LRyan

Thanks for all the interesting comments, very deep and thoughtful responses. It probably is my ego that thinks that because I am on a path to spiritual awareness that I can fix everything for everyone so they can be happy and problem free. I do find myself feeling impatient listening to all the negative things, I have a heavy responsibility in my family, I take care of my mother who has cancer, my sister and daughter and my son rely on me for support even though they are all adults. I'm also with my granddaughter a lot and so I feel like I have so much on my plate so during the course of a day I will get several calls from everyone and usually they want my ear to vent about their money problems and relationship problems. That's why I am feeling like I might need to take a trip for me. As a mother and wife for most of my life, I am now trying to find the happiness I was always searching for. Yes, believe you are correct that it is still identification with ego that is causing me this frustration. I see myself getting pulled into the drama and it's almost like watching a train coming. I see what I am doing and my little voice says, dont....let it go but sometimes the pull is too strong and I get wrapped up in old thought patterns and behaviour patterns and I become mom, sister, daughter who wants to make everyone feel better...

Good info. and good advice. I have to practice not being attached to what my mind thinks is a good conversation or a positive one. Maybe I have expectations that there will be no negative conversations and that I will be able to make everyone as happy as I feel..??

I have got to the point where I do stay present most of the day if I am alone but once i answer a phone call or have to see family, I go unconscious because of getting wrapped up in what others say and then after when I'm alone I ask, why did you do that, why did you respond in ways you don't want to and then I realize that I lost present awareness during the entire conversation. I notice the watcher of all of these missteps and it is not going unnoticed so I do notice when I am not present but sometimes it's hard and I "go to sleep" again for periods of time. I also have not mastered meditation yet. Maybe if we could get good at Meditation it would give us a better chance at staying in the present. I meditate every day, some days are very good, other days are frustrating....

Simply put, Isn't our life purpose really to become a field of awareness, pure consciousness and then everything else is really not that important, yes we need shelter, food, the necessities for survival but I believe that people are searching for a certain job or thing to be their life purpose, something that is outside of themselves... It's not easy to get to this point at all but in a sense it is easy because we already have everything we need and no searching is necessary. This is how I see my life purpose.

Also, I wanted to ask you if you see different colours when you meditate? I usually start seeing colours after I settle into the meditation and have seen pink, purple, yellow, blues and some green. They seem to all be circular and seem to come in and out of the field and disappear and re appear..?

Hi Leo, Thanks so much for putting all of this great wisdom out there! It is life changing stuff. Would you be so kind as to suggest a few reputable places to attend a meditation retreat or a retreat to further awareness/consciousness for my journey? I have been searching for awhile but I have no idea which places are truly worth attending. I'm from Canada so most of these places will be out of my country so I need to be cautious of where I choose to go as travel is expensive and I need to buy a lot of books and take your online course so I have to spend wisely!!! I would appreciate any tips you can offer! Lisa