ShadowWalker

There was a very good self-love video by Leo some time ago and it helped me a bit, but what made a 180 degree shift in my was following his recommendation to check out Matt Kahn's teachings. Listened to every video on his YT channel, read both his books and it blasted me into a whole different dimension. Hard to overstate how much he helped me in that regard.

Hey everyone, you may have seen some of my work as a photographer, and now I'm sharing a video I filmed for a great Irish musician. Hope you'll like it and feel free to check out his album (link in the description)

Love the variety in this thread. Here's a couple recent portraits I shot:

So unless it's my confirmation bias kicking in, you guys are mostly reiterating what I've learned and what I've tried to describe. Being independent, when it comes to ambitions is a lesson I've had to learn over and over, and for the most part I make sure that it's taken care of, but the flip side is that it becomes the new limit and/or comfort zone, when in reality interdependence and synergy are vastly superior. BTW regarding the women example - I live in the capital city, plenty of beautiful women around. I was talking about girls coming from small towns just to meet me, whereas in other cases girls or even simply close friends who live within a mile can't seem to "find the time" or opportunity to meet up. So taking the advice - instead of waiting for people to invite me, I am being proactive and patient, yet it's not working nearly as well as you'd hope and yet I'm not keen on giving up on social interactions in pursuit of "success" because my personal definition of success includes having meaningful social interactions. The next step of proactivity would basically be cold approach, which unless I'm rationalizing some limiting beliefs, seems like a highly inefficient way of building meaningful connections.

In analysing the motivation for following through vs being unreliable I've boiled it down to the two usual suspects - potential reward and/or punishment. If someone has a high payoff they tend to be very dependable even without the threat of penalty for acting otherwise. Similarly if they perceive your interaction as a scarce opportunity they put in more effort than in the case of it being just another common option with low/moderate payoff and low penalty for putting it off. As a naturally tolerant person I have steered clear of punishment and focused on being someone people would want to interact with, at least in my idealistic view of the world and myself. The underlying idea is to save yourself the drama and negative emotions, disregard the "wrong people" and focus on those who are capable of appreciating you and the things you are offering. Reality, however, has consistently pointed out a flaw in my reasoning, and I feel I've reached a tipping point. Despite focusing exclusively on what's in my control, trying to improve myself and the value I bring to the table in all areas of life, time and time again, I am confronted with an epidemic of undependable, procrastinating behaviour from people who never fail to punish me for my patience and understanding, even if they otherwise genuinely like and respect me. The most common problem is people trying to preserve every bit of optionality, always giving me the same reply "I'll get back to you tomorrow/next week" and seldom following up. Or we make some appointment, something comes up, and they don't even bother to suggest an alternate time to make it happen, so I take the initiative and the whole thing repeats. I can anticipate it as being "the norm" in scheduling photoshoots with beautiful women, as well as in dating, but it also happens when I try to meet up with friends, even supposedly close ones. In an attempt to answer my own question, I acknowledge the fact that with high potential reward or punishment things look different - models are much more cooperative for commercial projects, and students who've paid in advance for a Photoshop course I'm teaching are much more likely to show up. Girls who think I'm out of their league will be keen to schedule a meetup even if they have to travel a couple hundred kilometers from another city whereas those that are being hit up by numerous high-quality prospects are hesitant even if they like me, for fear of missing out on all the cool other options, so I'm more of a "Plan B" for them. I get that. I'm not interested in making a moral judgement and "should-ing" all over myself with how I believe things need to be. I accept the way things work but not the status quo. So please, give me a straight answer, poke holes in my argument or assumptions if needed. Share what's worked for you to fix a similar problem, or how you never let it become a problem in the first place. Outframe the paradigm I'm in. I'm tired of being the only one who proactively honors his agreements - this has been a lifelong struggle for me, so I'm open for suggestions.

+1

It's that time of the year so might as well shoot some roses:

There are 2 quite distinct ego structures according to Matt Kahn - the "superior" and "inferior" ego or as he explains them in other terms - the "narcissistic" ego and the "energetically sensitive soul". The descriptions are fairly self-explanatory, but the crucial part here is that most sensitive souls or inferior egos are trying to follow an old path aimed at superior egos, and wondering why they feel increasingly stuck and insecure. Actually the whole video blew my mind and it's filled with gems, wisdom and love of course, so I won't go into too many details. It was certainly eye-opening for me and an important reminded that I should recalibrate my goals and methods. Doing "the right things" at the wrong stage is not just futile, it can harm you. Highly recommend listening at least to the first 5-10 minutes if you don't have an hour for the whole thing

