Girzo

Gospel of Thomas - is the most raw version of biblical parables I know of. The most non-duality oriented from all the gospels for sure. There is also a brilliant book by OSHO with his commentaries on this gospel called "The Mustard Seed".

Alexander Lowen's bioenergotheraphy might be useful for you.

You are orange. Your thinking is very simliar to mine. Or not, who knows for sure, not me. You know, I have a friend to whom I have talked about Spiral Dynamics and explained everything to him. He started thinking he is on the stage green when he had stopped judging people, but that's not a sign of changing a stage, it's just a sign of being a healthy individual on the stage orange. Later he had started mistaking logical, analytical thinking for systems thinking and told me he is on the stage yellow. After some talking and discussing that higher doesn't necessarily means better, we came to conclusion that it's actually not a case. He actually concluded that green sucks really and reassured himself that he is still mainly orange. I am not idealizing anything and I don't deny that you have touched the stage yellow, but it might be a case of being like 70% orange, 20% green, 10% yellow. And that's still great, but I wouldn't call myself a yellow in that kind of situation, even though that 10% is probably having a lot of impact on your way of being. And what career is suitable for a yellow system thinker? There are a lot. Academia research, book writing, environmental activism, entreprenurship, farming, logistics, marketing, consulting, finances etc. But you know, doing finances work being a woke person you can end up with guilty feeling like some of the characters from the "Big Short" movie (8/10, recommend).

@Tetcher Install and use Chrome web browser. All videos should play then.

When you are in bed, get into a position and DON'T MOVE. (Plus watch and apply the Sadhguru's tips from the video two posts above)

Leo's life purpose course! (Haven't bought it yet, but I do trust it's worth it.) Best meditation course is going to 10 day Vipassana retreat (for free) to see how it really should feel like. For learning science you can check out EdX.org. It's full of courses from respectable universities.

That's me Sometimes I am like saying somthing and someone responds and then in my mind I go: "No, no, I am in the middle of my three sentence sequence I have already prepared to say out loud, don't fuck it up for me". But @aurum , you didn't give any method as to how to change that. Ok, I am at the party, getting tired from socialization, probably thinking too much, I notice that and then what? How do I switch to the second mode, where I am not that self-absorbed? @7thLetter BTW, nothing personal, but how did you figure out that you are on the yellow stage? Based on how you describe your problem and your dream job (trading the markets), it gives a vibe of someone who is on a stage orange. Are you sure you haven't done a mistake of adding two levels more than your current level?

That's the point of research, to get evidence. Innovations are based on wild guesses.

I see it more as "27% of Americans say they do believe in God, but don't go to church.".

You can use search option on the phone, too. It's probably hidden in the same menu where you can open a new page, called "Find" or "Find on page".

Start from even as low as 50 mcg. Just to see if your body reacts to the substance as it should. Then you can jump to 150 mcg after two weeks. LSD builds tolerance the most of all common psychedelics and lasts very long. Don't over do it. At least one month gap between trips is recommended. Have an intetntion prior to experience. Spend 20 minutes thinking about your goal or watch a Leo's video (the one about strange loops, for ex.)

UPDATE: I had stopped daily journaling at #121 day. Now I only write there important events, health problems or weird experiences. What's planned for the future? Well, I have got 5-MeO-MET in my hands. I am eager to try it, but as it's a novel substance I have to do so with a great caution. I am waiting at least a month from the last AL-LAD trip for tolerance to fully clear. I prepare myself for a biking trip, collect money, plan for college, look for life purpose and practice Kriya Yoga (it's godlike, as good as psychedelics or better). Trying to find a girlfriend, clean-up my diet and train calisthenics in the meantime. Seriously considering taking a year off between high school (I am finishing it now, being 20 years old) and college to explore things like workaway.info, attend at least three Vipassana retreats, refine my Life Purpose and earn a little chunk of money. I will start a small online bussiness in a month and then will see how it develops in the coming months.

This post and a few below - AL-LAD/4-HO-MiPT.

