jjer94

Thanks @West ! Yes, I'm familiar with the bulletproof diet. My diet the past few months was following those lines. While I felt pretty dang good compared to the standard american diet, something still felt off. I was still really constipated, breaking out a lot, and smelly. That's why I switched to this fruit fast. It's only temporary, though. I plan to eat the rest of the vegan staples in a week or two. Yeah... hair loss doesn't sound so good. Neither does pooping out green mucus, or literally having tumors burst out of your skin. But those are examples of some of the detox symptoms you may experience when you go on a raw food fast, especially if you store a lot of toxins in your body. Here's the book this is based on. I'm not going bald; I was exaggerating. Just shedding a lot, almost as much as a normal-shedding dog. The amount of hair I shed in one shower can be rolled into a small ball that fits into the palm of my hand. Thanks for your concerns!

You're turning Life Purpose into a dilemma when it doesn't have to be. What if you could have your cake and eat it too? What if you could do what interests you AND make lasting impact? I've heard stories of music literally saving people's lives. Is that not a lasting impact? That lego sculpture guy has moved people with his work. Is that not a lasting impact? Get the idea out of your head that these things are inherently frivolous. Frivolousness is only defined by our priorities. If you value making music or building with legos, it sure as hell ain't frivolous to you. Of course, the opposite is also true. If you don't value corporate work and have a corporate job, then that job would be considered frivolous to you.

day 2: holy shits, body's having fits. Holy(er) shit! A lot of different symptoms have surfaced, and it's only the second day of the fruit fast. Here's what I got: Random aches and pains. Yesterday, I had a headache that lasted approximately one minute. Today, I had hamstring pain that lasted thirty seconds. All of these random aches and pains are coming and going. False hunger. In my research so far, a symptom of eating cooked food is "false hunger" - that gnawing feeling in your stomach you equate to be hunger pangs. Real hunger is supposedly like thirst - near the throat area. False hunger's been going crazy these past two days. To be expected. It's the equivalent of withdrawal symptoms. Even when I satiate with fruit, it's still there. In a sense, we're all addicted to cooked foods. Cravings. Another side effect of eating food that we're not supposed to eat is craving. Craving is the body's way of saying that it's malnourished, but we mistakenly equate junk food as nourishment. And so it's an endless cycle. Anyway, lots of cravings have come up - especially for fatty/salty foods, since I'm off paleo now. More BMs. A lot more. Yesterday and today, I went thrice. Woohoo! Normally I'm constipated up the wazoo. Connectedness. No joke. By eating raw these past couple days, I notice an increased sense of empathy and connectedness with everything. Almost like synesthesia on LSD. Even though my body doesn't feel right, my mood is pretty good. Breakouts. To be expected, since skin is an avenue for detoxification. Hair loss. I lost, like, a pound of hair today in the shower. A great mental picture, is it not? Surfacing emotions. The loneliness and "I can't" emotions are revealing themselves again. I forgot how sad my body feels. It almost feels caged, like it's purposely sacrificing its full potential for comfort and familiarity. I actually had an insight in the shower about the loneliness. Introverts like me tend to think that we prefer "alone time." But when we're alone, we're not really alone. We're usually engaged with something, whether it be a book or social media or other solitary activities. Real aloneness is akin to being with yourself without stimulation, seeing what it's like to be in a body. I've been avoiding that form of aloneness for a long time. I even avoid it during meditation, as demonstrated by incessant monkey mind. That aloneness is my boogeyman. It's the thing I need to face and embrace. In general, this inner work is probably the hardest thing I've done in my life. Setting olympic records, diving to the bottom of the ocean, making a platinum record, and building a successful business seem like child's play compared to facing yourself.

