dystopia

@FindingPeace I was going to upvote you but lol I just found out there's an upvote limit. I figured you would need some time to dissect everything. It's not always easy to explain stuff you seem to just know. Or yeah, it could have been a limiting belief you picked up at some point. If you could outline what needs are non-expendable (in case you find any) & why, that would be cool. I could try to think of some too hmm this is interesting.

@mtblife22 passion comes from the need for fulfillment. It is not a need in itself. What's the specific need that brings about passion? To the thinking being it must come from a need to define their own existance & give them a sense of purpose. Is that need essential? I'm not sure. To the enlightened being, I imagine this need is filled by the realization that they simply exist for the sake of existance. It does seem like kind of an empty life. But I am not enlightened. I have plenty of holes to fill. Maybe that is what we are really seeking, after all. Nothing. We are lost in this plane. Searching for something but not knowing that our purpose is to returb to nothing. Only then can we feel complete. Ah, I'm getting really philosophical lol.

This got heated lol calm down you guys. @Nomad does have a point. Research and evidence do hold up better. That's the issue with learning from experience. Sometimes you are not aware of resources to back it up (if they even exist). However, with so much evidence to the contrary, I am interested to know how you came to the conclusion that some needs can be eliminated @FindingPeace can you please explain why you're so sure? it's ok to be wrong & people are going to form their own conclusions anyways.

People eat too much. It's not their fault, eating is fun. It's tasty and comforting and great in a social setting. I love food as much as the next person. It can also be an addiction, and a pretty persistent one. Especially in the West, where many people are taught from a young age that if they don't clean their plate, somehow some kid in Africa is gonna be upset. It's a social addiction, further perpetuated by the media that only cares about you consuming more for their profit. When all the advertising is done for all the fakest , worst foods, with unnecessary chemicals, does it really seem like the media gives a shit about your health? Let's be honest, they don't care. They want you to buy more food and stuff your face with unnecessary chemicals. It's cool because if something affects you negatively, you can just pay the doctor & pay the pharmacy for more unnecessary chemicals to fix the symptoms (while never getting to the root of the issue). Did you know that the average person is carrying around 10lbs+ of uneliminated fecal matter? I read this in the book Mucusless Diet Healing System by Professor Arnold Ehret. You are what you eat. Digestion is very hard on the system. When you are not using so much energy on digesting foods that your body doesn't even know what to do with (heavy foods and processed junk that is essentially poison), then your body has a real chance to heal and cleanse itself of impurities! Imagine that. That is why you end up feeling better when you eat less! (After you get over your chemical addictions, of course. If your diet is really bad it sucks, at first.) Don't get me wrong, eating disorders are terrible & I've even suffered from them. But most people seem to think that more is better when it comes to food. Referring to chubby people as "healthy" and telling every thin person to "eat a burger" (which always irked me because it's nonsense). Whether they think so or not, most people in modern society do have a food addiction. Your body doesn't usually crave what is good for you, otherwise more people would eat healthy. It craves the damn chemicals that you're putting in it because they are addicting. They are made to be: for profit. The best solution? Eat when you are hungry (which will be less often when your body is getting proper nutrition & hydration), stop when you are satisfied not full (By the time you feel full, you've already eaten too much). Even better: eat things that the human body was made to digest such as fruits, veggies and grains, and stay away from that stuff that was fried or made in a lab. I also recommend reading up on proper food combinations to learn why your body sometimes has a hard time digesting: http://www.acidalkalinediet.net/correct-food-combining-principles.php Why I avoid meat & why protein is overrated: http://www.grapegate.com/high-protein-diets-can-cause-death

I'm not lol. I've isolated myself now more than ever. I think that once I have been working on my passion long enough & solving my self-love issues it's going to be a lot easier. I just tried going on a date recently, knowing I wasn't ready, and it was disastrous.

