MsNobody

@OBEler dude he is suicidal, we take psychedelics to enhance sober reality, not to run away from it. You need a good solid foundation to go far, if you are not stable in normal reality psychedelics will fuck you real bad. It shocks me that no one is talking about the pink elephant in the room. To ascend you need to descend into the body first, doing several doses of 5meo is not compassionate with the process of the body. The body is the one leading the way, our mind is already there. He will end up getting sick, which apparently is already happening otherwise he wouldn’t be in such a state of agony looking for a miracle in a substance. He would benefit most from a hug and a human support system than from hammering his ego with the most powerful substance known to man. It doesn’t take much to foresee where he is going towards. It doesn’t matter if he puts all the fluff in his words and describes it as enlightenment. What matters is how you treat yourself, the level of self love you have embodied, the compassion you have with your own process and your body’s process. Anything else is bs.

You are talking about 5meo like an evangelical talks about God. There is no God guiding you, the God is you and it’s time for radical self responsibility, you are driving full speed into a wall and even tho you are aware of it, you accelerate anyways. If you go into it with naivety and cockiness it will bite you in the ass, ego backlash for sure. It took me almost a year to recover and integrate fully from my 5meo trips, a fragile ego doesn’t think clearly, to transcend the ego, first you need a healthy one. A fragile ego is the most dangerous thing, it’s death territory, and you are very well aware of it, don’t fool yourself, your life is in your hands, don’t talk like a fanatic saying that there is a force guiding you, take 100% responsibility, your life is precious. There is no path to enlightenment without self compassion, it’s not very compassionate to smash your ego over and over and expect it to reach bliss in the blink of an eye. We all know it’s not a smart way to do enlightenment work. You keep saying that if you surrender it will all be ok, knowing very well that you created this thread because deep inside you know that is the way to self destruction, if it was really part of a flow you would have done it already. Listen to the intuition that made you create this thread and be cautious. Our ego is not evil, it’s just a less developed part of our soul, it deserves respect and it serves a purpose. Give yourself a break, give your body a break. Taking 5meo is like trying to pass 220 volts into a machine that only comports 110, eventually it will break. You must be wise and prepare your body for the load. It’s not a coincidence that monks sit in stillness for years to get to where 5meo takes you. Psychedelics are an amazing tool, but you need to be smart on how to use it. Slow is smooth and smooth is fast. Sending you love 💕

So a year ago my friend gave me some APEs he grew and said "Take those, I loved them, I was laughing for hours" I ended up taking around 2 grams and was in fetal position for hours, Ive had other crazy trips that Ive taken heroic doses before but this one in special revealed a sexual abuse from an uncle of mine. A little backstory, my uncle had a bar on the 1st story of my grandmas house, (this uncle is my grandmas brother) and of course he was an alcoholic, he lived with my grandma and aunts, typical latin family where everyone lives together, I was his favorite niece and would go to the bar all the time because he also sold candies there, and for some years my dad would never pay when I got things from there, I had a sweet tooth and it bothered him that I went there to get candies aall the time, to the point that my dad started paying for my stuff, the bar was full of drunk old men, I was very little, and I have 0 memories of my childhood cause my dad tried to kill my mom several times. I think in my littl mind the abuse was like an exchange for sweets, this makes me want to throw up.. Back to the mushroom trip, the mushroom showed me really ugly stuff, to the point that I had to vomit because my logical mind could not accept and process evryhing, I was disgusted, everything started making sense, but its all blurry too, the trip was very dark and messy, I called my sister to vent and we started putting things together, and it all made sense, a month after this trip a cousin of mine committed suicide, this cousin was abused by this same uncle when she was 3yo, everyone ignored her mom at the time, cause she is a distant cousin, everything was put under the rug. The timing of everything was crazy, the trip, the suicide. She died without knowing the abuse, her mom never told her, I remember my grandma saying at the time that it was her fault because she would seat on my uncles lap !!!! Imagine this, she was only 3yo... 8 months ago I decided to talk to my mom about it and she told me that when she divorced, this uncle went to her house and said that if she had sex with him he would give her a house. Yesterday was my moms birthday and I called her, the call went south cause I complained she recently traveled with this uncle and is taking care of him (he is super old now) and she revealed the men in her family come from a long lineage of pedophiles, she also wanted me to share details of what I saw in the mushroom trip because she thinks its all my imagination. Im questioning myself and writing this sounds so ridiculous. Im in deep waters right now feeling a misture of disgust, shame, sadness, hatred, and I get into my pattern of eating sweets, how ironic.. (I usually eat very clean, this is a form of self destruct - self sooth). Ive been considering cutting ties with my whole family because its very toxic for me, Im writing this because I just want to know if anyone had a similar experience, or any opinion of a sane person would help, because Im really questioning my reality, what Ive seen etc. Ive suffered sexual abuse from an ex bf too that is the reason why I left Brazil 10 years ago. Ive done years of therapy, many psychedelic experiences, but this feeling of guilt, shame and disgust does not leave me, its like a darkness of those men that was passed down to me and I cant wash it of, I dont hate them, but I do turn the hatred towards myself, specially when in contact with my patriarchal family. I work with women and all that has happened to me became keys to my work, like a curriculum that I needed to go through so I could do my work better. Its all a piece of the big puzzle and Im nothing but a humble apprentice of this divine orchestrated puzzle but what the fuckkkk