Only One Question - AL-LAD, 225mcg 29.03.18 // Taken when home alone. Sublingually. SPIRITUAL INSIGHTS: There is only one question and one answer. No thought =! No mind COMMON WISDOM: If the girl is showing interest, then show interest too. If she's not, then not. But from this position try to make her interested, so you are not only reactive, but also creating a change and oppurtinity for something great to happen. WHAT WENT WELL +++: Well, there were no inicidents. I have tried, really really hard. But maybe the thing to do was to let go? I discovered I love my grandparents. With parents the thing is more tricky. I have a good understanding of what has happened and what hasn't happened, sadly. WHAT NOT SO WELL?: There wasn't anything that went terribly bad. Maybe it was boring a little bit. I mean underwhelming, dosage could be higher. WHAT CAN BE IMPROVED: I can articulate my premise even more. Today it was to see the Truth. Spend 20 minutes prior to experience doing that. Or a whole previous day. Maybe try gaining some more experience in yoga and then go into the trip. Maybe try a different substance. AL-LAD is all fancy, but doesn't seem suited enough for Truth. Let go, there is no need to articulate the insights. The deepest Truth is unspeakable anyway. Prepare paper and pen to note chronology and write more useful reports.

Looping Through Reality - 4-HO-MiPT, 70mg "Everything changes to a point that it stops and it turns around." SET&SETTING: 01.2018 // Monday, after school. Plan was to take it, pass the peak at home and go on the walk. It failed terribly, parents came back in the middle of the peak, so I had to wait for it to come down a little bit until I could interact with them and even then it was totally bizzare as I was talking with some egyptian gods. I wonder how weird I am on the daily basis that they didn't even say a word when looking at how I behave. Maybe I was acting normally and it's just a drug that made every action look ridiculous in my eyes. Ingestion: emtpy stomach, glass of lemon juice to dissolve powder. Tip for next trip - wait for it to dissolve completly, otherwise some will be left on the glass. No bodyload throughout the whole trip other than a slight burning caused by vasoconstriction on the come up and off set of the trip. PART ONE - TAKES AGES TO LOAD, THEN EVERYTHING TURNS INSIDE OUT: I have waited for visuals to kick in before drinking water. Turns out I don't take enough of it, because I was thirsty when parents came home. Listening to music, dancing, etc. When it kicked in, then it KICKED IN. I was sitting on the sofa with music turned off when room started to shrink and expand alternately. I felt my body fully, everything was getting heavily distroted. Everything was vibrant and full of life. Cushions on the sofa started flowing and were hypnotising. Just thinking about it makes my heart shiver. Then my reality started looping, muliplying, translating. It was a wisdom overload, I was hardly keeping up with the experience. Actually, there was no I for a moment, then it reemerged, then got lost again. I didn't take it beautifully, there was a lot of resistance, the dose took me by surprise, which sounds stupid when I write this now, considering how ridiculously high the dose was. I tried to meditate, which was so absurd considering what was happening, I was aware of that, nevertheless there was an urge to do something, so I was taking meditative posture and getting crushed down to the sofa repeatedly, laughing a lot. There was almost no control over the experience. KEY INSIGHTS: Seeing life as an endless, complete loop. Everything is inclusive and complete. Sort of +- polarity kind of thing. Everything is right just the way it is. Death and life is the same thing. Looking through the window, all the trees felt like a fractal mockup. Like it was an artificial reality. The bathroom was the home of visual patterns crawling up the walls and bathroom utensils, these felt evil and were red-colored. Looking in the mirror my face was resembling a clay frog, emoticon-like symbols of expressions appeared floating in front of my face. Nothing really interesting, I was just passing time and preparing for a walk. PART TWO - SACRED GEOMETRY OF NIGHT SKY: I know from where did the notion of astretisms (patterns of stars in the night sky) come from. They were so vivid and unique. I could spin around and looking up into the sky everything got fractalized. I had occasion to do that thanks to deciding to go on the walk. A lot of profound thoughts flooded my mind. On this dose, the comedown was stronger than peak of 25mg trip and lasted for 3 hours. Everything was so wild and obvious at the same time. Very enjoyable experience. I felt urge to rather consume the experience in silence, rather than analyizing it intelectually, which is very encouraged and rewarding on AL-LAD. I felt other perspectives as bubbles. People in my life, objects, all having a separate bubble of reality. Those bubbles are constantly moving and merging, all affecting each other. I felt a very strong influence of cosmos on how my life looks like. The feeling that everything is right the way it is stayed with me for the whole next day after the trip. COCNLUSIONS: Why would I believe that I exist? That's such a stupid notion. There's no separate I and probably no existing reality, but the second statement needs more proof. I should tell parents that I take psychedelic drugs. I live with them. Although, I have seen those insights, now they feel distant and unreal. I am figuring a way how to incorporate them in everyday experience. Yet, there's a change in how I look at the world, will see if it lasts longer than 2 weeks. The day after, when I heard lyrics of Infected Mushroom's song "Everything changes to a point that it stops and it turns around.", I instantly knew what they are talking about. A strange loop, which reality is. Those guys know about what they are making music.

