tashawoodfall

I think perhaps I'm a bit narcissist so maybe that's the correlating internal issue.

Honesty/Authenticity is my 3rd highest value and I've personally decided to live always being honest..... When it comes to dishonesty I don't think I have an internal issue there...

When we first started seeing each other both of our intentions were only sexual. Then feelings developed and we got into a relationship and at that point, I dropped contact with other partners and stayed loyal. Obviously, he did not do the same. I had reasonable evidence to conclude that I could trust him, he was loyal and that he loved me. I can take responsibility for the fact that I got into a relationship that didn't start traditionally and can see that it's probably smarter to start my next relationship in a different way. I know I am not the type of person that is dishonest with my partner and would do that. I literally just cannot especially at that point in the relationship. There's no internal issue there? This is why I can't seem to understand where you are coming from.

I don't find a correlation between his behaviors and me. Maybe I attract a bunch and just filtered through a "wrong" one. I'll look into my filter...

@Natasha Thank you that helped. Hugs.

The similarities are too close not to question

It took me about 2 years of searching to find my life purpose (Leo's life purpose course helped a lot). Anyway, a few weeks after I finally discovered it something out of the blue happened... My current employer (I worked in business development for a venture capital firm) emailed me saying something went wrong with funds and that I might be laid off within the next 3 months so I put in my notice and went job hunting. I landed a job as a marketing director for an app company. 8 business days later everyone in the office was told they would be laid off because they are moving their marketing to another state which blew my mind. I was devastated both times and this second time it took me a couple weeks to get back up and also had me contemplating the lesson. Out of the blue, I get offered a position as an executive assistant at a new healthcare company and I was so excited. They hired me after meeting me for a few minutes because of "my vibe". I accept the position because this coincidence intrigued me..see...I was just studying (for fun) the relationship between Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and the Chakras and this new company's mission was to marry eastern and western medicine which was very exciting to me because it was finally related to my life purpose. Anyway, Today (1 month into the job) everyone is called into the office and told we are on suspension due to the possibility of insurance not coming through (that apparently owes a lot of money blah blah) Again nothing to do with me...and so they will let us know within the next few days. So....this all happened within the last 4 months and I can't help but be intrigued by the coincidences. Getting laid off 3 times due to the same reason within 4 months...And it's not like it just happened to me...it happened to all employees each time. I'm finding myself reading about coincidences and well I guess I need to contemplate what the message is from the Universe but I'm suspecting it has something to do with my Life Purpose but not sure. Feel free to leave input, just wanted to share.

Welp, they called me today to say they need me and can afford me part-time and probably will be able to afford me full-time in a month or so. Decided I'll spend the extra time focused on my life purpose project

