tashawoodfall

I've been feeling an urge to meditate lately and today I decided I'd allow it to come over me. This ended up as a 2-hour meditation. Through some of it I found myself filled with emotion and tears. I guess there was a lot to face and I did. I was able to let go and allow the emotions to express itself. I feel in a sense cleansed a bit. A lot of the emotion that came out was about my recent breakup. I've come to the reality that I will not ever see that man again. The essence of who he is gave me an unexplainable feeling when knowing I'd never see him again. I had to let go. The attachment to what seems to be a soul level type of attachment slowly melted away. I got to a point where there was a very subtle shift where I softly wished him the best in his life and appreciated who he is on a sort of energetic level. I'm hoping that my mind won't automatically look for his car in the driveway or when I see the same car he drives out on the street, I no longer want to look to see if it's him. I don't want to look to my bedroom window to see if he is out there (he used to come in through there unexpectedly). I want to let go and to feel grounded in that. There definitely feels like there is a shift. I guess I want it to get moving faster as I've been sluggish for a while and not interested in things I should and was interested in before. It's sort of taken over me more then I'd ever expect. I want to feel back to normal, energized, motivated, in love with myself and life, interested. I want to clap my hands, jump up and down and snap out of this but it doesn't seem it works that way.

Day 1: Workout + Ate Healthy Day 2: Workout + Cheated Day 3: No Workout + Cheated Day 4: No Workout + Ate Healthy Day 5: No Workout + Ate Healthy Day 6: Workout + Ate Healthy Day 7: No Workout + Ate Healthy Day 8: No Workout + Cheated Those first 8 days was practice and adjustment/learning My Streak Finally Starts Day 1: Workout + Ate Healthy Day 2: Workout + Ate Healthy Day 3: Workout + Ate Healthy The Goal: to do 28 days straight Fitness: do 1 workout DVD (of your choice) every day (4AM-5:30AM) Nutrition: Eat 5 small portions a day, stay within caloric intake goal (1,250 cals/day) I find leaving myself the freedom to do whichever workout I feel like doing that day (where I just pick a workout DVD) helps. Not having that fixed structure makes it easier to do. Again, my main and first goal is to build this habit. My future goal (after 28 days) will involve better balancing the types of workouts I am doing. Also now having set times that I eat, and eating more often (smaller portions) is much easier for me because now I'm not left hungry before bed or in the middle of the day. Having too much of that feeling of repression (hunger) I feel like makes me more likely to cheat. It also has helped to know I am eating within my goal caloric intake. So taking the time to count my option's calories after grocery shopping helps. Right now I am focused again on building a habit to eat 5 small portions a day (every 3 hours) and to stay within my goal caloric intake. My future goal will involve improving the types of nutrition I am getting..making my eating habits healthier. Next "Level" goals: (28 days) Fitness: Now follow a workout game plan to better balance the types of workouts you are doing (cardio & weight training balance) Nutrition: Now cut out all breads (except ezekiel bread) and sugars.

so you're saying the pure natural state of an individual is an equal balance within them of both masculine and feminine energy? And anyone who leans more towards one side has repression due to genetics or past experiences?

If someone's natural state leans more towards one end of the spectrum..how is that repression?