Yeah, my mom has always been the same way. No positive reincforment or support, just criticism and patronizing. Their generation was raised before most people knew the harmful long term affects you have on your kids, I guess. The funny thing is, my mom has a good relationship with her mom but she doesn't even think of how I feel (not having a supportive parent). It is what it is. You have to accept that they do their best & try to do better than they did, if you ever have kids. You're not going to change them now. People only change when they want to. The only thing you can do is let go of the anger you have towards them. It does nothing to serve you. Just do what you think is best for you and love them anyways.

I think when you're more awake you're more prone to actually do stuff & build the life you want imo. The pettiness and societal constructs will not matter to you as much. Before you develop some sort of conciousness your problems seem like such a big deal and you're in your little social bubble & easily fall into turmoil. All I know is now that I feel like I'm more aware, I sure as hell don't want to go back to the way I was. I also have more trouble letting myself go on auto-pilot because I'm actually observing myself self-sabotage, rather than thinking something happened "to me" (when it was actually my responsibility). I can't really imagine being more awake... but I can't wait.

@Mantas It sounds like you're depressed lol. I know exactly how you feel. I've avoided living so many times. It's comfortable to be able to lie there and do nothing but when shit hits the fan, it will not feel good, at all. You have two choices: Continue to procrastinate your life & indulge in your comforts now but end up deeply regretting the time you wasted. You will hate yourself and become more depressed (if you think you're not already, just wait.) I have done this & I still struggle to forgive myself. The second option is to kick yourself in the ass and go find a job. Go build something better for yourself. What are you waiting for? You reap what you sow & the only thing you're going to get from this is grief. You are wasting time and you're never going to feel like it so just do it. If you don't know what to do: it doesn't matter. Build something. Do something to improve your current state. This Ted talk helped me a lot:

I've been single for a year and a half. I chose to focus on my self actualization and growth. I wasn't even thinking about being in a relationship any time soon but then someone I used to talk to (that I met online) messaged me a few days ago. We seemed to have a lot in common and it made me excited. Well, we met this afternoon and it turned out he was all talk. He was comfortable sharing stuff online but he clamped up in real life, which made me reluctant to open up. He ended up saying he wasn't feeling it and disregarded the past few days based on a 2 hour interaction. I even tried to explain that it takes some time for me to open up and get comfortable with someone but he didn't care. He said I was attractive but it wasn't about looks, he didn't feel anything, which is fine, but I feel like I gave the wrong impression. He didn't get the full scope of my personality from a brief meet up in which I was in a somewhat crap mood anyways so how can he be so quick to judge? I don't really care to be with someone who is so close-minded but it did make me wonder: why was I so awkward? I think I have this almost defensive mentality of "I don't have to impress anybody" so I don't even care about making an effort to be friendly & open. I want to be ok by myself & want to think I am enough but at the same time, I have cut most people off from my life (because they were hindering my growth) & I'm feeling lonely. I realized I wasn't wanting a relationship because I don't think I'm good enough for one yet, not because I am happy by myself. After these past few days talking to this guy, texting constantly, it's left me feeling a huge lack (after he rejected me). I'm really torn. I want to be happy by myself but I want to make connections. I have such high standards for others, though. I feel like since I have such high standards and want someone quality, I need to make myself someone who would fit a similar person's standards first. At the same time I don't want to impress anybody. I know this is some egotistical bullshit but I had really low self esteem and I thought I had inproved so much until today. What am I doing? I feel like I have some pretty good advice to give people but when it comes to myself I just keep getting stuck. Should I try to be ok by myself, regardless?

