tashawoodfall

Yes. And I’m happy I’ve had real experiences that have proved to me the illusion of it all... It was the best time of my life ? it changed my whole life! When looking back it feels good, not hurtful anymore ? and im a chick... ?

I know what you mean. I used to work 2 full time jobs and would sleep zero to four hours per night. Falling asleep at the wheel type of crap ??‍♀️???‍♀️ There have been times where I’d watch my hands cut vegetables or something when meal prepping and my hands felt separate from me and I felt like I wasn’t even controlling them. Very strange but cool at the same time. Yes and when it feels like reality isn’t happening! Sort of like you’re dreaming and don’t know it until you become lucid in moments. Hard to explain.. Think this all relates to monks who stay awake meditating for days? ?

@Highest yes I understand. I was convinced I had an enlightenment experience but I’m not so sure anymore. Spirituality and learning about enlightenment/the truth of no self became an escape for me when I felt stuck in an abusive relationship and that contributed to the psychotic episodes I experienced. The crazy thing is the different doctors at different psych wards diagnosed me different things. I basically had been diagnosed everything from depression to schizophrenic to bipolar etc and then finally towards the end I went in for an actual sit down over 1 hour analysis where I was asked endless questions and at that time got the diagnosis of PTSD. Went in for another sit down about 2 years ago and didn’t get a diagnosis ??‍♀️ I also think the medications they were shooting me up with and the fact I couldn’t escape the psych ward and had experiences where I’d try to escape and be tranquilized etc made things harder. Also lived homeless on the street by myself and was assaulted etc so my mind checked out to protect me... Good news is I’ve worked on the trauma a LOT. I was entrenched in stage orange for the years following the traumatic experiences to prove myself and get my self worth back. Became the most financially successful in my family..but now see through the curtains... but now I’m a little hesitant to get back into spiritual practices etc but know it’s just fear based programming. I understand why some of you say it’s a bad idea, I understand where that perspective is coming from but I don’t see the downside ? anyway just wanted to point out there are similarities it seems between the two experiences.

“Love & Belonging” one of the needs in maslows hierarchy - is it possible for you to fulfill this need yourself through self love or do we need intimate relationships in our lives to fulfill this human need?

Some people fulfill their needs for love and belonging through comfort foods or a codependent relationship or toxic friendships that really aren’t good for them ? I guess the healthy ways to fulfill this need would be 1) through healthy relationships with others 2) through self love which according to Leo requires you to not think you need love from others and requires a lot of maturity and consciousness 3) through contribution

When I look at maslows pyramid the two areas I feel I can improve on the most is love and belonging and transcendence I.e. I don’t have any real intimate relationships in my life currently (I’ve had them during periods in my life) and I don’t have any spiritual practices in place. I do daydream about things including the possibility of being in a healthy interdependent relationship some day. If I ask myself what needs should or must be met before I can get to that goal-love and belonging may need to be fulfilled first but I’m not so sure if this requires another person or a change in perspective/beliefs.

When I ask myself if I need anyone else my answer is no because I’ve gotten along well in the past completely by myself. So then I thought well is this a desire and not a need? Then I thought yes perhaps so but then maslows hierarchy of “needs” came to mind and then I questioned again so is this a need or not? And now I’m going in more circles ? So the answer is basically yes and then no and then yes and no and yes and no until finally if I’m graced with an enlightenment experience- it’ll be no. Because contribution in regards to life purpose and attaining fulfillment is naturally a factor...and because in the hero’s journey there is the belly of the beast time when you are alone facing yourself and since the hero’s journey is a continuous pursuit in life because when one journey ends another begins... That is why the answer is first yes and no until... from a higher perspective/enlightenment perspective you realize it’s all just ‘me’ anyways but this ‘me’ is not what I’m experiencing right now and I’d be wrong to just say at this moment from my perspective of what “me” means that “it’s all just me.” ? lol anyway to not get too off track, I think I got my answer and it’s yes for me rn ?