hmm I think if we put aside the edge cases and just think about this in terms of masculinity and femininity on a metaphysical level ..there's that ying/yang sort of polar energies and it seems like in these individual bodies we all fall within this ying/yang spectrum. Now if I'm more on the yin or feminine side of the spectrum..why is there this theory that I have a need to experience more yang or masculinity in my life? Why is there this needed balance? So now I'm googling lol "In Chinese philosophy, yin and yang (/jɪn/ and /jɑːŋ, jæŋ/; Chinese: 陰陽 yīnyáng, lit. "dark-bright", "negative-positive") describes how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another. Many tangible dualities (such as light and dark, fire and water, expanding and contracting) are thought of as physical manifestations of the duality symbolized by yin and yang." "Duality is found in many belief systems, but yin and yang are parts of an oneness that is also equated with the Tao. The term 'dualistic-monism' or dialectical monism has been coined in an attempt to express this fruitful paradox of simultaneous unity/duality. Yin and yang can be thought of as complementary (rather than opposing) forces that interact to form a dynamic system in which the whole is greater than the assembled parts.[2]According to this philosophy, everything has both yin and yang aspects (for instance, shadow cannot exist without light). Either of the two major aspects may manifest more strongly in a particular object, depending on the criterion of the observation. The yin yang (i.e. taijitu symbol) shows a balance between two opposites with a portion of the opposite element in each section. In Taoist metaphysics, distinctions between good and bad, along with other dichotomous moral judgments, are perceptual, not real; so, the duality of yin and yang is an indivisible whole. In the ethics of Confucianism on the other hand, most notably in the philosophy of Dong Zhongshu (c. 2nd century BC), a moral dimension is attached to the idea of yin and yang."

I don't think the average woman in our society and during this time has any need for physical protection from a man to where it creates a lack that they need to compensate for...we all have the need for safety and security but I just think in this day and age that more so relates to basic needs and financial security.

Being physically good looking or attractive - I don't think has much to do with femininity...

I've taken really great notes on the core concepts and so I go back to my notes and read through it and yes get something new each time (as I grow). I have not invested time in taking the LP part of the course again but actually may do so as well.

I'm curious to know what you'd say for someone who is naturally more feminine...that she'd have to express a certain amount of masculinity in her life otherwise she'd feel something is missing? interesting concept...

the energy/essence of femininity feels to me like freedom, selflessness, love and the ability to freely express...which has an essence of creativity to it. If there is a sexual charge to it, from my experience if I can hold on to that (without releasing that sexual charge) and channel it towards something creative (and not structured - because that feels like bringing masculinity into this) it's then a very creatively powerful and blissful place to come from..

I relate..I used to engage in sexual behaviour and going out drinking with friends to relax...cut that out last year. I know what you mean. It always feels like I'm working (working out, meditating, reading, working on projects, etc etc) The best advice I got from this thread is..to seek energetically higher activities to use to relax. So for me, that means different music, hiking once a week and I'm still figuring out what else I can do (might use google for ideas lol). It seems like it's a natural shift anyway..I mean I can no longer scroll through my fb news feed and the initiation of this question - it's been bugging me in the back of my mind for a little while now.

I feel like I’m motivated for other things which takes up most of my day..I think the problem is I haven’t found any sort of higher quality “release” or “play” type of activity I can easily do everyday that has no goals attached to it and is purely for the bliss of doing it, allows me to stay in a higher consciousness level..maybe I’ve just been using lower consciousness releases (mainstream media) but now am looking for better options. I have a project I’ve been working on in alignment with my life purpose but a lot of the work I’m doing rn for it is mundane gritty type of work.

I've decided I will start tracking calories. My whiteboard on my refrigerator will be used to track calories. Every week I go grocery shopping and end up with a few choices. Then I write down the calories for each choice and as my day goes by and I eat, I'll write everything down. A Rule: No eating out anywhere or anytime until I get my weight back on track. I wake up at 4AM and sleep between 8PM-10PM. I like the idea of eating smaller portions every 3 hours, it makes sense how this would be better for the body and for my energy. 5:30AM 250 cals 8:30AM 450 cals 11:30AM 150 cals (shake) 2:30PM 150 cals 5:30PM 250 cals The goal is 1250 calories a day. If I stick to working out every day and this way of eating, I will lose 1-2 lbs a week. I should be at my goal in approximately 3 months time. By December, right before the new year

I posted it on my mirror and wrote with lipstick on the mirror "that's not me" "fix it" "don't fuck around" and "wow" damn.

