jjer94

Let me clear something up for you. I think you're under the impression that enlightenment is some sort of fleeting experience. Upon realizing Truth ("nothingness"), you may experience bliss, heavenly feelings, kundalini, joy, gratitude, full enjoyment of the present moment, still mind, and a bunch of other side effects. But those experiences are not Truth itself. How could Truth feel like heaven if it's nothing at all? The Truth itself is very very subtle. It's also not an experience, because all experiences are fleeting, and Truth is eternal. You don't have to "extend the time of being in such a state" to abide in Truth if you're fully enlightened. I'd rather not go into full detail on the "how-to get enlightened" - you may want to buy Leo's book list or watch his videos to help you with that. What's so heaven-inducing about Truth is that at that moment, you realize you are not the body, the ego, or any other ephemeral things in your experience. What a friggin' relief! How do you know when or if enlightenment happens? I can only give you a crappy analogy. How do you know if you've orgasmed during sex? You just know.

@Huz88 Notice your wording here. You try hard to get rid of them. To try to get rid of them is itself inauthentic, because you have an agenda to be authentic. Authenticity will naturally flow out when you stop trying to be authentic. Authenticity is very natural, like the wind that guides a sailboat. How do you completely let the wind guide you? By releasing the tiller on the boat. How do you release the tiller? By just letting go. To let go is to radically accept the present moment. It's to remove all notion of "should" or "shouldn't" so the body just does whatever it feels moved to do. If you haven't watched Leo's free will video, watch it. Because essentially what this is, is releasing the illusion of control. You're making things worse by trying to control the situation. Like I said to Dan, the way to get rid of your authenticities is not to try and control them; it's to let them come to the surface by letting go. Once you become aware of these inauthenticities and understand their manipulative purpose, then they will subside naturally. No need to force anything. Just use your own awareness. Of course there's a correlation! Those who realize Truth will naturally align their lives based on Truth. Instead of doing things out of inauthentic self-agendas, they will naturally gravitate towards what feels right to them, which is almost always authentic. Once you've been on the path for a while, you start to develop an intuitive ability to sense rightness and not-rightness. You may want to try to use that for this situation. What feels right to you? Maybe you can still socialize with your buddies and just not talk about spirituality. Or maybe you're so different from them now that it's not worth hanging out with them anymore? That's up to you to decide. But whatever you do, there's no need to judge them or anyone else as "inferior" for not pursuing spirituality. What that does is that closes you down, and this path is about openness to the utmost degree. Cheers!

Wait, so these "automatic reactions" are not authentic? If they are, then why bother changing? I put on different masks in front of different people all the time, because one mask may be more fitting for one person. If I'm with a dog, I talk in a high voice. When I'm with a philosopher, I talk analytically. When I'm with my Mom, I talk like a hippy. Just because you act differently in front of people doesn't make it inauthentic. It's only inauthentic when there's an agenda behind the mask you're wearing, where you're trying to manipulate someone into doing something for your self-agenda. Although this situation does sound inauthentic.... What if in the mere effort of trying to be yourself, you become inauthentic? Ponder that. You want to "keep" the phase that offers love, calmness, and authenticity, which sounds like you want to don the mask of "kind person" so that other people can reflect back to you how amazing you are. These are very subtle ego games here. Ego wants to control the situation in order to fulfill some future outcome, and by controlling the situation it resists its current situation. Isn't that what's happening right now? Why did you decide to post this? Because you're resisting your present situation? In order to truly "be yourself," as you say, you probably need to let go of the idea of "being yourself." Let go of your need to act a certain way at all, and be completely unfiltered in your interactions with people. I double dog dare you. See what happens! Yes, it'll be embarrassing at times, you'll be afraid to do it, you may hurt some feelings here and there. But in the process of being radically honest, you will reveal all of your inauthenticities in yourself. You will intuitively sense what feels forced, what feels inauthentic. Once you become aware of your inauthenticities and what they're trying to accomplish, you will be much less likely to be inauthentic. Don't try to be authentic; only become aware of your inauthenticities through radical honesty. Authenticity will naturally flow in like spring water. And please, don't beat yourself up for being inauthentic. It's just conditioning you'll have to work through. Whether you decide to take the plunge into radical honesty is up to you. Either way, I wish you the best! JJ

