gj28210

I say to myself (and sometimes aloud) that I am a failure; useless; worthless; stupid; unlovable; subhuman; etc. etc. BUT there are times that, if I am not thinking or feeling angry or depressed or anxious, I realize that these words are all meaningless bullshit, and seeing myself for what I really am is just around the corner. Only I have been trying to reach that corner and turn there for many decades.

And a worldview of mine: if I do not belong to a group then I am not worthy.

Avoid rejection by being silent and doing little. Avoid the anger of others by always agreeing and obeying. Stay safe in a hostile world by taking no risks; hiding and fleeing.

In my 76 years I've had a life purpose or two but never could figure out how to make them work. While always 'being responsible' and 'doing the right thing' I have had jobs (about 30 of them) where I thought I was 'doing good for humanity' or doing something interesting - yet was miserable so changed jobs yet again. I feel like I have always missed the bus and have gotten on wrong buses or have just walked when I could have ridden. Would Leo's course be of any use to me? Thanks for reading this. George on Facebook /jorjonzn