Delmo

Just know it's a decision you have to make. To either stay with him and accept him for whom he is, and make the best out of it. And acknowledge that he is meeting your needs, and become more loving towards him. Or you can stand on your own feet and become financially independent so you can have the option to walk away. Both approaches are fine, and you can be both financially independent but also choosing to stay with him. Now I don't know how old you are, but for me, I value independency more. Because of the freedom it brings. What do You value? Family or independency? Or both? The more clear you are, the easier the decision will be, and to make it happen.

The thing is, when I started the relationship. It wasn't out of pure love for her. In a sense that she could be any other girl. I choose the relationship more for "self-development" reasons. How much I could tolerate, and if I could make someone feel better and happier. It did work at the start. As long as I was happy. However, along the way I kinda forgot the purpose, and as my happiness started to go down, I expected her to make me feel good.. and when she didn't, it became a mess. Now to leave the window open in a rain. I made that choice, knowing it will be hard. But I also knew that I could make something good out of it. But along the way, I forgot that I made the choice and I started to panic when I sow the water flowing in the house, forgotten, this is what I signed up for.

My ex used to have a lot of childhood trauma. She where talking about how everyone treated her badly and everyone hated her etc.. From my perspective, this was just her playing victim. So i tried to "change her view". By telling her how wrong she is thinking, and talked about my view. Eventually, she couldn't talk to me about her issues/problems and they started to build up, which lead to alot of arguments and lose of sexualpassion. And eventually, we broke up. Now I wonder, what I could have done diffrently. Obviously, forcing my view on someone didn't work. How could I help her heal from those thoughts/emotions? any insights? I have watched a lot of YT about relationships.. I even took a course (3k usd), but got kicked out a few days later, because I didn't follow their rules. From my understanding so far, to heal someone emotionally. I just need to listen & understand them, without making any judgment/ having string attached. Like genuinely just listen. How can I do that? without being attached to the outcomes, aka. sex or something else..

At first glance, this looks like "not carrying". So I kinda ignored it, cus I wanted to look like I cared. And I did care, to some extent.. But clearly, it wasn't enough. I'm kinda struggling of being in the middle, between fully committing to something. Or to just leave it, and let it go, totally. @flowboy Thanks, I have meditation on my thoughts/feelings. I saw there was alot BS going on. Not only for my partner, but myself too. Now I'm still not at the point where I can relate to other humans, emotionally. But, I do have a better understanding of myself, and how subconsciously I'm repelling other human beings. And how my actions, the very settle, is effecting them.

I don't know much about Tate. He recently popped-up on my newsfeed on YT, I sow five or so "shorts" on him. The guy would do anything for money, he went on saying "even if something I'm not passionate about, I'll still do it as long as it brings me money." So basically, he would sell his own soul for money. Not because he needed any money, but simply to have, (aka, to feel powerful?). he also said along the lines "a women should be home, cooking, cleaning, having kids etc.. that is what a man wants from a women" The thing is, yes, a women can provide all that, but this isn't valued as much in the modern world. A man can get that on his own, with ease. And if that was what they valued, they would be better off living with robots. They are more simple to deal with than a human being. Which I see it happening in soon the future, so are those really what men values in a women? I value women because of their beauty and how loving they can be. And I think, most men wants a deep sense of connection and feeling loved. Or those are what both genders wants, I'd argue.

what is your opinion on this YT channel?https://youtube.com/c/GeoffreySetiawan He claims to help men to build their relationship from the ground up. For me, a lot of things he says makes sense. Because he doesn't talk about quick fixes, only long term. But I'm also very sold on working on yourself to become a "higher value man". And on taking charge of your own life. In shorts, he talks about the basic human needs in a healthy long term relationship, like the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and how to achieve those needs. And what are the traps that might be holding us back from achieving them. He also diggs deep into the psychology, about why people behave in a certain way, and how we effect their behaviour. However, because of his background(online marketing) and the topic he is choosing (getting back to an ex , which feels like mostly desperate people would want to watch?) I didn't felt like I could fully trust him. is this some legit content? Or just some sales man whom trying to sell you something? let me know what you guys think!

Hmm, makes sense.. I shouldn't have tried to change her feelings. Maybe a better alternative is to help her tap into her emotions more? and by building empathy&compasion more.. Like @Pavement said.. Do you guys have any tips on how to build more compasion & empathy? I do sometimes have hard time relating to other peoples emotions..