Good stuff, man. It really is amazing, isn't it? How one little tab can illuminate so much about yourself? I also had the "chimp in the tuxedo" feeling on my trip. I couldn't stop laughing about the fact that we all wear clothing. I'm especially envious about this: Even after doing the same thing in my trip, all of the ingrained non-acceptance came back. Goes to show how much more inner work I need to do. Cheers.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Leo. Happy birthday dude. Seriously, thanks for everything.

veganism. Wow. How could I not see? I mean, it makes perfect logical sense. But all these years, how could I not see? Compare the human to all species of the animal kingdom. Compare anatomy, intestinal length, teeth type, tail or no, quadriped or biped, claws or nails, and other physiological features. We most resemble primates, which are fruitarians: They eat fruits, supplemented with vegetables, nuts, and seeds. They used their opposable thumbs and nails to pluck fruit and peel skins. Before cooking, before tools, before paleo living, before agriculture and the usage of grains... we just ate mostly raw fruit. I've had digestive issues my whole life: bloating, constipation, reflux, indigestion, you name it. Stack that on top of the band of muscular tension I mentioned in a previous entry, and it's debilitating. I wonder how I grew up all these years thinking that my constipation was normal...that it was just something I had to deal with...while I ate refined breads, sugary breakfast cereals, ice cream, corn-fed meats and poultry, milk, and cheese. That whole time, my body was probably saying, "Fuckin' A, Brett! Another steak!? Gimme a fucking break! Seriously, feed me an apple please!" But I was too busy being depressed and addicted to video games to actually be mindful of what it was telling me. For the past six months, I've been paleo/keto (a la Primal Blueprint). It definitely felt better than the Standard American Diet (SAD), but the constipation got worse. The past two weeks, I've transitioned into the cooked whole food vegan diet. While I notice a huge difference in energy levels, digestive issues remain. Then I did more research and decided to add more raw fruit and vegetables to the diet. A lot more. Like, three times as much fruit as before. Today, I've had around 4 BM's alone, and it's not even dinnertime yet. Holy shit. Literally! I don't plan on going totally raw for the rest of my life. Cooking is too culturally ingrained (pun maybe?) to avoid. Also, legumes and grains may do some good in the winter. But leaning towards raw seems intuitively the best way to go for health and longevity. This coming week, I plan on doing a fruit/vegetable fast. Raw vegetable smoothies and fruit only. Let's see how much shit comes out. Some resources for the curious: The China Study, How Not to Die, 80-10-10 (I think this one's a little extreme for most, but good info nonetheless), Detox Miracle Sourcebook, Forks Over Knives, In Defense of Food, Motha-fuckin John Rose.

1. Wake up when the sun rises. 2. Skip breakfast. 3. Meditate. 4. ??? 5. Profit.

silent progress. Holy cow! I mean back! My back feels so much looser after doing these exercises. But the most relief I've received is in my gut. I have a gi-normous muscular band of tension around my navel area. I first noticed it after the events of my friend's suicide. Probably has something to do with the guilt. But after using the 9-inch ball repeatedly on that area...I notice that I can breathe a little better and I'm less in fight-or-flight. This makes the world a difference. I'm going to stick with it. I haven't even gone through all the exercises yet... This sort of myofascial work seems to be the physical equivalent of affirmations. In affirmations, the mind is stuck in a holding pattern and by repeating a phrase over and over again, you brute force it out of the holding pattern. In myofascial release work, the body is stuck in a holding pattern of tensions and by repeating the same exercises over and over again, you brute force it out of the holding pattern. A year ago, I would have scoffed at this stuff. Now, I scoff at me a year ago.

In regards to your "music is meaningless" qualms... do some contemplation on that point. You may find that music has many different purposes for humanity. Otherwise, it wouldn't be around. As for the issue of life purpose aligning with enlightenment...I'm still working on that one too. But this quote has helped put things in a different perspective: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” --Howard Thurman I figure on the path to life purpose, we'll face all of our inner demons anyways. Keep rockin on, man. I'm looking forward to hearing your covers.

Maybe we're already dead, and this is the epilogue.

Shin, you inspired me to do it. Thanks for that! I'm currently one week in. (I had to reset last week.) Here's my symptoms: Flatlined. I have zero libido, but my balls feel like they're going to explode. A paradox of nature, indeed. More attracted to personality. My body's so accustomed to porn that it's totally confused as to what turns it on. However, I notice that I'm less concerned about girls' appearances and more about their personality. Desire to date. I feel more desire to ask out particular girls. Still working on the part where I actually do it... Emotional turmoil. I've been using porn to self-medicate my feelings of directionlessness and worthlessness. Now they're coming to the surface. Not masturbating has forced me to face these inner demons. Not pleasant, but necessary. Anyone else doing it? What are your experiences?