Writing about my trauma (chapter by chapter) from three perspectives mine, the other persons and a 3rd person point of view, helped to begin the healing process. I recommend watching some of Matt Kahn’s videos about healing afterwards which for me has personally resulted in huge emotional break throughs and true healing and transformation.

Just found out my ex’s wife claimed our daughter on their taxes when we agreed for years to switch every year and this was suppose to be my year. After researching I realized there’s nothing I can do because I had changed my daughters address for school so she could go to the school she likes more using her dads address and that’s what the IRS uses to determine who gets to claim her. We’ve also never gone to court. His wife has also said very disrespectful things to me after confronting her about it. At first I was hurt and now I’m angry. I’m having a hard time sleeping because of it. This basically means I lost 4K. One part of me is very angry and wanting to find a way to seek revenge and the other part of me is trying to come to peace with it and just know that this means I must go to court to get orders in writing so this never happens again. I just can’t help but feel hatred and frustration and just being appalled. ?

Typical type of response to expect on this forum

I confronted him initially, he said it wasn’t his idea and his wife’s idea. So I told them both to be ready for an audit. I cried about it..didn’t resist it...and now I’m doing what needs to be done to ensure it doesn’t happen again

Look, I know what things I need to be doing on a daily basis. I watch myself distract myself instead, not do those things, make excuses, come up with stories basically to avoid the hard work and emotional labor. Ive hit my head on the wall so many times for several years now in the simple pursuit of just getting on a daily routine and keeping my busy monkey mind in check. I know it’s mostly inner game, my willpower has a limit. ill find my mind going off of on stupid tangents constantly about stupid things that don’t matter and are not aligned with my desires. I’m at least starting to really see this play out. I’ll hit it hard and be on track for a few days or a few weeks or maybe even a few months only to fall back into old ways. What am I suppose to do? Sit down with a pen and paper and do some sort of shadow work or connecting dots type of work to move forward? Yesterday I just felt into a new power, visioning a ‘better’ version of myself and feeling into it and focusing on just how it felt and it felt like exstacy..it’s hard to explain. It’s as if at this point I’m trying to “feel” into it. Because this has felt like a game of Tom and Jerry-A game of my desires/wanting to change/improve and my monkey ego...perhaps just feeling into it is the way to go...

I was at the grocery store and a lady walks up to me and says I have a strong aura then proceeds to tell me she’s a psychic. I ask her “what else do you see?” She takes me to an aisle to “read” me because apparently there were energies around and she needed to target my energy. She tells me she sees negativity around me, tells me she sees a car accident and says I need a cleanse. At that point she asks me for $20 and asks if I’m interested in a cleanse from her. I said no thank you and that was that. Anyway a few days later I get into a car accident and now I’m thinking I’ve been cursed. I know it sounds crazy...Leo has a video on how to attract a hot witch gf so I’m thinking this could be a real thing

She also said some crazy things that make me think she may really be legit..she said my grandma who passed away is my angel..said she sees 3 children around me and that freaked me out because I have 1 child and had 2 failed pregnancies. She also said my mother had 3 children around which creeped me out because she just had my sister and I and also had an abortion. She also said that my mothers side has had a long line of problems and perhaps I’m the one to break the cycle. Idk it was creepy but interesting. The car accident was my fault..and she also did say she saw a fender bender and to make sure I wear my seatbelt so that’s creepy. She was also a younger lady in a wheelchair so idk maybe her ways have caused her issues...if it is a curse I guess I need to fix my vibration to avoid it coming at me

