Mondsee

I'm also currently starting the path of becoming economically independent, and it goes without saying that it is ok to work at McDonald's or some other shitty job that you don't want to do for life at the beginning. That is just until you have enough resources to sustain yourself and start something that is more aligned with your values, just don't loose your vision in the process, but it sounds like you won't. Good luck!

Not really a joke, but have you noticed how most of the allegedly "enlightened teachers" ALWAYS have a vase with flowers next to them when they give talks? Haha is as if that was your enlightenment license. So if Leo starts putting flowers next to him in his videos one day... you'll know

Day 19 Days in a row: 5 Start time: 3:06 p.m. Finish time: 3:36 p.m. Location: My room at my parent's house Technique: Do nothing Eyes: open and then closed Highlights: Same posture as the last days. I started focusing on the same single point as yesterday, not letting my eye balls move at all until my eyes closed. A fly was walking on my legs and arms for a long time and I didn't move to send it away, but at some point it started tickling me and I couldn't help to laugh a bit, it felt as if it was out of my control. My mind was focusing most of the time on the sounds I could hear around me. Some voices coming from the first floor, the hammering from a worker fixing something, some birds, the kids of my neighbors playing, and a machine or a motor sound coming from very far away. At some point a thunderstorm started, that is only the thunders, because it wasn't raining and I could focus on the continuous thunders for a long time. For a do nothing session, I feel that my mind was very controlled, because it didn't lost focus by itself for most of the time.

My Grandpa is in a very delicate health condition. He doesn't have any serious illness, but at his 91 y/o he barely can't eat alone, and he needs help for every single thing he does. Lately his condition has been worsening, he is extremely weak and he doesn't want to eat, to take his medicines, to shower or do anything at all. Now, my Grandmother told me he is starting to repeat very often that he wants to die already. What should be the approach to someone in this condition? Until now, my Grandma, his nurse, my mother, his doctor and so forth have been constantly telling him to eat a little more (he literally doesn't want to eat anything at all) and that if he doesn't take his medicines he is only going to feel even worst. I feel like everyone is fighting to keep him alive, this is wrong, isn't it? I feel like we should be giving him only what he asks for, and if he lives only one week more because of that, so what? Don't get me wrong, I love my Grandpa, but why should everyone around him be holding on to his life so tight? Wouldn't it be better to let go?

Day 18 Days in a row: 4 Start time: 11:40 a.m. Finish time: 12:10 p.m. Location: My room at my parent's house Technique: Do nothing Eyes: open Highlights: Sitting in the same posture as the last days, today I tried to focus in one single point, not letting my eye balls move at all. I feel like I did it really good, but I know that for sure that feeling is a trap of me not being sharply aware of when directed my view somewhere else, even just for a few milliseconds. For a while I was visualizing the words that I was thinking as if they were coming from the outside, dictated to my brain, but that didn't last for the entire time. The rest was just random thoughts about different things, including me wanting to end the meditation already because my left leg got numb.

Just a few days ago, I realized I might have strong daddy issues. The figure of my father has always been a very dominant one in my family. I have seen my mother being afraid of him since I was a child, and I was and still am occasionally also scared of how he might react because he literally explodes in anger and looks for a threat or punishment. Also, he likes to have everything under his control, and for example gets especially mad when he calls me and I don't answer the phone. He absolutely hates feeling like he is loosing control over someone. My relationship with him isn't always bad, sometimes it is actually really good, but from time to time we have serious discussions that mainly start in him heavily criticizing something about me, the most common is about the way I do/did something, and how that is terribly bad and should be improved. I know the reason why he still has some power on me and actually scares me, is because as I am on the transition of becoming financially independent and right now, his economically support is still crucial for me. On the other hand, he knows that when I am independent, his power on me will be heavily reduced, so he already is trying to compensate in other fields, I guess. I'll add in here that when I was a child, I actually sometimes fantasized of an adult man falling in love with me. The reason is probably very related to this issue. Now, this isn't only about me. Probably many other members of this community have daddy issues of some type, and hopefully some others have gotten themselves out of that hole. Please share here your experiences and advice on how one can get over that trauma, that oftentimes is an unconscious one. Thank you very much.

