Nathan

Can I get back on it? What are the repercussions? Reality is starting to feel like a joke that I'm the butt of.

What would be the counterpart to physical pain? Physical pleasure? Comfort?

Can you revive dead threads? Iunno. I have a recollection of the course of events that transpired. My SELF took my ego/ID on a journey of sorts, showed me that all that is, is a kind of reflection of I, you and I is but a lie.. that time is illusory and the present moment is really all there is. <~~ can't grasp this at all anymore. Felt like the god/devil were two sides of the same coin when grounded in duality, both expressed through I. But yeah after a while I flaked out, told heaps of lies about drugs in a bid to close my eyes to truth and then as if by magic reality became that lie, I even tested positive for some whacky concoction of amphetamines and opiates. I feel like I've gradually been falling further and further asleep/unconscious since. It's weird, I still experience blissfull love in the day without the hellishness of the long nights. Recently I've been thinking though, is duality even a neccessary universal law? does it have to make sense? Can one side of the pole exist without the other? Hypothetically if an individual became so resistant to the cold that it ceased to be sensational factor, what would that entail for it's counter-weight heat?

Nevermind I guess.

24, live with my mother,brother,gf. Didn't take any drugs prior to embarking, but tested positive for heaps of them once I checked into hospital. It's odd, reality can shift and change in an instant I guess, perhaps I've just gone off the deep end though, there's a lot to see down here though ¤.¤

I've been dopped the fuck out on benzos since and my recollection of insights made have been fading. At one point it literally felt like I was one with the mind of god, the only thoughts that enter my head nowadays are music lyrics entirely appropriate for the situation at hand.

I surrendered everything, went into flow state and embarked on a journey of sorts with no idea what it entailed, several days/nights passed,during certain periods time stood still completely. At this point it kinda felt like a prolonged acid trip and I freaked, got a lift home from the police saying I had been missing for several days, arrive home "ohhhh it's been 20H not over 100" Haven't been able to keep track of time since. Reality is fucking trippy. Since then I haven't really been able to enter flow, except when I bask in silence, but that's difficult with people around to query it.

Unlimited entertainment forever or for never.

My ego is unraveling, it's not nearly as bad as my mind made it out to be AT ALL but... the concept of being the only witness to all that's been done is unsettling. All these "others" in my world, I want so badly to help them, but part of me feels like it's redundant. Can the love be passed?

@Nahm Okay today was a blast and I'm sore all over,this rings through loud and clear now, for now.

Thanks guys :). I'm still as confused as ever, but feel somewhat less confused paradoxically. Enjoy your day.

@OnceMore That's an assumption. You don't know how your life will unfold, you were content at one point and then your life situation/perspective etc changed dramatically and now you are not. When your perception of your life experience is negative for a long time it can be difficult to conceptualize any kind of turn around. But life can shift unexpectedly in in a positive way too, you'd be suprised. You sure? The fear of letting down people you love can be crippling. Sorry things are difficult for you at the moment. Relationships with people in your family are very comfortable bonds, and people aren't as hesitant to speak their mind. It's hardly uncommon for parents to place various expectations on their children, because they want them to be happy. When these expectations aren't met they feel guilty and that can be expressed in a multitude of ways anger/disappointment even greif. I think you should explore why you care so much what others think.. For me, life became more rewarding when I started focusing less on what others wanted of me and more on what I wanted to do for them. Hope you feel better soon, know that carrying the weight you bear at the moment isn't a futile endeavour.

So the scales of duality have to balance for "things" to be. How do you guys stay passionate about bringing positivity into the world knowing that ultimately it will have it's counter-balance. This was something that used to ail me a lot, I'm not too concerned about it currently not sure why.. What are your thoughts on the topic?