Like most I’m stuck in wage slavery and for me in the wonderful world of marketing When I’m going through my job now it’s hard not to be conscious of what I’m doing Here’s a day in my life. I start my workday checking a bunch of websites for business related things I.e. chargeback claims customer issue inquiries. Then I spend a few minutes printing labels and packaging the 5-10 packages sold the night before for these steroid enhancing pills I sell on the side, Then I write my 4 email campaigns for the day for 5 online classes websites I’m in charge of, glocktest and schedule them, train and manage our virtual assistants in other words people we hired oversees who get paid like $3 an hour. I’m basically putting out fires all day and figuring out new systems like how to create a link/landing page for people to sign up for our online classes for one of our sites to begin at a later time (so we get their credit card info as soon as we get their interest/a yes response to a campaign). Oh it gets better then creating special new automated campaigns for dormant email lists that seem genuinely human to convert them too. It seems like 20% of the customers don’t even realize the free 15 days or whatever they signed up for would be a $50/month recurring charge so I’m always dealing with that. I’m manipulating some lady to get on a call with me and her bank to withdraw her dispute otherwise she won’t get her money back (since we easily win our chargeback fights with their IP address etc). Now Im dipping my feet into affiliate marketing and SEO. Oh and writing letters to university’s using “according to NRS blah blah I’m requesting public records” and getting email addresses for admin fees basically by threat and manipulation in a sense of course to use for manipulating later. Ok rant over. I'm almost about as guilty as it gets. ..For weeks I’ve been working on my life purpose project before and after work. I can’t see how it’d ever make money though. Or at least enough to live on comfortably and safely.

Well this initial project is a non profit organization. I actually may be able to get grants for it and be on a salary. I also figured out I’m going to have a shop to support page on my website and a donate button. Also may throw a yearly expo and use the profit for the non profit. I’ve been working on this website everyday and it’s starting to come together and the self doubt is subsiding. It’ll definitely be a leap for me but I’m honestly tired of this way of living as a wage slave basically going against my values on a daily basis so I got to run with it it seems like the only thing keeping me going and not in a hole of depression I literally cried like a child on my way to work today it’s eating at my soul but I’m done complaining.

I'm having another moment where I'm overthinking how much of zombies people are but suspecting this is an ego game to make me 'better' then others. Significance right?..It's a stupid pursuit.

I've decided I want to start fresh onto a new journal since things have become very different for me - and my perspective has changed dramatically. Upon waking this morning I immediately felt 'bad' feelings in my body and I knew it was due to the thoughts of uncertainty and worry I still inevitably possessed. I closed my eyes with the intention to turn these negative thoughts into positive ones and to then feel better. It felt as though I was learning to ride a bike. At first, I'd only catch a few glimpses of good/peace and then finally, the good/peace grounded itself, stayed and I felt much better. That was the first time I was able to intentionally do that and in that way. Normally I would have to resort to other people or to positive audios or videos, resort to chasing pleasure to get a moment of feeling better or I would have to write down each limiting/negative belief and do the 7 step process to change it which still then didn't work nearly as well as this. It felt very empowering to be able to do that by myself and in that way. It was as if I knew and intentionally decided the way I wanted to think and feel. It's more productive, useful and being down and negative is just the opposite. I don't want to go into what has been happening with me the past few months whatever you want to call it "Dark night of the soul", "Transitioning from stage Orange to stage Green" or "Ego-backlash", it doesn't matter anymore and engaging in thinking of what it was, why etc is no longer my focus. I'm looking ahead now and with new lenses. I clearly see the situation I am in and the things that need to be handled and I'm good with that. First I must find a job and as soon as possible. It's all about being able to pay for my shelter and food. It's not that challenging as I have a lot of opportunities. I just need to be sure I can make money on time. It's certain I can make money but the deadlines are what I need to be mindful of. Resourcefulness comes into play here. Perhaps I need to be creative. This is all just short term. I feel a great sense of relief that I no longer have chains weighing myself down about climbing ladders, status, winning and accomplishment. Over these past months I had a brick hit me in the face basically and these things no longer interested me and so I have not been doing them well and therefore the money is not coming in. I ended up letting go of a lot of opportunities these past few months. I see these endeavours for what it is now and that gives me a great sense of relief. Like I said I have a lot of opportunities to make money still but these opportunities are not easy. It's business development and marketing and so I don't think I want to continue doing these things long term. Not because it's not easy, I'm very talented and there is a reason I get these opportunities, I've earned them through the years and through reputation, the thing is my soul, my mind and values no longer allow it. I will find something laid back and easy and fun but until then I must accept the situation I put myself in...or my Orange self has put myself in. Right now I have 4 social media accounts/companies to do work for, still have that fine dining restaurant for group parties and the other opportunities, I let go of. I told my partner for my startuplv.org project that I am moving the launch date from Oct 1 to Nov 1st due to personal circumstances and he said he understands. So that is off my back for at least a little while. It's still something I want to complete, it has a good cause. The most important thing to me is my life purpose project which I've only just mapped out. Right now with my circumstances, my immediate priority, however, is making money to cover shelter and food and making it sustainable, easy and not something that sucks the life, energy and creativity out of me. I know that everything will fall into place as it should. I know I am on the right track. That shift in mindset and priorities, what had set me into that deep depression has actually been a great blessing. I can see it now. I'm excited to see what is next and I am now keeping my eyes on the true prize. The rat race, societal norms and opinions that are not useful to me are no longer important to me. I feel a sense of freedom and a lightheartedness to me. I'm excited for what is next. I can't wait to feel a sense of passion when I wake up every morning, love, bliss, fulfilment and excitement.

