OnceMore

You've already completed 3 years, and you only have a little bit longer to do. It's your final year, so just finish it! You've worked hard, and you're so close, so don't just put it all in the bin now, especially because... what else are you gonna do? How best to spend these next 7 months? Finishing off your law degree, or doing... what, exactly? Only 7 more months, and you'll have a law degree, and you'll never have to do law ever again. The LP course and all that will be there regardless. You can do all that later. This forum, that video, that hobby, that whatever - all this will still be there at the end of the 7 months. But you may never get this chance again. So focus, just for 7 months. Get the degree. After that, do whatever. Life's possibilities will still be there at the end of these 7 months. (You could also have a law degree by this point also) You'll have MORE possibilities, actually. And the diploma isn't meaningless at all. You worked hard for it, there's some meaning. But it can also be used to do some good in the world, if you want. [At the very least, you could just use this as a (very rewarding) exercise in cultivating discipline in your own life. A lot of the times we're gonna be needing to do things that we don't want to do... discipline will help us with that]

Mainly thinking of the app called 'Headspace'. Should a person who is meditating for the first time use an app like this to distinguish between actually meditating or just 'thinking, but with their eyes closed' Is an app like this just a crutch?

I've only just realised how incredibly addicted I am to entertainment. When listing my addictions (also including porn and sugar), I have also listed entertainment, but it would be at the bottom of the list. But now, I am sure it is number one; I literally cannot do anything without having some form of entertainment or stimulation on in the background. When I am eating, I will have a video or podcast on. When I am walking or on the bus or on the train, I will have a podcast on. When I wake up in the morning, I immediately reach for my phone so that I can search for something new to watch/read/listen to. I have trouble falling asleep, so I put on a video or podcast and lie down so that eventually I can fall asleep. Even when I am watching a movie, which is a form of entertainment itself, I am flicking through my phone for some more stimulation! How insane is that?! Stimulation within stimulation! I don't even study without having something on in the background. Every single spare moment I have I immediately get out my phone and search for something. And here is the worst part: I don't even give a shit about the thing I am being stimulated by. I don't care about the content of the podcasts, movies, videos, music etc that I engage in. The content rarely matters. What matters I think is that as long as there is something that is keeping my attention occupied and is focused away from me and my life, then that is okay. So for sure I am heavily, heavily addicted to being entertained and being stimulated 24/7. Any advice on how to defeat this addiction? I am definitely making this priority number one right now, as it has only become plain to me the utter ridiculous nature of what I am doing. This is no way to live. The problem I think I will have is this: Life without the entertainment or stimulation is going to be immensely more boring than life is without the stimulation. Or it will be at the start. edit: Plus I am not even sure if I should add books to this list.

As I was reading Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, just now I have come across this passage that perhaps ties with this thread. "Think of your many years of procrastination; how the gods have repeatedly granted you further periods of grace, of which you have taken no advantage. It is time now to realise the nature of the universe to which you belong, and of that controlling Power whose offspring you are; and to understand that your time has a limit set to it. Use it, then, to advance your enlightenment; or it will be gone, and never in your power again."

@Joseph Maynor I hear you. Since I started this topic I tried to make the commitment of: No more TV, movies, sports, porn, news etc. I did well for a few days, entertaining myself with books and actually working out, but then one day I watched a movie. Then watched another. Then since I already started the backsliding, I started reading news and then watching porn again and etc. Is this a case of taking baby steps and working with the system I already have vs. one big upheaval of the system?

How do you handle it when the feelings of jealousy are so powerful? In my particular case, I am immensely jealous of my younger brother. He is younger than me by three years. I'm 23 and he is 20. But he has literally everything I would ever want in my life. He has a gorgeous girlfriend. He's extraverted. He's naturally confident. He has tons and tons of friends, and a lot of them are really close friends from childhood. He was born with superior genetics: he is a good looking guy and really fit, and so the girls really like him instantly and the guys respect him instantly. And just the other day, he got accepted on to a job through some program, that most people would need a college degree for. The program is specifically for people that did not go to college. But it is for a major and huge and well paying company in the financial industry. He will now get paid a lot. He has never had to struggle for anything. I swear. I know this, because I've lived with him and have been in his life everyday for over twenty years. The guy gets everything so easily, and never ever works. He has never worked at a job. He always got shitty grades at high school. He lied so much on his CV to get his new job. He got other people to do the online tests you have to do to get the job. He has never read a book. He doesn't do personal development or whatever. He spends most of his time on YouTube and Instagram and Snapchat and all of that. He has no skills. He doesn't do any of this shit. Yet he has literally everything, and just so easily! He never had to grind and use grit to get through a difficult life problem. He never had to toil away hours and hours at a desk doing programming or working on art or working on mathematical problems or anything. Nothing difficult. Nothing that will make him go to his edge. And yet he's just gotten everything handled already. How is this possible?! How is it possible that somebody who hasn't worked hard at anything can have it all, at the age of 20? Right now I am jealous. More than that, I am resentful for him having it so goddamn easy. And before you say that maybe he didn't have it easy: you're just gonna have to trust me on this. I am bitter at life for providing him with luck. I honestly feel that I'm just going to cut contact with him. I can't keep being around him, knowing that here is a guy who is my younger brother that has everything that I want, but has done no work to acquire it. I am in a 'damn the world' sort of mood.

