I will very likely finish my studies at university next year; since my aim is to become a researcher, I will then start with my PhD-studies. I have done pretty well in the past years, however there is something disturbing, there seems to be something missing -- probably a vision. I know that I will not become one of the top researchers and I might not even become a professor. This is not only hard for me to accept but also keeps me from building up a vision. The subject I am studying is very rewarding, but I very often have those competitive thoughts which lead to questioning myself and what I am doing.
Another point is: How fulfilled will I be in 10 years having my PhD and having done quite a bit of research and being stuck in my position, signing one contract after another each 1-2 year(s) without really moving forward due to lack of talent? In the end, many people pursuing such a path in research end up in industry because they don't want to have the insecurity of not getting a new contract and they want to have a better income.
How can I build up a vision for myself? Is it even reasonable to pursue such a path, or is it too insecure and thus not compatible with a "happy, stable life" (whatever this means to you)? This might not mean a lot, but, if this is not my life purpose, I don't know what else it could be. When I am free of pressure and negative thoughts, I feel blessed that I found and started studying the subject I have been studying the past years, it is indeed beautiful in most aspects.
I am grateful for any kind of help.