@DrMobius

Nobodys particularly "better" than anyone on the whole, they're just different. Worth is gauged based on whatever your measuring. Society values particular traits, evolution favours survivability but life is unbiased. How did it start? Who knows.. perhaps as you grew up you weren't as exposed to societies rules and regulations and then at some point somebody called you weird and you developed a complex about it. I used to be very self-conscious and my esteem was terrible... I was unable to meet the "mark" from my perspective. Most people I watched had flowing conversations and everything they said was so appropriate. In comparison I was so insecure and hyper-critical of the thoughts that came across my mind that I'd stumble ungracefully over my words or fail to speak at all. I was shit, valueless! A waste of space! But eventually I started to notice there were a multitude of things I valued highly myself, in myself that society at large didn't put too much emphasis on or assign much worth to..and that grew until the kind of things I was envious of in others no longer mattered so much. Focus more on things you appreciate about yourself rather than what others have which you do not. The human race is like a team, it's members have all kinds of different skillsets and ways of thinking about things. Capable of navigating through all kinds of circumstances that arise on planet earth.

"I feel like an atom bomb, seconds before expoding". I can relate to that, it just feels like energy flowing for the sake of expression.. sometimes there's a whole lot. I enjoy it when it comes, but am not so attached to the experience that I feel bad when it passes. I've fretted about it in the past, worried about my sanity, felt unstable etc... I don't anymore. It's a new experience..a change..there's uncertainty about it so the mind is gonna analyse it and throw a bunch of thoughts your way,many will induce fear. Just ride it all out, face the fear and it'll be less potent.

I've never solo tripped. I'd recommend bringing someone you're comfortable with if possible as it's your first time. If you feel a little overwhelmed they can help calm you down. From my experience a good acid trip will fill you with a childlike-wonder and it'll feel like an adventure. A bad one will leave you very confused for what can feel like a looong time. I've never really come away with any profound realisations personally because my trips have all been leisure-based.

Thanks for the disclaimer. I'm going to press on. Feel free to drop me a message at any point.

Short answer: You get it from yourself instead. You're the one who decides how to react to the external phenomena. Be on your own side, expect others to clash with you, don't hate them for it and don't worry so much about changing their mind. Everyone has their own angle in life, if we all agreed upon everything, things would be pretty samey. People might be offended if you don't parrot their opinion untarnished back at them, they might be resentful about it even. It sucks at times but it's fine, life would be dull if everyone conformed to your will all the time no?

Hey. Sorry to hear about all of this, you sound really nice. M.E. sounds like a rough ride, but looking online the prognosis seems to be fairly positive for most people. 4 years is a long time to suffer, but what has occured isn't an infallible basis to judge what will occur, you never know how the present will unfold over the span of the next year. Has the breathing issue been long term or has it cropped up more recently? If you haven't had diagnostic tests for that issue it's worth chasing up. I wasn't diagnosed as asthmatic until I was 22 and breathing then became easier. Also nice guitar skills, do you want to write songs?

Let them think all of that about you. You're not going to convince them to change their tune...not when it comes to the worldview they've developed over the span of their lifetime. So quit talking about it you'll bump into someone with similar views somewhere down the line, save all this talk for them/us.

So music is something I've always been able to connect with in a profound way. After doing some thinking, the concept of being able to express myself through music is something I'd like to do even if I couldn't profit from it. However recently I've started dancing spontaneously to music in the moment. In that state, everything feels exactly "right". Thinking I may have gotten my wires crossed and the reason I connect with music is because I was supposed to dance? In my usual frame of mind the concept of spending my life persuing dance doesn't appeal at all. I wanna MAKE music, not just be the recipient of it. Are things predestined? Do I have to surrender to my calling or do I get to "choose". I mean ultimately we're all both the decider and the decided right?

It's hard for me to remember the precise content of each trip. I definitely felt different vibes with different chemicals though and those feelings felt familiar when I was reintroduced to them.

I have a friend who works at a small gas station where customers visit like once every 20-30 minutes. Whilst they're away he plays guitar, reads books, plays games.. whatever he feels like. I really wanna find a job that's passive like that and allows me to work on myself during downtime. Maybe go part time with the sales job and hunt for something else in your free time? The generating money online idea is cool. Maybe have a look around in life and be aware of all kinds of ways people are making passive income?

Situations can get a little fucked up at times but tend to turn around eventually. I've been through periods of emotional numbness and it freaked me out a bit but don't give it too much energy, you gotta just ride it out. It's just another experience to throw into your bank of experiences I guess. It'll pass, stay positive.