Stop spending so much time on this forum, facebook, youtube, and all the other internet "hangouts". The Internet is a tool, not a place to hang out. The more you hang out here, the more you yearn for real human contact. I don't mean to hound Maslow's hierarchy, but real human contact is more important than you think. We are social creatures that like to use all of our senses in interactions. Virtual reality deprives us of most of them. For being such a cyber-connected world, we've never in history been more human-disconnected. You're not depressed. You're lonely. Yeah, yeah, "aloneness is your true nature," go ahead and spiritual bypass it. But deep down, you know it. You crave real, person-to-person connection. Maybe you have a friend or sibling you can call right now. Maybe there's a local club you can join. Maybe you can ask someone you know for help instead of whoring for internet attention. The options are endless, but the fears are many. "What are you so afraid of?" is a good question to ask for this situation. Maybe I'm projecting, but this is just what I've seen based on your forum participation. This advice is for me just as much as it is for you. I don't mean to sound condescending. I wish you all the best.

Hi. Introverted musician here. The way you get over stage fright, is by getting on stage. It really is that simple. Simple, but not easy. Most of the things you really want in life are that way. Cheers!

the silent killer. I've recently been searching for solutions to my psychosomatic issues. Then I realized, I'm forgetting about the simple somatic issues! If my body feels like shit, then no wonder why my psyche feels the same way. Maybe it's not all childhood trauma stuff. Maybe it's just the basic physical stuff. Most of us sit for 10+ hours per day and take it for granted. But if you think about it, a sedentary lifestyle for a normally active animal doesn't seem healthy. And no amount of 30-minute aerobics sessions can compensate. I found a book that addresses this problem at its roots. I'm going to partake in its 14-day challenge and do all of the mobility exercises for two straight weeks. Let's see how I feel afterwards.

@Liam Johnson Ahh, a fellow perfect pitcher! Greetings! I developed mine on accident too, oddly enough during the recorder unit in music class in elementary school. I matched the recorder with the bell tone one day, which happened to be A. Then, hearing that same school bell for the next three years ingrained it in my head. Relative pitch became perfect pitch within another couple years, all from trying to figure out key signatures of songs. It's a blessing and a curse. Helps so much with learning new songs, but it's really bad with singing. Because I know my vocal range, I anticipate the high notes and strain ("Oh, that high G is coming up...prepare yourself!!"). That's not good for the vocal cords, nor for vocal style. Anyway, it was fun to read your story! Cheers.

Isn't that funny? That the things we want most, we feel the most resistance towards? We keep saying, "I want to live life! I want to be happy!" But we're afraid of living, and we're afraid of happiness. Damnedest thing, ain't it?

OMG! I'm fucking insane! I'm a scheming love-deprived bastard! I put so much unnecessary pressure on myself! I don't know how to relax! So...I'm back in the somnambulstic state. I reduced my eating window to four hours. I never would have thought I use food for my neuroses, since I'm so skinny (more on that in another entry). But man, with food gone for most of the day, there's just this void, and all of these emotions come out. Stack that on top of increasing my meditation time by ten minutes. Hoooooly shit, so much dissatisfaction with present circumstances. So much loneliness. I like to think I'm the only one that's neurotic up the wazoo, for dramatic effect. But I can imagine there are a ton of people out there who have it just as bad, if not worse. And for those people: I feel your pain. This place, this human realm, is basically just one big insane asylum. It's sad and hilarious.

This one's really annoying to read because of its repetitiveness, but when you can see past it, it's a useful read: The Presence Process.

@Whywolf What inspires me? Music for the sake of music. And other musicians.

@Orange Yup!

Yeahhhh bitch! Magnets! I feel your pain. Kind of in a similar position. Maybe it's the "entitled millenial" thing, but no conventional job interests me whatsoever. I'd much rather be playing music full-time or writing or whatever. But the price for autonomy is, well...money. I'm a classic example of the "starving artist." Hopefully not for long as I learn more about marketing and transcend social neuroses. Not sure if you've already read it, but this book may be illuminating for you.

I'm really digging all the artwork, especially @Laisa's Einstein! Okay, I'll bite. https://soundcloud.com/brettschwartz I think a lot of you guys will resonate with the lyrics. Click on the song titles to access them. As for writing: http://the-extra-ordinary.com/

That's great news! By the way, a settlement needs your help...