Girzo

#18 +- Sleep deprivation makes me more conscious in a weird way. +- Caffeine is my new friend. +- I am doing a lot of work. The sad thing, it's meaningless compared to other things I could be doing. INSIGHT: Today I was sitting in a classroom and saw how we all are a part of society which is an ever-evolving organism living on it's own. People's actions are in reality system's operations executed at itself. When you are changing yourself you are not only changing yourself, you are fighting with that whole big machine and it's incredible power.

#17 - I am kind of doing everything wrong, + ...nevertheless I feel good and very conscious. +- I am trying my best, but there simply isn't enough time. I should cut something from my life. I have yet to decide what exactly.

@Ryan_047 You are missing a fact that life simply is. Yes it's not always pleasant, but when you start to notice it's existence, that it's a miracle that anything exists at all, then it gets comforting. It's an acquired taste, at first you might not even notice it, but he more practice you do, the more and more you will start enjoying it.

Are you scared of meditation? Or are you too lazy to do nothing. No? Good. Then focus on that. It will give you new creative ideas, additional power to make changes in your life and it will auto-correct some of your neurotic behaviours, too. Have faith bro

#16 - I have eaten a lot today. A lot of sugars too. Drank 2 coffees. It's high time I stopped it. I need to clean my body. It damages my progress on so many levels. For example, I can't do psychedelics, because I am unprepared and too tired. +- I start to notice a connection between body and emotions more and more. Alexander Lowen's books are good read on this topic. + I have met a lot of family members today and have spent a quality time with them. HEALTH TIPS: Eat fermented food whenever you have sweet-tooth. This will help in cutting sugar from your diet totally. Allow yourself to meditate whenever you want. This way you won't crave food when you are stressed out. Currently eating and physical exercises are my only ways of freeing up my mind from tension. It creates viscious cycle. Eating + training + eating + training + ... = too much strain and damage to a body.

What are the right places in your opinion then? I am curious.

Analysis: This is my mood for the first 15 days of writing this journal. It seems that after taking a psychedelic there was a harsh backlash. I am getting better, but slowly. I will stick to my current habits. If they still prove ineffective or not bringing satisfying result I will change them and hopefully make improvements. Now it's too early to judge anything.

SOCIALIZING FIELD REPORT: 1. What I did well? I have positioned myself as a cool guy. I gave a space for a girl to game me a little bit. I decided to go to the club and have made adequate preparations beforehand. I have had a shit-ton of creative openers ideas, all relevant to the situtation. I went full sober. No distortion of reality and fake growth feeling. 2. What not so well? I was too needy in the begining. My voice lacks confidence after some break from talking. I was too judgemental about looks and not decisive enough to reaproach a girl that I kind of liked to ask for her number. I didn't dance almost at all, but that can be taken also as a positive, because it was something new - to approach girls on the floor without dancing with them. 3. What should I do better? Approach more!!! Warm up and motivate yourself better. Learn to dance, so you can have more confidence on the dancefloor and more options to provide fun. Watch a video course on that topic. Be more decisive. Have a solid standard of what you like in a girl, at least for that one night you go out. Hesitate from judging. Understand real motives of people. Sidenotes: I have also heard a few conversations of the girls in the club and went to conclusion that they have some kind of a thinking frame that gives them certainity that they always can find a guy. And I saw it's as true many times, but also as not-so-true a few times too. Nevertheless, I believe it would be beneficial for me to adopt this frame of thinking and make it my own paradigm. But I have to be careful, because setting up belief systems is a very tricky thing.

#15 + I have gone to a club today. It was fairly pleasant experience. I feel like I am making progress, some stuff becomes easier and more natural to me. - ...BUT, I still could be doing more. Having more fun. Having more touch. Having more sex (any sex to be honest). + I have done some work today. - And also slacked off some work. I don't have the balls to tell a client it's a shitty task and I have accepted it too fast, because it should be priced 8x higher to do it right. I will probably just do as much as I am paid for. PLANS FOR THE FUTURE: = Go clubbing more! Once two weeks at least. One week you do Psychedlics/Life Purpose/Career. A next week you Socialize/Go Clubbing.

#14 + I did a solid amount of work. +- Still, it could have been more, but I don't want to burn myself out because of lack of sleeep. - Ate candies. + Went running in the rain with friends. It happened spontaneously that we all 3 went running at the same time. All the lights reflecting and water sprinkling all around with every step. Running in group is so much more practical than going alone. Not only you don't get bored, it also improves performance. I track every session, the numbers are much better when running with someone.

#13 +- I eat too much, but I exercise twice as much, so it evens out, but it will backlash in the long term. I need to find a better solution if I don't want to wear off my body. + Poland is a Christ's country. You know, there's no better place on Earth to live if you want to follow christianity path. So lately, I was sad that there are no mindfullness retreats where I live. Then I thought: "What about christian retreats? They for sure have something mystical to offer." And you know what? They do. I have already booked 2 days seminar, cost - $12. I am curious how it will turn out. They say that a goal is for everyone to experience some God during those days. And when they were talking about this, they knew what they were talking about, their words were not that different what from what Leo was describing as his first spiritual experiences. On the other side Christianity is a deep rabbit hole, like conspiracy theories or psychedelics, so one should remind himself not to fell into it and stay true to main self-actualization path and practices. + I did a solid portion of work today and went to sleep relatively early = my headache stopped.

And I say it's totally acceptable and even desired. We're both members of society, so who's right?

