Girzo

When it comes to spirituality, that's a limiting belief. I was looking for a proof of my existence and couldn't find it. I could only deduct that with logic, which is faulty and unreliable, because it runs in circles. After you get that all thoughts lack any content, then it's easier to grasp that emotions and physical reality are empty too. It's weird to become aware of this for the first time, everything starts to loose meaning and seems like a masquerade. But hey, I am nowhere near being Enlightened, so maybe I just fell into the hole and the opposite is true. Back to Derrida. Be very cautious with dosing. Last time when I have plugged the whole book I had a terrible bad trip. Ok, no more stupid jokes, back to seriousness. I have found the last episode about him very beneficial too. And the thing with inducing psychedelic-like experiences while being sober is totally real and works great. Lucid dreaming is also a great tool. Even having fainted can be a spiritual experience that moves you forward in the journey if you have enough background and practice to interpret it correctly. I am speaking from my own experience.

Personally I don't want to take this route. I would like to take my time after high school and figure out a life purpose, develop myself more, etc. On the other hand it may seem like delaying growing up, because I don't want to specialize. You know, as a youngster you are full of possibilities, which you loose after you choose a specialization. But isn't taking anything as subject of study the same as delaying a choice? Because either way you won't give yourself fully to studying the subject. I have a neutral stance towards this. Curious what others have to stay.

You might be wrong here. I mean, how can you know for sure? Have you even tried? I am very open minded to such possibility. I don't say I could go to a desert and show you that right now, BUT it doesn't seem so impossible. People make even more grandiose statements about what is possible. Like for example becoming actually Enlightened.

Music definitely alter direction and mood of the trip, so choose wisely. Some gongs, white-noise and nature sounds seem to be the most neutral solution if you want to kill background noise. Because sometimes having music is better than sitting in a loud environment.

@egoless Could you please mention substance and dosage. Report feels incomplete without that.

That's a difference between having a broad understanding and going straight into the labor, that means meditating. And how do you develop the understanding? You read books, attend seminars, retreats, find teachers, trip on psychedelics. Do this for 3 years and 5 years of work will bring more benefit than 50 years of dabbling in meditation without a sense of direction.

In the same place where your past and future is. Nowhere.

Is this a kind of bussiness you can quit after a few years? If yes, then I see no problem with going for financial freedom first and then changing direction. Don't stop looking for possible life purpose and grow your bussiness.

If you have no experience you can babystep, but if you have already known other psychedelics in fairly high doses, then I would go straight for 3g. While I do agree with McKenna on that matter, I don't want anyone to suffer pointlessly, so take every word with caution.

I have liked it too. Maybe you will also enjoy this movie (The Salt of the Earth) as I did.

Just imagine how good it feels to reside in such body. Doing every move with ease, being aware of what is happening inside it. Learning how to control your body can paradoxically lead you to the conclusion that there's nothing to control. Spirituality, EVERYWHERE

@egoless self-inquiry, obviously

I am trying to figure it out for myself right now, so I can't share with you any proven method. Currently I am trying to write down a report everytime I go out and analyze my mistakes. It's hard, so fucking hard. To get more aware of what is right and wrong I watch Charisma on Command videos and read books like Deida's "The Way of The Superior Man" and then analyze stuff I have written again. I don't know, maybe you haven't tried that approach. You ask so many questions that I actually believe one day you will break-through and succeed. Just don't give up trying.

There are different ways of developing charisma and confidence than pickup. Stop being a victim.

Not everyone is created equal, get over it. They had different childhood and teenage experiences; their psychology is different; they are more physically attractive; they are born with natural charisma; they are just self-confident. Plenty of reasons can play a role here. On the other hand you have things like abusive parents, early-developed porn and masturbation addiction, lack of female friends, etc. All those factors can contribute to having problems with girls.

Discipline comes from having a strong purpose and knowing the results your actions will make. Have a clear vision where you want to get and trust that you are competent enough to achieve that goal. Whatever it might be. Awareness is also helpful, because it will guide you towards the right direction or at least show that whatever you are doing right now doesn't work (I mean addictions here).

It depends on your goals. If you have no use for social skills, then why would you learn them? Yes, in the future that might change and you will need those skills, but because you have limited time you need to strategize and set the right priorities. I am not sure why you even ask this question if you don't feel lonely and believe that you are doing the right thing, but that's ok.

It's good for starters. It doesn't scare you off and encourages to start a journey.

It's normal to visit toilet often after AL-LAD.

That's a wrong conclusion. Ratio of percentage of high consciousness leaders killed to low level ones is not even close. To argue with that you could show examples of high consciousness people who didn't get killed, regardless of their high position in society.