Those are questions I've never considered... I don't know why I'm measuring or comparing. I feel like it was just a natural gut reaction to this particular news. If I had the choice to not compare, I would choose that 100 times out of 100. What is the motive for this measuring or comparing? I have no idea. It obviously doesn't serve me. Just makes me feel like shit and makes me create topics like this. Why do I want what he has? Because I know it'll make me happier. They are all levels on Maslow's hierarchy that need to be filled. What do you think?

@Nahm Nope, he's never been in to any instructors or motivational speakers or whatever. I've tried many times to get him interested because I'd thought it would help him when he was unemployed but he's always rejected the idea or the need for this type of stuff. So the job came to him like this: His girlfriend wanted him to get a real job, because as I've said, he's never worked and has just been lazying around. She told him to go for this particular job that they're offering to young people post high school without college degrees in particular. He got his girlfriend and her relatives who are successful to write his CV (which a lot of was fabricated) and to do the online tests for him, because he didn't have the skills himself to pass those tests. He got on to the next stage for the job which was the interview. He's a good looking and confident and extroverted guy so of course he aced the interview. Then they gave him the job.

@Faceless But I know why I am jealous: because he has what I want. And he got it easy, whereas I'm finding it hard. But knowing why I am jealous still isn't getting rid of any jealousy. I think it's actually increasing the feelings of jealousy...

@Faceless So how do I beat the problem of jealousy? The ideal situation is that my brother does well, and I feel good for him. That is the ideal. But that is not what has happened. My brother did well, and I feel angry and resentful that good things are happening for him and not me. I know that's horrible because he's my younger brother, so I'd rather this jealousy didn't occur.

@Faceless Can you elaborate on that please as I did not understand the sentence?

@Key Elements Or it may not backfire and he'll continue to coast and fly through life with no problems like he already has been, while I'm gonna have to grind my way to get anywhere near the pay he is getting. Or like I'm gonna have to grind my way to perhaps have even just a small opportunity to try to improve myself so a girl might be interested in me getting to know her. etc.

@Elisabeth My relationship with him is ok I guess. He is definitely not toxic or manipulative, just a really lucky guy. So this is purely jealousy and envy on my part. But I think one way to quench that envy is to just get away from him. I feel like I don't want to be around someone who is just given things of such a high calibre, because it makes me feel insecure and small with my own life.

@Echoes I know I don't deserve any of that. I know that. But what I do not know is how all of that can come to a person who hasn't worked hard in any way. Most people slog through so many hoops to get the career my brother has now just been handed. It's so fucking unfair man. And I know I'm acting like a little victim right now but god, how the hell can that happen so easily for a person?

@Nahm What you say makes sense. I know this is all about me and how I'm not in the life situation I wish to be in. But still, there's still a lot of negative feelings in me right now. I'm very angry at how easy it is for him. Angry, bitter and resentful.

@Nahm But how can I shift my attention when I literally live with the guy? Or when I hear my parents everyday praise him for doing so well, when he did nothing to deserve of such high things? His success + lack of any work ethic is staring me in the face everyday, mocking me, laughing at me.