You're looking for answers with words when there are none. All of the answers are available to you in your direct experience. Don't listen to anything your thoughts tell you, and certainly don't listen to me. Just look in your direct experience. Where is the mind in your direct experience? Does it even exist? Where is the head in your direct experience? Does it even exist?

@Niki Hi Niki! Let's clear the air for a second. When Leo says "the self is an illusion," what does that mean? An illusion is something that appears to be there but does not actually exist. The self is something that appears to be there in your experience, but it doesn't actually exist. It's just an idea, like Santa Clause. So, technically, your experience right now, forever and always, is one of no-self. Seeing that the self is an illusion is a totally different story. It sounds to me like you're thinking of enlightenment as an experience: some sudden experience of joy, bliss, ecstasy, feelings of oneness, etc. Those particular things may be side effects, but enlightenment is an inner realization of your true nature, and Truth is not an experience. Experiences are fleeting and don't last forever; your true nature has been around for an eternity. You're frustrated because you want to recreate that amazing experience you had, thinking it will promise you salvation. In fact, you may want more of those experiences. If you would like more of those experiences, look up Kriya meditations; you can get in some amazing states of bliss doing those. However, that will not cure your frustration. Your frustration likely lies in the stories you tell yourself about enlightenment and your feelings of unworthiness for not making enough progress on your journey compared to everyone else. If you're serious about enlightenment, you have to realize that there is no such thing as progress on this journey. Progress means gaining something, moving towards some ideal destination. Enlightenment work is kind of the opposite: it's a regression back to your primal state of awareness. Regression means losing things, returning to where you've been this whole time. What are you losing on the journey to enlightenment? Illusions. Illusions about who you are, what defines you, where you are, what you should and should not do. This frustration of yours is an opportunity to see through your first illusion. What is your frustration trying to accomplish? What's the hidden agenda behind it? Maybe it's not frustration, but it's depression? Maybe it's deeper than depression; maybe it's fear that you won't get the most out of life? Who knows? It's your job to dig deep into yourself and uncover your own illusions. Here's a reference point: Every belief you have about reality, about who you think you are (even 'I am nothingness'), and about what you should do, is not true. Every belief is an illusion that has no existence outside of the mind that constructed it. Any beliefs such as "I am a worthless piece of crap" or "I am a painter" are illusions that don't actually exist. You probably didn't sign up for contemplation. Facing your emotions and examining them is painful. It's much easier to meditate, and while that can help on the journey, you probably don't want to depend on it completely if you're really serious about enlightenment. And don't just abandon your practice when you're away from the cushion; Life itself is your spiritual practice. Any time you feel emotional resistance in your day-to-day activities is an opportunity to inquire about the hidden illusions that are fueling these emotions. See through enough illusions, and all those things that once caused your suffering won't anymore. Once you discover how the magic trick works, it's not even worth seeing it again. Cheers!

Enlightenment = The realization of Truth, i.e. your True nature; what you were before you were born, what you will be after you die, and what you are right now. Side effects include: abiding non-dual awareness, dis-identification with ego and body, love for life, compassion, spontaneity, flow, manifestation of authentic desires, and many many more.

@Emerald @ The Diamond Net If you continue to struggle, then you don't see it as an illusion; you only tell yourself it is. See the illusion for what it is, and its power on you will disappear completely.