Day 18 Days in a row: 3 Start time: 9:00 p.m. Finish time: 9:30 p.m. Location: My room at my parent's house Technique: Do nothing Eyes: open and half open at the end Highlights: Todays meditation was amazing. I adopted the same position as the last days. It was exactly after the sunset, so it started becoming darker and darker gradually. That way everything started losing color and form. The door of the balcony was open and the wind blew in, constantly moving the sheets of the bed and the curtain. At some point close to the beginning a mosquito bit me on the leg, but I did not move to scratch, although I could feel the urge for a while. In my mind I said, "focus in the now", and then I could hear the eco of "now, now, now" one in every inhale, and one in every exhale. Then my mind adopted a narrative of how I was going to report about that, and it said "this is quite a disciplined meditation for being a 'do nothing' one", and it answered itself in, "oh yeah, I can do whatever I want" that was half said, and half just done. A part of my mind actually thought "no, don't!" but then it started singing "Philadelphia freedom" by Elton John in a vivid way, of course, in my mind. After the song finished he main verses, it started questioning if the bed could be alive. It was moving so much, and there was no evidence that it wasn't, so was it alive? And then I started feeling less alive than my bed, since I was not moving and my bed was. I felt like I was becoming a rock, and at some point, my right hand didn't belong to me anymore. I tried to extend that same feeling of my hand being just an external object through my body, I wanted to find out what would be left when my whole body started feeling as if it wasn't mine. The feeling extended successfully to my legs and then to my breath. I was fighting to extend it to my vision field, and I almost did, only the top of my head, with my mind in it was left when the alarm went off. At that moment I was so surprised, I wasn't expecting it because I was so focused in noticing how the only thing left being mine was the top of my head with my thoughts in it.

@Henrik_Sahlen Thanks for sharing! Those are nice words, and hopefully nice and helpful for someone going through a similar situation out there. I'd just remind you that it is also helpful to contemplate on and actually notice the fact that we hold on to people egoistically and for our own interests and illusions. That maybe will be a more painful process than the peace state that the video suggests, but if you achieve a breakthrough you'll notice that you are no more or less with or without that person. I'd say same applies for relationships.

Day 17 Days in a row: 2 Start time: 9:10 a.m. Finish time: 9:30 a.m. Location: Room at my father's appartment Technique: Do nothing Eyes: closed Highlights: I sat again in siddhasana & hands in gyana mudra, I started the meditation with the affirmation "I am as strong as a rock". I had random thoughts about many things that I have to do both in the short and in the long term. I discovered that my body was quite tense about half way through, and it started relaxing after I noticed. My left leg got numb, but I didn't feel that until the time was over.

Day 16 Days in a row: 1 Start time: 10:00 a.m. Finish time: 10:25 a.m. Location: Room at my father's appartment Technique: Do nothing Eyes: closed Highlights: Today I sat in siddhasana & hands in gyana mudra, as explained by the video @Leo Gura shared recently. I followed every step, including starting the meditation with the affirmation "I am as strong as a rock". I did not feel any discomfort whatsoever until the very last minutes in my left foot, which was starting to feel the pressure of my other leg on top a little too much, but it was absolutely bearable.Once again, just as when trying for the first time dharmadhatu-mudra, I was surprised how little effort is needed to keep the hands on gyana mudra. I thought I'd have to use force, but at some point I even stopped feeling my hands as if they had found again their default position. After the affirmations, I suddenly realized I cannot let my mind free and go wherever it wants to go, because that is something I don't decide, and what actually happens all the time anyways. After some random thoughts I asked myself what is a thought? Then I wondered where thoughts are physically, like in which location, and I thought that that space where thoughts are is exactly what I need to identify. While I was thinking that I felt some light as if the sun had come out (maybe it did) and I could sense it through my closed eye lids, and also an inner sound that I should define as a vibration. I heard at some point the sound of a drop, and I asked in my mind "what is that?" then, I kept repeating the question until it became just a sound without meaning "warisdat, warisdat, warisdat". That was interesting. P.S. my commitment of writing an entry for the days I don't meditate isn't working because I never want to make it a fix deciton that I won't do it, I always want to keep the door open in case I actually do. Maybe it'll work better making an entry the next day reporting I didn't meditate the previous day, in case that happens. This week I should have more time. We'll see how it goes.

@Leo Gura Wow, wow, woooow! The fact that you even put enlightenment in doubt is amazing. It makes me trust your "school", to call it somehow, so much more! It is so rare finding people being critical about what they're trying to sell or defend or whatever. This is inspiring. Enlightenment the ultimate epistemic trap... hahaha you really do think outside the box!

People, thank you for keep showing interest in this topic, but I'll let you know my grandpa passed about two months ago. He died in peace, and I was so happy for him he finally did. I do miss him, and I was sad, but really, the peace I felt for him was bigger than any other feeling I had. This situation made me think a lot of how much the medicine has advanced, but the topic of dying with dignity hasn't received much attention. I guess maybe one day we'd be thankful if it did, only time will tell.

