Neo

What if I do something, such as a crime, then use as my defence that I was destined to do it. Can it be refuted?

Yes, I have been called stupid for not "putting the work in" but I fall asleep pretty much most times I tried to meditate, but like you I had a massive experience in a short session of contemplation (a kind of self enquiry) and I only do 10 mins of that now and then. However I am thinking through the process 24 hours a day.

I can see this site and other sites discussing actualized's videos popping up on a google search for 5meodmt so you are going to get buyers and sellers of it popping up here. I'm sure Leo thought of that though as he is an IT guy.

Last night I had a dream I've never had before. Dreams have always been interesting to me, very vivid, highly complex stories, technicolour movie length dreams. The reason I was so interested in my dream last night, is I have never had any dream anything like this in subject matter, and I am in my mid forties. In short, My dream was that I went to hospital and had an eye transplant, first my left eye. And the dream gave me the opportunity to look at my own eyes, and I had been given a beautiful blue eye. Later in the dream I went for follow up appointments and had my right eye changed and some various adjustments to the nerves in particular, the other eye again looked beautiful, was also blue. It didn't match the first eye but this was just something I noticed in hindsight and didn't matter in the dream. As the dream went on, my church frowned upon the eye operation and wouldn't talk to me. ( I was excommunicated from a church 20 years ago). I have though about the dream all day because it was highly unusual. Then a few minutes ago, I types "dream interpreter" into a browser and this was the result:, http://dreammoods.com/cgibin/dreamdictionarysearch.pl?method=exact&header=dreamsymbol&search=eyes "Eyes To see your own eyes in your dream represent enlightenment, knowledge, comprehension, understanding, and intellectual awareness. subconscious thoughts may be coming onto the surface. The left eye is symbolic of the moon, while the right eye represents the sun. It may also be a pun on "I" or the self.�If you dream that your eyes have turned inside your head and you can now see the inside of your head, then it symbolizes insight and something that you need to be aware of.� This dream may be literally telling you that you need to look within your self. Trust your intuition and instincts. If you notice someone else's eyes in your dream, then it indicates an emotional or intimate connection with that person. It also signifies a mutual understanding. "

Did you mean also self harm?

But are you saying your drug of choice isn't the end point then because I know every other man and his dog around here have tried your drug (not I though) and it doesn't seem to have made much difference to them other than another wacked out experience. I've really been nothing but confused wince you bought drugs into this. Are you now saying there a whole lot more other than that? Bottom line: I'm not sure how this can be authentic.

Today's Bible Lesson: Matthew 4. Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted there by the devil. 2For forty days and forty nights he fasted and became very hungry. 3During that time the devila came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become loaves of bread.” 4But Jesus told him, “No! The Scriptures say, ‘People do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’b” 5Then the devil took him to the holy city, Jerusalem, to the highest point of the Temple, 6and said, “If you are the Son of God, jump off! For the Scriptures say, ‘He will order his angels to protect you. And they will hold you up with their hands so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.’c” 7Jesus responded, “The Scriptures also say, ‘You must not test the Lord your God.’d” 8Next the devil took him to the peak of a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. 9“I will give it all to you,” he said, “if you will kneel down and worship me.” 10“Get out of here, Satan,” Jesus told him. “For the Scriptures say, ‘You must worship the Lord your God and serve only him.’e”

Yes it's true, I keep thinking I got it, then I need milk again instead of meat. And yes, it's true, again I am chasing an experience, how can you not when you had clarity of mind and saw everything through new eyes that seemed so clear and awake? And anyway, isn't it human nature to chase something anyway?

Yes, of course, it's not lost on me, thank you.

Apparently it's essential to see the death of "ego", so how can the enlightened person still use it at will when it is no more?

Can you square this with "having" to experience death of the ego?

Do you? What if I was to tell you, that you MUST question everything including your own sensibilities, notions, beliefs, standards, hang-ups, prejuices and pre-dispositions, even morals, and even your own existence. You need radical openmindedness for any of what I say to you to work, and now I hand you a bag of crack cocaine - here, now take this.

Sorry for not the answer you are looking for but.... cause and effect are reversed here, read your post backwards. It starts "not enough sleep" in the middle is dropping phones all the time, and end bumping car. That's it. You know the answer? Oh one more thing, your brain likes finding patterns like everybody else's does; that's how the brain works. If maybe you hadn't bumped the car same place, it would always be outside a green door, always with another blue car or always on a Wednesday. Good luck!

A wouldn't like to estimate the proportion of Leo's audience who shouldn't be taking the drug for whatever reason, underage, vulnerable, not ready, but I fall into the camp that was watching authentic growth in myself that is very challenging only to be disappointed by a seeming cop-out on Leo's part and a strange turn in the course of his videos. Sorry Leo.

You mention some very good points which don't really come out in Leo's videos, thanks.

Well I can't recall the particular video, but my answer would be art, can't be wrong or right, it's just a product of the universe "machine."

What animal though, a spider is different to say a horse. There may be a whole spectrum, right down to a creature that has no special senses at all.

OK I see what you are saying however, if I were to absorb this into my current world view, this is surely just another part of an egoic mindset, albeit a very open minded and radical view, but nonetheless still part of the ego which is like a web of ideas, this ego some are trying to shake off or at least expose for asll it's inadequacies?

Hi Svartsaft, several points I hope might help you. Firstly you can't be enlightened if you're "desperate to be enlightened" as it just simply doesn't work that way, and even if it did, it wouldn't have a solid foundation because you need to sort your shit out first. Secondly, no your fantasy isn't going to harm your self esteem because you have very little of that anyway. Try to make your fantasies something you can realistically achieve later in life like goals you can work towards and it is a great form of positive thinking. (I've achieved or am achieving some of mine.) You think it, and slowly bring it to life. Finally, a lot of these mood swings are because you need to sober up. The full cycle of alcohol withdrawal is about a week even for just moderate drinkers. Take it from me. You can be on a real low, but not even realise when it's STARING you in the face it was due to the bender you went on last weekend and if you don't find something to replace it with to fill your time, it can take years to sort out. All the best and good luck.

I was doing a bit of contemplating, close to what you might call open eyed meditation, but not really because there was some music on and I wasn't looking at a blank wall or anything. I was contemplating the observed and the observer conundrum which I have always struggled with a little bit. And then all of a sudden I felt myself "lift up" literally! but I'm guessing no, it was my awareness lifting about 10 fold and it made all my hair stand on end. Unfortunately I got over excited and I started saying, "yes, go, go" and it subsided.

Thank you Richard. I understand now, the important milestones of the path are not necessarily in a typical meditative situation. I think I am following a typical newbie trait, to hunt down what were all the particulars of the circumstances of my experience to recreate it. I want some of the bare knuckle fighting of my soul back as much as I want the resulting awakening. I want it all back again.

Awareness can be literally to your senses like focus and alertness. Paranoia is more like ideas and conclusions. If you are talking about clinical diagnosis of paranoia that is more different again.

This "fight" is quite an important part of it isn't it. Has anyone else experienced that?

You've seen it. I understand it intellectually. I've only seen a foot print and a whisker.

I like this. Would you also agree that while you can't look for it, you must really want it? Thoughts from other things I read on here.