I think you're confused as to what the authentic self really is. I posted this on another thread, but I think it applies here: Quote: "I want to reach enlightenment. I want to know the Truth. But I also want to find my authentic "self" and self-actualize. Sometimes it feels as if the two contradicts one another. I want to be really social, outgoing, energetic, motivated and all of that, and I'm on my way to become exactly who I want to be." When you discover the Truth, it's not that you won't be able to find your authentic self. You realize that your authentic self never existed. And from that clear-seeing, what's authentic within you will naturally arise. The authentic self arises when the notion of an authentic self or the ideal of what you should be is removed. I don't know if you watched Leo's video on free will, but what I say will make much more sense. Imagine your whole life that you've been sailing the Atlantic Ocean with your dog, using your tiller to guide the boat through the sea. Then a storm hits, and you don't know if you'll survive. Oddly enough, you look down at the tiller and realize that there was no rudder the whole time. You've been pretending that you're steering the boat this whole time, when you had no control over where the boat went whatsoever, and you suffered because you believed you had control. But now, in the storm, seeing that you had no control the whole time, you surrender completely to the whims of the boat...and make it out of the storm. Now that you realize the boat's been steering itself, you release the tiller. The sailing becomes enjoyable again, and it goes wherever it wants to go. That is authentic sailing. Now imagine that the sailboat is your body, and your hand on the tiller is ego, who you think you are. Release the tiller completely, and the body steers itself, free of any self-agendas. That is what Leo refers to as "authentic self". Quote: "So if I discover the Truth, how will the external circumstances be? Since I'll basically realize I don't exist, won't I become sort of ignorant and think "whatever... I'm already everything and nothing, I'm perfect" so I won't expand anymore externally. Or will it actually help in becoming more "self"-actualized and improve all of those things I mentioned before? How will people perceive me? Will confidence be a non-issue, or will it not be any issue of any kind cuz' it just won't matter to me?" The Truth is unrelated to external circumstances; it's always there. But once you discover Truth, you realize you never had any control, like in the boat analogy above. You no longer operate in fear, as you're doing right now, and instead let the body do its thing. Yes, at a fundamental level, you are already perfect, but the body still keeps going. Why? No reason anymore. It does things just out of the pure joy of living. And it does them authentically. It does whatever its moved to do. If that means becoming a monk, it'll do that. If that means becoming a rockstar, it'll do that. If that means doing a silly dance, it'll do that too. Examine how babies operate, how spontaneous they are, and that gives you a general idea of what post-enlightenment is like. Something tells me you're looking at enlightenment with an air of hope, expecting it to be the cure of all your problems. In fact, it's kind of the opposite. Enlightenment brings all of your problems up to the surface, where you have to face each and every one of them. The question you may want to ask yourself is: Am I willing to run towards my fears rather than away from them?

Hello Sigma, I can relate wholeheartedly, as before pursuing enlightenment I had the dream of becoming a researcher. I thought science had all the answers. And then I discovered its limits, as you say, and really started to hate it. That's when I started to see my egoic reasons for pursuing biology: I wanted the image of a mad scientist, I wanted to be the next Frankenstein engineering a new lifeform and receiving a noble prize, I wanted the recognition. It felt as though I was wearing someone else's clothes when I was doing research, and they didn't fit and stank to high heaven. I'm not asking you to stop pursuing science. What I'm asking you to do is to re-examine whether pursuing science is an authentic desire or an ego-driven desire. Is the reason you're pursuing it because you want the recognition, the 'greatness'? You will know if the desire is authentic if you can't come up with any reason why you'd want to pursue other than it being fun or you just feel moved to do it. Here's a good check to see if the desire is authentic: If you were the last man on earth, would you still pursue scientific study? As an aside, you may also want to re-examine your belief that you were sent to this Earth to pursue science. Listen to that little bastard in your head that only wants authenticity in your life and would do anything, even face fear, to have it. What does it want?