Day 15 Days in a row: 2 Start time: 7:30 a.m. (aprox.) Finish time: 7:45 a.m. (aprox) Location: Room at my father's appartment Technique: Do nothing Eyes: closed Highlights: I sat on a little carpet on the floor, not my yoga mat as I always do, because I left that one at school yesterday. I was wearing my pijamas and when I sat in half lotus, my right feet kept sliding off of my left thigh because of the soft fabric of my pants. I decided to take them off, and I was able to hold the posture much easier. I covered my legs with my pants in order to keep warm, and had my hands on top in dharmadhatu-mudra. At first my mind started to wander around different parts of my body. At some point it became quite clear to me that my body in that moment was two things: an image in my mind, and some feelings. It became more interesting when as I kept visiting different parts of my body, those parts became sort of painted, (in an undefined color) while the others disappeared. It was easy for me to notice how when you put attention to one thing, that thing exists (it was painted), then the part I had visited last was still "painted" but already vanishing, like a marginal existence, and the rest simply didn't exist at that moment. It was really impressive the moment when my mind arrived at my breathing, and it was cristal clear how my breath started to exist just when I put my attention to it, when I "painted" it. The pace in which I was changing from part to part was rather fast, but it all felt like a relaxed flow, not a desperate one. This dynamic lasted for a good while, but since I was doing a "do nothing" meditation, when my mind started to think on other stuff (mostly career related), I did not stop it. My thoughts after that were calm and I even would say "soft". Some images of an idea that I have in mind passed by in form of short scenes, and it was a relaxed creative mood.

Does someone here practice raising awareness in your day to day? Like for example you're cooking, driving somewhere or taking a shower and you work on raising awareness... If you do, could you share a little bit of your method and experience? I don't know if I should focus on the most salient phenomenon, or maybe in the must subtle one, I'm not sure if I should pick just one and entirely dedicate to observe that, or if I should change my focus from one sensation to another. Which are the things you like to focus on?

Day 14 (although this maybe shouldn't count as an entire meditation session) Days in a row: 1 Start time: 10:25 p.m. Finish time: 10:35 p.m. Location: Living room at my father's appartment Technique: Understanding awareness Eyes: closed Highlights: I decided to repeat the exercise Leo guides us through at the end of this video in an effort to refresh my memory on how to raise awareness. I have been struggling lately on finding time to meditate, and I thought I could practice some awareness while in the bus on the way to school. Maybe because it's late and I'm tired, in one occasion, between the focus on one thing and the other, I got distracted and started dreaming, as in dreaming when you're asleep, the rest was really interesting and I could focus very good on the sensations that Leo pointed to.

I'm trapped in that paradox. Is it already given who will be able to fully recognize that there is no free will? That question can actually be generalized to everything: Is there some sort of written destiny for everyone including who will be able to really recognize it and who won't?

@Wouter practice some basic yoga routines regularly. You will be amazed by the speed in which your body becomes more flexible. What seems to be impossible today, won't be any more in a few weeks if you commit to it. Good luck!

If your focus is on your health and your state of mind, it doesn't matter how deliberate you think your decision of focusing on that is, it isn't your decision. If your intention, isn't to control, guess what? It isn't your intention. Ok, you seem to be contradicting yourself; do you allow thoughts to pass right on through, or do you not think at all? In any case, if you allow thoughts to pass right on through, you couldn't do otherwise, and if you managed to do otherwise, again, it wouldn't be you doing it. Now, if you don't think anything, that means you know complete stillness, nothingness, emptiness, and you are enlightened, in which case you wouldn't be claiming to have free will, because, who would have it anyways? What? Sorry, again I don't understand what you're trying to say with this. Are you saying either I follow the logic of science or I make use of free will? Why would you even distinguish between those two paths? Just contemplate for a while on the fact that if there is no you, then there is no one to control anything, and leave science aside. I'll watch that video tomorrow, I like that channel... but now, it's time for me to go to bed.

Currently because my schedule is quite full and I don't find time to meditate, and when I could I'm absolutely exhausted and I prefer to sleep or do some low quality activity that doesn't require much focus, like scrolling down my twitter feed.

@Nahm Sit down to meditate and use your free will to control your thoughts, after that consider if you still believe to have free will.

Ok, this seems to make more sense, but then it is kind of sad, isn't it? Maybe your character is lucky, but maybe it simply is not...

@Nahm Thats a weak argument imo.

Oh you think I do? Because every time I meditate I prove to myself I do not. So you do think that our destiny is given, and maybe I will discover Truth, but maybe I won't and there's simply absolutely nothing I can do?

Yeah, that's what I said.

@Nahm I'm sorry I don't understand your answer.