TheFrown

I have been struggling with something similar. I try to analyze all my emotions in a desperate attempt to understand and overcome my depression and sadness. The process of letting myself go was giving me great relief but than I realized just what that actually entails. I've realized that this path of enlightenment really kills joy and meaning. The foundation of a happy human life. Love and connection and ego are essential parts of life. Think about those special moments in life that swell emotion and joy in the heart. They didn't come from some high minded feeling of godlike infinity. At least not for me... That was something different. It was fulfilling the need to be special. The need to overcome my inferior feelings of doubt. I think faith is important for us right about now. Faith in reality as you know it. Faith that you can find your way back to joy. Faith that what you do does matter. When you feel like what you do matters you start to see how it can for other people as well and that fills you with joy. Right now you and I are stuck in that vicious cycle. Still remember you can get out of it. There is always a way... I will send you my best thoughts and prayers.

The best way to improve your social skills is to initiate conversation with no internal agenda. Ask people about what there interested in and really listen. People, for the most part, enjoy talking about themselves and seek validation of who they are. Also remember that awkward moments are perfectly fine and to be expected, especially when your still learning how to socialize. Girls respond to forward direct intention and a proud display of confidence. This can be a really difficult thing to fake when you have little to no experience with the opposite sex. But you have got to start somewhere! Just walk up to a girl and tell her shes pretty and you want to get to know her. Flirting can be a lot of fun once you get good at it. If you attracting girls is realllllly important to you, you can try utilizing some PUA(Pick up artist) tactics. Strong warning against that though. Leo has a good video that explains why "A Rant Against The Pickup Community - Must Watch For All PUAs". Good Luck!

We want so badly to achieve our high goals and aspirations that even the tiniest kink in our learning can feel like a huge loss. So in a desperate attempt to understand you send out broad spectrum neural signals frantically attempting to compile and associate the new informational input. However, this ends up being very analogues to something like quick sand. The more your struggle the harder it becomes. Just take a deep breath and let go. Easier said that done i know. One change you need to make is your relationship to failure. You have to be ok with it. Expect it even. Because you will fail. A LOT. Thats ok. All of the fear and shame you experience is of your own doing. You play a feedback loop of dogma and harsh criticism that you have built up in your mind to be more than it is. Remember avoiding pain and discomfort is our base level operation. Be present and mindful for the uncomfortable situations. Dont avoid them. Above all else, take it one step at a time. Once you find your rhythm it will come easy.

Are you an organized person? Do you have good analytical problem solving skills? Are you a "team" player. There are your bullshit job interview questions. Unless your trying to master a specific skill within a contextualized situation, rating yourself is over rated...

Seems like your trying to resist how you feel with everything you have. Its like your stuck in quicksand. The more you struggle the deeper you sink. Just let yourself feel like miserable. Its ok. You may not want to but allowing yourself to feel your emotions is extremely important. Just let yourself sit there and feel like shit. It will NOT last forever. Nothing does. Right now your mind is telling you to chill. So chill

This is a good point. The pull to your minds homeostatic center is very strong. You may even consciously know the activity is counter productive but you will still feel compelled to keep going. Your mind is addicted to running those neural pathways and, like a vicious cycle, can be hard to stop. Try small increments of fighting the resistance. Altering all your habits cold turkey is very difficult to do unless your in extreme circumstances. Make a deal yourself to do 20 minutes of something productive. Or even 10. You can do anything for 10 minutes.

I have never written a journal before. I don't feel up to writing my life story or providing super detailed context about myself just now. I might at a later point though. Today, I want to use this as a platform to help articulate and catalog my inner thoughts and feelings. I feel stuck. Every action i take my mind conjures up a barrage of reasons for why its futile or incorrect. I am constantly evaluating potential ideas and concepts with debilitating criticism. It feels like a constant feedback loop that reinforces a weight that is directly linked with my state of mind. Every action and thought seemingly takes an excruciatingly large amount of effort. Its very encumbering. Writing this feels kinda cathartic actually. Its like i am battling my inner critic and chipping away at the weight with each word. What makes this different from my other tasks? Expectations. I don't expect jack shit from this. So i am free to express myself with a minimal filter. No filter would result in incoherent mubo jumbo I have had this feeling before so i know its not permanent. I must accept the downturns in life are part of the overall process and are to be expected. I will resign myself to mediocrity and nonchalance for today. A wise man recognizes when resistance has won the day. I will make an effort to resist passing judgement on my work when its still just a simple concept. Tomorrow is another day.

Thanks for the comment. The prospect of failure is still hard to face even with the knowledge of its true nature. Pain and hardship is an important part of life. Had a good night last night for the most part. I was able to spend several hours focused on the task at hand with a good amount of diligence. Thats all I ask of my myself at this current stage. As long as I am making progress and working on improving any of the skill-sets I am trying to master, I feel like im on the right path. I am a sound designer, composer, and audio engineer so there is a huge amount of knowledge, skill, and tools to master. Learning to love the process has been a liberating tendency to have. As you say being in flow with the universe is the ultimate goal.

I have a similar issue. Consuming information via text can be challenging as it requires more focus than visual or auditory media. Reading snippets of condensed information online is easy but reading a full book can be boring and tasking for your resolve. Instead of simplified summary's you have to immerse yourself in the minutia the particular topic, and that is not always easy. Especially if it is poorly written. But that's where the real gold is. Try reminding yourself that not only are you gaining good information but your improving your cognitive focus by fighting against the pathway of least resistance. Reading is great for your mind in almost all accounts. Also, don't feel like you have to read it all in one go. Commit to reading for an hour or more each day and effectually you will begin to make a dent.

