Proactive

Joke of the day What a beautiful day it is. The rays of the sun magically fly through the air. It sees all.Your doorstep, your front yard, your face, through your window while your changing, it watches you as you enter the password to your alarm system. motivation part 1 - just a theory Welllll, self talk is actually just the control of ones own thoughts I suppose. But self-talk dictates what moods we feel. I'm having a hard time explaining it. So i'mma just go with an example.Be weary; self-talk is veryveryveryvery hard to catch sometimes. Say you go for a run for 30mins straight with no motivation In your head you say "I will not give up; I will die before I give up".(Not just saying it; but believing it). Realize that you had no intention of running or motivation to do so. But because you said it and you consciously made yourself believe it. Your now motivated. Then there's obviously the opposite. Motivation is not some super complex thing. Yet it causes very different external results.It's simply the words you say; it's like walking through a path of equal size and just choosing 1. It's very difficult sometimes to see it because of our frame. A limiting belief or a habit. The difference between someone who gives up and who doesn't is due to self-talk. Beliefs don't have to obey "logic" ,in fact. Trusting logic is not a good idea when your doing something that can cause your instinctive self to come out; it's hard to be truley objectively logical. Just look at what beliefs you have, look at your goals. See what beliefs/self-talk is preventing you from this and just reframe it. I don't think i'm explaining this very well; probably because I don't fully comprehend it. Essentially self-talk is very very important to controlling our motivation. Self talk can sometimes be hard to catch; changing it will change your entire world view. Changing the meanings we associate with feelings, objects, everything so that it is beneficial for our goals.

Joke of the day - helo, it's me. I'm gonna have to make a joke in 3 2 1. I am a potato. That is why french fries exist. The orange glow of the sun sits upon me. As I squirm. waving my limbs back and forth. I was hoping something funny would come out by randomly saying whatever comes to mind. Motivation I guess having a vision far out is not really that motivating unless it is directly achieved by doing what i'm doing. Gotta have a vision that I enjoy. That is relatively close. One of them is believing that I can do really well on this homework. It is really hard, every week I put in many hours into my physics assignment to fail it. No matter how hard I try I am getting about the same results. I wrote a post back then when I was really struggling emotionally because of this too bad the forum bugged out so I couldn't get that low point on a post. ?ahh yes my fav emoji is here! It feels like i'm just running into a wall that I have to believe I can break. But each time I run into it; it doesn't move. So for the past 2 weeks; i've not really believed too much. Therefore have not charged at this wall at the intensity I did before. I gotta believe that I am more capable than I think. Doing vision work should not only be done for the biggest goals; but for smaller goals as well. Don't just aim to survive. Aim to thrive. To do the impossiblew.

Joke of the day - why did the chicken cross the road? Mhhhhhh good question good question. Well we gotta think about this. well, what is the chickens life purpose? well obviously it depends on the chicken right, so we can't derive anything from there The chicken is an animal that lives in the present so there are only a few motivations that could lead it to move across this road. Food/ it's hungry - there's grass on the other side Sex - there's a colourful chicken on the otherside of the road Danger There's a human(which I am also one) child chasing it. Internal states - MAC PROGRAM EP 3. The problem is the struggle against the feeling of distress. There are 3 internal states Thoughts Emotions Physical sensations Basically just watch these things go by. Don't let it stop you. Notice them; then gently move on. Don't stop everything your doing to deal with these internal states. It's like having pain on your knee and just focusing your attention onto it. Well that's a waste of time. You'll feel constant pain. Eventually however if you just go on with your day; this constant pain will be gone. Just like how we don't feel the clothes we are wearing anymore. It is just on us and our brain blurred it out.

Exercise for students studying and feeling tired or something. Take deep breaths get into the moment Start doing homework Feel your pencil going accross the page. Listen to it. Notice what's going on in your mind.

