jpablos16

Thank you @MarkusSweden, your words make me feel calmer. I guess I can not let myself motivate by fear as a right option; I'm already on the path, I'll accept it. Also I think I should be investigating from other perspectives, as I've been exploring satanism and occultism: something no to so pleasant for my old christian background

I'm just realizing there is so much material here, and I'm just starting, so I'm sorry if I'm being repetitive, it will be welcome if you pass me some links in that case The thing is: I am afraid of following the spiritual path; I'm no longer sure if I may incline for God or for the devil, and altough I know it is a duality, it generates terror in me to think that I could get stuck just in front of it, face to face with Nothing, without being able to trasncend it. My question: how can I do then to get to iluminate myself and not to derive to desesperation, psicosis or suicide? But I am 21 years old on the other hand, I did not finish my university studies, I am not financially independent, should I not be more focused on my ego, on art, as an artist who creates works, instead of going to meditation retreats and taking psychedelics, for a while? A little bit of context: I had a really strong trip with mushrooms; it was also an enlightment expierence. Nothing that happened me before