tashawoodfall

Hmmm.... There's a subtle don't care sort of feeling there. So maybe you're right. It may need more attention. My need for love and belonging comes into play as well. The monster is visibly out from under the bed. hmm

At peace with it. Nothing negative or fear based so I guess you can say it's love then.

This was 3 years ago and I have faced all the pain to where I don't feel love even when trying to -for them. It feels good...free. I don't think it's an issue with them but with how I view love perhaps.

I don't feel much. I've cut them out like you would cancer and gotten through the natural pains of that. It's just mind-blowing it was carried out in what I allow from my other relationships. I'm more fascinated to read back what I've written and see how it relates. Fucking interesting.

Both my parents were manipulative in their own ways. Father was an identity thief and I could go on and on about them both but not interested. This is getting interesting.

In what seems like a past life I have manipulated people in an attempt for them to think certain ways about me. Manipulation I believe now - is just that. It's an attempt to make someone believe you are someone you are not. I sort of brushed it off before as a low consciousness behavior that isn't a big deal, thought "oh he just wants me to think he's __" but now I see it's a much bigger issue - an issue i'm not yet able to put into words. It's a bad strategy.

I didn't cash in the red flags. Hmm.

I knew he was manipulative didn't know he had such a secret. I didn't have intentions to improve him.

If you ask how someone who values honesty so much can go along with someone manipulating them the answer for me was because I saw through the manipulations and thought about his intentions. I came from an understanding perspective. I knew he wasn't very conscious and tried to work with it. Again, i'm learning.

I didn't take a look at my values and analyze the situation rationally. Since my 3rd highest value is honesty I should have known. I was looking at what he brings to the table and what it's worth to me versus his downfalls. Not related to my self-worth just learning lol. Now I see I also have to look at my values when it comes to a relationship.

@Feel Good Yes I sensed it and pretty much knew it. I continued with the reasoning of what value does he bring and is that good enough for me and what are the chances I can get someone better. Pros and cons sort of rationality.

Figure out your love language and make sure that is in your criteria when dating.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com Words of Affirmation: for me this plays out as is he able to keep up with me intellectually and able to say something valuable to me at the right times. Quality Time: What's his schedule like compared to yours? Will you get enough time? Receiving Gifts: Is he well off financially? Acts Of Service: Do you see him doing these acts? Physical Touch: Is he affectionate in a physical touch sort of way? lol my bad replace he with she if need be lol

Had a great insight. Words of affirmation is my love language. I have an old post where I was trying to rationalize not having that intellectual connection with my now ex bf. A great piece of knowledge moving forward.

I'll always be on a path of self-actualization and right now the path for me is praising my assets and loving myself to become better, stronger. I'm taking the more 'feminine' approach in this situation.

I was talking to a friend about this earlier today. I'm a planner...and perhaps too much into bettering myself/personal development/developing my tools in my toolbox. It seems I need to let go and allow more. My "approach" never comes from an ingenuine place. It's tools to help oneself with accomplishing goals. I'm always myself. No manipulation. I'm coming from a place of - I can make great tacos lol

Yes, this is what I desire. What it'll take is for me to spend time focusing on loving and understanding myself more.

I don't think I no longer have deprivation issues. I believe I am a full person and genuinely would like to have someone to share with. I feel I'm ready at this time in my life - for the first time. I'm no longer interested in having those encounters - I'd like a deeper connection and can get off by myself - it's not a need anymore sort of like pizza and chicken wings on a saturday night - is not a need.

I think it's natural - nothing wrong about it. As a woman I have that little part that took joy in using men for sex and being fine with it later -rebelling in a sense. I've explored tantric with my boyfriend and sex is starting to have a new meaning to me. I also no longer enjoy sex with strangers because it's not as good.

I used my looks and bedroom skills to attract him but think my other assets like my goals/mindset/personality etc is why it went further. In the beginning, it seems I had some sort of need for attention or perhaps stimulation. Behaviors I was conscious of - I used wine at times to feel more comfortable before sex with men I had no future with. Contradicting beliefs about sex and love perhaps. It wasn't game-like I feel I was completely myself. I think he used manipulation but don't think I have...I didn't filter my feelings.

@SFRL Very interesting. Something to think about. I might need to change my approach.

Answering my own question. Same thing.. just choose a more conscious man this time.

Ok so...In one of Leo's videos he mentions that we should keep our sexual abundance up to avoid neediness therefore attracting good catches... That mixed in with the fact that I choose to be honest.. I'm mind fucked and not sure what to do on my next go around.

Yes, I was but we both made it clear in the beginning that we were just both interested in sex, exploring it with each other. I was at the time using sex for internal issues I had, didn't know it and rationalized it as a self-actualization journey (learn more about sex, get better). I can sort of see your point of view. He did at one point become overprotective and jealous of me just talking to a guy so you might be right.

@Feel Good Thank you.