I was hearing her out at the start, but she just kept bringing up the same event, over and over again. At one point, I even told her, she liked making herself feel bad. Which later on I realised, it wasen't the best thing to say.. But maybe she was trying to teach me something? And maybe I should had helped her dig deeper into why she felt that? I'm not sure..

I do. But she has moved on, new bf etc.. What do you mean by stop tinkering?

When I meditate, I become more aware on my surroundings, less thoughts and no extreme emotions(like very happy or sad). An experience of the present. The other day I was in a extreme happy state, when I meditate it went down from very happy to "normal" state, which I didn't like much in comparison. My privous thoughts on meditation was, it multiple your positive emotions so you become more joyful. But that didn't work on me. Am I doing it wrong or is it a time factor?

@Hello from Russia @okulele Thanks for your replays, it is giving me some motivation to keep going.

I have decided to meditate for at less 10 min every day for upcoming 30 days. With a goal to install a meditation habit into my life permanently. Starting today --- (23:16-- 2018-09-04)

Day -- 4 Check 10 min meditation before sleeping Day -- 5 Check 10 min meditation before sleeping Day -- 6 Check 30 min meditation after I woke up. My cold is now almost over, I didn't had any classes or work since than. (Thank God). I'm feeling slightly better at meditating and easier now to sit 30 min, but not daily get. (I have done some meditation in the past). I won't be updating this daily so my ego dosnt pursue it as a way of fame.

Day -- 3 Check Feeling very sick today, I catched a good cold. Unable to do much physical activity. Perfect time to meditate. I don't know for how long I mediated, it was a mix of me meditating/sleeping/thinking for the past 6 hrs. However I'll still want to get a proper timed meditation today. This might be just some ego backslide since I'm having a radical change in my life. Like me quitting (porn?) and gaming habits. While having a school start and a job interview + this meditation habit, all within a spawn of a week. I think I'll keep this cold for a few more days.

Day - 2 Check Wanted to do standing meditation but I'm sick today and don't feel physically strong enough for 10 min standing. Did a 15 min laying meditation where like 80% of it me fantasizing and daydreaming, and the other 20% focused on breath. Did another 10 min sitting meditation, but I couldn't fallow the breath deeply enough, only to the chest area. Thought still aresed and it too distracted me from meditating, but less than the laying method.

So i tried to observe when urges arise. I did have some temptation but they disappeared after a while of observation, and my focus shifted automatically to other things. The urges where like just some thoughts even when they felt "real". Now I want to do some experiment with this. I'll update later. Thanks for all the replays.

How do I deal with the sexual urges that appears when I see a hot girl pass by? I can see banging her chould only lead to short time solutions, but the urges will comeback the next time I see a new hot women. How do i overcome this problem?

Day - 1 Check. Did a 14 min guided meditation. It was relaxing, but not fully, I couldn't breath deeply because of bad posture. I'll change posture next time, might try standing meditation.

I'll try doing that next time the sexual desire come.

Isn't that just avoiding the problem by dismissing them? If it was a real solution than you shouldn't need a book to read every time you get the sexual urges?

I have tried to quit before, not for weeks but months. I don't remember the results though. Are you saying the urges might be affected by pornography? In that case I'll quit it for a few weeks and see if the urges disappear or becomes less.

So I have been to nightclubs a few times. I'm trying to get a GF or at less learn the how to. I have looked into the pick up materials and i have approached a few women in that matter. The thing is when i see an attractive girl I go and talk to her, but as soon as she starts talking I lose my attraction to her and i want to get away from her. But the ones I do keep talking to, I don't really know if she is attracted to me or not. I'm having easier time starting a conversation ( here in sweden alot of girls are very easy to approach) but I get easily lost in the conversation and it seems its going nowhere (only know more stuff about her which I don't really care about.) At nightclubs I start first by talking to girls, but than I'm like full of energy which I want release by dancing to the beat (which shifts my focus to the beat). Does that make the girls unattractive to me? I see alot of guys just standing on the dance floor watching girls, which I also can do if I choose to. But is it an effective way to go about it? My final question is does pure observation attract the girl to me?

It depends when the urge arise. Some times 1-3 times a week, sometimes none.

Some times, when my sexual urge are too strong.

@aurum that felt helpful, thanks. I'll try to do that next time I'm in conversation. I found the leading part a bit hard though, but lack of practice I'm guessing.