To be Mindful means to be conscious or aware of something. That's it. Meditation can assist you being present in the moment though! The paradox is understanding that awareness and presentness are often contradictions. Finding balance between them is always a challenge!

Ha! I'm sorry my crass sense of humor offended you. I suppose "we" was a little presumptuous of me but your question requires more context in order to be properly answerd. I asked what your goal was. Should you feel bad about allowing your ego to have its desire for attention and valadation? Maybe, I'm not sure... I think that's a question you have to answer for yourself. That's why I said we can not answer that.

That's not a question we can answer. What is it you seek? Ultimate truth? The transcendence of the ego? Alan watts once said "as soon as your mind identifies a higher self your ego takes that form" or something like that. I'm typing this on my phone takeing a dump so I'm to lazy to look up the exact quote. Best we can do is be mindful and present.

Remember without homeostasis life would not exist. Sarah gave some excellent advice. Love the process and the journey. Reaching the destination, most times, is just another high we are chasing. Life is beautiful and awfull. Its up to you how you want to perceive it, and thereby how you interact with it.

Sorry if this comes off as harsh. How do you know that? You try one and it didn't work? Then try another one. And Another One. We all feel like we are special or different. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. US. We are not. There are plenty of treatable and manageable conditions that are in line with the symptoms of extreme empathy or loss of ones self around others. Don't isolate yourself and take on the burden alone. If you are having problems functioning in your daily life seek help. There is no shame in this.

Well if its not time sensitive give yourself a day to think on it. The unfortunate part is there might not be a right or wrong answer. Best of luck.

Don't think there is a sure fire way to answer this one. What I do is check to see exactly what I am afraid of. Is it a fear for my immediate safety? Is it fear of loss for something I value? Is it more of a nebulous fear? Unless its a fear for your immediate safety its probably bullshit. Of course knowing that and overcoming your fear is two very different things. A wise green guy once said "Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to loose." There is wisdom in that. However at the end of the day its a judgement call. Trust yourself.

Expanding your vocabulary is absolutely essential to improving your communication skills. Are you an introverted thinker? If so, try talking out loud to yourself. Observing a thought pattern in your mind is not nearly as effective as describing it in detail. Once you start doing that, try to objectively critique your words very judiciously. In what other ways can your statement be interpreted? This will give you additional insight and improve your critical thinking.

Yea, just accepting the fear for what it is and letting it pass is truly liberating. Instead of the deep down dread it forms itself as surface sensations that you can just push through and endure with relative ease. I am excited to learn how to master the process

Yes externalizing for someone who is naturally contemplative can be a huge challenge. Acknowledgment of your surface fear is an excellent start. Keep utilizing your strength and practice deep self inquiry to really understand your fear. Its seems obvious that the ego is the primary source, and that it poses you no real threat. However, identifying the obvious irrationality of your fear is the easy part. In truth, the guise of surface irrationality is only an illusion. Your ego and your sense of self have a paradoxical hold over your emotions because of deep underlying connections that are constructed by your world view and experience. This is the root cause of an immeasurable amount of pain and suffering for everyone, internally and externally. We identify so strongly with the moment and sense of self that we loose touch with the universe(IE, GOD, True Self, Higher Self, etc.) and as a consequence are severely limited because of it. Or...... You can do it the quick way and literally try to purposely get rejected. Say something outlandish and out of character to a random people. This will build you a good tolerance for rejection and your fear subside the more you do it. Good Luck!

Yes, balance is key. The issue becomes when your foundation is built on extensively complex rulesets that are littered with contradictory claims and output results. Thats not to say that complex rulesets cant be usefull in many circumstances but when you become one dimensional in your thinking you miss out on a literally an infinite amount of potential neural routings that can give you a new perspective on a situation. Science is awesome. But its not Gospel.

The hardest part of doing any sort of creative work seems to be dealing with the super ego and its constant meddling and criticisms while trying to achieve a flow-state. The more stipulations you enforce on your work the harder it becomes to be creative. Another dangerous tendency is when i find myself ping ponging around different ideas unable to fully commit out of fear or just thinking its not good enough. I waste so much time and energy doing this. Having a clear vision of what you want is extremely challenging. When i commit to an idea of what i want to accomplish the less appealing that idea becomes. When i am writing music or designing sounds its all about feeling. So when my feeling diminishes so does my resolve and energy. Maybe i need to find a way to be ok with making something that doesn't necessarily sound amazing to me. Really is hard to please your inner critic. Anyone else have thoughts or problems with their workflow?

I think it can be very beneficial. I live a life of mostly solitude but i do try to every couple weeks go out to a meetup or attend a social gathering of some kind. I make sure the gathering is one that attracts interesting people or people with a similar interest. IE Not a bar crawl or singles group. I also do my best to talk about myself as little as possible and instead listen to what others are interested in or enjoy doing. People can really surprise you when given the chance.

I will do better tomorrow I will finish what i start I will overcome my complacency I will... I am good I am honest I am worthy I am...

Discipline can be tricky. If you always follow the pathway of least resistance you will never improve. If you push aginst it to hard you will find yourself paralyzed by the pressure. What I do is try to improve in small increments. Over time it really does wonders.

To be happy, healthy and fulfilled. Seems trite, I know. But after years of struggleing with chronic illness I can't help but have a holistic approach to my desires. If you keep an open mind the universe will always suprise you with something new