Nathan

I hope it doesn't have to come to that and I hope you're feeling okay now. I'm stubborn to a fault and have had to be dragged by life before because I refused to walk. Thank you for taking the time to listen. Whenever I reflect on all of the atrocities that have and will occur I'm able to identify with the victim of the atrocities but I rarely even consider the fact that I'm also the perpetrator. I paint perpetrators as others who just don't "get it" I need to sit with this. Thank you!

There's an excerpt in Leo's video about wisdom in which judgement is deemed essentially out of touch and infantile, or that's the way I perceived it. I judge people that exploit animals for personal gain to the 9th degree to the point that I've had watershed moment arguments with relatives and loved ones about that topic of the exploitation of animals and have cut them out of my life. I struggle to let go of judgement, why do you think that is? Ideally with some emphasis on the subject matter?

Massively appreciate this post and feel as though it's what I needed to read. Gonna work on unpacking this for the foreseeable, going to try to grapple with my reaction to this paradigm shift, forgive myself for my own reaction to all of this and forgive others, I recognise that people simply haven't been exposed to certain experiential states that I have regarding this and it's unfair to demonise people for a lack of understanding. I demonise myself for a lack of understanding too. Nobody has everything figured out. All my gratitude guys

@Charlotte subconscious grudge,I'll meditate on forgiving pigeons for shitting on my head that one time.

Somewhere you can observe animals is also good even if it's just pigeons.

Whether it's a tent or a rented room, make sure you have a safe space to retreat to where nobody will bother you in case you get a little anxious. If you're feeling confident then gallivant all over the park or town or where ever. I'd personally advise preparing food/hydration in advanced because the concept of enduring a shop till interaction can be intimidating when you're tripping lol (or it is to me at least but I guess it's subjective). Personally I generally gravitate towards exploring nature and walking a LOT when tripping. Pick some of your favourite nature walks and see them anew whilst under the influence :D. Places with bodies of water are a personal fave. Tripping in the day is way preferable to night and if you've got a limited supply and were planning on using it up prior to spring I'd recommend holding out a little longer.

Try to stop layering mediation with positive or negative connotations and just let go and be. Give it a rest. And let go of judging yourself if you can't. It's all good. ?

I feel as though I've been struggling to find contentment for a few months now. Any tips on renewing the luster in life?

@zoey101 I have travelled a lot, but not in the past two years due to time and financial constraints. I did always feel like travel was a major break from day to day monotomy, it really reinvigorates the sense of wonder in life cause it's almost like being a kid again..everything is entirely new, some parts of the world are so different to where I live that it's almost like experiencing an alternate reality or something. I do feel like engaging in mission work in deprived parts of the world would make me massively appreciate my fortunate position in the west and tug on my empathy giving me a sense of desire to make a difference again. I visited some of the slum-towns in India a few years ago and it kinda opened my eyes to how raw poverty can be and how disconnected I am to peoples needs.. It's terrible how quickly I became jaded and unempathetic again. @Gabriel Antonio Sort of, I've been meeting with the same group of friends on a regular basis for nearly a decade now, mainly to get drunk or do drugs though we've kinda gravitated away from that now. We're all close and don't feel the need to erect some kind if social 'front' in order to fit in with one another or anything. That being said I wouldn't say I was 100% open with them, not about my concerns at least, somewhat but not 100%. I do spend a good portion of my time at work navigating that enviroment with a kind of professional social front and conversation at work is pretty unfulfilling. @Jamie Universe I'm definitely not commited to the path, occasionally my interest will spark and I'll listen to/read a lot of content for a while, maybe even have a profound experience.. but eventually my interest wanes as time passes. I do feel like I need to commit more to self-enquiry, it sounds majorly effective at honing in on the specific reasons why I feel the way I do rather than blindly searching for some kinda external experience to give me a hit of gratification and distract me for a time. I'm gonna start an investigative journal-diary thing :3.

@zoey101 Thank you @Gabriel Antonio you're right, I'd have trouble responding to what I put, it's as vague as vague gets. I'll try to dig into what's bothering me. I've been half-heartedly engaged with non-duality for about two years now. During the first year there was a major breakdown in percieved meaning in life which led to a lot apathy and a kinda void where a sense of purpose used to be. Eventually I managed to get over that slump and managed to appreciate the beauty in life without assigning arbitrary values to things/activities. I was able to take things one day at a time and relished life for life's sake without feeling the need to get anywhere/ do anything in particular to feel fulfilled. Recently though life's lost it's sheen, I'm numb to the gratification I once got from appreciating all kinds of little aspects in life. I know I'm taking my whole experience for-granted but I'm not quite sure how to not do that. This still feels vague, it doesn't feel like anything is bringing me down, but nothing is filling me up either. There are no high points or low points to my days.

As if it never happend. The old paradigm comes back full swing.

It makes me wonder what kind of resistance caused me to evade so much last time. Whatever struck a nerve has been buried deep at this point, need to get back sooner later.

I don't know, I guess I did attach some level of significance to it, I guess it would be spiritual ego. I remember acknowledging a lot of blatant synchronicity in life in general, I guess to acknowledge something as a synchronicity there has to be some kind of criteria present rooted in thought. It felt more intuitive than narrative but I guess intuition is just another facet of thought?

I guess my prior realisation could have been just as much a comforting thought-construct as my current model of understanding. But it felt less like a thought-story and more like a means of perception,not that I remember it at all, I guess it could have just been another thought-story dressed up in a subtle and unusual guise.

Why do I grasp so much to hold onto a concept of time? Is there really that much insecurity in the abandonment of order as far as time is concerned?

I don't imagine anything's changed but sometimes it seems far less subtle. It's always a transient feeling though.

Watch my reflection. But not always, sometimes I put the blinders up.. though I guess they're part of it too.

I've tried it a few times but bail everytime. Closest I've got to being dangerously low on breathe is due to being underwater.

I've noticed this seems to be the case, either that or reality is throwing a lot of coincidences at me. I imagine it's a complicated feedback loop but in laymans terms how exactly does it work?

Lots of speculation here about ulterior motives. He could just have a really shitty routine and memory. I fall into that boat, my wallet is on my person at all times but I've forgotten to take other items to work on several occasions. I.e. I left my phone charger at home about 100+ times last year and borrowed other peoples chargers pretty frequently.

He forbid it because piglets are cute as fuck and the concept of orphaning them didn't sit well with him.

I feel like we put less conditions on animals to be loved so it's easier to appreciate them. Also I guess you can't stare at humans for hours on end without warranting a few concerned questions from them xD.

It can be really nice can't it :). It feels at some point my mind swapped roles from tyrannical dictator to cerebral advisor buddy . I raise a glass to your alliance, things work better when we're all in it together.

What symptoms/warning signs are associated with these kinda vitamin deficiencies? I don't pay any regard to proper nutrition and have been vegan for a while