Girzo

I do translations on Fiverr.

#26 + Psychedelics really did sky-rocket my consciousness level. Now I really know what self-inquiry done right feels like. I wonder how long it will last. +- I have had a lot emotional release throughout the day. It happens subconsciously. I think it might be related to the fact that I am currently reading "Love, Sex and Heart" by Alexander Lowen. + I paid a guy to do a job for me today. Feels entrepreneurial. TOPICS TO RESEARCH: Art of conversation, hiring and working with people.

@Highest That's a vague answer.

#25 + I have shed a tear during today's self-inquiry session. My two favourite questions are: "Who am I?" and "What am I?" asked repeatedly. When I start to wander off in my mind I just go back to them. +- Work, work, work. - I feel like there's a lot of pain and sadness hidden deep inside of me. But what is me? + And now I feel happy. Weird thing.

I wanted to make a joke and ask how can you know that, is there any map. But then I thought, wait, there are ox's pictures. Where would you put yourself on that scale and how long did it take you to get there?

Have a BIG vision where you are going with your life. Then jest remember your vision when you are making a choice, so it will guide you. For example, if your goal is to clean your diet and you are about to put a chocolate bar into your mouth, then don't just think about how it will affect your weight, but also notice that becoming fat will decrease your attractiveness, which will make it harder for you to date, which will affect your overall happiness in life and that wil make a pursuit of Enlightment harder. You get it. Go over the top with that kind of reasoning. Knowing where you are in your life and where you want to be is enough to break through most of excuses. (For me, at least )

#24 + Psychedelics elevate consciousness level long-term for sure. + Self-inquiry is now much deeper (but still shalow) - I get distracted a lot.

Cool report. What's the substance and dosage? I assume al-lad, because of duration, am I right?

#23 + walked through the fields, looking with marvel at nature. encountered a wild cat and investigated boars' footprints.

I wouldn't force myself to like all these little things as they are, but I would look for a way to make them more interesting. You know, like breaking out of your comfort zone and actually talking to strangers when going out, instead of sticking to friends. Do only a stuff that is wortwhile in your opinion.

@Little Plant don't be so quick, because they do have a potenial to damage. Even if it's not the substance ifself, there are still thousands of outside factors that can harm you. Unsafe environment, cross-reactions with other drugs you take, misslabeling of the drug or hidden diseases. For example, I have a light heart disease and need to babystep every substance, because otherwise I would feel pain for days and could damage my heart. It was a case with my first psychedelics trip, even tho it was only about 60mcg (AL-LAD).

#22 + I have been using my new creative power to create images in Photoshop. It's fun. + I met with my friend and we had a deep conversation about a sense of direction in life and motivation to become your best-self. - I have slept 5 hours.

You may stop doing it, because it feels unpleasant, not because it's evil. It's you who assign meaning to certain emotions. It's not ultimate, because not everyone is compassionate and feels bad about needless harm. Do you really think that serial killers have any remorse about what they do? Or do you believe that your view on morality is superior to theirs? It's a different type of question. The problem here is neurosis and two opposite forces fighting over control of you. On intellectual level you kind of know that it harms you, but on a deeper level you are still hooked to the instant gratification it gives you and value it more than long-term results. The solution here is a deeper insight, supported by brutal honesty about yourself. Notice that watching porn is only bad from your own perspective. Nobody else gives a fuck about you watching porn really, unless they have problems with their life bigger than yours.

It might be, but it's not a reason to trap yourself and live in a reality that you already know is a delusion. There is a point after crossing which the Evil doesn't disturb you anymore. It becomes neither good or bad, it just is. I know it sounds like a bullshit, but it's only a matter of perspective shift. People make mistakes all the time and don't regret them. That's the source of Evil. They have their reason to rape and kill other people.