Until you automatically say: "Perfect!!! That's right" to everything they say, then you are good with following whoever you want, how much you want. Just don't throw away your critical thinking ability.

It's much more magical than that. From where those intial sounds come from? How can they be recalled? Are they really the same sounds? Or is there something else going on? When you will see it you will be like: "OHH... man, how could have I been so ignorant?" This insight hits me sometimes spontaneously and then my body bows, a grin appears on the face, breathing changes and presence overtakes me. I love those moments. And I am probably still ignorant as fuck, which makes me more humble about this whole thing.

I was doing heavy self-inquiry when I was working at the production line. Back at home, I was reading books about spirituality and then later contemplating their contents during work. I have also liked this mantra: "Be still! - and KNOW, - I AM, - God." It's so simple, yet there's so much to contemplate.

@Ether He meant video on the Insights blog. Understanding Better Than Academics

These are my experiences with AL-LAD. Maybe someone will find it interesting to read or can give a feedback. Every opinion is much appreciated. First Ever 75mcg AL-LAD Trip I have taken half a tab of AL-LAD, feels good. I have grasped that ordinary is extraordinary and extraordinary is ordinary. I have partially grasped that God hides behind the Devil's mask. I was walking through the forest. AL-LAD boosts the contemplation process and reconnects you with your body nicely. This trip had hit me with body load the strongest of them all. My heart was aching for whole two days, I didn't experience it again on higher doses. What I can notice now after few more trips is that I like to go on walks after these. It's a recurring theme. Trip Report - AL-LAD, 225mcg I am not sure what to write here. I am so blown off, but not spiritualy, but like a normal human being. The best experience of my life for sure, but I haven't experienced much yet. SET&SETTING: 1.5 blotter AL-LAD (225mcg, probably less), home alone, music for a good start (Infected Mushroom ). Music gave me a structure to hold on and a sense of clarity. What came up first in my mind, and what I hold as a key insight of this trip, is that there are appearances and actual experiences. It's not the advertisement that's important, but the actual thing. Your imaginary vision of sex is nothing like a real thing at all. Same goes for psychedelics, you can't really know what it is until you try it. Everything flashes in your face and makes promises, but not everything delivers. Cut the shit that doesn't work, test new promising shit, optimze, repeat until you are no longer here. I have discovered a lot of femininity inside during this trip. I am not sure if it was, because I lack attention from girls in my everyday experience or because I am constantly repressing my feminine side. Probably both. Anyways, I have received a lot of love from cute pop-art girls. I was repeating to myself over and over again not to get lost in the beauty of it. Mushy, kushy, blushy, pooh pooh. Pure pleasure. I went down. Down to my private hell. I was scared at first, but decided to enter anyways. It was dissapointing. No fire, no devils. Everything was covered with ice. It couldn't be that way. Instantly, I have ignited everything, summoned devils, gave life to this place. Let there be a hell, so there can be a heaven. Everything can have a thousand of faces, just like the Devil, so don't trust appearances, see things for what they really are. See yourself for what you really are. I resonate with the idea of devilry and the Devil, but it's my caricatured, cartoon-like spin on it. Sometimes the bad side turns out to be a good one. I have experienced mild shift in perception and got how it feels. I was laughing at my self looking serious at me. Then I became a serious one and were looking at the laughing one. Back and forth. And simultaneously. Nothing really changes, but everything is different. I am actually amazed by visual part of the trip. It's nothing like what I have expected. It has this 80's vibe to it, very colorful with taste, not like all those psychedelics renders on the web. Smooth gradients, no contours, simple shapes. Sometimes vibrant, sometimes bland. Very clean and geometric, symmetric patterns. I came to conclusion that nothing is really symmetric, the mirror becomes the picture itself. All symmetry is groundless. Writing it all down feels stupid, but I decided to do it anyway. What I can articulate compared to the depth of thoughts I had is ridiculous. And I feel like it wasn't even that deep. Either it doesn't make sense to talk about these things or I need to work on my ability to conceptualize stuff. Trip Report - AL-LAD, 150mcg SET&SETTING: After school (15:30), knowing the next day lessons are at 8:00, one tab of AL-LAD (150mcg, untested) was ingested. Parents magically disappeared to do the shopping until 19:45. Empty stomach, one banana eaten during the trip, zero nausea. Eating fatty food and donout at the end of the trip resulted in feeling "tired" in the stomach. ACTUAL TRIP: Started off with music, then dropped it. Without it a lot of dreamy thoughts have appeared. These were resisted and trying to contemplate the substance of reality was choosen, although it didn't go smooth. The main conclusion is that there is no perciever and no perception, because there's no perciever, because there's no perception. Some emotional baggage realted to male-female relationships was brought up and mainly ignored. Advice was given to actually understand the