@kalter000 I thought I knew him from talking for a few days. People aren't that hard to figure out to me. I knew he was an Aries and an ISFJ, what more do I need? It sounded like we had a lot in common and somewhat made up for each other's weaknesses at the same time. But he pulled the brakes at the last minute. I'm an INTP and a Virgo so neurotic is a way of life. I'm always analyzing everything. I've always been concerned with making a good impression on others. However, I've always been so introverted and peculiar. It didn't help that I had a super critical mother who offered no emotional support and is still patronizing me to this day. When I was little, I would cry because I thought no one liked me and to this day I have a hard time finding someone who understands me. I've gotten into studying psychology and personalities to try to understand why. I'm really bad with my emotions because my primary mode is thinking but I thought I had gotten better. I thought I loved myself more. I'm really trying but I'm afraid to lower my standards. The only way I can think of to raise my self esteem is to get in better shape, grow my hair out, and get better at pursuing my passions/dream career. I was working on that anyways and this guy came along before I was ready, for sure. It was just a nice feeling to have someone there again & look forward to all the things we talked about. He just turned out to give me false hope. Another liar/coward. Yeah I tell myself I don't have to impress anyone because I don't know what else to do. Fake it 'til you make it, right?

When you love and respect yourself, other people will too. Ask yourself why do you care to impress people so much? I recommend you watch Leo's video about not caring what people think, first of all. Others can sense you're insecure about yourself. Do you know why confident people can get others to follow them, even if they're huge assholes? Because they love themselves and are confident. It's human psychology. People subconciously assume that if you're confident & comfortable, you must have a good reason to be and they should like you. The aggression you have about wanting to be yourself "and fuck you if you don't like me" tells me that you have been hurt by rejection. Let me tell you, aggression and defensiveness is not the best approach. Now everyone is different. There are going to be people who are less sensitive and people who are more. You can't control that. What you can do is be considerate. Put yourself in their shoes. As someone who fears rejection, don't you think you would be more apt to accept someone who treated you with respect? You need to give respect to get respect. Start by respecting yourself. When you love yourself unconditionally, it's easier to be compassionate and deal with the faults of others. Self love does not equal arrogance or narcissism. You want to avoid any extremes. Guess what, you're not that unique. No one has ever said "gee, I hope nobody likes or accepts me". Rejection is a universal fear. We all want love and acceptance anf it has to start within ourselves. Don't be afraid of being vulnerable. Become genuinely confident. This will take a lot of inner work. You will find that the people who allow you to talk to them bluntly and aggressively probably don't have much love or respect for themselves, either. You can still be honest but realoze that some things are better left unsaid. Don't look for conflict. Develop a way of speaking that does not demean others. Lay down your defenses, they harm you more than they help you.

I think you have the right idea. Abraham Hicks says that most people get it wrong by thinking that what is external is going to make you happy or fulfilled. She says that the feeling comes first. We manifest our physical reality according to our inner vibration. That's why when youre having a shit day & let it get to you, it only seems to get worse (it's because you feel bad). Therefore, a feeling (vibration) of lack can only bring you matching circumstances. By feeling fulfilled first, you are then attracting only things that match that vibration into your life.

There's a lot of good advice here already. I would say: Make sure the clothes fit your body and are flattering. You will look 1000 times better in something that fits you. You will notice that people who care about their clothes often get them tailored. It's hard for many people to find clothes off the rack that fit them perfectly. Keep it simple. Many people make the mistake of thinking being stylish means over accessorizing or wearing loud stuff. This is simply not true. Look at how runway models dress on a regular basis. You'll see a lot of plain t-shirts and jeans. Unless you are going somewhere special, there is usually no reason to dress up. That being said, learn to accessorize wisely. A necklace or a watch can give an otherwise muted outfit just the flair it needs. Check out the website lookbook.nu check out the most up voted male and female looks and study why they are so popular. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable and confident in what you wear. People can tell. That is why, while some people can pull off wearing something obnoxious, or even something that would otherwise be considered ugly, not everyone can. That is why I would advise to keep it simple, as it's easier to stay confident when you're not taking any big fashion risks. Think sleek and modern. Feel free to experiment with trends but you don't have to wear something just because it's trendy. You may come off as trying too hard. Maybe watch shows like Project Runway. They have great examples of bad garment construction and style vs good. You can always skip to the end when they are on the runway if you're not interested in the drama.