I want, I want, I want.. is this really about me? I dont hate my uncle, you missed the whole point. Im talking about my own feelings and how I feel in my body, it has nothing to do with others or if it was right or wrong. But you just end up revealing yourself, and to be honest you havent helped a bit, so I suppose you might be of better service somewhere else.

@How to be wise now I understand why youve been around for almost a decade and is not a mod lol You lack compassion and self love, only a human being in deep suffering is capable of hurting a child, by thinking something is not wrong it doesnt make it any less wrong. You are lost in darkness my friend, Im sorry for your pain.

@How to be wise have you had sex with children?

@How to be wise It didn't hurt me, I just felt sorry for you. If you would show your face instead of hiding behind a spiritual guru maybe I would be more affected, but so far (in my perception of course) you are but another typical spiritual person who thinks that has evolved but instead never actually built an ego to be able to transcend it.

@Beans Im very sorry you went through that, I share your pain. Men will never know what we feel until they incarnate as a woman. The worst thing we can do is be silent, so I speak up. Its my medicine. My parents are the same, Im the only one calling. I think we already have our answers. To heal we need to be away from the place we got hurt.

@How to be wise thank God we have evolved and now it is indeed an aberration. Im sorry that you are at this place internally that you need to come here and comment this kind of thing, must be a very dark place to live.

@How to be wise Im sure Ram Dass would agree its evil

@integral thank you, I found Leo’s channel right when I moved to US. His content and the people in the forum helped me tremendously, I’ve met some in person as well, such a beautiful community. Very grateful for@Leo Gura Those are good questions, thank you. My paperwork just got approved to go to Brazil, so I think after 10 years, the thought of going back there is bringing this stuff to the surface. Because of your questions I also noticed a part of me wants my mom to see how irresponsible to leave me with my uncle alone and was, she did mention in the call that her and my dad were very naive, but there is a part of me that is mad. I guess I’m holding onto an old version of me, I think this whole situation was the universe giving me an opportunity to peel an old layer. I think the main thing I need to deal with and process now is the anger. I’m very upset about how my whole family is very blind to everything, part of me wishes that they would open their eyes and right now I’m not in a place of compassion for them, or for myself. Need to work on that

Albino Penis Envy mushrooms

lol I love this Forum, always a breath of fresh air

I recently I started coaching someone who uses ketamine daily, he is already getting treated professionally, we have had three sessions so far and part of me just wants to suspend the sessions as I see is out of my area of expertise, plus it has been a very challenging experience for me so far. I mostly work with women in group and one-on-one settings but recently many men are reaching out, after years of working with women I've noticed men are way too different, a whole new species lol different motivations, values etc. Women tend to be more vulnerable and open and it's easier to understand the root cause, the core of issue and their whys, now men.. they put so much effort in maintaining their image, they pretend to be someone else so most of the session is just me trying to see through the "fake image" to get to the core, any tips on working with men? I dont intend to change my focus, I do love working with women, but I would like to be of service to the men too. Thank you for reading!

I lived in California for 9 years and moved to Florida over a year ago, and it seems like the majority of people here are Trump supporters and Im finding myself in a difficult place when it comes to dating. Im a moderate and grew up conservative in Brazil, Im not super into politics, but I do know the basics and voting for Trump IMO is just a sign of low intelligence, Im no radical and I respect everyone, I do have friends who voted for Trump but I just avoid talking about politics with them, Ive also noticed that most people who like to talk about politics are the people who know the least and are very biased, the conversation is all about judging the opponent and defending their point of view, black and white thinking. I love Jonathan Haidt's content and all sources I can get about politics that can show me the big picture and/or an impartial view of the whole, so don't get me wrong thinking Im here to just pick/defend a side. This week I stopped talking to two guys because not only they are Trump supporter but they do believe he is making good moves that will benefit evryone/them, and in a way it will (they are success/money oriented which is very self serving), but it's a major turn off for me, and I want to know if Im being too extremist or radical? I actually tried dating them before and eventually we had a conflict of values that set us apart. Im generalizing but it seems to be two kinds of men out there right now, the toxic masculine Trump Supporter or the soy boy beta man too trapped in spirituality and no groundness in reality.

Im really into astrology and am curious about your signs I’m a Pisces the last sign, dreamer with the head in the clouds..