Elon Musk basically has been warning people that AI will be far more intelligent than humans in not many more years and that we also will not be able to control it as it will be self-improving but that we may be able to merge with AI (that's the hope assuming it doesn't objectively find humans useless or a threat). Just wondering how this relates to enlightenment. I haven't had an enlightenment experience. I guess my question is, is enlightenment and intelligence beyond we can imagine (AI) related or are these things completely different?

I'm about to pull the trigger on mine... I discovered it through Leo's Life purpose course about a year ago. I'm in the middle of completing the website..it should be done in a couple weeks or less. Then I'll do the business license..then I'm running with it. It'll basically be a non-profit organization that provides girls in foster care/teenage girls "at risk" beauty workshops (to include a full makeover, professional photo shoot and fashion show) and confidence building concepts/skill building classes and also involves me growing into more of a role model.

Well it’s been a minute ? That last intimate relationship didn’t work out but I learned a bit. Not looking to getting into another intimate relationship at this time just because it takes a lot of my time focus and energy and I’m more interested in using this towards other things like my life purpose project and my learning ventures. Today I feel at peace. I have goals of course and also everyday ‘problems’ like most people do (nothing serious) but at the same time I feel free from them and everything else, it’s nice and this is a new feeling, I hope it stays ? this week I’m focusing on my website for strut and shine and also working on Startuplv.org. I’m also improving my marketing knowledge for work, looking to get to the next level with it. My boss has recommended 3 books so I plan to dive into it. I’ve been introduced to so many different apps/software platforms in the past weeks that I’m excited with these discoveries. Very useful for starting my own businesses. the other day while visioning I saw a woman (my future self) I had at the time aspired to embodying. At the same time I’d like to remained detached because it feels free and better but it was a nice vision and we’ll see what the future holds.

Ok, so yesterday I went to a place where "teens at risk" live at - to do 2 40 minute speeches. As I'm speaking I had an almost too-real moment of realizing how challenging it is to communicate the lessons I've learned, to share the holy grail. I just saw one or two of them actually listening and MAYBE getting something out of it. The rest were antsy/anxious and just I felt a feeling of hopelessness in my life purpose, my cause. Anybody have any tips as to this part of "the Hero's journey".

Leo's last video on SD inspired me to peg myself on stages in SD within different aspects of my life and within me. It's kind of cool to do and take a look at to get a feel for yourself in a different way Try it out Spirituality: Orange Cognition: Yellow Life Purpose: Orange Morality: Yellow Creativity: Orange/Green Accomplishment: Green Career/Money: Green Friendships: Orange Dating: Orange Health/Fitness: Green Sex: Orange/Green

side note wouldn’t AI becoming enlightened be a “good” thing in terms of human survival. *backs out of middle of disagreement going on ?