situation. Mechanism behind the scenes did exactly what it was supposed to do. Actually appreciate experiences given and enjoy the possibility to grow. All the pain is created in the mind and the story of being hurt reinforces the ego. What was given during this trip is an ability to see reality as non-existent during self-inquiry. During this trip there were moments when I was a higher intelligence teaching the ego how it should behave, giving myself insights. It reminds me of a psychological concept of superego, ego and id. It feels like you are this Elder being. It was choosen not to assume existence of any entities, including myself, so there haven't been any creatures met during this experience. SIDE NOTES: Insights from the trip get clearer with every day and somtimes drastically change contradicting the previous thoughts. It's like they are maturing by themselves. Next trip needs better preparation. In every possible way. It would be better if there was more self-inquiry done prior to the experience. Also less social contact and even less external stimuli. There should be no fear of someone interrupting and no fear of losing mind. 150mcg seems somewhat over-the-top for a party setting, extrapolating from this experience, sticking with a little bit less will probably result in cleaner experience. At the same time effects may get killed with reasoning. It needs to be tested, but it's always better to test with lower dosage. I get curious about the correlation between realms of experience and Truth. I assume they are a distraction when it comes to pursuing Enlightement, but it's amazing what's possibly possible. Whole reality feels magical for the first time in my life. Effects on the body were moderate, but they are still there in a mild form three days later. Whole body feels different, but still tensed. "Feeling compact" describes it very accurately. There wasn't any energy release throughout the trip. Trip Report - AL-LAD, 300mcg SET&SETTING: It was Friday night, 20:30. Drunk people on the lower floor. I was alone in my room. Two tabs ingested spontaneously as an impulse. Swallowed without putting them under a tongue - took a little bit longer to hit, but not too long. I have said to dad that I have been drinking and can't drive today. It didn't matter, because dad was so drunk he was getting stuck in the loop and non-stop forgetting about everything. I have prepared banana and a cup of water. ACTUAL TRIP: I have planned to watch Leo's video about strange loops. I have started before ingestion of drug and finished during the trip, as it was getting late. I didn't go as deep into the topic as when I was sober. Psychedlic effects has hit during watching and I started to see blue light around character on the screen. I was watching the show on the phone with headphones. It felt different than when watching it for the first time. The biggest problem with this trip is that I don't remember the juicy parts. I have this feeling like a lot of cool stuff has happened, but I can't recall them, it's all so foggy. I will try to write up what I remember. Listening to Tycho - Awake, I was trying to contemplate. I had to have music on, because people in the house were too noisy. I have to say it's a great album, visuals it has inspired were off the Earth. Music felt physical, like it had 3D structure, a whole new universe hidden in a song, it was a pure beauty. I was thinking about strange loops and then weird thing happened... I don't remember the next hour. It's not like I have passed out or something. I was still listening to music and something like melting has happened. I totally forgot about contemplation. From my playlist's history I know I was listening to Glitch Mob's Drink The Sea album. It wasn't profound or anything, I can't recall any thought or feeling other than immense pleasure. When I have snaped out of it a lot of interesting stuff started to happen. I was conscious enough to turn music off. My sense of self was being ripped in waves. My body was taken away. I was experiencing lives of other beings, like an absolute empathy. I was some girl, some guy, it felt like I really had their bodies, their personalities. It was switching, no-self, some created self, my ego back, some created self, reality at this moment felt really big, but not infinite. Everything was just spacious. There were no walls, just body floating in some kind of energy field, full of fractals. Someone on the lower floor started arguing, I have heard that and got confused. My everyday ego partially crept back in for a moment to disperse the next second. Now I have become people arguing, was living their perspectives and their emotions. I had total understanding of emotions and mechanism rulling their interactions. At the same time, I couldn't care less about them, I was so understanding that I didn't care about what they do or say at all. Eating banana was an ecstasy. I ate only one bite to avoid stomach-ache. I thought my cup of water is empty. With smile on my face, I took it into both of my hands, put them into the air and asked for a miracle to happen, because I didn't want to go and refill it. I tried to take a sip from it and almost drenched myself, because it turns out it wasn't empty. It was funny as fuck moment. I have tried to do the pen exercise. You take a pen and try to see that it doesn't exsist, you can then see that nothing exists. It went different way than when I had tried it before. When I look at this pen now, after the trip, I feel intense presence taking over me. This task is easier on one tab. After that I said fuck it all, I am gonna have fun. I have listened to Scooter and Robbie