@Harikrishnan It's called Saturn return, it happens when you are 12yo, 24yo, 36yo.. If you read your chart you can know exactly the months that things will be shaken up lol mine is coming too, the last one at 24 it was when I moved to US. Astrology is very ancient, I used to be very skeptical but after seeing similarities in people of the same sign I started studying more deeply, it's fascinating.

@OBEler That makes sense, I think it's easier for us to let go of control, Eckhart Tolle says women have less ego than men in one of this books, we are more oriented towards community and the whole. I also didn't break through tho, I think my ego is very strong, at some point I was super scared to higher the dose with 5meo cause I had done 5 times and was up to 4o and still I was extremely resistant to it, my ego may be way too strong lol I even went to a lecture with Martin Ball and he recommended me Salvia, to break me open and make me more susceptible to 5meo. I think it goes way deeper, I just scratched the surface, I just dont have the courage now, it was so mindfucking at the time.

@OBEler I don't know if that would be the best approach, most addictions come from a lack of connection and self love. Exposing it would just make him feel more shame which would make things worse. Or maybe Im just thinking with a woman's mind. Its a delicate situation, really sad. I think we all can relate with self destructive patterns, it's so normalized in society nowadays. And also we are all addicts lol it's just that some of us have good addictions.

Bringing this back!

Just found this, its been 6 years since those 5meo trips, time to trip again lol

@OBEler I think when I got in the spiritual path my idea of awakening was becoming a nicer person, peaceful, more sweet etc. I'm still very heart centered but Im kind of an asshole now and it came after that specific trip. I think after years of being a people pleaser and growing in a repressed culture my authentic self just came out of me bursting out and breaking things, 5meo unclogs the pipe, all the fakery fades away, there is only raw pure energy passing through the vessel, everything we are not is carried away with the current, I called it sacred fuck it, it gave me freedom to fully express myself, and myself was not the way I had idealized so the difficulties were because of that. The biggest realization, of extreme loneliness, of god playing with god, was very depressing at the time but after integration was what changed me the most, to live from inside out, and not from outside in, before I would tend a lot to the people around me. Like when Im having a high dose of mushrooms, I dont want anyone watching me, cause they will most likely want to bring me to the hospital or think Im going insane.. lol but if Im by myself I know how to handle things, 5meo helped me notice that I spent a lot of time of my life trying to attend and tend to the external things instead of actually living it. But if there isn't anyone else but me, why would care about how people are seeing my experience of reality? I think 5meo helped me immerse myself into my own experience, to live from inside out, first I check with myself, the world comes later. Before I would be like, "oh pay no attention to the mess, oh sorry Im like this because Im under construction, oh it's ugly here because the house is being renovated" (the house being my own experience), now Im incorporating more of my shadow and not expecting it to be nice, or beautiful, Im more accepting of my raw authentic energy that wants to express itself. I had so many judgements (still do) about this authentic energy, it's basically shadow work, God encompasses everything and wants to express itself the way it wants, the beautiful and the ugly, and the pipe gets clogged when we just want to be love and light. I think I understand other people better because of that too, from accepting myself daily, it's been a wild ride, Im not an easy person to deal with and I don't have many filters, Im intense and the work after that experience has just been to let the current of raw energy pass through me, without picking one or the other, to anchor authenticity, I think its our goal here, but we are trapped in copy and paste/monkey see monkey do/groupthink/blending in because of survival. It feels good to write that cause Im still trying to integrate that experience, it was a complete mindfuck at the time, only now Im able to fully appreciate how much more of myself Im able to anchor in this reality. English is not my first language I hope it was not confusing. You've tried 5meo right? Would be curious to hear your insights on solipsism.

This is such a precious talk thank you. Solipsism is one of the best feelings and also one of the worst feelings, it came to me in a 5meo trip and I wish there were more videos about it to help integrate, at the time it was so disorienting and it thought I was insane, it took me some time to get back on my feet but looking back now it was what cracked the egg open. I felt like my reality was a doll house, I remember next day putting gas in the car and being hit with the realization that my apartment ceased to exist when I left home. Whenever I smoked weed after the experience my visual field would change and it seemed like everything was made of plastic, my room sometimes it was like a perspective drawing, I was truman showed very hard haha It's extreme loneliness and extreme freedom, we think we want freedom but true freedom is sooo scary. I let go of so many layers of old mes at the time. I miss the feeling, there was another 5meo trip that a guy here from the forum tripsat me and coming back out of the experience I looked at him and I didnt want to talk, cause I knew that as soon as I spoke division would happen because of language, and I saw that there was only one person in the room, there wasnt me and him, I was him and he was me.

Yeah the conclusion after reading all comments is a no no. Leo made me undatable lol Another issue is that conservative men are highly scared of psychedelics, which is a tool I use frequently in life, most of them are not only close minded when it comes to using it but also of having a partner using it.