I can't stop thinking about just dying man. It seems like the only rational and easy solution to end my pain and suffering. I've been thinking of it for so long now of various intensities over the years, but the last few weeks have been real intense for me. The thought of it, if I'm being honest, makes me a little happy. The benefit of me dying now is that I would no longer feel any more pain. I would no longer suffer. I'd no longer have to put up with the hopelessness that I've caused. It wasn't always like this; when my life was going well, I never had thoughts of committing suicide ever. Once I realised that, actually, I've made some huge errors and because of these huge errors my life will never be the same, and that I'll never reach my potential because of these errors I did, and that literally everybody I know is zooming past me and doing well with their lives and making huge progress while I'm here getting lower and lower on the spectrum, this realisation is when I've started to have these suicidal thoughts. And the more lower I get, the more intense the suicidal thoughts and the more sense it makes that death is the answer. It's also compounded by hopelessness of the future. The future seems bleak due to a series of mistakes I've made. If I didn't make those mistakes, my future would be different and, in my opinion, much better for me. But because I made those errors, I've put myself in a situation that is hard to climb out of. Because of those errors, I know that I am working at a level that is much lower than my actual capacity. Add to this the fact that I'm an adult now and getting older. I feel old too. By my current age I thought I would have certain things that are important to me: I thought I would have a career in the big city, which I don't and am nowhere near of getting. In fact, I am unemployed with no college degree and am in debt. I also don't care how my death would affect others; they'll get over it in a few weeks probably. All I'm doing is leaching off my parents and causing them suffering because they have to go around knowing their son is a failure. Perhaps it makes sense to say that me dying would be a sort of breath of fresh air for them, in the long term? Even my younger brother doesn't look at me in the same way; he used to respect me but now I know for sure he just resents me now for failing so much and so often with nothing tangible to show. Many departments of my life are not the way I'd like them to be: my career (or lack of career), no intimate relationship (never had one anyway), various persisting medical problems that I know are going to cause me further struggle, money issues, no purpose, no real close friends I am in pain and suffering much, much more than I am ever in enjoyment and pleasure. My life is not fun. It doesn't seem like it'll ever be fun. Therefore, suicide makes complete sense, right?

My dad has become an alcoholic over the last few years, but this year in particular it has been bad. The first thing I want to say is that it is obvious to me that the man is in pain. He's in pain because of whatever may have previously happened in his life, but also because he has had people close to him die this year, and so drinking alcohol is his way of getting over whatever pain he is feeling. He is refusing therapy or any help of that sort. So how do I help him now? He'll do things like walk out the house, and we all know he'll be going out to get alcohol and he'll come back drunk. My family tries to stop him going, but I've given up. My thinking is that, even if we stop him going out now, he'll just do it tomorrow, or just two hours from now. He'll be drunk by 12pm sometimes. He'll be so drunk that my brother and I have to find him and carry him home sometimes. He'll be so drunk that he pisses himself. He'll be so drunk that he then starts to argue with us. It's futile at this point, I feel. But I still want to help him, but he's refusing professional help. In my mind I am already planning my escape from this nonsense. The whole entire house is drowned in negativity every time I walk through the doors, and its always a relief when I go outside for a little while. But perhaps this is just me escaping and not handling the situation. Thoughts? Has anybody else experienced similar?

I'm really having trouble believing that I can be successful in my life. This is probably due to having so many failures over the past few years that it has sort of become a habit, and is ingrained now. It's a horrible and instantly self-defeating mindset. And this mindset is with everything: 'Oh what's the point in meditating? I'll only quit after like two days anyway.' or 'Oh what's the point in learning how to program? I'll never be as good as those guys who started when they were like aged 13' or 'Oh whats the point in reading this self development book? I'll never implement the stuff to my life anyway' or 'Oh what's the point in trying to get a good career, I'd only suck at it anyway' But I want to turn this around. I want to have incredible belief in myself that I go out in to the world achieve good things for myself and others, rather than have this debilitating self-defeat that eats at me the moment I wake up for a new day. And I've even noticed that my personality is changing; I'm becoming more of a realist/pessimist. I was always an optimist before, but now I'm definitely becoming more of a realist/pessimist. I've noticed that I've started to become bitter and resentful. Saying things like 'Yeah, it makes sense that it works for that guy, but it'll never work out for me because x'. Even when I stumble upon a motivational-like video on youtube, I say things like 'This video would probably be good for someone, but that someone is not me'. I'll maybe watch one and think 'Bullshit! Does this guy who makes this video not know how difficult life can be?! Or how much luck is an important factor?!' I'd rather not be bitter and resentful. So how do you have belief in yourself that you can win?

I have been asking that question of "Why not just commit suicide?" a lot the last few weeks. The logic here is this: I am suffering a lot and it seems to be getting more worse as my life goes on, and there isn't sufficient amounts of evidence around me that the contrary to suffering is possible. Therefore, if I commit suicide, then that suffering ceases to exist. Seems like a good idea and an idea that makes a lot of sense, but I'm not brave enough to do it. Why do people bother? Fear of whatever happens when you die is perhaps the biggest reason? I don't actually think that, if a person is thinking of committing suicide, then thoughts of their family or whatever even enter their thinking. Perhaps it mainly is just the fear of dying and not knowing what happens after, coupled with perhaps the faint hope of maybe it'll be a little better someday.

