I am not being authentic. I am not changing because I want their approval. I am changing because I am not being myself. Become more masculine, stop thinking so much. lets do something more masculine. I have 1 day tomorrow. Lets do something. ok, first thing. TALK TO SOMEONE. Where? I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. Tomorrow, i'm going to walk to school. If I see a person I have to say hi whats your name. then flow from there. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. if you don't see anyone, study, then go somewhere else. Then do it. We are talking 1 random stranger tomorrow. simple as that. Not that difficult. fuck outcome. So i've been listening to the way of the superior-man btw. Now I want to have a larger time-span kill-list. How do I want to "fuck the world, then spread my seeds of love" lol What are my seeds is the precise questions. depends on what I love to do. Simple as that. I do have an idea that could possibly make me lots of money. But I'm not really interested in that, i'm doing it to make babies in the world yuh know ??? I enjoy coming up with creative solutions to problems. I enjoy elegant design and shit like that. To design something from scratch. What problem am I going to solve? So what the fuck am I going to do? Stop fucking around. I am going to create the next light bulb. I am going to create a new invention that is absolutely ground-breaking. So, lets start with a strategy. So I really liked inventions like the light-bulb. It used physics, in a way never thought possible. I'm not looking for shitty inventions that use other inventions on top. I am going to use what is at the forefront of physics, and turn it into cash. We need a combination between loving the process, aswell as loving the result. We need to move fast, but also be sustainable. 30mins of learning, 30mins of design/contemplation of what i've learnt.

Here's a contemplation I just did to hide your external motivation through internal goals. Hopefully it helps. So basically you don't want to be completely detatched from the result of attracting mates. Cuz otherwise you won't be assertive enough. You also don't want to be too needy. But to decrease the neediness I would set goals such as asking 1 girl out. Maybe that is too difficult for you, do something easier. Now you are focused not on getting the girl, but focused on asking 1 girl out. Which is internal. How to become truly internally motivated How to not give a fuck. I read the art of not giving a fuck. I read 30% of it, just like all 20 books I have. Idk i'm weird. Maybe I should actually buy books. Anyways. To become truly internally motivated, you need a reward that is internal. Your goals should never be external. In the back of my mind it does guide everything I do honestly. But I can hide it pretty well, by creating internal goals. Then just focusing on it really hard. Therefore the only thing that stops me from being internally motivated is the amount of consciousness I put into an activity. It's like tackling one branch at a time, rather than looking at where all these branches start from. Such as socializing, school.

How to become truly internally motivated How to not give a fuck. I read the art of not giving a fuck. I read 30% of it, just like all 20 books I have. Idk i'm weird. Maybe I should actually buy books. Anyways. To become truly internally motivated, you need a reward that is internal. Your goals should never be external. In the back of my mind it does guide everything I do honestly. But I can hide it pretty well, by creating internal goals. Then just focusing on it really hard. Therefore the only thing that stops me from being internally motivated is the amount of consciousness I put into an activity. It's like tackling one branch at a time, rather than looking at where all these branches start from. Such as socializing, school. Where do these 2 branches connect? They are obviously connected by the need to survive? To feel good? socializing is more of a lower-self need, while school is a higher-self need. In the end we do need a balance of caring, but not caring. Don't not care so much that you don't even look at external goals. Don't not care so much about internal goals, because that is all you can really control. Yeah, once again i'm tackling the branches but not the root. Because there's a certain point I am on the scale for every subject. I care too much about school, and I care too little about socialization sometimes. There are beliefs I can adopt to permanently remove some of these branches. Such as realizing that there is no self, that I am everybody. Then I won't need other people. Because I am you, and I love myself. But yeah. I feel like i'm mentally masturbating too much once again.

Cultivating the inner world. So in life there are many contradictory things. Where in order to get external things, you must focus on the internal. Such as attracting other people, you need to not care about attracting other people. So a problem I notice with myself is that in order to achieve these external activities, I am externally motivated to become internally motivated. This is not sustainable. Once other people become attracted to you, you feel a sense of joy or something. You overreact, which makes you ultimately externally motivated. You need to be internally motivated because you are internally motivated. But am I really? This is a big idea, that can be applied in many subtle ways. That I suspect will be very hard to catch. Honestly rather than working on improving my social abilities, I think I should just be working on this. I've worked on it enough. This is weird, I am externally motivated to become internally motivated still. It's like something that you can't hide. TO BE CONTINUED.

focus on what you can control I do well with that when life is pushing me down. When things are going badly I can forget about it all, and just focus on what I can control I am however unprepared for when things are going up, when my ego is making me feel like i'm doing well. Idk how to explain it, but its like pride. Arrogance. Because I WAS this. What's happening is i'm getting caught in the past. What we should do is forget the past, it is something we are not anymore. I am not what I did. Just take a deep breathe, and just forget about it all. Just a alternative solution, remind yourself of your failures. Remind yourself of how unworthy you are. Bring your false confidence down. What should I do now. What am I feeling? I had gained a little bit more awareness onto what consciousness is in the morning today. So I may do some spiritual practices. Or I can continue doing homework, and improve my chances of survival. Gaining freedom. Or I can contemplate about things. I'm going to exercise because I have a lot of energy. Then I'm going to go with the flow, but I feel like it's going to be meditation, then work.

channeling depression onto work observations How come sometimes depression stops me from doing homework. Then others it makes me go into flow-state? Definitely intensity of feeling and what type of work I am doing plays a big part. But what I noticed today was that we weren't supressing emotions. We also weren't trying to resolve the situation logically. The feeling of hopelessness ran out of my heart as I focused on the homework. The situation is something I can't control(talked about a couple of posts ago). The fact that I couldn't do anything but just accept what i'm feeling. To just take in all that pain fueled me.