Intuition

Thanks for all your responses. I rarely smoke, but I bought it this time specifically for this purpose, to mindfully observe the subconscious programming. I'd love to find ways to overcome this, it's hindering my self development progress to say the least.

A few minutes after smoking, my mind goes into a whirlwind of self-hatred, shame and guilt. Every mistake from past to present is brought up. It seems like just below the conscious surface is a war zone of self loathing, and weed brings it all up. I was raised in a Midwestern religious shaming culture, and I was a black sheep. Any way, my questions: 1. Why is this happening? 2. Can I use weed to treat this, since it forces me to face the issue so directly? How would I approach this? Any insight would be much appreciated, thank you!!

I'd love to join an accountability group as well. Meditation and creative writing every morning is my goal.