I've been a chronic day-dreamer for many years now. I've always done this; a lot during school and it's carried on in to my twenties. I always thought it was just my immense laziness and general lack of ability to focus in on the real world, and that day-dreaming was just silly and that being lost in such fantasies are unproductive. That my daydreams are more fun than the real world. Mostly I think that sort of thinking might be correct - that daydreaming is just me being lazy and using fantastical scenarios to entertain myself. That my daydreams are just a distraction from whatever task I need to complete. But what if daydreams tell us more about ourselves and what we really want? What if our daydreams are like as if our subconscious mind is just using the ideas and labels of things we already know, to tell us what our authentic self yearn for? Largely my daydreams are to do with me doing things like adventuring, or travelling, or meeting new people, like triumphing over a difficult obstacle with a sword in my hand and dirt on my face, being courageous. All the while I'm doing this whilst sitting on my chair. Do you have day dreams? What do you day dream about? And do you think it says anything about what you need to do / want to do, but aren't confessing it out loud? This question was provoked from watching this vid:

How do you go about cleansing yourself from multiple addictions? With me, I am really addicted to pornography, sugar, and the internet. I know with habit setting that a person should start with one habit, do it for maybe a few months, and then install a new habit, rather than installing 4 or 5 habits at the same time. I assume this probably works with addictions as well, if not more so, because each addiction is so embedded at this point that it's going to be difficult to just say: 'ok, no more porn, no more sugar, no more internet, starting....now!' Has anyone here had multiple addictions, and have now rid themselves of them? What was your method?

I don't think I'm understanding what enlightenment is, I guess, from an emotional point of view. If I become enlightened today, would I just be someone who is happy and content all the time? That I have such mastery over my mind, that things that are generally terrible and horrible, will just not have much of an affect? If my dad died tomorrow, which right now I know would be horrible, but I was enlightened, would I even care that much? Would I just 'accept' and move on quickly? How much use would I be to my family in the funeral arrangements if I just accepted so easily? If I was enlightened, would I cry like I would cry today if my dad died? If he died tomorrow, and my entire family and family-friends visited to pay respects, would I just his son in the corner of the room, all quiet and meditative, whilst everyone else is an a state of shock and mourning. As his son, which is even the more human reaction, shock or accepting? I can't pinpoint here exactly what I'm trying to ask and why I want to ask, so I hope somebody just gets it and answers

I've recently started to read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and I'm a little confused on a passage from the book. “One of the main tasks of the mind is to fight or remove that emotional pain, which is one of the reasons for its incessant activity, but all it can ever achieve is to cover it up temporarily. In fact, the harder the mind struggles to get rid of the pain, the greater the pain.The mind can never find the solution, nor can it afford to allow you to find the solution, because it is itself an intrinsic part of the ‘problem’. You will not be free of that pain until you cease to derive your sense of self from identification with the mind, which is to say from ego. The mind is then toppled from its place of power and Being reveals itself as your true nature.” [italics mine] Ok, so if I shouldn’t derive my ‘sense of self’ with identification from my mind, how should I derive my ‘sense of self’? What is even a ‘sense of self’ if I can’t use my mind to identify it? Doesn't my mind come up with the 'sense of self' in the first place? If I do have a ‘sense of self’, how would I know if it’s from my ego or not? If I’m not actually in thought or if I’m not in identification with my mind, will my ‘sense of self’ even exist? This was sort of a brain dump of questions that I had whilst reading this passage. Anybody have some opinions on this?

I was doing some journalling, and did a sort of thing where I first note down where I currently am in life, and then underneath stating where I want to get to. Here's what I have: Where I am Fat, unhealthy, depressed, lots of addictions and bad habits, no degree, no job, no money, no hobbies, no girlfriend ever, virgin, no car, no friends, lots of fears, living at home, never travelled, not much hope. Where I want to get to / my Vision Strong and healthy with a degree, not depressed, cultivation of good habits, less/no addictions, a job that I love, cool hobbies, lovely girlfriend, great friends, living away from home and have my own car, travelled extensively, confronted my fears more, hope. Both lists are not extensive I believe but it's still generally solid. Now if I went from where I am now to the above situation, then my life can be have said to have changed drastically in a positive direction. But I'm not sure if this is 'big' enough. Meaning, should I be thinking bigger than this? People sometimes recommend to having a vision for the next 5/10/20 years, but I barely have an idea what I want to do for the next 2 or 3 years, and I have no clue what to do for the long term, and it's distressing because I feel like I should have this handled by now. I guess it's possible for me to one day aim higher, but when I'm in a situation like I am, should I be thinking stuff like 'change the world' or whatever