I'M taking a course called Mindfulness commitment program for e-sport athletes that I bought a couple of years ago. I think i'm going to take some notes and put it on here. LAST LESSON - was about attention. Being able to control and direct your attention. THE LESSON I'M LEARNING ABOUT NOW POISE - Act in service of my values despite emotional,physical feelings/sensations. Poise and attention are the core concepts that this course is trying to train. There are many people who are motivated to do things. But few who actually do it. Theres 2 models. Control model and Accept model Control model - I want to do my homework; but i'm tired Acceptance model - I want to do my homework; AND i'm tired

JOKE OF THE DAY - the text here is so small and stuff that I don't need to make a joke. In fact i'm gonna reveal my biggest secret. I am not human. I'm actually a alien from mars. Helllllllllo. its me incase you didnt know who it was. My name is proactive and I am not a alien. I am a fellow human like you. My goal should be to be able to spend more time on my homework. Be present while doing it. So there are days where i'm motivated and not. I gotta get this in my mind. I work when I feel motivated. I don't when I dont feel motivated. What i'm gonna do is try to work when I least feel like it. Build the calluses in my mind. as David goggins says. He motivates me; but is his strategy really the best way for me to conquer school? He does have a point. Just working when you feel motivated won't work. But there is things like happiness. If I spend too much time doing something. I get bored and I don't feel happy doing it. Happiness is correlated with success in school. Well; what we gotta change is the internal stuff. Be happy suffering. Enjoy feeling no motivation. Embrace it. Embrace the negative feelings.Here's a poem a wrote a while ago when I was depressed. Then I embraced the lonliness. The ground is covered in ashes, the grey clouds loom accross the wide open sky. There is nothing, but darkness. But that is okay, because I am darkness now too.

@Zigzag Idiot OH SHIT SOMEONE IS ACTUALLY HERE! I'm proactive

@Zigzag Idiot ? Knock nock

Joke of the day - The summer air is in the air. The birds are chirping, the wind is blowing. The sun is shining. The proactive is in his dark room writing about the summer. yeahhhhhhh, that's all I got.

Joke of the day - I've got nothign funny to say. The cat that lives upstairs no longer wants to be pet. So that makes me sad. mmmmmm. Usually making fun of someone works. Its kinda funny how no matter what society we are in. We are always brainwashed. Yet we criticize other countries. AND OMG I FOUND THE EMOJIX LOOK ✌??????????????????????????‍♀️️️️️️️️?‍♀️?‍♀️?‍♀️?????????. Press window key then period.?????????‍? present part 1 Living in the present moment is difficult for me. Living in the present means valuing what happens now more than any other time. This means if you have homework but don't feel like doing it. You don't do it even if it means you face negative consequences. However if you are in the present while facing those consequences; it won't hurt you neither. Whatever goals or ambitions oneself has must be let go. Identities cannot exist. They are caused by what happens in the past. In order to live in the present we must surrender everything. [ I don't think I explained clearly what was contradictory yesterday. In order to excecute on ones dreams they must work really hard. In order to work really hard they must live in the present. If you are living in the present there is no such thing as a dream. There's no reason for doing anything. Your just happy. should I just drop out of school and start trying to help others? Like build cool stuff. Idk man idk. Btw having an urge to play video games does not mean you want to do it in the present moment. Theres no such a thing as wanting something in the present. The present does not mean gaining satisfaction in 2 nanosecond, 2 seconds. In 20mins ,2hours,20years. It means accepting what is happening right now. Theres nothing you can do to influence anything. Being sad only occurs is if something will effect you in the future. If my parents just died. This sadness could be alleviated instantly. By forgetting about them. This is what makes humans humans though. To think into the future. We should just forgo this? I don't think so. There's somethig in my heart telling me no. It's telling me to have those periods where we look into the future. Then there are periods where we excecute while in the present.