Tia Lopez seemed kind of shady to me when I watched his Ted x talk. I didnt find him very inspirational. However, his tip about mentors can be useful. He claims to read a book a day, then says he only reads a sentence or a chapter he finds useful from a book a day. He also may be fooling people into thinking he's rich as shown in this (humorous) video: https://youtu.be/XRBkS-QWo6w I do agree that it is important to take steps (as Leo says "massive fucking action") rather then just mulling over what you learn. But it is equally important to be a life-long learner and always expand your wisom, and challenge your own views. I like mentors and gurus because they remind you of what you can achieve. Sometimes we lose our way & get caught up in petty things, so it is useful to have guidance and inspiration from others. Not just self-help experts, either. You can learn things/about yourself from unexpected places/people.

@Dominick_Nec I prefer to call it the "higher self" and the "collective conciousness". I would also consider myself "atheist" but Leo talked about how easy it is to confuse Spirituality with Religion: https://youtu.be/puZeBmm26W8

When you love yourself you overflow with love. That will make it much easier not to focus on the faults of others. When they notice how compassionate and loving you treat them (as you do yourself), they will naturally become more interested in what made you this way. Only then will you be able to help them. Remember, when you don't like something you see in others, it is always because you see it in yourself (or because you fear that you do/might) & are resistant to it. Accept yourself first. Become the change you want to see in the world.

I'm not here to spout any feminazi bullcrap but I have noticed the general trend that men can be considered handsome (and sometimes even more attractive) as they age and wrinkles are considered to add character. While women are supposed to look youthful forever & older women are considered ugly or even masculine. I was just wondering is it biological or just cultural brainwashing? I understand that young women can have healthier babies and all that but same with men yet they continue to be considered attractive. Name one woman in her 50's who is considered a sex symbol. You can probably name plenty of men.

@Ken Lecoq Congrats lol. I have had many problems with addiction (alcohol, tobacco, xanax) and my sugar addiction came back when I quit drinking (I also quit the others). So I know how you feel, I have been trying to control it lately & stop the negative self talk in general. I'm working on unconditional self-love because it's the only way to always be confident and comfortable with yourself. The only reason why I had social anxiety was because of insecurities. When you love and accept yourself regardless of anything, you become your best friend and you feel complete and not care about what people think of you. Addictions are all a desire to escape from the present moment and feel something different. Since you are aware of that now, I'm sure you can use sex in moderation, as it should be used. It's better than denying yourself something that is so natural. Anyways, I find a lot of porn kind of gross, too. When I do watch it, I'm very picky. I have to find the person/people attractive and like what they're doing, of course. My favorite non-fetish porn is solo (male or female) maybe because it makes me less bitter about being alone lol. I'm still surprised you had never tried it before now. I mean, if it was so easy, how did this thread change your mind? I first learned about it at a pretty young age... Yes, personal development and enlightment requires a lot of Shadow work. Basically finding out the root causes of all your fear, beliefs, limitations, etc & resolving them so you can be more free. I just figured you may have subconsciously had some sort of shame about your body holding you back because you used to be chubby (I remember you saying?). I also lost weight and despite being fit, I had a lot of hang ups about my body and not really wanting to feel pleasure (like I didn't deserve it). I've learned to stop comparing myself to others, which I found was my main problem there.

@Emerald Wilkins Hey we're the same age! I do feel a bit of anxiety about losing my youth as I'm getting closer to 30. Susan Sarandon... that reminds me of that Lonely Island video Motherlover lol. The other lady in it, Patricia Clarkson, is quite attractive too & she's 56. Thank you for replying, that was beautiful lol.

