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@molosku yes important to cultivate presence, although sometimes I can get caught trying to observe as a sneaky attempt to feel better and i dont realise it, not observing for the sake of observing

@Nahm really useful advice thank you fro writing that, Dreaming big is something i need to think about, I have not much of an idea on what I want outside of things that will make me feel good/will please my ego, I never was a kid with dreams from young and i'm at an age where I'm starting adult life and I still don't know so it's like I have no reason to leave my house sometimes, as you dont have to these days with the technology and what not. I think I will really apply myself to start prioritising my integrity over feeling good and change habits from that

@WelcometoReality Sometimes I can it's just hard in the moment sometimes if I'm not alert enough to see whats going on

@Nahm Thats the thing with priorities, due to habits and fear I cant seem to control what I prioritise in such moments. I like what you did though I need to assess my values, and I have been trying. But i run on logic that if I feel better then I can overcome the challenge easier because when theres calm theres clarity

@Nahm Bro youre messing with me, i want to feel good about myself ?

@NahmOkey let me try, I honestly dont really know because I've been disconnected with what I want for years and most of my healthy values are negatively motivated . The main one I can bring to mind is approval, and living a life around that makes other toxic things, and I'm trying to evolve out of it because I can see what its doing but the thing is i still habitually want them, I'm trying to change because I want to feel free and live a better lifestyle

@NahmYou know, I dont even know, just doing what I have to do without thinking to hard about what goes wrong, i feel like Im disconnected from my own personal intention when fear is present and can get to me even when I'm not in a fearful state for days sometimes, I feel like my own agenda is second priority in my default state and only sometimes I when Im very attentive can I not be like this

@Nahm you said create I don't know what you mean exactly I want to know how one overcomes fear when it consumes you because for me it seems like the only thing in my control is to concentrate but I keep finding myself only concentrating in a resistant/avoidant way

@Nahm Care to elaborate lol

So when ego is 'triggered' and say you have fear come up, I can react and concentrate out of negative motivation which only fuels the fear more. When in this situation where there is no or little positive motivation, it feels like your just fucked, whatever you do just makes it worse because the only thing in your control is to concentrate but if you're negatively motivated to concentrate its no use. You could try let go of it but easier said than done. Most other emotions are fine to accept, but fear is the worst because if you accept it you fail at what youre trying to overcome and if you react in resistance it gets worse, but when fear takes over for me personally i can't connect with much genuine positive motivation and i lose control. What can you even do in these moments?

@Marinador Just popping in 2 months later to say something about the discussion about using concentration to overcome habits, I started getting the hang of hating insecurity without judging it and it is way scarier than I thought. I finally am reaching a point where I can feel like I'm seperate from my negative thought patterns and insecurities, where as before I was way too identified with the patterns and didn't even know what it was like to be something else so I couldn't really get that awareness. What helped me to detach was, after doing a fair bit of emotional healing, I started being able to choose to not give more power to ego and acting from this place of less ego control/insecurity, and it threatens stuff i find hard to give up. Like I have to give up my external identity of the past 5 years to be able to be myself better and it feels like no one is supporting me, but it does feel real. Still trying to convince myself that I want what is real rather than external love.

@Marinador I know I said I think I get the rage thing but heres Just another bit of info In regards to the rage exercise you suggested. I think i understand it intellectually as an idea but I've been trying to see it for myself but It just isn't happening. When a negative feeling comes up, I can't really get raged like at all. I don't seem to get too much feeling of discontent, or if I do I can't use it to get raged. I also don't think I get the whole directing the rage into concentration. Next time I get really genuinely angry I will try to see if I can. Is there a video online about this? So I'm probably gonna stick to just regular awareness and staying present as my way of concentration at least for now unless I experience another way that suits me to help in situations where fear takes over or just to be present.

@Inliytened1 yeah man important to stay aware of the triggers, usually stress or just boredom. and of course engaging in the addiction itself which leads to more engagement in it and other addictions. I can sit for an hour not doing anything but Once I start scrolling facebook I can get lost for 30 minutes and then when I finally put it down I want to go quickly to netflix or games and cant stand doing nothing for 10 seconds. depends on how much you want to beat the addiction but if your so deep into it and unconscious it will almost be impossible because it fucks with the desire.

@Marinador damn youve been a big help, and you probably are transmitting your ideas as best as possible dont mind me, just give me time to practice this but for now it just seems like ideas. BUT after practicing this rage concentration I think I get the rage thing properly now. I used to have that mindset a few years ago when if I feel negativity (including shame) I would be in denial and be like fuck off to it but wasn't really acknowledging it. In recent years I've tried to learn to be as real with myself as possible and that meant acknowledging shame and stuff. The act of me trying to love the negative parts of myself has made me lose touch with how to get angry with shame and instead use it to concentrate I think that's where my confusion has come from with that. I was under the impression to not hate my insecurities. I always hear things like 'resistance makes stronger' and think hating insecurity would make it stronger.

@Marinador hm, I can relate to the things your mentioning about using concentration to overcome fear. I'm usually ok at regular social interactions, But it is sometimes difficult to let people honestly get to know me or spend time with me due to me unconsciously pushing them away because of shame and then that creates more shame and anxiety. Before I have done things similar to what your suggesting, sometimes I'd go into a bathroom or something to be alone to do a concentration exercise like focus on an object of concentration, to get me out of my head and not let fear enter and sometimes it would work and I wouldn't be anxious anymore and become this funny social charismatic guy free from fear and shame (I am able to be myself) and other people respond way better to me. other times ego wins and I can't get out of my head and shame is reinforced. Although I don't think I was facing my feelings because after a while I would be back to normal, I was just able to not indulge them and ignore them better. Your suggestion of using rage and self love to concentrate in these moments, what would this look like in my head like I can't understand what im focusing on? I'm using anger from discontent in order to shrug off shame to focus on the present? Like aggressively saying fuck you to any insecurity distraction? Sorry I can't really grasp this and you probably already mentioned this. this is some information about how my mind works in social situations and how I am to overcoming it When faced with shame or anxiety I would automatically escape from the present when faced with any unpleasantness and start thinking, fueling my insecuritys and I felt like i couldn't do anything about it, with this way of avoiding anxiety by disascioating into thought it was stopping me from getting over it. With what I realised about not directing energy to thought, I now know better how to make the choice to not run away into my head and face fear. I know it will take time and awareness to completely change this. So i think if i try and use awareness to see whats going on at these times to not run away and face anxiety or shame properly in the present I will get over social anxiety eventually or any shame social conditioning has put on me. In the past No matter how many times I engaged in social events over the last 4 or so years I couldn't really get over it and was so confused why when people including myself would just say to go out more to get over it and I did, but it didn't help even though I had good social skills (when I'm not trapped in my head with fear). lately I have been avoiding going out all together because I know what my mind is gonna do and I wont be able to enjoy myself.I think a trap I fell into was believing 'fake it till you make it' so I pretended I was confident when I was feeling afraid and it kind of worked but in the long run fucked with my ability to be myself because I never addressed the fear,Thoughts?