I watched the video on True vs False Skepticism and Pyrrhonism sounds very much like an approach that is close to my intuitive way of looking at the world. I'm not claiming that I'm faultless at it, but simply that my default way of reasoning is more or less aligned with it. The benefits are fairly evident and well worth looking into it, but let's talk about some of the risks. It's a subject that's been on my mind lately, even before learning about this philosophy. True skepticism is indeed a great way to avoid delusion and dogmatic beliefs, but at what cost? Yes, in dualism truth is a matter of context, but beyond inner work, how relevant is this, in a world that does not tolerate ambivalence well? We all know media is especially guilty at being intolerant to nuanced information, but this also extends to the majority of normal people, and those who've achieved a high enough level of consciousness are not always in the mood for deep evaluation of subtle facts. Marketing is another good example - everything tends to have a niche, or obvious, even exaggerated characteristics. Being refined and well-rounded does not tend to translate into massive success, even if it is a good foundation for sorting out your inner state and dissolving delusions. Even in dating you are far more likely to have an abundance of options if you fit into some type or "brand", that is recognizable to your potential partner. When people can't easily put a tag on you, they don't know what to make of you and in the interest of preserving mental power they tend to unconsciously ignore you or even assume you are malicious or disingenuous. A couple quotes come to mind: "The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom"- William Blake "Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess." - Oscar Wilde As well as the phrase "extreme views, weakly held" What are your views and experience? Do you have any heuristics when it comes to choosing whether to apply skepticism and/or moderation, and to what degree?

Fair distinction. I was asking based on the premise that we're engaging in a karmic return to the material world after the realization of absolute truth. Matt Kahn puts it quite eloquently: I've been thinking about taking the best of both worlds so to speak, by tackling slightly more mainstream topics or stylistics than I am naturally inclined, so that I am relevant to my surrounding and more relatable, yet imbuing the manner in which I approach and present things with the wisdom and depth I've cultivated through inner work. Sounds kind of abstract, but I think you've been achieving this very skillfully whenever you engage a more approachable topic and while I would appreciate tips, I also agree with your references to juggling or riding a tricycle.

@AndreiC Lovely balance through complementary colors, themes, etc. Where can we see her portfolio?

@Laisa Nice work! Thank you, I have profiles on most photography sites, if that counts. Also, Fb and Instagram: Facebook page Instagram

Already posted some of the pretty ladies I've shot, so for a change:

Yeah too many variables depending on maturity, level of consciousness, and goals in life to come up with any reliable answer. From my experience idiosyncrasies tend to have a bigger effect on relationship happiness and fulfillment. If I am to generalize I would say the classic combination of younger woman and older man works well for various reasons: women tend to reach emotional maturity earlier so men their age tend to be infantile and inconsiderate. On the flip side older women often seem slightly jaded, apathetic and intimidating to men their age, who would prefer a woman to practically look up to them with awe and enthusiasm. Women tend to be attracted to mature masculine energy, which usually manifests itself later in life, both intellectually, socially, spiritually, but also often times even in terms of appearance. Many men on the other hand are drawn like a magnet to the freshness and excitability of a young woman, not to mention her beautiful appearance, although I should note there are obviously women who not only maintain their looks but even become more attractive as they transition from being a pretty girl to becoming an enchanting woman. And before we get too serious:

I have just the thing for you

Sounds like a good plan. If you feel anxious in beginning the conversation I would highly recommend a chapter in "The Seven Habbits of Highly Effective People" describing the idea of Emphatic Listening. For more on a related note, there's also a lot of valuable insight and tactics in "Crucial Conversations". Best of luck!

In most spheres it is fairly straightforward to determine the value something has, based on the interplay of supply and demand. Scarcity tends to increase prices. Solving problems, saving time or facilitating tasks is rewarded. Fair Enough. Then you try to apply these principles to an artistic service or a work of art and you quickly realize that it feels like an infinite number of paradigms are intertwined in paradoxical ways leaving little room for clear conclusions and predictable outcomes. The subjectivity of art goes beyond artistic value - it seems it's financial worth is in the eye of the beholder, as well. You can go off researching psychological and cultural norms and tendencies for ages and still not have the faintest clue how to price a work of art. History is full of examples of genius artists who died in poverty, as well as post-modernists who like alchemists sold random collections of objects or splatters of paint for millions. In Hindsight we can try to analyze the factors and principles involved and we can make the pieces fit into a suitable paradigm but in the end it often feels incredibly arbitrary, doesn't it? Could it really be an example of "ask and you shall receive"? Could it be that aside from all the various circumstances, the main point of divergence between the struggling artists and those well-off is the daring to ask and the confidence in self-worth to receive? I'm not talking about craft here, as I feel this side fits more easily into traditional financial principles, be it in the realms of painting, photography, music, etc. What's your take on the topic? Have you been financially successful as an artist? Have you spent significant amounts of money for art, and why? --- Thanks for reading my first topic. I'm quite new here and I'm excited to get to know the community that Leo has so kindly made possible with the addition of the forum.

