spinderella

Hi all! I've been on a spiritual path for some years, and often feel blocked. I have a very strong will, and am very often trying quite hard to get what I want. Even through spiritual means, I still want to get what I want. My therapist (who trains with Rupert Spira, and whom I believe has had his own spiritual awakening) has suggested to me that maybe I don't know what I want. I have LOTS of ideas about what I think I want. And, I am most certainly not happy when I don't get what I want. Having tried 85000 means to get what I want and not finding happiness, I want to be ready to stop trying to hard to make the world comply to my desires. And....I guess I don't know HOW to do that. So what, do I just live? What about all my fears? What about all my worries? What about my impulses to take frantic action toward what I want to achieve? I guess my question is...how do you actually live from a surrendered place? I like how Michael Singer talks about staying open, just saying "yes" to life, basically. Curious what this group would say.

Hi all, I have seen both of these topics discussed here on the site, and I've been helped by both modalities. I am a therapist and coach myself, and am trying to find a way to reconcile some of the differences between the two so that I can use both of them in my work. In a nutshell, IFS says that there are "parts" of us that hold emotions, beliefs, and that direct our behaviour etc. To heal trauma, we have to integrate these parts by essentially making peace with the family system inside of us. Byron Katie's "The Work" teaches us that none of our thoughts are objectively true, and that we can question our beliefs and end our suffering Is anyone else familiar with both of these pieces of work? How are both of them true? I'm happy to elaborate more on either, but I'm hoping that maybe somebody sees where my dissonance is coming from and can help me reconcile it?

Incredible experience - I won't get into all of the details because it seems we have trip reports for that. I don't remember much of it, but I do recall an experience of I can only describe as becoming infinity. A undulating, ever expanding, constantly growing upon itself, every frequency of sound that ever existed, splitting into a million tiny fragments, that are all spinning, vibrating, into each other and out of each other and everything all at once. Like an infinite orgasm of every particle of particle of particle of particle. The memory I have is brief, but holy shit. So like....is THAT what I am? That's what consciousness is? My mind really wants to make sense of this lol. Is that where we go when we die? Is that our body and our spirit? So like, I felt myself be reborn. I felt the woosh of spirit coming into my physical body and I felt time come into existence and I felt my mind come back online. That said, I can see that consciousness is what my spirit is made of. But is that what everything is made of? Like does consciousness go into inanimate objects, too? I guess it would have to in order to be in this three dimensional time-space reality? Also - just, holy fuck. I have no further words lol. Editing to add some harm reduction comments: I did this with an extremely experienced guide, there was one facilitator and four volunteers and just me. It was absolutely incredible.

But but but....if infinity is everything, how did IT want to know ITSELF? Doesn't that very idea indicate a seed of separation? As though IT was somehow separate from ITSELF?

I'll definitely trip again, but I'm not in a rush Thank you for all your content Leo. I've found absolutely nowhere else to talk about this stuff (consciousness, not even just 5-MeO) at this level.

But like, what does that mean that God is a dreamer?

Okay....so, why am I dreaming this dream? I can see in this moment that it's a dream - I'm still that infinite consciousness that I was during that trip - I'm still that infinite consciousness RIGHT NOW. So....why am I having this dream?

This is really a beautiful analogy, thank you for this. And it makes sense, that we are experiencing these shifts in a linear manner. But how is this happening? Is it because we have time? And then, where does time come from?

But like, how does the dream occur? I was infinity in one moment and the next I was dreaming that I was a human on this earth. HOW? hahaha but seriously I want to know how!

Sure, maybe, dunno. I'm really just talking about 5-MeO because it's what I just experienced. I've done other psychs but haven't had an ego death before.

This makes sense - but where did the form come from?

Haha yes, I didn't fully have a God realization. Just the direct experience of infinity realization. So...I'm still curious though, when I felt that woosh of my soul or spirit or consciousness coming back into this physical realm...where was it before? Like what was the process by which I went from being absolute infinity, to having an awareness of this physical plane? Like I kind of understand that I currently still AM that infiniteness that I experienced - but why does it appear that I'm a human? I think it has something to do with time, like in infinity it was everything, and now there's time....but....this is so confusing lol. Maybe what I'm asking is how does one go from the nondual experience of infinity into the world of duality? Or, I guess the dual world is imagined. How is it imagined?? What is imagining?

Fascinating perspective, thank you for sharing it! Curious, when someone has an OBE, can they SEE their body? I'm a bit confused at what happened near the end of my trip, once my ego was back online, I still had no body. But I like, tried to sit up and I could see the facilitators and stuff, but when I looked down I had no body. I was totally freaked out by this lol. What was that?

Hi all - Does anybody know of a spiritual / consciousness based retreat that you'd recommend? I have time off in June (a month, basically), and am willing to travel anywhere in the world. I know that this is a vague question, I'm not looking for an ayahuasca retreat or something like that, but perhaps something similar to the teachings of Adyashanti or Rupert Spira...