Williams, because for weird reason they feel like evil twin brothers for me and it makes me laugh. Paradoxically it was a very deep and uplifting experience. I had thought a lot about human nature. Then Modjo - Lady started playing on autoplay. I went deep into this nostalgia trip, emotions were overtaking as I was watching a music video on YouTube. Later I was sitting on my coach, shifting between different states of consciousness. I realized that every undesired or bad thing in my life is there, because I want it on a deeper level, I can't say no to experiencing it from pure curiosity. I am sitting there as this Supervisor, owner of my own reality, it's my favourite element of every trip. Being this wise, totally confident person, that nails bullshit as soon as it appears, very grounded in reality. I thought I would like to feel like this all the time and then it struck me that I can. That psychedelic states of consciousness can be felt 24/7, they are not reserved to any substance, you just need to work your ass off and can attain whatever you desire. I have finished off with a walk on the fresh air. For some weird reason I was thinking about alien abduction, but quickly dropped this notion. Starry night sky is one of the most beautiful thing I have seen in my entire life. Everything I saw had this ancient egypt vibe to it. I was like a pharraoh or an ancient priest walking through the night on the desert. Very hard to put it into words. Mind was empty of thoughts almost all the time. Every street lamp has looked like an entire pizza-like shaped universe. I have returned home calmer than ever. SIDE NOTES: Overall I am not satisfied with this trip. It has showed me that many things are possible to change in my life, that it doesn't have to be the way it is right now. It was a lot of fun and serious at the time, but I feel like I have wasted the substance, It has a lot more potential and can be used in a much more profound way. I have liked the previous 150mcg trip much more, it was concise and harmonic. This one is pure chaos, a monkey-mind on a trip to the amusement park. Even this report is chaotic. I can't imagine how people are taking doses as high as 600mcg of this substance and manage to take something out from it. For me 300mcg is more than enough, I will probably stick to 225mcg dose in my next trips. It seems like a sweet-spot. But I haven't tripped enough to be sure. There are interesting after effects of this trip. For example, when driving a car I have moments of totally dissolving and merging with the car, it's such a cool feeling. I am still me, but everything happens so smoothly and effortlessly, perfect gear shifting, a lot more things get noticed, it last for few minutes. Another after effect is this being Supervisor feeling. I feel like I own reality and I am much more aware of many things, like for example posture or thought patterns. Clearness of mind is connected to this feeling. When mind clears I start to feel more grounded and everything happens effortlessly. It doesn't last long, but I would like to have it 24/7. I went on a walk one day and was just amazed with how magical everything feels. Everything was alive, I was contemplating nature and looking with awe at beauty of it. Funny thing with my contemplation is it sometimes goes into off-words-mode. It happens on another level, I catch myself that these words are no longer useful when contemplating such and such matter and start doing a thing that I can't fully describe, but surely something clicks in the mind during that process. Another after effect is disliking of certain foods, mainly fast-foods. I can eat bananas, apples and nuts all day. But eating salty sticks, it just felt terrible on the next day. I have automatically put some in my mouth without too much thinking and I thought I will spit them out. They have tasted like raw wheat and were almost impossible to chew. Pasta with meat - was terrible. Brussels = awesome. Burger from McDonald's was possible to eat, but not as tasty as always. I was farting and burping all the time. I should watch much better what I put into my mouth, after next trip. This time I was just curious how terrible something can taste. And I have found it. The most terrible, untasty thing in the world. Lech's brand alcohol-free beer. I was on Orgonite's concert the next day after the trip and got thirsty. Considering that water in the club costs the same as a beer, I went for the beer. Usually I like it, but this time it felt terrible. Like I was drinking bleach. Dying would be more pleasant than drinking this beer. I have forced myself to sip enough to satiate thirst and got rid of it. Few days after I also feel mild effects on my body. I became touchy. I like touching stuff. My face feels pleasant, it's delighting to smile. I like touching my hands, holding hands and hugging others. Usually it's not my cup of tea, but now it's extra satisfying. Music also sounds different, much deeper, I haven't heard it like that ever before. === CONCLUSION === I have lost my "apetite" for this substance, I feel like I should focus on improving my self-inquiry habit and then go back to it. I think those drugs should be approached in a more retreat-like conditions, with even cleaner diet, less distraction, alone and prepared. Now it feels like I am wasting material and time. I don't say it doesn't change me, it does, and quite radically to be honest, but I don't want to rely on the substance so much, that it's the only self-improvment habit that I do consistently, because that sounds like developing an addiction. I hope you have had a nice read, even though the text is kind of messy.