Be careful here. An enlightened being sees committing most crimes as unnecessary not because they want to reduce unnecessary suffering. They see them as unnecessary because it just wouldn't cross their minds. If the circumstances arose where they had to mass-murder a bunch of people, and it was clearly indicated, a fully enlightened being would do it with no remorse, no guilt whatsoever. By the way you word your point, it's as if you're spinning my words into a belief to add to your worldview. The belief is: No one should cause unnecessary suffering. Then you can use that as a way to reinforce your belief that eating animals is somehow wrong. Remember Leo's video about the knowledge graph? Watch that if you haven't, because this is what you're doing. I hate to break it to ya, but no belief is true. None. Don't take my word for it, though. Do your own inquiry into the matter. You don't have to do anything to become enlightened. The Truth already is, regardless of whether you've had sex with 1000 women, murdered a bunch of innocent children, have a racing mind, or hate somebody. What is commonly referred to as "enlightened behavior" is just an external side-effect of an internal realization.

What Pinocchio said. Let yourself be depressed. No sense in trying to fight it. In fact, that may make you want to pursue the Truth even more. As Jed McKenna once said, there's a little bastard in each one of us that wants the Truth no matter what. Leo's videos awoke that little bastard in you, and I'm rooting for him, not you. Sorry! First of all, there is no one to be free; freedom is just a concept, and a flimsy one at that. Second of all, you do things for the sake of doing them. Why do you go to a carnival? For the rides, not the stupid stuffed animal you get at the end. What the point of the rides? There is no point, they're just fun. That's life!

Good questions. My guess is that the Buddha thought ethical conduct could help you realize Truth. The issue with any set path to enlightenment such as the Eightfold Path is that your reasons for following the path are ego-based. It's like you expect to become the Buddha by wearing his robes. Very unlikely. Enlightenment is not an external change, but an internal realization in which external changes may be side effects. In fact, following any path will make you stagnate, because what you're doing is following a set of rules. Enlightenment is destroying/seeing through the rulebooks altogether. Yes, that means destroying your ideas of morality. Morality is basically, "You should do _____, you shouldn't do ______." Post-enlightenment is amoral, because you do whatever you feel moved to do regardless of rules. You may be wondering then, why don't most enlightened beings go on a killing spree and pillage everyone and everything if they don't have a moral code? The answer is: why would they? I mean, if the circumstances dictated that they murder someone, sure, they'll do it. But otherwise, what's the point? For some money to buy pointless stuff? For illusory vengeance? For recognition or status? Almost all of the reasons someone would commit a crime are ego-based. So...is it okay to eat meat? Of course it is! Pig out, my friend. One more belief dispelled is a victory in my book.

Discipline: To brute-force something with the knowledge that it's supposed to benefit you. After a while on the self-actualization journey, this becomes less and less effective, because it requires lots of effort. (True) Creativity: While in a state of not-knowing, to let the body and mind just do its thing, completely free from any ideas of future and past. Creativity in this way leads to the state of flow, which is akin to effortless functioning. That's my take on it, at least.

No need to create rules for yourself. Just do whatever you feel moved to do! However, if you become neurotic about it (as in, you need it for your happiness instead of playing it because you are happy), then you will suffer and you will know it. At that moment, ask yourself what you're getting out of it. Catch yourself being neurotic about it and understand your neuroticism, and you will naturally play less, as you will see less value in playing. I used to be a video game addict for a long long time. This past summer I contemplated very deeply why I was so addicted, and the addiction magically fixed itself through my understanding of it. Entertainment's not evil until you need it to be happy. On occasion I'll boot up Minecraft because I love the building and exploring aspects of the game. Play because it's fun, not because you need it. Again, no need to set any rules for yourself. Cheers!