The Animalistic Trip - 4-HO-MiPT, 25mg SET&SETTING: 12.2017 // Thursday. Skipped lessons and went home. Being alone 25 mg of white powder was weighted and ingested oral route. Using water could have been a bad idea, but I couldn't swallow the paper it was put on in any other way. Next time prepare vodka or distilled water. I was lacking sleep on that day. Prior to the experience I was talking with classmates at school, it has affected a mood of the trip heavily. PART ONE - QUICK ONSET: Bodyload was felt. More intense than on AL-LAD, for sure, but it wasn't not a problem. There was some shaking and feeling cold. During this phase "The Best of Blackmill" playlist was listened to on headphones. Effects started showing up after 15 minutes. Intensity of psychedelic effects reached it's peak in about hour. It's a very quick acting psychedelic. It was hard to focus on anything. Very strong OEV and dreamy CEVs. A lot of random stuff happening. Nothing really interesting. I was role-playing a talk with my classmate and imagining prom night. Very photorealistical renditions of humans in winter clothes smiling at me. It felt like watching a movie. In my mind I have also seen some random photo of totally ordinary couple done with a shitty camera at the evening. I will laugh my ass off if I ever see those people in real life. Chaotic experience. Music didn't really help this time. I was surprised with the quick onset and intensity of it. Yet, I think the dose was too low. Later on everything became more manageable, too much manageable. PART TWO - NO MUSIC: I have tried to contemplate nature of reality and failed terribly. Too much thinking. Need to work on it. Went to the bathroom and seen my face in the mirror. Reflection was 3D and I had fun wondering who is more real, reflected or standing me. After that, did some animalistic movements and roared a few times. I still feel blocked and limited inside. What I did contemplate was social conditioning. How we are setup to live and not really living because of that. I came to conclusion that I haven't started using this life yet. We as the people are mass produced and not really developed, each of us individually. I have to start taking action in the world, enjoy life using body and mind. Started playing songs from my "Songs to Try on Psychedelics" playlist, cried at "Stereo Sayan 3D", although music enchancing effects started to wear off by the time. (self-reflection: I write too much) PART THREE - THE WALK: Went on a walk. Thought about how cancer is a feature not a bug. That humanity is gambling as a species with it's fast development. That there's balance to everything. And you know what? It was fucking amazing. I have enjoyed every step made in the snow and danced like a crazy motherfucker. After that did some chores with smile on my face. COCNLUSIONS: More preparation. Higher dose. Start living your life. Learn to let go. Everything is simple and easy, you just need to go for it. Have a vision of how you want your life to look like. There are many levels of understanding, prepare for that so you don't end up dumbfounded.