@Nahm how'd you get that emoji. I'm limited to the default emojis

Joke of the day - yes, yes! yesterdays joke was very good because I FELT POWERFUL BULLYING the weak. The defenseless.I felt so great. If you ever want to feel powerful bullying others like I just did to you yesterday. You could try to rip off leaves from a tree. Or grass. Just slowly pulling the hair off mother nature one at a time. GET INTO THE PRESENT MOMENT. It is honestly the most interesting moment to live in due to the amount of detail we have. But sometimes it doesn't feel that way. When our mind forgets that the way things are is extraordinary. When the "Normel" is extraordinary. The most magical place to live is in the present. A contradictory thing is going after a dream of yours. You imagine what you want in the future. The way to obtain that is by not imagining it and just doing it in the present moment. The future will never be yours. Live a life where we are not planning things. But just doing them. No ambition; but proactive. This is a interesting topic that needs further contemplation

Joke of the day - Let do a joke that does not make fun of me because my feelings are starting to hurt. Lets do a joke about you. Knock Knock ................ Knock knock ............... Knock knock Knock knock Knock knock Knock knock Knock knock Knock knock Knock knock Knock knock .................................................................................................................................................................................... Ok anyways. I just realized something that will help me so much. When I was young I had a really difficult time reading. What I would do was just literally read the words out in my mind. I'd have no idea what was going on. But then one day I realized that if I picture it instead. I would find the story 10x more interesting and actually be able to read. So in class; or whenever i'm trying to gain information. Use pictures. I did this in lecture today for class; I even doodled a little which increased my focus rather than just straight up copying.

Joke of the day - I went to class realized my first page of homework was missing so I decided to go to two of my studying locations. Then went back home. Then I went to the library to print out another copy of the paper and do it in class. Then I realized when I got there after 30mins of biking; The homework was scrumpled at the bottom of my backpack. I will never get those 12cents back from the printer. I deeply regret it. No matter how hard I try to get it back; It won't. I just have to accept what i've lost and move on. Even though it is really really hard. hehe that wasn't bad. Good job proactive! I am proud of you! Anyways I said I would contemplate about whether the quality of meditation was causation or correlation. I would say correlation. It is a reflection of how strong my feeling part of the mind is on that day. The solution is just to continue with the meditation until my mind does calm down. Sometimes this might take an hour. Skip class if it's not an important class. Or drink coffee. These are just 2 approaches I can try. Also be more diligent about removing distractions. Take your laptop off your desk. Turn off wifi. Now that won't solve the problem but it wont make it worse. POMODORO. I SAID POMODORO; totally forgot about it . Btw the emojis here suck.

Whaat is a joke? A joke is a frame change. Except it's funny. Whhy is it funny? BECAUSE. its not serious? Meaning that there is no threat. laughter, It shows others that your not tense. Laughter is very important to social connection. Joke of the day- I was studying; then I started crying about how i'm a failure and i'll never be successful.

I wonder if anyone reads my journals anymore . I've just been posting the same shit over and over lol. Anyways. Happiness -> success in school -> Success in school -> I gain lot of knowledge and more opportunities to chase my dreams. Happiness also feels nice so that is good. I am a sad boi. WHhen your sad you try to feel better. However I notice if I am happy; I don't feel like my energy is drained and shit and therefore can do the things I plan to do. I must I MUST start socializing again. That will make me atleast not sad. all the time. I said I would get a job. I applied to literally 3 jobs. None replied. So what shall I do to make me a happy boi. My study location is always somewhere secluded. Somewhere where there's no people to judge me. Also if people around me are too happy that makes me sad. My GOAL IS NOT TO MAKE FRIENDS, FUCK FRIENDS THEY SUCK. MY GOAL IS TO INTERACT WITH HUMANS MORE. AND BE ABLE TO GENERATE THOSE GUD VIBES. OK HOW SHALT I DO THIS? well one thing I could do is make 1 joke a day. Then I'mma just try to get myself out there more. before focusing on internal things. Obviously I need TO GET A FUCKING JOB. Ok. When will I apply to all the jobs I can apply for. I am quite busy with homework. I will spend 30mins applying to jobs on thursday. 30mins applying on friday. DUN.