In the beginning of my journey some of Teal Swan's videos helped me in this regard. My more major breakthrough came after I saw Leo's video about self-acceptance and self-love (the one in which he says 'love your sins to death'). Thanks to Leo and this video I discovered Matt Kahn's who is probably one of the people who most radically shifted my inner beliefs and dialogue. The neurotic self-judgement and relentless obsessive self-criticism gave way to kindness and heart-centered empathy, which not only made me feel at peace in my body and mind for the first time since early childhood, but also in effect transformed virtually all areas of my external circumstances. @SchallUndRauch Yes, I agree on the importance of context and the place you're coming from when choosing your approach. I have nothing against grinding it out in general, and I've done it numerous times. I simply wanted to highlight and discuss some important nuances and exceptions that I feel are not thoroughly discussed in the book, or in society for that matter.

I think Carol Dweck's book Mindset is a must-read, whether you're naturally inclined to have a growth mindset, or on the contrary, like me, you've gravitated more towards a fixed mindset. Having read it you almost feel compelled to accept that the Growth Mindset is superior in every way, and I've certainly experienced benefits from going in that direction. However, I feel there are some very important exceptions. It's easy to become dogmatic and believe that relentless effort is the ultimate key to success, but this can backfire with you stubbornly trying to work on your mediocre gifts in a specific field instead of coming up with creative solutions like the famous Fosbury flop in high jumping. Or you can stick to an occupation that's not really what you are meant to do - Imagine if Newton had dedicated himself to the farm work that he was appointed; what if Darwin had continued studying for a Medical career? Being willing to hustle or grind it out sounds like an admirable trait but is that always the best option? This willingness can lead you to accept and optimize traditional approaches instead of disrupting the whole paradigm. The first leads to incremental gains, whereas the second can have exponential effects. Would you agree that laziness and impatience are not always the villains we're so quick to make them out to be? I believe that we're throwing out the baby with the bathwater by trying to eliminate these traits, instead of seeing them as potential flags that draw our attention to an inefficiency in a certain system, pointers that can potentially lead us to much needed innovation.

@Emerald Wilkins Thank you so much for this insider's view, I kept nodding in agreement while reading your post! @Epiphany_Inspired Thanks for the practical advice! @Sevi Beautiful insights with a lot of clarity and truth in them! I can't believe I thought that forums are in decline. I'm truly grateful for all your input and very impressed with the quality of the discussion. I hope this thread will provide valuable guidance for other artists struggling to make sense of the whole thing.

Hopefully it's not against the forum guidelines: Definitely the latter and that's always been the case for me. It has worked so far, but turning 30 and not having at least some half-decent financial security and prospects for growth doesn't sit right with me. Hence my interest in researching the topic and ultimately improving my situation and abilities. In today's world I would say attention is one of the scarcest resources, so I would actually consider it as demanding a lot from your listener, who's drowning in a sea of mediocre music blasting him from every side, as well as social media and other distractions. I was actually in an underground band before taking up photography and I would honestly claim that it was much harder to reach people despite our band being among the most well-known locally. I should probably point out that I live in a small country with an almost non-existent market for the less popular genres of art. However, I'm fully aware that with online connectivity there's no room for justifications and limiting beliefs. I fully agree with the rest of your points, and that's what I'm struggling with. Without being arrogant I can say that I'm confident in the quality of my work, yet I can't claim with certainty that it fulfills a market need.

Not what I wanted to read, but I guess it's what I needed to read, so thanks guys! I think you've touched on this briefly in some videos but could this topic deserve a whole video? Would certainly be valuable for all the artists torn between the two extremes. If not, then for all the artists reading this, I recommend checking out Chase Jarvis' channel for some good advice regarding art, business and entrepreneurship.

@abgespaced has already written more or less what I wanted to say. There's a nice quote from Matt Kahn: "What we often demand from others - from our spouse, from our children, we deny giving ourselves."

Yeah you could argue with Leo on certain topics all you want, but his ability to research, dive deep, incorporate common objections AND consistently maintain this level while shooting engaging, focused, hour-long episodes simply speaks for itself. Anyone who's tried to record a half-decent video knows that your expectations are usually replaced with the sad reality of your atrocious delivery and fragmented train of thought. Awe and respect for his efforts and work ethic.

^ What I meant was that art's properties and art's market can be viewed through a number of lenses, that often times lead you to conflicting conclusions. For example, you can view art as fulfilling a tangible need in the consumer, or you could alternatively view art as having intrinsic value precisely because of it's purposelessness and eccentricity. Both can be correct in the context of the respective paradigm. You could argue that the latter is an extension of the first that is simply fulfilling the need for significance through difference/eccentricity but the whole topic gets messy and unclear very quick.