Hi all - So I'm in a new-ish relationship with a guy I see myself marrying. I don't have that "head over heels" in love feeling, but I'm 38 and have dated a lot and have been in love before so I'm not expecting to have crazy butterflies all the time. With this guy, we are extremely compatible and are both committed to a life of freedom, adventure, and exploration. Sounds great to me. Things are good. I'm in the process of making many major life changes (quitting job, starting business, travelling for two months, moving, new relationship) and I'm being called to 5-MeO. I'm not new to psychedelics having done ayahuasca and mushrooms and ketamine (for depression), and I have always been way too scared to try 5-Meo although I've always been curious. Sometimes I get worried that I don't have the 'head over heels' feeling. I talked to a therapist about it and she said it's fine, that the head over heels feeling is never sustainable and usually isn't a sign of healthy stable love. Here's my deal. I'm concerned that taking 5-MeO is going to make me question my relationship that's still pretty new. I don't want to fuck this up, I really don't. I like the relationship I have, even if I'm still gaining my footing in it (I'm a little avoidantly attached). I know everybody's experience is different, but I'm curious how 5-MeO has impacted your relationships? Does it improve them? Make them strained? Does it just accentuate what's already there? I'm so on the fence with this. On the one hand I REALLY want to do it, on the other hand I really don't want to risk straining my new and really good relationship. I should also add that one of the things I worry about in relationships is losing my spiritual connection to myself. Hence why I think my desire to do 5-MeO is high right now. Thanks for any insight

Thank you for this, much appreciated.

I guess I meant more like after. I know the experience itself won't teach me stuff like that, but like, I'm afraid I guess of losing my rational thought post-experience.

Hey, thank you for asking this. I do actually want all of him and what he represents. He's a bit behind me spiritually but I believes he has the open mindedness to catch up if he wants to, and the acceptance to let me be who I am without catching up, if he doesn't want to. And, I do believe I can 100% accept him as he is whether he "catches up" or not.

I've reflected more on what you have said, and I think there are some things I have been afraid to admit but am willing to. For example, yeah I would "like" somebody more aligned with my spiritual heart, but I do believe he is on the path. He is incredibly open minded and we do talk about some spiritual things, but he's not quite where I am - and YES I am okay with that. It feels very good to admit that. Thank you for asking the question, I could eel some defensiveness in my answer and you made me feel safe to look at it. This is making me feel more confident. And the earlier question to why would it be so bad if the relationship ended made me see that I'm grasping onto it. With that awareness, I was able to let go. I'm gripping on hard because I feel like if I don't, the relationship will die. Or that if I'm not thinking about him so much, the relationship will die, but I can see that I have zero reason to believe that's true. What's happening is the gripping is making me feel like I'm losing myself, which, in fact, is what would make the relationship die. It's not so much about kids. I used to think they were essential to feel whole and complete but I no longer feel this is true. Thanks for your thoughtful responses

Well, I think I see the things I don't want to see. I wonder if I "need" to be with someone more spiritual. I sometimes feel concerned that he has children and that will limit our freedom. I sometimes feel concerned that I have had better conversations with other men prior to him. Sometimes I don't feel like he is my "soulmate". But he is certainly an incredible potential life partner. But ultimately there is so much good, we are aligned in our goals, our vision, we are extremely compatible, he is a good honest reliable exceptional man. I love how he treats me. Are these things deal breakers? I'd like to think not. Sometimes, though, I do see myself running off into the jungle to study with a shaman for a month, or living free as a bird, and I've done some of these things in the past. But I want to settle down into a relationship with a good person, who I believe I've found. I don't want to end the relationship, but it is a good question as to why it would be so bad. Because I want to be with him, I guess is why. Does that make sense?

On one hand I say I'm a believer in nonduality and have had some direct experience of oneness through meditation and the use of psychedelics. I'm certainly not an enlightened being, but I deliberately work at evolving my state of consciousness on a regular basis. I notice that whenever I set a goal, I immediately feel the lack of having that thing that I want. I can see that this is rooted in dualistic thinking - for example, I believe that having what I want is better than not having the thing I want. I can see that ultimately, all is one, there's nothing to do, nothing to get, etc. And I sometimes toy with the idea of saying well, no big deal, I'll just live life on this earth and do what I love be of service, whatever. But my brain argues with this. It wants to set a goal, plan to achieve it, and go out there and get it - and I really definitely DO see that it's possible to set/plan/action toward a goal without thinking that it's better once I achieve it. However, this is not the default setting I exist on. For example. I purchased an investment property with four units in it. I need to get four tenants in it. I currently only have one. I'm very attached to the outcome of my goal (ie: having four tenants), because when I have four tenants I will make profit, and when I have one tenant I will lose money every month. This makes me feel anxious and all graspy trying to "fix" the situation. I can see my belief is that making profit is good, and losing money is bad. And, as a result, I'm turning my human experience into a ball of anxiety. Can someone help me look at my situation differently? Of course I want to do all I can to make profit. I don't think that's truly the issue. I don't think desires are "bad". But I don't know how to detach from the outcome. Am I supposed to see that losing money is fine? If losing money is fine, where does the motivation to make profit to come from? I can see the fallacious belief under there that "motivation to make profit comes from anxiety about losing money", and I know intellectually that's not true, but it's currently how I'm living, and it's what I've done my whole life. I'm kind of stuck in this pattern in many areas of my life, but this is a simple obvious example. If anyone can help me tease this apart I would be forever grateful!