So; I have a hard time making friends. This is because I don't go out very much and I probably have some bad belief. I can get into shallow friendships; but I have a hard time getting into deeper friendships. This is probably because I have some stuff I'm ashamed about. What are these things? I'm ashamed about having no friends. If I have no friends I therefore have no value. That is obviously not true. But it is something I believe subconsciously. Because I've not had friends for most of my life; I believe I am bad at socializing. I'm use to being iscolated from the group. So because of this belief. Even if I really wanna be part of the group; I'll be petrified with fear. I feel fear. That is the problem. Not ashamed I'm afraid they'll attack me. (I think I talked about this topic before but whatever, we are all goldfishes.) Fear is dealt with by slow exposure. So that means being attacked by other people. Now I am very receptive to suggestions that may come off as harsh. But I don't think I can deal with people attacking me straight up. What is really odd was when I was really young before I had no friends and was iscolated; I was the opposite; I had a lot of friends, I remember making witty comebacks to people that insulted me. So I actually have a split personality depending on who I perceive myself to be because sometimes this guy comes out and I seem like a total normel person. I was never really normel though. I've always been different in some way. I'mma just write down all the things that was weird about me as a child

I close my eyes. Pure darkness. The world fades away. Society no longer exists. I no longer exist. I soar through the darkness; exploring the light within my imagination. There's no goal other than explore this magical world. To uncover a new land within this world. So thats basically what I dreamed about being able to do as a physicist. Anyways here a kewl video that reminds me about how i'm gonna die Flow part 3 How to get into flow. Focus. Your mind has to not care about failure; has to be detached from outcome. But still maintain the pressure you obtain from the desire to achieve that goal. Your desire for human connection,status, thoughts about the self. All must be transferred to this one thing your doing. I'mma create an exercise. So one solution i've tried is to just close your eyes and just feel what it is your feeling. The problem here is that you can get really stuck there for hours. Just sitting and feeling "bad". There are other days where i'm just sitting there trying to just power through the suffering which doesn't work because my feeling brain is much stronger than my thinking. What i'll do is do something that uses external forces. Write down what your feeling in your journal here. A lot of the time; my suffering is due to a frame i'm looking at the world through. Then just close your eyes and get into objective reality; notice your feet on the ground. Notice gravity pulling you down. Focus on your breathe. Until you feel ready to open your eyes. Focus on the colours. disregard the dualities between the objects. When your ready; get started on your homework. This exercise will need revisions. Something i've never tried is doing homework in that state. I don't think it'll work.

Am I going around in loops? Yes. I sort of am. I say i'm gonna do something; I do it for a week. Then it crashes. Then I put it back up again. Of course I have made progress I would say. I'm sometimes going in a loop; sometimes trying new things. My gauge of success is basically am I happy; and am I accomplishing enough in school. So i'm just tweaking shit. The easiest path to acomplishing enough in school is the morning again! The morning which I had stopped waking up to after I had to stay super late on several days in a row to do my hmk. Another thing I am not actively telling myself is that happiness = success in school. If i'm unhappy; what I'll do is go towards my addictions to satisfy myself . Happiness = focus/zone. My current problem is on weekdays I get tired very quickly. After school; I'll come back home and be unfocused. I have been meditating when I come home which is helping with a bunch of stuff.(2 days so far so yeah). 1ST goal. Sleep earlier; I've been falling asleep at like 3-4:00am everyday. My goal until this physics class is finished(in like a month). Is to sleep at 12:00am. Schedule when I come home MEDITATE TAKE YOUR TEA KETTLE OFF THE DESK Organize your desk. Take out your fucking phone. And open up a timer. And tada! you are ready for the next 25 mins. After that 25mins. Take however long of a break you desire. When your ready. Take a second studying session. Now; I did end up breaking my addiction by watching 1 10min video yesterday. I rationalized it by saying this channel doesn't provide non-educational material. After I just watched one(that provided the educational content); so I clicked on the next one and literally; was gone for the 10 mins. When it was over I asked myself the question. I have a hilarious video of me realizing that I actually had to tear up the money while in mid shock after realizing that I actually had to do it. Then I failed in 2 ways; 1 I can't load up the video =( . Secondly cuz the money is made of plastic; so there was some buildup in the video; then bam. I couldn't rip it.