I took before pictures of my body today and I'm completely horrified. It's like my mind was telling me it wasn't that bad as I looked in the mirror but taking pictures was brutally honest. I'm horrified like I said and in the back of my mind my thoughts were terrible from "no wonder your ex is not begging for you back" to "that explains why men aren't turning their heads anymore" to "wow you are a fatass" etc. I printed out three copies of these photos to put on my fridge around the house

I decided to sit down, get clear and write everything out. Working as my own business has got me all over the place (I recently made this leap). I love the freedom but it's also challenging because I must spend my time wisely, be good at managing myself and be a professional. Here's my new daily routine that incorporates everything. I'm going to use this as a default template of how my day should run. 4:00 - 6:00 AM Fitness 6:00 - 8:00 AM Accomplishment Project 8:00 AM - 2:00 PM Income Main Source *If I am going out, Get Ready 2:00 - 4:00 PM Income 3rd long-term source 4:00 PM - 8:00 PM Income 2nd source or Bliss project Right now I have 3 sources of income named by most to least (immediately) important. The 3rd source is a more long-term strategy. Each one of them is considered part-time and again I plan to stick to this schedule 7 days a week. I also have a project I called the "Accomplishment Project" which is driven by my need for accomplishment and my love for learning. The "Bliss Project" is my life-purpose project.

Woke up again at 4 AM today and I have to say it really does feel right and great for me. I need to learn how to stop myself from napping too long during the day or staying up too late to work on something and therefore mess up this sleeping schedule I have going. Day 1: Workout + Ate Healthy Day 2: Workout + Cheated Day 3: No Workout + Cheated Day 4: No Workout + Ate Healthy Day 5: No Workout + Ate Healthy Day 6: Workout + Ate Healthy Day 7: No Workout + Ate Healthy Day 8: No Workout + Cheated Day 9: Workout + Ate Healthy Worked out: 4/9 days Ate Healthy: 6/9 days I will improve on working out more often. I feel like I'm doing great with my diet and it doesn't seem very hard, perhaps after all this time, it's finally starting to become normal. The goals: everyday=7 days a week To eat healthy every day as a habit To work out every day as a habit

I really want to go get my friends back and maybe find another one and start dating but I feel like I must put my life back into place. Before dating -get my body and sexual confidence back. Before building/repairing my friendships..get my career and money situation back on track, get my mind right and get my purpose on track. I guess right now I feel I'd like to be alone and build in silence. Lay low (as much as possible) and get my shit together.

Day 5: No Workout + Ate Healthy Day 6: Workout + Ate Healthy I did the Flirty Girl Fitness DVD and actually enjoyed working out. It's not so dreadful anymore and I'm thinking this will work. Now the game is patience all while building this habit. I like the idea of building a habit by doing a workout that is quite easy and fun. I can get to the hardcore stuff after the habit is built - a month or so from now. I also decided I want to be asleep at 10 PM (latest 11 PM) and be awake by 4:00 AM. Did this today and it feels great. As for the other big habits I want to put in place: meditation (20 minutes) and reading. Since I am focused on first putting working out in place, I am not going to make the other habits required. I'll just do them sporadically when I feel like it. Today I feel like meditating so I will. But again, working out and eating healthy is the main and only focus.

@Colin lol I dig the song Progress -ish I didn't work out yesterday or the day before and my body has been sore from working out those 2 days lol damn...I didn't eat healthy enough for 2 days out of the four. Tomorrow is day 5 and this is what it looks like right now Day 1: Workout + Ate Healthy Day 2: Workout + Cheated Day 3: No Workout + Cheated Day 4: No Workout + Ate Healthy This is bad ugh. I can do this though. I decided doing P90X isn't working well for me. It's extreme and hard to be ok with doing every day. I decided to switch to a new DVD program I got it's basically Dancing to shed the weight and workout. So I switched P90X for Flirty Girl Fitness DVD's and ate healthy today. I go grocery shopping every friday...and so I think not having all my healthy groceries those 2 days contributed to me cheating. Also, my body has been so sore for working out those 2 days and that I think it's contributed to me not working out the past 2 days. I'm thinking to take a slower, easier approach. What I learned: 1) If I don't have healthy groceries in my kitchen, I am more likely to cheat especially during these early stages 2) Doing intense workouts right off the bat while I'm not in shape is not a working strategy for me to adopt a long-term workout. *Starting off so intense made me dip for two days... In the past, I would contemplate and try to find ways to ninja kick my mind to help me with building this habit...and this has never worked. I think just focusing on doing my semi-fun/easy (easier then P90x) workout and eating healthy is the way to go. Also, keeping a journal. It was helpful to see the pattern (that dip I've had many times before) and I did not see it until I wrote it out.