@Ken Lecoq It's ok to feel that way. If you are ashamed, I think it's unlikely you will get addicted to it. It is perfectly possible to have a forced orgasm. It is also possible to masturbating and not orgasm. It's something that requires you to shed your inhibitions, be in the moment, and not be ashamed to feel good. I usually prefer to use my imagination (even if it takes awhile to focus) but the reason many people watch porn is because it usually helps clear your mind of any unwanted thoughts and you can get vicarious pleasure from the person you're watching. I don't recommend port (even if I watch it occasionally) because it takes you out of yourself & you want to eventually be able to focus on yourself in that moment. I am not so egotistical that I have a need to be right about everything. I was genuinely curious about why you do (or don't do) the things you claim. It's as you said, everyone will form their own opinions and beliefs based on what makes the best sense to them. Having experienced shame about my body and sexuality, myself, I can attest that embracing my sexuality has absolutely helped, rather than hurt me. I'm not a nymphomaniac lol most days, even if I get turned on sometimes throughout the day, I only masturbate once I'm in bed. It's a nice way to destress and helped me fall asleep. I'm pretty sure orgasms do release a hormone that helps you sleep. Very rarely, I have had days where I was alone, having nothing pressing to do, and took my time to enjoy it and done it several times (either in a row, or throughout the day) but this doesn't happen often. Obviously it doesn't have to be a daily thing. I have also done the same with a partner but I have been single, by choice, for a year and a half. Mostly to work on my personal development and get my future in order. Anyways I'm glad I could help. It's perfectly fine that you are inexperienced, we all were at one time. Be patient with yourself. Remember to love, not fear. Good luck, sweetheart. Also you sound perfectly healthy. I'm glad to hear you don't suffer from any mental health (or other) issues.

@Ken Lecoq OK well, have you ever considered a physical or mental disorder you may have that lessens the urge? I know when my depression is acting up, the last thing on my mind is sex. Do you take any medication? Is your diet crappy? A bad diet can affect a lot of things negatively. Do you exercise? How is your body image? I'm just wondering, not saying that it must be any of these things or that there is definitely something wrong with you. I still say you're describing yourself as demisexual. You don't need to put yourself in a box to associate yourself with something that is easier for other people to understand. Just saying, it is easier to just say you are demi than to have to explain everything to anyone who asks.

@Sigma As someone who was sexually anf physically abused by my ex husband (and hated myself for a long time), I felt it a necessary step in my development of self-love to express my sexuality freely. Masturbating has removed my constraints and made me less self concious about my body. I don't see any good reason to stop something that has helped my mental health & image of myself. @Ken Lecoq why do you think your body has to release at night? Obviously because you don't do it and it's necessary to for health. I guess if your body will do it anyways maybe there is no need for you to, I guess. But I think it's something that can be super enjoyable & I don't get why people want to deny themselves pleasure? In my opinion it is rooted in shame.

@Anna Skywords I'm not religious but I do agree with you that the men in power seem to want to perpetuate the idea that women are less sexual and that men are allowed to do what they want. Theres still this idea that women older women are raising children (or something) so theyre no longer interested in sex ie not sexy after a certain age. But of course men continue to want it until they die. I'm not saying all men think this but I am sick of it.

@Naviy You realize that sex and sexuality and passion go hand in hand. A football fan is a good example. They love it so much, they are passionate about it, and it excited them. Think about a time when you were having a really great time, or the next time you are having great fun or doing something you love that gets your blood pumping. You get excited and turned on. Pay attention to the physiological effects fun and excitement and passion have. It may not be directed at anyone but no doubt you will feel it in your genitals. @Sigma I'm not gonna say it's impossible not to feel sexual desire but I do think it's either because of A. Willful suppression B. Medication that suppresses it C. Some sort of physiological disorder or disease that impairs it A healthy person should at least feel sexual desire and attraction, even if they don't feel it so intensely that they can't help but act on it. If you have never felt so passionate about something that it actually turned you on, you're doing something wrong.

I do think sex and masturbating have great health benifits and I get grumpy and more prone to stress when I don't masturbate for a day or two. @Ken Lecoq You sound like a demisexual: "Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity."