Kloof

Hello friends, I didn't think this qualified as a "serious emotional problem," and thought you consciousness experts could give me some good tips. But let me know if this belongs somewhere else. Yesterday, I witnessed something disturbing. It was no one's fault, I did what I safely could. Logically, I know there's no reason for me to feel guilt or regret. But I can't stop thinking about it. Even though I'm trying to keep my mind away, I keep thinking about how I could have reacted differently, who I can blame, what circumstances out of my control could have led to a better outcome... I tried meditating, focusing on my breath, but the images/sounds kept popping into my mind. Do you have any advice? Can I make these thoughts go away faster with some technique, or do I have to wait it out?

@Nahm Truly, I am grateful. I just tried it, it was so powerful! At first I was skeptical that I could extrapolate anything from this experience and come away with something that I do want. But I tried it out, and I feel a lot better. Did you read about this somewhere or did you come up with it on your own? Either way, have you thought about writing a wikihow article on the subject? Before I posted here, I googled what to do and really couldn't find great advice.

You are all so kind. Thank you for your speedy advice! @Truth Addict : I'll give Shamanic Breathing a try, I've heard of it but haven't tried it before. Thank you! @Jonac, Dimitri, Meditationdude: Thank you, it seems there's a consensus that I shouldn't force the images out of my head, but instead, just let them be what they are. You all are awesome. You don't think it'll make the images more vivid and terrifying? I'm afraid that letting the thoughts and images come is going to "solidify it" in my mind. I have no evidence for thinking that, it was just my assumption. What do you think?

@Nervtine I love your ideas! Thank you! I see many people who don't know how to communicate with their dogs, and I'd love to teach that. Like you said, dogs are communicating with us by what they do, and many dog owners overlook that. I also like the idea of doing a loving kindness workshop with pets. People could bring in their pets, and we could do some dog bonding exercises. So many people damage their relationship with their pets by using inappropriate methods of punishment. But on the other hand, the people who most need that kind of relationship repair with their pets don't seem like the kind of people who would be inclined to come to such a workshop... Anyway, I really appreciate your advice!

Hello friends, In one of Leo’s videos (perhaps it was Spiral Dynamics Important Insights?), he mentioned that if you start a business, you should strive to make your career stage green, or even better, stage yellow or turquoise. I loved that idea, and I’d really like to apply it to my future venture. If you were starting a business as a dog trainer / pet care professional, how would you make your venture more green or yellow? Or if you had a pet, what kind of stage green/yellow/turquoise service would you be interested in? Frankly, I’m not developed enough to cater to stage turquoise individuals, but I’d like to work my way up eventually. I have been brainstorming, but I'd so appreciate other perspectives and ideas!

Can you be in a state of "ego loss" and experience fear at the same time? I've been reading about and trying self-inquiry, and the more I learn about it, the more it reminds me of an experience I had 10 or so years ago in the 10th grade. Back then, I was slowly giving up my Christian beliefs one at the time, and I had recently come to the conclusion that heaven and hell couldn't exist. I remember lying on my bed, and becoming very concerned with the questions, "Do I just stop existing one day? What actually am I? What does it mean that I exist in the first place?" I had no knowledge of self-inquiry at the time, but I remember being unable to pinpoint what I was, and I had an overwhelming "nothingness experience." It was like, for a moment, I lost myself. I can't remember if I was terrified during the moments of nothingness or if the terror came afterwards, but if they weren't simultaneous, they were very close together. In the week that followed, just lying in my bed and thinking, "What is the "I" that will die with my body?" triggered these terrifying "no-self" experiences. I had several before I started to block the thoughts that triggered them, and haven't had one of these experiences since. What was that? It's hard to believe that I could have accidentally had any sort of enlightenment experience as a barely spiritual 10th grader. Experiencing nothingness is different than experiencing enlightenment, right? If you're truly in a state of ego loss, do you have emotions like fear?

Haha, what a kind offer! I hope you're supremely patient, because I am generally a very confused person. I wonder how many questions I can ask before you rescind your offer...

@lmfaoI think you're spot on! I read an article a while ago that hypothesized this. They did a study where they gave participants one of four news articles and then measured how upset participants were by the news. The article said, "[Victim] was attacked with a baseball bat and was found unconscious, with a broken leg, and multiple lacerations." One news article said the victim was an adult human, one was an infant, one was a dog, and one was a puppy. People didn't feel very upset when an adult was attacked, but people felt roughly equal amounts of empathy for puppies, dogs, and infants. The studied concluded, "Only relative to the infant victim did the adult dog receive lower scores of empathy." The study was summarized like this: "Our results indicate a much more complex situation with respect to the age and the species of victims, with age being the more important component. The fact that adult crime victims receive less empathy than do child, puppy, and full-grown dog victims suggest that adult dogs are regarded as dependent and vulnerable, not unlike their younger canine counterparts and kids." Here's the article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/canine-corner/201711/why-people-sometimes-care-more-about-dogs-humans

Do you get a lot out of the dream journal and the stream of consciousness journal? I've heard these things are recommended, but I think meditation is the most recommended practice. You could rotate between these two journals, do just one or the other and change every other day. Of course, don't give up journaling if it's helping you...

Thank you! I'll be honest, I'm having trouble grasping this, but I appreciate that you tried! You're saying that "death" is a dual concept, right? I guess that makes sense. What would a non-dual concept be? I'll write this down and revisit it after inquiring into the "I" feeling more. Also, I found your blog and it's a great resource, thank you! I laughed when you compared Eckhart Tolle to processed cereal; "probably fine." Would you consider your book a good resource for beginners like me?

I'm trying to understand your answers, @winterknight, but they're all riddles to me! Haha I realize I may not be far along enough to understand your answers, but I'd be grateful if you could dumb down your answers for a simpleton like me. I have yet to experience non-duality, but I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to die one day, and I'll never exist as this ego again. From what I understand, my thoughts are created by my mind, but my consciousness exists outside of that. From what I understand, pure consciousness has neither thoughts nor memories. Is that correct? It's hard to fathom that after my body dies, I won't ever experience things again. Or will I? Just as a different ego? I'd love your thoughts on this!

Coursera (https://www.coursera.org/) and EdX (https://www.edx.org/) have tons of free courses! I LOVE these two sites. I really liked The Science of Happiness (https://www.edx.org/course/the-science-of-happiness-0), by Berkeley University. Here are some others I bet you all would like! I haven't taken them all, but they're on my "to-take" list. Paradox and Infinity (https://www.edx.org/course/paradox-infinity-mitx-24-118x-0) The Science of Well-being (https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being) The Conscious Mind - A Philosophical Road Trip (https://www.edx.org/course/the-conscious-mind-a-philosophical-road-trip-0) Buddhism and Modern Psychology (https://www.coursera.org/learn/science-of-meditation) Existential Well-being Counseling: A Person-centered Experiential Approach (https://www.edx.org/course/existential-well-being-counseling-a-person-centered-experiential-approach) Know Thyself - The Value and Limits of Self-Knowledge: The Examined Life (https://www.coursera.org/learn/know-thyself-the-examined-life) Mindshift: Break Through Obstacles to Learning and Discover Your Hidden Potential (https://www.coursera.org/learn/mindshift) Philosophy and Critical Thinking (https://www.edx.org/course/philosophy-and-critical-thinking-0)

Hm... You really broke up because of lack of desire? She was amazing and you were perfectly happy besides a lack of desire? Here's an idea. There are typically three stages of love: First lust, then attraction, then attachment. Usually lust and attraction last a couple of years, and when attraction wears off, you're left with attachment. This is just one possibility to think about. She was you girlfriend, you were attracted to her (even if not by her physical appearance). Your body released a lot of hormones, like endorphins, oxytocin and vasopressin etc. Then, eventually those hormones wore off. There was nothing wrong with her, but something prevented you from bonding with her. The attachment phase came, but you weren't attached. Why didn't you become attached to her? Was it her appearance? Or was it something deeper? I don't know! Consider reading a couple relationship books, and getting back in the game.

@Jed Vassallo Wow, $300 a month for food and shelter etc? Please teach me your ways! I recently reorganized my life to allow more freedom and the pursuit of enlightenment. I'm not very disciplined yet, but I'm getting there. I work 12 hours a week and make about $1500~$1700 a month. But my expenses are around $500 for rent and utilities (that's my half- I live with my partner), and $200 a month for food and supplies. Jed, what's your secret? Do you have like 3 roommates and farm your own food? (ha, just kidding, sort of, but do tell!)

Hi Leo! I read something a couple weeks ago that changed my perspective on ethics, and was wondering if you could expand on it in one of your videos one day. “Spiritual traditions regard ethical living as an essential foundation. However, their understanding of ethics is very different from conventional views and far more psychologically astute. “Rare are those who understand virtue,” sighed Confucius. Spiritual traditions view ethics not in terms of conventional morality, but rather as an essential discipline for training the mind. Contemplative introspection makes it painfully apparent that unethical behavior - behavior that aims at inflicting harm - both stems from and strengthens unhealthy, destructive motives and emotions such as greed, anger, and jealousy.” -The World of Shamanism by Roger Walsh In all, the author only has a few paragraphs to say on this topic. I considered ethics as a kind of morality, and my struggle to make more ethical decision often came down to, “How guilty will I feel if I eat this chicken sandwich?” Thinking of ethics as a discipline rather than a moral obligation gave me some resolve to try harder. I love you rant against morality video. I would love to hear your perspective on how to live ethically without succumbing to the traps of morality, and why (or if?) living ethically matters. Thanks!

This is really good advice! Even just for a down mood. Luckily I don't suffer from depression any more, but every once in a while I'll have a couple of blue days. In those times, I find it very helpful to tell myself, "I'm feeling down, and that's ok." I don't always remember to accept my state of emotions. The tendency to judge yourself is strong! But when I finally do accept it, it's a relief. There's such a release when I finally tell myself, "It's okay to feel sad." I'll try to keep these tips in mind, thanks!

Thank you for this very thorough review.

@John Flores Oh, interesting~ I may have also bought into the notion that working hard = stress. I suppose that's not a very helpful belief, is it... Thank you! That's definitely something to think about.