Here's a nice list that'll keep you occupied: Vanilla Sky/Abre Los Ojos "Even in my dreams I feel like an idiot who's about to wake up." - A near-perfect allegory of enlightenment. The Truman Show "We accept the reality of the world with which we're presented. It's as simple as that." Dark City "Sleep, now." - Reality is not what we think it is. Blade Runner Philosophy on the trustworthiness of memory. Great for dispelling beliefs about who you think you are. The Fountain "Death is the road to awe." - Ego's failed attempt to live forever, and then finally saying 'yes' to surrender to Truth. The Matrix Plato's cave allegory. One of the best allegories for enlightenment, except for the fact that Neo's new reality is not the Truth. Also, really entertaining. Joe Vs. The Volcano A fun, allegorical presentation of the path to enlightenment. Pan's Labyrinth On overcoming fear and ego. American Beauty Disillusionment upon disillusionment. A man who wakes up halfway through his life. Watch for Ricky Fitts. Apocalypse Now The horrors of realizing the truth and what you have to do to get there. Also note how ego exalts their leader. Cast Away A man forced awake. Wilson represents everyone else. Dead Poet's Society Think for yourself. Be a heretic. Nineteen Eighty-Four 2+2=5. You can believe yourself out of an idea as powerful as love. Pleasantville More heresy, and ego's resistance. A fun one. Star Wars (+The Empire Strikes Back) The hero's journey. Dying of the flesh to be born of the spirit. Surrender. Unlearning. Human Adulthood. The Thirteenth Floor The unreality of reality. "Turtles on top of turtles". Waking Life Thought-provoking ideas. Belief-destroying ideas. The dream allegory explained well. About Schmidt The stark fact of your death. Total Recall More flimsy memory philosophy. What Dreams May Come Flow/manifestation. How To Get Ahead in Advertising Ego failing to overthrow itself. Pretty dang funny. Being There The wise fool and flow. Fight Club "Why do you think I blew up your condo? Hitting bottom is not a weekend retreat. It's not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go! Let go!" The Thing Philosophy on what it means to be a self. Harold and Maude American Zen. A funny feel-good movie. 500 Days of Summer Love as we know it in modern society is bullshit. Is anything ever a coincidence? The Giver Human Adulthood, heresy, and breaking free. Read the book; waaay more powerful than the movie. Watchmen "We are all puppets, Laurie. I'm just the puppet who can see the strings." Enjoy!

That book is very dense and esoteric. If you haven't already read up a lot on enlightenment stuff, I suggest you try a lighter read. That being said... the noumena that he is referring to is Truth itself. He is referring to the fact that nothing in phenomena (everything you experience) can be noumena. Nothing in the dream state can be Truth due to phenomena being ephemeral. Noumena is everlasting. This is what he means when he says that noumena is the only 'thing' that exists, and phenomena are its temporary manifestations. Phenomena are not separate from noumena, but they are not noumena. Pretty paradoxical, huh? Another thing: you can know phenomena, but you can't know noumena. Noumena is pure not-knowing. It's what's there when all knowing is gone. How can you know something that is Infinite? To know Infinity would place you above it, which is impossible. Then you may be wondering, how can I directly encounter Truth if nothing in my phenomenal experience is it, and I can't even know it? The thing is, you're being it. Here's an analogy: you can't see your own eyes, but you can be conscious that you have eyes just by the fact that you're seeing. This is likely what Wei Wu Wei is referring to when he talks about in-seeing. To see that you experience form and emptiness in the phenomenal world, but by the fact that they're there you can infer that something else is witnessing all of it, and that witness is Truth. I think this is also where the common phrase "the seeker is the sought" comes from. Oddly enough, when you look for that witness of everything, there's nothing there. It's a very intuitive realization.

Some emotions don't even need a label or language to understand. I wouldn't worry about it too much. What do you mean by emotional mastery, anyways? You mean having a lasso around your emotions? Being able to control them? If that's the case, I don't think you're going to get anywhere. What I think you're actually referring to here is self-mastery. Divisive, painful emotions are generated by ego. Instead of just labeling emotions or trying to control them, maybe you ought to go deeper to understand where those emotions are coming from in the first place. There are certain triggers that make you tick. What are those triggers? Learn to understand why you react the way you do, and you will be on the path to mastering not only your emotions, but yourself.