Triggering the Experience Ok, let’s begin. (You should be alone and probably allow at least 40 minutes to do this) There will be a series of things for you to do, ponder, or read through. If you really want the experience, you need to take your time and FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS. Remember, you don’t have to believe anything. However, you do have to follow what is said (especially when you're told to ponder something). Also, DON'T SKIP AROUND because the power of the words may be lost. Take your time and read it through to the end. [Note: As you read through this material, be aware that your ego may resist somewhat by responding: “This won’t work for me”, “I don’t have time to mess with this”, “Nothing’s happening”, etc.] First of all, what we’re trying to do is initiate the experience by utilizing several different 'triggers'. Therefore, don't worry if you don't resonate with a particular section provided. With that in mind, ask yourself the following question- What is the “YOU” that you think you are? Mirror Exercise Multiple Personality Disorder Consider the following hypothetical situation: “YOU” are not your personality. What is the “YOU” that you think you are? Just see the logic and look………Look. We'll come back to the Soul in just a minute. Now, let’s examine thoughts. “YOU” are not your thoughts. What is the “YOU” that you think you are? TAKE 15 MINUTES and PONDER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS What is the “YOU” that you think you are? There is no "YOU". TAKE ANOTHER 10 MINUTES and again PONDER the 5 QUESTIONS above There is no “YOU”. Sit with it. Ponder it. No need to meditate on it. Don’t force it. Just see it for what it is. Let it settle. Let it simmer. Let it “take hold”. Surrender to it. There is no “YOU”. See it. Look at it. Focus. Just look……….THERE IS NO “YOU”.......... Look……………See it………………LOOK……….......... An Equation It might be useful to look at it like a mathematical equation. You’re saying in essence that there's my Soul and there's "me" (and they both combine to make "me"). So, the Equation looks like this: In mathematics, you CANCEL OUT TWO IDENTICAL TERMS on opposite sides of the equation. Therefore, the Equation: Here are two more examples: EQUATION #1 EQUATION #2 The “YOU” that you thought was "YOU" is an illusion. “YOU” are a mental construct. "YOU" are a figment of your imagination. "YOU" are a fictional EGO-self (the illusory self). "YOU" simply don't exist. A "YOU" is an unnecessary 'extra' in all of these equations. THERE IS NO “YOU”. The Mental Construct of " I " If the experience still hasn’t “taken hold”, you may be asking yourself: ' I ' am aware….. ' I ' am able to observe….. ' I ' am conscious...... What is the ' I ' that is being referred to? Awareness exists. Observation exists. Consciousness exists. However, they are not "yours". They do not exist separately (in 'you') even though it appears so. Awareness, observation, and consciousness don't require a separate ' I ' to exist. They can exist without the mental construction of ' I '. The mind tries to connect awareness, observation, and consciousness to "something" tangible. So, it creates a separate ' I ' to make sense of things. Brief Exercise If you cease thought, Awareness is what remains. Try the following: ----------------------------------------------------------- The Awareness that looks out of 'your' eyes is the exact same Awareness that looks out of 'mine'. The only difference is that of location (or access point). [Note: I'm not talking about thought. I'm talking about Awareness.] If you really look, you will not be able to find a separate ' I ' that is behind "your" Awareness. The thing you think of as ' I ' does not exist. In Truth, there is no separate ' I '. In other words: There is no "YOU". ***Take your time and PONDER the above for several minutes*** The Thought of "YOU" "The experience is still not 'triggering' (after several attempts of pondering all of the above)." This is likely the sticking point - Your mind logically assumes that since THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, and SENSATIONS exist (This is true), then a separate "YOU" has to also exist because something has to "own" the THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, SENSATIONS, etc. Thus, the first part of the assumption is true while the second part of the assumption (i.e. a separate "YOU") is false. The second part is not true even though it is quite logical. It's tricky because it really does FEEL like there's a separate and distinct "YOU". However, it's just a THOUGHT or FEELING or SENSATION. There's nothing other than the THOUGHT, the FEELING, the SENSATION. There is the SENSE of a separate 'self', but no actual, individuated, separate 'self'. Questions: Without an actual 'self', you're left with merely a SENSE, FEELING, THOUGHT, CONCEPT, IDEA, PROJECTION, INKLING, ATTACHMENT of a separate 'self', but nowhere is there an actual, separate "YOU" to be found. Question: ***At a later time, take some time and contemplate this*** The FEELING of Existing The FEELING of existing & being alive is real. However, the mind incorrectly interprets WHERE that FEELING comes from. The FEELING of existing & being alive does not originate from a separate "YOU". Amazingly, the FEELING of existing & being alive is actually coming from the undivided WHOLE of Consciousness (or Awareness, Source, Life, or whatever label you prefer). In other words, that FEELING of existing that you attribute to "YOU" is actually coming from undivided Consciousness. It is the undivided WHOLE of Consciousness. It is the undivided WHOLE of Awareness. The greatest falsity in human history all boils down to a misconception made by the mind. It's an incredible Paradox - The FEELING of existing is not coming from a separate 'self' (even though the mind interprets it that way). That inner FEELING of existing is coming from a unified WHOLE. It is not coming from a separate entity called "YOU". In other words: THERE IS NO "YOU" The Process of Looking From this point forward, it is no longer based on pondering, contemplating, or questioning. It's now based on LOOKING (for a "YOU"). If "YOU" consist of more than just the THOUGHT, FEELING, SENSATION of a separate entity called "YOU", then there must be some EVIDENCE of "something" more. You must now LOOK to see where that is. The definition of 'Looking' is exactly as the word implies - Look for a separate "YOU" as if you were looking for your reading glasses in your room. Through FOCUSED LOOKING, the experience can be 'triggered'. Now, it's time to earnestly LOOK for that EVIDENCE (of "something" more). Try your best to not come up with logical arguments or some way to make sense of everything. In order to have the experience, you have to do the work. At this point, you have to literally KEEP LOOKING to find that "something" that is the separate 'thing' called "YOU" (other than a THOUGHT, FEELING, SENSATION). By going through the PROCESS of Looking, the experience can be 'triggered'. What is the “YOU” that you think you are? THERE IS NO "YOU".

https://www.consciouslifestylemag.com/coincidence-meaning-synchronicity/ http://www.beliefnet.com/wellness/2003/10/coincidences-clues-from-the-universe-by-deepak-chopra.aspx

@Arman

@Prabhaker Interesting way to put it! I actually listened to Leo's stage Turquoise video earlier this morning and he made a short point about how the view of relationships change at that Turquoise stage which I suspect you are coming from so perhaps it's a "don't cross the bridge till you get there" situation for me. @pluto another good example of how certain stage turquoise comments can't really serve those in lower stages.