Are Open Awareness Meditation and Do Nothing Meditation the same thing, or different? I've been reading up on some of the different types of meditation, and the way Open Awareness is described sounds a lot like the Do Nothing technique. If they are different, could someone explain to me in what ways? I found this defintion of Open Awareness on healdove.com:

@John Flores Ooooh, that's a good way to explain it! Thank you, I think I get it. I'll give it a shot tonight. I think I've been doing something closer to "open-awareness" the past couple weeks. If you don't mind me asking... The book I'm reading suggests practicing focused attention meditation before moving on to open awareness meditation. Do you think that's necessary? Do you think it's okay to practice "do nothing" meditation before I get good at the other two?

I'm interested in ethical issues too. It seems like throughout the day, I'm presented with multiple opportunities to make more ethical decisions. Do I get the cheap eggs? Do I get the cage free eggs? Do I skip eggs entirely because those poor chickens are exploited? Okay, I'll pass on the eggs today in exchange for some karma points... Now I'm looking for a shirt, and they've got these cheaply produced ones from China. Were these workers exploited? I don't know, maybe? Maybe I should get an organic fair trade t-shirt? But $40 for a shirt? I could get the cheap $10 shirt and donate $30 to charity for that price. I'll just get the $10 shirt. I'm at the register and they ask me if I'll purchase an Eco-bag to reduce the use of plastic bags. I remember that I already have three Eco-bags at home that I've forgotten yet again. Oh well, it's just a dollar, I'll get another Eco-bag, I guess. Or is that more wasteful? Making ethical decisions is hard. :-/ I became vegetarian 8 years ago because of the unethical treatment of farm animals, especially in factory farms. People often ask me why I'm vegetarian, and then proceed to agree with my cause. "Oh, yeah, it's so sad the way farm animals are treated. I hate it. But meat is so good, I can't NOT eat meat." And then they devour a delicious steak in front of my eyes and I wonder, am I earning karma points for this?? I want to eat steak, too. Why does eating abused animals have to effect my conscience, but other people can not care? If I could go back to not caring, would I want to?

Thank you! That's really helpful. It's like... I -know- there are an infinite number of things that I don't know, but whenever that information would help me quell my emotional responses, I forget it. Maybe I'll write it on my hand for a while until that's the first thought I think after I become perplexed or annoyed with someone. And thanks for linking the videos too! I haven't seen a couple of these, and I should re-watch the others, too!

In Leo's video about the big picture of actualization, he mentioned two really important things that I struggle with: detachment from experiences, thoughts, and emotions AND surrendering control and giving up manipulation. I know these are huge multi-faceted issue, but I especially struggle in these two areas: 1. Attachment to my beliefs when people hold different moral views and political opinions than me 2. Attachment to other people's problems/ being controlling in relationships Leo mentioned that when you reach the 7th yellow level of the Grave's Model, you can see the other levels of development for what they are. You don't feel any hostility towards them. I would so badly like to reach that level, but I don't know how. For example, when my cousin spouts support of Trump, I feel angry and indignant. But, I recognize these aren't very useful states. I am so attached to my own beliefs that I feel hostility towards my cousin. I love my cousin, but I unfollowed her on Facebook and missed important updates on her life because some of her posts have the ability to fill me with rage and disgust. How do I allow people around me to hold beliefs that are opposite of mine without feeling hateful and hostile towards them? Or, how do I detach from my own beliefs, thoughts, and emotions? Second, recently ,I've been reading a book about codependency, and it opened my eyes to how attached I've become to solving problems other than my own, and trying to control my significant other in little ways. This quote stood out to me (From Codependent No More): "Detachment is based on the premise that each person is responsible for himself, that we can't solve problems that aren't ours to solve, and that worrying doesn't help. We adopt a policy of keeping our hands off other people's responsibilities, and tend to our own instead. ... The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways; and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems. We find the freedom to live our own lives without excessive feelings of guilt about, or responsibility toward others." Sometimes I'm so obnoxious in my relationship. I say things like, "Hey, you didn't brush your teeth." I try to convince myself this kind of comment is benign, but obviously, he knows he didn't brush his teeth. Me pointing this out to him is just a way to manipulate him, it's barely different from directly saying, "I think you should brush your teeth." And I wish I'd stop! He can do what he wants- why am I trying to take responsibility? I want to stop, and I'm trying. I wish I had been aware of this issue in myself earlier, and I wish I had some concrete steps on where to start.

Good idea! I'd like to learn more about it too. I've only ever seen those hypnosis shows at the county fair, and am still on the fence about whether it's legit or not. I'd be curious about how effective it is, how to achieve results through hypnotism, and what the science behind it is.

@FirstglimpseOMG Thank you for taking the time to write that up, Firstglimpse. It's really fascinating, and something I hadn't thought about. I'm very intrigued, and I really want to understand it better. I've been working on "low level" personal development skills, like how to overcome anxiety, and how to improve my relationships. A part of me is saying, "Don't worry about this difficult stuff until you have your shit together," and the other part is saying, "Understanding the nature of reality needs to be my top priority." If I may ask, Firstglimpse, what did you do to get to where you are?