No. That's just a word. What it's referring to is True.

In order to say that "we don't know anything," we need to examine what it means to know something. What is KNAWLEDGE? (Here in my garage...) I just looked up the word in the dictionary, and the philosophical definition is "true, justified belief; certain understanding, as opposed to opinion." The key here is the first part. A piece of knowledge is justified belief. What makes a justified belief? If the hypothesis behind the belief is confirmed and all other hypotheses are refuted...but can we actually refute all other hypotheses? Let's take a classic example here. We say with absolute certainty that the sun will rise tomorrow, as if it's an objective fact. We have studied the laws of gravity time and time again, and we can predict with absolute certainty that it will rise tomorrow. The sun has risen every single day since I was born, so surely it must rise tomorrow... Call me crazy, but what if it doesn't? What if a supernova causes the sun to explode before it can rise tomorrow? What if a black hole swallows up the sun? I can come up with a million-and-one hypotheses as to why the sun may not rise tomorrow. The point is, in order for something to be objective knowledge, 100% true, ALL hypotheses that attempt to falsify the knowledge must be refuted. And since there is always a new hypothesis that can be formulated...objective knowledge is impossible. No statement or justified belief can be proven absolutely true. We can falsify a bunch of other hypotheses which leaves us with the justified hypothesis, but 0.0000001% false is still false. All knowledge is belief, and no belief is true. Hence, whatever's absolutely true can't be in the realm of language. Words can be used to point or orient to absolute truth, but words themselves do not hold absolute truth. A fair warning to all Truth seekers out there.

First of all, you shouldn't do anything. There's no rules to becoming enlightened. In fact, do whatever you feel moved to do. You don't even have to listen to me, because my advice below contradicts this point. Secondly, you're asking "Outward?" when you ought to be asking, "Inward?" You're looking for some pre-determined path, some sense of certainty that guarantees you will be enlightened. Like a clickbait: "Follow these 10 easy steps to become enlightened!" But if you're really serious about this stuff, you have to strike out on your own. You are the only authority there could ever be. You have to do what feels right, and you have to examine yourself. This is the most personal journey you will ever take. It's your head that's on the chopping block. Enlightenment is not about adding new trinkets to your belief system; it's about destroying all of your beliefs about you and the world. If you think the Bible can help you with destroying beliefs, go ahead and read it, but I doubt it'll help because it's also covered in the muck and mire of false beliefs. In reality, anything can move you towards enlightenment. Anyone or anything can be your guru if they point out any hidden beliefs, any forms of resistance in yourself. I suggest checking out Leo's book list for more direct books on enlightenment. Cheers!

The witness, or the "I Am" is just a facet of consciousness like sense perceptions. You see them as separate, when they're really one and the same. Form is emptiness, emptiness is form. What is a sense perception without the sentient witnessing of it? Some more contemplation on this should allow you to see the non-duality of everything. Don't confuse these ideas with Truth though. The witness and sense perceptions are ephemeral; Truth is and always was. To go even further, ask yourself: Who is witnessing the witness? Just a heads-up: you can't experience the answer; you can only become conscious of it. You can't know Truth, but you can become aware that it is.