Trip Report - AL-LAD, 300mcg SET&SETTING: 11.2017 // It was Friday night, 20:30. Drunk people on the lower floor. I was alone in my room. Two tabs ingested spontaneously as an impulse. Swallowed without putting them under a tongue - took a little bit longer to hit, but not too long. I have said to dad that I have been drinking and can't drive today. It didn't matter, because dad was so drunk he was getting stuck in the loop and non-stop forgetting about everything. I have prepared banana and a cup of water. ACTUAL TRIP: I have planned to watch Leo's video about strange loops. I didn't go as deep into the topic as when I was sober. Psychedlic effects has hit during watching and I started to see blue light around character on the screen. I was watching the show on the phone with headphones. It felt different than when watching it for the first time. The biggest problem with this trip is that I don't remember the juicy parts. I have this feeling like a lot of cool stuff has happened, but I can't recall them, it's all so foggy. I will try to write up what I remember. Listening to Tycho - Awake, I was trying to contemplate. I had to have music on, because people in the house were too noisy. I have to say it's a great album, visuals it has inspired were off the Earth. Music felt physical, like it had 3D structure, a whole new universe hidden in a song, it was a pure beauty. I was thinking about strange loops and then weird thing happened... I don't remember the next hour. It's not like I have passed out or something. I was still listening to music and something like melting has happened. I totally forgot about contemplation. From my playlist's history I know I was listening to Glitch Mob's Drink The Sea album. It wasn't profound or anything, I can't recall any thought or feeling other than immense pleasure. When I have snaped out of it a lot of interesting stuff started to happen. I was conscious enough to turn music off. My sense of self was being ripped in waves. My body was taken away. I was experiencing lives of other beings, like an absolute empathy. I was some girl, some guy, it felt like I really had their bodies, their personalities. It was switching, no-self, some created self, my ego back, some created self, reality at this moment felt really big, but not infinite. Everything was just spacious. There were no walls, just body floating in some kind of energy field, full of fractals. Someone on the lower floor started arguing, I have heard that and got confused. My everyday ego partially crept back in for a moment to disperse the next second. Now I have become people arguing, was living their perspectives and their emotions. I had total understanding of emotions and mechanism rulling their interactions. At the same time, I couldn't care less about them, I was so understanding that I didn't care about what they do or say at all. Eating banana was an ecstasy. I ate only one bite to avoid stomach-ache. I thought my cup of water is empty. With smile on my face, I took it into both of my hands, put them into the air and asked for a miracle to happen, because I didn't want to go and refill it. I tried to take a sip from it and almost drenched myself, because it turns out it wasn't empty. It was funny as fuck moment. I have tried to do the pen exercise. You take a pen and try to see that it doesn't exsist, you can then see that nothing exists. It went different way than when I had tried it before. When I look at this pen now, after the trip, I feel intense presence taking over me. This task is easier on one tab. After that I said fuck it all, I am gonna have fun. I have listened to Scooter and Robbie Williams, because for weird reason they feel like evil twin brothers for me and it makes me laugh. Paradoxically it was a very deep and uplifting experience. I had thought a lot about human nature. Then Modjo - Lady started playing on autoplay. I went deep into this nostalgia trip, emotions were overtaking as I was watching a music video on YouTube. Later I was sitting on my coach, shifting between different states of consciousness. I realized that every undesired or bad thing in my life is there, because I want it on a deeper level, I can't say no to experiencing it from pure curiosity. I am sitting there as this Supervisor, owner of my own reality, it's my favourite element of every trip. Being this wise, totally confident person, that nails bullshit as soon as it appears, very grounded in reality. I thought I would like to feel like this all the time and then it struck me that I can. That psychedelic states of consciousness can be felt 24/7, they are not reserved to any substance, you just need to work your ass off and can attain whatever you desire. I have finished off with a walk on the fresh air. For some weird reason I was thinking about alien abduction, but quickly dropped this notion. Starry night sky is one of the most beautiful thing I have seen in my entire life. Everything I saw had this ancient egypt vibe to it. I was like a pharraoh or an ancient priest walking through the night on the desert. Very hard to put it into words. Mind was empty of thoughts almost all the time. Every street lamp has looked like an entire pizza-like shaped universe. I have returned home calmer than ever. SIDE NOTES: Overall I am not satisfied with this trip. It has showed me that many things are possible to change in my life, that it doesn't have to be the way it is right now. It was a lot of fun and serious at the time, but I feel like I have wasted the substance, It has a lot more potential and can be used in a much more profound way. I have liked the previous 150mcg trip much more, it was concise and harmonic. This one is pure chaos, a monkey-mind on a trip to the amusement park. Even this report is chaotic. I can't imagine how people are taking doses as high as 600mcg of this substance and manage to take something out from it. For me 300mcg is more than enough, I will probably stick to 225mcg dose in my next trips. It seems like a sweet-spot. But I haven't tripped enough to be sure. There are interesting after effects of this trip. For example, when driving a car I have moments of totally dissolving and merging with the car, it's such a cool feeling. I am still me, but everything happens so smoothly and effortlessly, perfect gear shifting, a lot more things get noticed, it last for few minutes. Another after effect is this being Supervisor feeling. I feel like I own reality and I am much more aware of many things, like for example posture or thought patterns. Clearness of mind is connected to this feeling. When mind clears I start to feel more grounded and everything happens effortlessly. It doesn't last long, but I would like to have it 24/7. I went on a walk one day and was just amazed with how magical everything feels. Everything was alive, I was contemplating nature and looking with awe at beauty of it. Funny thing with my contemplation is it sometimes goes into off-words-mode. It happens on another level, I catch myself that these words are no longer useful when contemplating such and such matter and start doing a thing that I can't fully describe, but surely something clicks in the mind during that process. Another after effect is disliking of certain foods, mainly fast-foods. I can eat bananas, apples and nuts all day. But eating salty sticks, it just felt terrible on the next day. I have automatically put some in my mouth without too much thinking and I thought I will spit them out. They have tasted like raw wheat and were almost impossible to chew. Pasta with meat - was terrible. Brussels = awesome. Burger from McDonald's was possible to eat, but not as tasty as always. I was farting and burping all the time. I should watch much better what I put into my mouth, after next trip. This time I was just curious how terrible something can taste. And I have found it. The most terrible, untasty thing in the world. Lech's brand alcohol-free beer. I was on Orgonite concert the next day after the trip and got thirsty. Considering that water in the club costs the same as a beer, I went for the beer. Usually I like it, but this time it felt terrible. Like I was drinking bleach. Dying would be more pleasant than drinking this beer. I have forced myself to sip enough to satiate thirst and got rid of it. Few days after I also feel mild effects on my body. I became touchy. I like touching stuff. My face feels pleasant, it's delighting to smile. I like touching my hands, holding hands and hugging others. Usually it's not my cup of tea, but now it's extra satisfying.

Actually, you can, but it's a risky tactic. If Enlightenment doesn't come fast, then it will suffer. Like a freaking lot of suffering. It's an individual thing to decide whether you can pull off a hardcore, for-freaks-only, direct Enlightenment or you need to practice self-development alongside consciousness work.

Yup, you don't have to be an asshole to show confidence. Example, you go through the street, see a cute girl and say: "Hey, I like you, I wonder if you have a personality that matches your looks. (*She probably laughs, smiles or looks at you with weird facial expression*) I know this is explicit, that's how I am, direct, honest and open-minded and I appreciate people who think that way too. What kind of people do You like? (*Her answer probably: "The same! xD"*) - and now you can go with your typical game. It's just a more self-conscious, introverted, but at the same time more elegant version of the well-known opener "Hey, nice ass!!!".

Buy some vegan cook book or find an online repository of recipes and eat a lot of what you like if you want to bulk. I wouldn't worry about any extra source of proteins, if you eat balanced meals already. Enough calories from plants = enough protein. I see you are okay with eating meat so you can eat like one day vegan/one day meat, or whole week vegan and meat on weekends. This way you won't get any vitamin deficiencies, etc. That's what I have figured out for myself. I am still working on fully implementing those principles, so this approach is untested. You can give it a try for a few months along with me!

@Barbarian Number 8 Will you take it after seeing that Leo or anyone else you know is doing good after 10 years since their first real psychedelic experience? (real means done for self-actualization purposes, not for fun)

Superhuman levels of mastery of what? Mastery itself is not a purpose, it needs to have an impact on the world you live in to qualify as a life purpose. If you are doing that and feel all right, then there's no problem. It's not what about someone else tells you, Leo or anyone, but what feels right deeply inside your heart, that's what you should do. Good for you, you have plenty of years ahead for relationships.

Because it's fun. And people want sex. You are a son of people who wanted and had sex, the same mechanism forces you to have sex. There's no escape. I will tell you, if either a realtionship or spiritual practice is taking all of your time, then you are doing it wrong. It will only take up all of your time if you are going to master it and achieve Superhuman levels of mastery. I recommend trying either Kriya Yoga or buying some pickup course so you can optimize your practice. Or both, so you don't waste time and focus on Life Purpose. BTW, how old are you?

@Barbarian Number 8 Have you ever done any psychedelic? That's a question. But it's hard not to agree with you that you need a "toolbox" in order for them to work properly. "Psychedelics don't work on stupid people." The more personal growth and enlightenment experiences you have prior to your tripping the better the effects are. Yet, it's not a reason not to try them. I have a friend who doesn't do Enlightenment work at all, after a few trips he became much more open-minded, tolerant and stopped worrying about his looks. Now he says he is handsome all the time. No, psychedelics didn't change his physical apperance. So as you can see, even without that "toolbox" these can work. @Slade Scrape all ideas you have about what you can do in life and organize them before the trip. Contemplate some on this topic prior to taking the substance and maybe for 5 minutes daily starting from now. This will help you enormously to direct the trip in the right direction, so you don't spend 4 hours looking at the patterns on the carpet. Remember what impact you want to have on the world and people, "what" is more important than "how". Just my two cents, hope it helps.

@egoless By saying that not everybody has the same reach I meant that, let's say for example you make content in English, but then market it in Asian countries and your views are only from Asia, then they will not necessarily boost your position in the USA as much as the views from Americans would do. It's not a important factor, though. You won't feel this effect if your viewers post comments in English, not their native language.