@Ilya it's not that we have to want something else than happiness, but it would be cool if we were ready to pay a price for that happiness first. Back to the article, it just shows how much well-done research or good teacher is important. Without it we might be not ready to encounter the Dark Side and interpret it correctly.

You can always choose a selfish career and put awareness into it. Take for example internet marketing. You can create scammy marketing campaigns and steal traffic from real scammers, then educate people accordingly to their level of consciousness. This way you won't make a profit as good as snake oil salesmans make, but you will be at least doing something meaningful. If you believe that increasing people's consciousness is meaningful, of course. Sometimes I feel like scamming people on the internet is less selfish than producing and selling gadgets, because you are not exploiting Earth's resources while doing it. It all depends on perspective. @Nahm but would they be doing this if they weren't "their" kids?

Homeosthasis is a bitch. Also, I often forget about a bigger goal. I need to remind myself consistently that why is more important than how. Because when focusing only on 'how', I loose a motivation and a struggle to build a habit becomes much harder than it could be. That's why it is important to develop awareness and consistently ask yourself questions about where your life is going. It gives you motivation to make changes.

As others have said there is also 1P-LSD. Maybe you could do a research on that and decide if it's a better option.

#12 - Lack of sleep will kill me. + I got another $68 in sales today. +- There's a lot of work to do this week. I see it as an oppurtinity to develop work ethic and improve daily routine. - I have realized I got back to old weight from a month ago. It's not tragic, under 80kg and I am 180cm tall, but I would like to get lean.

Guys, please stop with that sucking-a-cow's-tits bullshit Animals don't do that, because they are too stupid or weak to get a milk. Like for example, take cat and give it some milk. It will crave it like crazy, if a cat could talk it would be like: "OMG, man... Where did you get that stuff?! Can I get some more?". Have you ever seen a bear attacking a cow? It's scary as fuck. So, do you know what those motherfuckers do first? They start eating a cow from the tits. They don't even bother to kill it first, they just go straight for the sweetest piece of meat.

#11 - My routine sucks... + ...but who cares? I am feeling soo good. - I will pay for that tomorrow. + But for now let's enjoy and look at what I have done today: 4x4x400m intervals run, 20 min meditation, went to school, earned $20. Ate 5 bananas plus 3 apples and one... onion. Weirdest mix of my life. A weird part is that it actually has tasted good.

@HII my hypothesis is that it is that way because of survival. There are certain risks and benefits associated with being solo and living in a group. In a group you have more possibilities, but also you can be cheated and you have to fight your way through a social ladder. Being solo on the other gives you more independence, and is also harder, but in a different way. In a group you have to struggle emotionally, on your own you have to struggle physicaly. That's why I believe that introversion is the default mode, because physical survival comes first and social needs are after that. So, assume you're introvert. You will get drained in social situations, because you need to analyze things you are not used to analyze, like others' mimics, voice tone, behaviour, social position, gestures, kinesthetics, etc. Basically, all the building blocks of a society. It requires mental and physical effort, because perspective and chemical balance in your body changes in order to fit in new conditions. You will "burn fuel" on that. "Refueling" happens automatically when you are not using it. Then assume you are consistent with socializing, your environment is full of people and encourages you to become extraverted. And then something in your life changes, let's say you become isolated in the mountains. You will feel mad, because you have all those brain structures for socializing and nobody to socialize with. They need to be rebuild again and that will require some time and energy. I believe that on a high enough level of psychological development there is an optimal configuration that's both introverted and extroverted at the same time, but you have to go through all that mess in order to discover and achieve it. Have I answered your questions?

All the problems would be still there and amplified, because most of the people who want to escape society struggles with living in it, so a new society created by them would be dysfunctional as well. And you already pointed it out. I guess there is not much to talk about. Solitude is the way.

#10 + Sometimes I feel like a con artist. I have taken a challenge and completed an order that was way above my capabilities. Feels good right now, because I have learned something new. + I was overall more conscious and calm today. +- I have had spontaneous visual hallucinations. I was collecting quince fruits and suddenly trees started moving and merging with each other. It's very easy to snap out of these visuals, but also very pleasant to play with them. I have bad distance sight and it's easyfor me to see unusual stuff. Sometimes I see a haystack on grassland, then I come closer and suddenly haystack becomes a cow. It's very trippy and funny. It's like the brain can interpret the same raw data in two completly different ways based on expectations and it's amazing how sudden and drastic the switch is. - I still eat too much. But I don't blame myself, winter is coming, temperatures are jumping up and down and my body is overall confused, so it's not surprising I want to eat non-stop. Solution: more consciousness work, so I have the power to execute techniques that will help me getting lean.

#9 - BINGE (I haven't eaten dinner today and that fucked me up. I binged on milk, bread, sugar and cheese. Pro-tip: don't make eating one meal too much an excuse to eat one more, and one more.) Sometimes it really feels like there is a Pig living inside. - I am stressed out from work. + I have done a lot of work today.

I don't feel like there is a real difference between introverts and extroverts. In my experience it's more like a state, which can be changed according to conditions. Your body can run on carbs or fats. I think it's the same for the emotional part of you. It can run either on social interactions or solitude. So that drain that some introverts experience is just that they didn't have enough time to change their power source and are low on fuel. It takes some time. In the same sense extroverts can feel immense boredom and depression when alone, because they are spending their power reserves and can't refuel from being in solitude unless they change their operating mode. I think that introversion is like a default mode for people, just like carbs diet. It's possible to change into extrovert, just as it is possible to live off a keto diet, but it requires effort.

#8 + I went bowling with friends. - Low consciousness day.