I was stuck on this one for a long time. Yes, ego death is an illusion, since ego never existed in the first place. But in the realm of the phenomenal world (i.e 'reality' as we know it, our sense perceptions) there's a body and a sentience ("I Am"). That body + sentience was birthed, and eventually, it will cease to function and dissolve. That's what most people refer to as physical death, and it's most definitely real in regards to the phenomenal world. Your sense perceptions and sentience will cease at some point. So, yes, the sentient focal point you call "I" will cease to be. The way to confirm this is to examine what happens when you go to sleep. In deep sleep, there is no awareness of being alive, no sentience, no thoughts to confirm your existence. The focal point you call "I" is not the Truth due to its ephemeral nature. How does the transition happen from one state of consciousness to another? Nobody knows, and nobody can know. We don't even know if reincarnation exists; that's just a baseless assumption. How does physical death happen? It just does. Why? Because. At this point, you're probably pretty down in the dumps reading what I just wrote. Fortunately, you're not any of these ephemeral things. Even when the body and the "I Am" dissolves, there is still something there...but it's not a thing at all. That, whatever that is, is Truth. Truth was never born and hence can never die. It's always been. Here's a quote that helped me contemplate Truth: "Imagine that an ultimate Big Bang in reverse, a sort of anti-Big Bang, suddenly blows up all existence. Absolutely everything that could possibly be experienced is gone. Add to that: time has also been blown away, and space is non-existent. So there is really nothing at all left. Has Being ceased to be? Has existence disappeared or diminished in any way? No. Not at all. We confuse being some thing with Being. We confuse experience with what is. Notice that with nothing at all, existence still is. It just isn’t any thing. It doesn’t exist in or as space or time, and so not as process or experience. In other words, is can’t come or go, it can only is." -Peter Ralston Ultimately, even if the sun explodes and everything gets destroyed and nobody is sentient to experience it... Truth still is. It's just not in the form of anything. To acquire a grounded consciousness of that is another story.

If you read closely what I wrote, I'm not asking you to stop the journey altogether. I'm asking you to look for the obstructions that prevent you from seeing Truth. So yes, the you that you think you are is one of them. I'm asking you to look into yourself and your own agendas, to understand the character that you play. Why you do the things you do. No amount of words on these forums can help you with that. Self-examination is a very personal endeavor that only you can do. All the best, mate. "Rather than continuing to seek the truth, simply let go of your views." —Buddha

Hey Jess, What you're experiencing is resistance, also known as emotional pain. The most prevalent method of dealing with resistance is to search outward for relief, e.g. meditation, breathing methods, praying, having sex, eating ice cream, having people say "it's all okay," pity parties, playing video games, going on Facebook to rant; the list goes on and on. I'd like to dispense some bad news: that doesn't work, and that never did. All that distractions do is bury the emotion deeper and deeper, where it continues to stew in your gut. It only covers up the pain temporarily. Then what happens is that you become addicted to these things because you need to keep your emotions buried, you need to keep running, you can't face them... Trying to get rid of resistance through distractions or agendas is like trying to punch a brick wall with your bare fist. It not only doesn't work, but it causes you more pain in the long run. So then...what is there to do? You're not going to like what I have to say one bit, but here it is: you have to face the anger. Stop trying to control the situation by trying to get rid of the anger; you never had any control to begin with. Instead, let the anger flow through you. Let it all bubble up to the surface. Go on a rampage, punching pillows, screaming swears; do whatever you need to do. Release the dam you have on your anger. Want to be angry. And then, in the midst of it all, stop and ask yourself, "What is this emotion trying to accomplish?" Expose the self-agenda the emotion is trying to fulfill. It will be a very personal agenda, and you will have to dig deep. It will feel like a part of you is dying when you do this, but that's the nature of the beast. If you want to get rid of the boogeyman, you have to face the boogeyman, exposing your chest to it in total surrender. You can use this inquiry any time resistance pops up. Resistance is the lifeblood of ego. To try and get rid of the ego is just yet another agenda: ego trying to get rid of itself. Very unlikely. Instead, want the resistance to be there and understand its purpose. Once you understand the magic trick, it won't surprise you anymore. Be brave Jess. Cheers, JJ

I recently used this quote, but I think it applies here. Some food for thought on your self-actualization journey.... "Anytime you’re practicing renunciation, you’re deluded. How about that! You’re deluded. What are you renouncing? Anytime you renounce something, you are tied forever to the thing you renounce. The only way to get out of this is to see through it. Don’t renounce it, see through it. Understand its true value and you won’t need to renounce it; it will just drop from your hands." -Tony de Mello Cheers!