I got that second part-time job today that allows me to work from home (social media/sales/marketing). So now I have two job that allows me to work from home however they are both commissions based but I feel the product I'm selling in both cases is easy enough to sell where I don't feel I NEED another job. This has been the tricky thing for me. To not go job hunting for an hourly position where I'm stuck in an office for 40 hours a week ie most of my life has been challenging but doing this work from home is what I want to do. I do, however, have an interview on Friday as a private events sales manager at a fancy new restaurant opening soon. The base pay is 50k and there is commission so I'd be making on average 90-100k/year. The thing I'd have to do however if I do somehow pull it off and land that job is I'd have to travel out of state and stay there for 2 months which will be very challenging for my daughter and her father but I'm sure I'd be able to make it work with babysitter's etc. If I do get this one I may just have to drop what I'm currently doing and do that instead. We'll see though because - I just want to be happy and working from home for two places I enjoy...if this becomes easily lucrative it'll be hard to switch back to a 9-5. So I got that all out. It looks like I may just be alright after all. Today I had that intense workout and it boosted my mood tremendously. It felt really good. During the workout itself when it got to the challenging part I found myself in the present moment and thinking that there is a time for pain and discomfort and there is a time for relief. It helped. I finally got my car back from my ex and that wasn't a pleasant experience as he wanted me to wait until the following day but I just could not after waiting for so long so he left the keys with someone else and I was able to finally get it. I got so worked up because my car didn't start and I had spent so much money and time previously fixing all my car issues and it was perfect when I left it. I even suspected he fucked with it. Anyway I googled it while his friend is telling me what it is and not (which he was completely wrong) and my ex on the phone telling me what he thinks it is and what I should do (also completely wrong) so I relied on google and found out that since it's just been sitting there that long that all it needed was a jump. I went to the neighbor's house to ask if they had jumper cables, they did and it was jumped and bam -problem solved. I ended up purchasing some marijuana (first time in about 7 months), packed a snack, water, my taser and went to the mountains at night to climb the rock, eat, smoke and reflect. I decided I'd have this special "me time" with JUST myself every Tuesday night in the mountains. I think this will be important. I say that now because of how much of an effect it had on me last night. It was magical and it feels foreign and so good to be spending that type of time with myself. I'm going to wake up early again tomorrow and workout again. I decided working out would be the first habit to put into place because it's most important to me. I also have training tomorrow for this new job I got.

I'm about to get an intense workout in and fucking own this day. I've been swearing a lot lol

The 5 Chapters of my Life By Portia Nelson Chapter 1: I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost... I am hopeless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. Chapter 2: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. Chapter 3: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in...it's a habit My eyes are open; I know where I am; It is my fault. I get out immediately. Chapter 4: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. Chapter 5: I walk down another street.

So a guy I dated briefly before my last ex started chasing me again. I told him to give me space and he just continued to text me and call me. The thing is - he's gorgeous, delicious, sweet, a great time, sexy af. The problem is -the conversation and emotional connection is not there -the intellectual conversations -what I crave is not there. This is very very similar if not identical to my ex I just broke up with about a month ago. It was an issue for me and here I recognize it happening again. After much resistance and contemplation, I decided I had to let this guy go and not even pursue it or do it again for that matter, not even a little bit -it was fun but I've learned. So I told him in a very nice way and that's that fuck hopefully this time. Ugh, the sex, dinners, and his charm will be missed but it's time to grow up -in a sense (for me) I want something else. I'll be fucking brutally honest I did too many times and was going to again for sex, the fairy tale nights, the conquering/ego aspect to it and the attention. I decided fuck it I'm going another route. It hasn't worked for me in the past.