@GeorgeLawson I agree forcing the pursuit of self actualization on anyone is a pointless endeavor. I think it IS possible to have a satisfying, intimate relationship with someone who is not on the path of self-actualization but you have to take a look at how you define satisfying and intimate in regards to that specific "role" or relationship in your life. The way I now see it is this: What needs is my partner meeting and what needs do I feel are missing (talking about the "Love and Belonging" needs in Maslow's Hierarchy). It seems your girlfriend meets the physical and perhaps emotional relationship needs that you have but does she meet your intellectual or spiritual relationship needs? Meaning - does she stimulate you intellectually or spiritually? Is it a deep sense of connection in a relationship on a spiritual level that is lacking? Or the feeling of belonging to a group? What exactly is missing? Define it. Once you figure out what is missing ask yourself: Do I need my gf in life to be fulfilling that specific need I have OR can I get that relationship need met through someone else - perhaps a friend or group of people? What needs is she fulfilling for you and what needs is she not? And as aurum put it: Define what you really need out of a girlfriend. If she doesn't fit that role, drop her. If she does, look to other people to fulfill those other needs.

I agree, glad we're on the same page.

@ajasatya at least give a reason

I wouldn't say we are objects to each other. He fulfills some of my relationship needs and vice versa. I started this discussion because I thought my bf also had to fulfill my intellectual and spiritual relationship needs for me to be satisfied with having him in that boyfriend role but was so unclear with what my problem was that I wasn't able to even properly communicate it and therefore solve it. I believe he's at a different stage, he's chasing money and reputation without purpose all while I'm chasing my purpose and self-knowledge/actualization (which he isn't very interested in) and that's ok we don't need to be the same. I appreciate what value he brings, what needs he meets for me and can enjoy it for all that it is. I've discovered that I'm missing a relationship in my life that is fulfilling me intellectually and spiritually and will now work towards finding that. As complex as we are, it may just be unrealistic or even unfair to expect one person to meet all those "requirements" or needs .. One of the reasons we get along so well is because he is not attached to being right and mixed with my open-mindedness and understanding, it works out.

After thinking this through a bit earlier I came to the same conclusion. The way you said it helps bring it clarity and also highlights to me what "roles" I want to find in others. Thank you.

We have a great physical connection and our personalities mesh well, it's just that intellectual/spiritual connection that's not there based on our very different beliefs..but I'm thinking I can get that connection I crave somewhere else and it doesn't necessarily need to come from my intimate partner.

It's become an issue because it's clashing with my beliefs about what an intimate relationship is. To me right now an intimate relationship is a deep connection with another person. I just realized I also have a contradicting belief that an intimate relationship is like a business partnership where I think about what value it brings to my life in a sort of shallow way...which isn't necessarily a bad thing in my perspective. Now happiness doesn't have much to do with him. I guess the better word is.. satisfaction. Can I be satisfied with an intimate relationship that is in a sense shallow but brings value to my life? that's one I need to contemplate In this case I just might be willing to settle and let that fairytale fantasy/ goose chase be just that...

@Etagnwo Do you think someone who is self-actualizing can happily be in an intimate relationship with someone who is not? I guess that is the question.

So...I decided I wanted to jump into the domain of mastering sex. I joined tinder and have had 2 really good experiences so far..Basically the master plan is that each encounter I would focus on improving in a specific area in sex. Anybody have any ideas? Has anyone else done this?

Or is everyone inherently born with one?

yes i'd love to hear, a very good idea in my opinion

Las Vegas, Nevada

It was 15 months since I had sex. At work a really cute guy asked me what I was doing later. He didn't speak much english but his looks and aura caught me. I imagined how the sex would be so I told him to write his number for me. He gave it to me and I started getting excited about finally having sex! I told my friends about this and that I was finally gonna do it. They cheered me on lol So I got ready. I went to the Lovestore and bought 3 sexy pieces of lingerie, condoms, lube, candy land spray and a male stimulating gel that apparently makes their orgasm more intense.. I started texting the guy I was planning on having sex with. I wanted him to come over to my place because going to the MGM to fuck him just seemed unappealing to me. At first he said he would come over but then later explained it was his last night in town and wanted to stay on the strip and that he hopes I come. I ended up joining tinder after that text and finding a guy who is a firefighter and pilot in training to come over that night. I basically told him the truth asked for his help and he jumped to it lol It's like 3 in the morning I've been drinking for a few hours. He texts me he's at the gate so I walk out and walk him in my place. He seems to love my place, I ask him if he wants cran and crown apple or jack and coke. He chooses the cran and crown apple. I make him his drink and tank another one lol He finishes his drink. The conversation was light and easy and pretty basic. I refill his drink and he starts kissing me. I wake up feeling like shit. My head hurts I'm naked in my bed and start looking around my place in panic. I'm late lol A condom wrapper on the floor, condom in my bathroom trash can, I checked my wallet to make sure he didn't steal anything lol The memories start flooding in. He's eating me out for a long time, He's telling me I'm tight, He's fucking me from the back, I'm fucking him on top of him. I get a text message from him saying that I told him I wanted to have more uplifting people around me. He wanted to stay in touch and be friends (He'd only be in town a few more days for his training). I reply that I had a good time as well. The next day he texts me again and wanted me to go out that night and see him. I told him to take care and deleted him on tinder. Name: Tim