So, I don't want to come off like a paranoid nutcase. However, I'm pretty concerned with talk of the Metaverse and what this will mean for humanity in the next 10 years or so (please don't tell me it will be even less time). I had a bad dream about it last night so I'm maybe a little more verbose about it than I usually would be so bear with me. Basically my question is - wtf are we going to do when meta is basically like a cellphone, where we need to use it in order to make any plans or get food or anything? Are people going to move to other countries and pockets of the world where people are actively resisting this? Or rather, peacefully living in a world overtaken by technology? I'm feeling afraid that the government (or whoever) now knows they can get the world into their houses and afraid to leave at the snap of their fingers - what's to stop whoever from having this happen again, and then launching Meta - "now, you don't even need to leave your house to experience the world!". And the masses will be grateful to Meta for providing them this opportunity. I'm honest to god pretty scared of this and am wanting to have an exit plan for if this shit happens. Am I the only one afraid of this? Do others see it too? Also - what are the options here? I guess to either decide to leave and resist it, or learn to peacefully coexist with it. If I'm going to peacefully co-exist, does anyone have any recommendations for books or podcasts to tell me wtf is going on? And - are we already living in a sort of metaverse? Is it just that this next step looks to be more tangible and real to me?

So, I understand that everything is consciousness. And conscious is nothing, with the potential to be everything. I do think I understand this (as much as is possible with a human mind, and from my experiences with psychedelics and meditation). I am consciousness. My brain / mind are also consciousness. Everything is consciousness. When I try to locate my "self", or turn attention upon itself, sometimes I feel like well duh - I am this 'watcher' behind my face. It feels like there's some point of consciousness behind my face, inside my head, in my brain, that is "me", that is observing the world appear in front of me. But then at the same time, when I try to actually identify where that watcher IS, exactly, I really can't. Sometimes, I have these brief glimpses where I recognize that there is no difference between what I have identified with as my "self" and everything else that I'm perceiving in consciousness. It's like I have this vague sense that there's something that which is me (that lives inside my head), but yet, I cannot actually find this 'me' when I look. I guess my question is: what exactly is happening here? Why do we all think that we are "inside our head" - why does this feel so true - when there is no actual proof that this is true? And, why are we told (in many teachings) that we are the "watcher", in a way that seems to separate us from our thoughts? From a nondual perspective, we are the watcher, we are the mind, the brain, the thoughts - we are all of it. So why do some teachings tell us that we are the watcher?

What is the mechanism by which consciousness imagines? Is there a video on this or something I can read?

Hey all, first off I don't want to turn this into a political debate. Please. Generally speaking I've always been very socially liberal. I don't mind paying a bit more taxes so that everyone can have a higher standard of living, and I'm in a high tax bracket. I discovered Jordan Peterson a few years ago, and realized my Blue Shadow and did contemplative work and took actions to integrate it. Then I feel I developed a Green Shadow, and did contemplative work and took actions to integrate it. However, there are a few things that I've discovered over the past two years that really irk me about government: I'm concerned that the data put out there about what we should eat is hugely inaccurate. I no longer believe that saturated fat is bad for us, and I believe that the food pyramid recommendations are completely based on "big agra" and "big food" objectives and have nothing to do with our health. This infuriates me, since we now have an entire world with metabolic disease. I'm very concerned about what we call "science". I've watched Leo's entire series on deconstructing the myth of science, and I was actually mostly already on board before watching it. I also have a degree in Biochemistry and have worked in healthcare for a decade, so it's not like I'm just a dummy when it comes to science. I believe that science is an ideology, and that we can make "science" say whatever we want it to say just depending on the way we set up a study. Science is not fact. Every good scientist knows this. I'm also very concerned around the censorship around coronavirus. I've seen a lot of deplatforming of physicians and scientists who question the mainstream narrative around how this has been treated, on issues ranging from the actual danger of the virus to vaccinations. This bothers me, and makes me wonder why this information is being censored. Also, since I already don't trust the government based on what they've said about food, I don't trust them when it comes to how to treat a virus, either. So it's not like I've blindly just said "the government is stupid". I can understand that it can be a very Blue thing if you've never contemplated any of the higher stages and just landed on that conclusion. But I have deeply contemplated those other ideas and have come back to the idea that I don't trust the government, and I am feeling conflicted about it. I now have friends and stuff who think I'm ignorant or a nutcase because I don't trust the mainstream message. But in actuality I've really deeply thought about these topics and have done hours of research and introspection, and this is the conclusion I've come to. I don't think my position is ignorant, though I certainly wouldn't claim to have "figured it all out" or "know what's absolutely true". I actually feel quite conflicted about it. On one hand, I do want to be "part of the solution". But on the other hand, I totally don't buy into the mainstream media / government message. Can someone help me deconstruct this?