1 meditation session = Horrible Felt very very restless because of events that just happend. So; usually this is an indicator of how focused I am to do my tasks today. Usually it's a accurate representation of how focused I am for the day; but that might not be true because of this external influence on my day. We shalt see. We shalt see.

Heyyyyyyy; so i'mma just do a random post with no topic in mind. Cuz youtube; and video gamres are blocked. What i've been doing is just fucking working hard on this phys asn. I found I am getting use to it more. After I had failed my 1 phys class like 1 year ago. I was forced to take fewer classes each semester. But after this semester; it's gonna be very hard. Idk if I can manage this workload. I was watching whim hoff like yesterday; and essentially he said we are more capable than we think. I am deciding to believe in this. I found it extremely beneficial. Of course he proved this by making people go into an ice-bath for 10 mins without training. Guess i'll share the best part of my morning journal here. I live by We are more capable than we think. Challenge yourself Give all parts of yourself, as well as others unconditional love Curiousity/exploration, have that child-like optimism about the world Humble - i'm gonna die soon. My skills are not permanent; I'm just a flash of light. Amongst the billions of stars Focus on what you can control Learn for the sake of learning Be engaged, but not attached. Life is a game I've been working really hard; and that is great! But there is a still a lot of things that I could improve to make my life more magical. So; once again. I'm not meditating consistently. So how am I to do this? So; why don't I meditate? Because there's usually something else to do. Like right now I could be meditating. I think the problem is just simply that i'm not putting enough reminders to meditate. I don't wanna do something insane like my gaming habit; cuz that'll give me too much pressure. Every time I come back home from school and want to stay for atleast 3 hours. I must meditate 20mins. How am I gonna remind myself? sticky notes are boring. I will find a big rock outside and put it on my table. Once i've meditated; I can put it on the ground.

idk if I've ever said this before. But I realized that exploration is so important to me. I was studying inside the history building today; and just looking at a couple of charts, and other stuff just lifted my mood up drastically. I think I wanna read history or biographies as a break. Speaking of breaks. I need to take more of it. I was just stuck in that unproductive state;because I studied too long. The first 3-5 hours I can go pretty hard. After that I need to start using the pomodoro technique. Basically after I get tired; I will use it. I usually have 1 session where I am really in the zone. After that session; I get exhausted. That is where i'll take a meditation break + maybe other stuff.

I threatened myself last week. That's another thing you can try to do.

I usually ask a question and wait for an answer to pop up in my head. Or If the question is harder; break the question down into smaller ones where I can repeat the process over.

So I have a problem with paying attention to instructions and I have a difficult mainly hearing what people say. I feel stupid as fuck. What do I do? The truth is; stupid does not have a definition. Calling someone stupid makes no sense. This is something that has been said a lot in my life; this persons smart; this persons stupid. From now on; stupid does not have a definition. if stupid doesn't exist, then smart doesn't too. There are those who understand things a certain way; and others that don't. For example a teacher is heavily focused on words, then some may get it the first time the teacher says something. No matter how hard you try; you come at the bottom of the ladder. What do you do? Idk? You can give up; or keep trying. In reality, nobody(not even yourself) knows if you'll one day come at the top of this ladder. The possibility can be very low; but still. Imagine how inspiring it would be if you overcame that possibility. Nothing is impossible. What about me flying in 2 seconds? It's possible! just slightly unlikely. Look at yourself like an underdog if you are still pursuing this shit. Even if you are at the bottom of the ladder remember that you are gaining something from the experience itself. See each set back as an opportunity to overcome even greater odds. I do not intend to stop studying physics. So FUCK YOU BITCH.99% of people believe i'll fail. Most people don't believe in me; I have no evidence that i'll be a great physicist. But I do not intend on giving up.I'm still gonna try. I'm gonna fail. I'm gonna give it my all and still fail. Right now; i'm enjoying what i'm learning. That's a good sign to keep moving forward. Btw - I am not doing that bad right now. But I just feel stupid so yeah. and I should definitely become a motivational speaker.