TRIP REPORT: I am not sure what to write here. I am so blown off, but not spiritualy, but like a normal human being. The best experience of my life for sure, but I haven't experienced much yet. Type & Setting: 1.5 blotter AL-LAD (225mcg, probably less), home alone, music for a good start (Infected Mushroom ). Music gave me a structure to hold on and a sense of clarity. What came up first in my mind, and what I hold as a key insight of this trip, is that there are appearances and actual experiences. It's not the advertisement that's important, but the actual thing. Your imaginary vision of sex is nothing like a real thing at all. Same goes for psychedelics, you can't really know what it is until you try it. Everything flashes in your face and makes promises, but not everything delivers. Cut the shit that doesn't work, test new promising shit, optimze, repeat until you are no longer here. I have discovered a lot of femininity inside during this trip. I am not sure if it was, because I lack attention from girls in my everyday experience or because I am constantly repressing my feminine side. Probably both. Anyways, I have received a lot of love from cute pop-art girls. I was repeating to myself over and over again not to get lost in the beauty of it. Mushy, kushy, blushy, pooh pooh. Pure pleasure. I went down. Down to my private hell. I was scared at first, but decided to enter anyways. It was dissapointing. No fire, no devils. Everything was covered with ice. It couldn't be that way. Instantly, I have ignited everything, summoned devils, gave life to this place. Let there be a hell, so there can be a heaven. Everything can have a thousand of faces, just like the Devil, so don't trust appearances, see things for what they really are. See yourself for what you really are. I resonate with the idea of devilry and the Devil, but it's my caricatured, cartoon-like spin on it. Sometimes the bad side turns out to be a good one. I have experienced mild shift in perception and got how it feels. I was laughing at my self looking serious at me. Then I became a serious one and were looking at the laughing one. Back and forth. And simultaneously. Nothing really changes, but everything is different. I am actually amazed by visual part of the trip. It's nothing like what I have expected. It has this 80's vibe to it, very colorful with taste, not like all those psychedelics renders on the web. Smooth gradients, no contours, simple shapes. Sometimes vibrant, sometimes bland. Very clean and geometric, symmetric patterns. I came to conclusion that nothing is really symmetric, the mirror becomes the picture itself. All symmetry is groundless. Writing it all down feels stupid, but I decided to do it anyway. What I can articulate compared to the depth of thoughts I had is ridiculous. And I feel like it wasn't even that deep. Either it doesn't make sense to talk about these things or I need to work on my ability to conceptualize stuff.

#22 + Tripped balls, so hard. - Too hard. 1.5 blotter of AL-LAD is too much for me to stay fully conscious of what's happening. Not for social situations. + I feel as good as never, it amps up mood to the roof. - But I still have a shit-ton of work to do, sadly it didn't disappear. But now I know it doesn't have to be this way. I can cut shit from my life, I can cut a lot of it. Distraction, distraction.

#21 - I feel pain. I am sitting in my room on a chair gasping painful sounds. Emotions make me feel physical pain. It's like all the suppressed emotions from my childhood are coming to a surface. And I also feel sad, because I don't have a girlfriend and I would like to have one. It doubles up the suffering. All my muscles are tightened up, but when I let them loose this inevitable pain comes up. I don't like it. - I eat even though my body tells me not to. That's fucked up.

Even a non-enlightened fake guru that sucks can be a good guide, because it's not about him, but about you surrendering. It doesn't matter to whom or what you surrender, it's only important to let go of your self fully, in an absolute way.

Turn inward to find the answer. Lazy-guru Method©

It will pass.

Do massive research on both and then take two days off and go on a solo retreat to contemplate this problem. No one will give you better answer than you yourself. It may turn out you don't really want to become a policeman or psychotherapist either, but it still will be worth it. On a sidenote, have you ever considered studying Physiotherapy? It's like a mix of both, you need to have a good physique and you work with people directly. Later on you could broaden your medical knowledge and become a shaman or a western yogi. Just a crazy fantasy, don't listen to me.

Look for the artists that "have it". See how they're doing they work. Model them and learn. There is a lot of courses made by professional, masterful musicians available on the interenet nowadays.

#20 + I have enormous ease with training. Working out brings unearthly awareness and unspeakable insights. I feel like I should take a look into yoga. - But it seems like there is also a price for this physical performance. I crave food like crazy and my eating habits are a mess. I eat cake, then meat, then again cake. The problem is I am not the one putting it into refrigerator. And being tired makes it easier to binge. I am going cold-turkey, starting now. EATING HABITS: Intermittent fasting: 11:30-19:30. 3 meals a day, each taking up to 30 min. No sugar, no bread, no cake.

#19 + Met new friends, it was a cool night out. I start to develop that abundance mindset. The goal here is to stop being needy.

A fool with a smart approach is still a fool. I don't see any contadiction. Doesn't it feel good sometimes to realise you are just an ignorant lazy moron, which you are?