Annoynymous

Now a days i am unable to sleep, even if i am tired and wanna get some sleep. But i dealy. Delay a lot. It's thinking and my vision for future keeps me awake. I don't think it's serving me well.

11/13/19 Well i got 2 business parter and one of them is giving me some serious tension. He is my school friend and basically he motivated me to start business with him. Problem is talking the talk but not walking the walk. He is too lazy to take practical steps that is to be done. Sometimes he is just downright careless. I don't know how much i should invest my money, mind and effort in these projects. If he carries on with his irresponsibility, i will definately consider my investment.

11/12/19 It's been a very busy day. I am working in establishing an aquaculture business (basically a research project, it will fly only if it becomes successful). Somehow i have found some fulfilment through it. I felt like it gave me a sense of purpose. A cause to live, to get up. What is the souce of existance of life really? Well, it is meaningless, until you give a meaning. Giving a meaning is the beginning of a structure on which all the contents are being run. Structure is so fucking important, because it can explain the "nature" of all content running your life. Content is just a glimps, but structure is the mother of giant fucking whale. Structure= operating system Content = all apps

How to recognise a bad thinking pattern? A thinking "pattern" is quite significant. Because it dictates the structure of my motivation and phyche, by which i am sustaining my "identity". Basically it is a self serving, self sustaining and status quo maintaining process. It is in the structure on which the contents run on. Structure = tv Content= tv channel .................................................... Structure = a kind of tv channel. Example: Discovery channel Content= shows that run on the Discovery channel. WOW! I think i kinda got the point what Leo was talking about. Structure within a structure Going meta within a meta! Really amazing, as well as difficult to understand...

@Preety_India break up can be hard. When you initiate break up, you can expect to feel like high in drugs all the time for minimum 1 to upto 3 months (my own observation, it can be different to different people). But that's not the biggest challenge in my eye. Biggest challenge is making up the mind to leave and never turn back. For my case, it took about 6 months just to make up my mind to confront her. 6 fucking months. I was feeling worse. Now i look back and contemplete sometimes. I feel if i could go back, i wouldn't take that 6 months of mental torture. I would confront her more sooner. But we are human. And it is easier said than done. But my big achievement was, when everything was over, i blocked her instantly, and since than, i have never bothered to look back, didn't make any contacts with her. More than a year have passed. I won't say that i am perfectly fine now. But i would say that i am LOT better now. A lot. I can now sleep well at night. I can eat well. I don't excessively smoke anymore. I don't obsess compulsively. So the point is, once you break up, don't go back. It's a very wrong thing to do. It's like qutting ciggerate for 3 months then suddenly starting it again. All the progress just become a waste of time. Don't waste time by going back. Most importantly, don't waste your emotions, your love and your heart. Always believe that you deserve to be treated better.

@Preety_India well, this seems really very gross. I had been with a narcissist (i doubt she was one but not sure whether she was a narcissist or something else problems). When she finally left, it kinda broke me to half. What i think is that i don't have enough knowledge about narcissist, sociopaths, psychopaths, BPD's. I also believe most people have no or little knowledge about them. But i think it is important to have knowledge and to know how to detect them. Detecting them in an earlier period is essential because the more you go deep with these person, the more you become their target. Yeah, it works even if you detect them later stage of a relationship but the damage is already done. This sort of dynamics tend to destory a person's mental, emotional and physical wellbeing. And most of the time they end up feeling shit about themselves. It can take a very long time to fully heal from those wounds. I know it from my heart. I have experienced this. So it is better to be well equipped from the beginning and weed them out from life before they could do damage. You seem to know a lot of about narcissism. So why are you still with a narcissist? If you think he is like that, you should heave him immediately. You can not even imagine how much damage it can potentially do and how much you are missing in life, from life, while you are in it. You will immediately know once you break free.

Can anyone suggest me some books on narcissistic personality disorder, psychopath, sociopath, bi polar disorder, trauma? It will be very helpful for me if you can

@Serotoninluv i read some of your answers here. What do you what narcissistic people are looking for in a relation? If they want to create an unhealthy dynamic which may create discomfort for both the person including the narcissist, why create at all? Or is it the case that they somehow feel fulfilment through this? What i have observed about narcissist is that they tend to create a win-lose situation in a relationship. Also, they emotionally drains the opposite person. I mean what narccisit actually wants? How they can even fulfilled being in that sort of unhealthy, destructive dynamics?

"Dump her before she dumps you"

@Leo Gura

I have finished watching Leo's latest video. I have found it quite amazing (though i think that i have to rewatch again for better understanding) It's wonderful in a sense that after hearing for a while, i could resonate it with stage yellow wisdom. Another good thing is that it kinda fusioned spirituality with practicality. So we get twice benefit from it. My questions: 1. Leo has mostly talked about structure changes but didn't go deep. Like particular ways to change it. Is the structure unique and therefore different for different people? 2. How to recognise what is structure and what is content? 3. Does this video implies that no matter how much change one makes externally, his/her situation will not be changed if it is not done internally by structural changes? Last of all, yeah i get the point that structural change is way more useful and important than content change but i am not sure how to recognise a structure and eventually change it.

Well i want to know other's experience on recognising sociopaths and how to deal with them. I could google it but i wanna know some personal experience. So guys pls do share

11/11/2019 Feeling a sort of melancholy. Today is a bit of cold in my city. Seems like winter is coming. Thinking about many things. My mind is relatively at peace today. But there is a feeling of "missing something" Although i do not know, what exactly am i missing Thinking about attracting girls, then again, i ask myself, what is the point? Like it is gonna end badly, like it ended before. Seems like i am looking for something like "eternal peace" by attracting girls and being in a relationship with them. But it's impossible, that is what i think/belief. It's a two side coin. Pleasure comes with pain.

11/10/2019 Ok. Now i am thinking about moving to canada. Lol It seems my thinking on moving outside my country is relentless Anyways, canada looks good, in fact, very good in many cases. One problem though. Too much cold to cope with Well, i guess no land is fairyland. So, let's see....

I was considering about migrating to Germany and doing some research and plan on this. But plan got halted as i talked with a senior of my university. He said it would be difficult to get a job by getting higher degree from social science (i have completed my graduation in social science). A bit disappointed. But what i have learned from that is it not wise to be emotionally excited before testing the water. Bigger the excitement , bigger the disappointment.

Trying to sort out my future plans. Feeling optimistic

11/09/2019 I have been contemplating on my future plans for last couple of hours and at this point, i see many fresh opportunities and some obstacles ahead of me. It will be difficult to choose, to manage & to stratagise. I want to move to abroad, ultimately. But my parents are too old, i don't know how they gonna react to it. Plus i am also worried about the environment to where i intend to move. I fear that i might end up getting caught in wage slavery there, which won't be a good thing. I want the financial independence. So it will be a tricky choice. Let's see about what can be done...

My mood's been improved a bit. I have completed two others tasks that i supposed to complete schedule-wise. Still, there is a melancholic feeling somewhere inside of me...

Today so far, i am facing trouble. I was suddenly called up from asleep. My mother is sick. She is in a bad condition. It's nothing new now-a-days, but i feel overwhelmed. Almost every day i woke up hearimg bad news about my mom's bad physical condition which makes me sad and depressing. It is hard to do works if you start your day such badly. I only practiced ielts listening. Usually i am able to do very good at this test practice but today, i was distracted and scored less than i usually do. I am not feeling motivated to do other work. Day is not over yet. I have made a routine of things i need to do each day but when i fell short, i end up feeling disappointed about it. I need to be ok with failing here and there.But i don't have any clue on how to deal with this depression and bad mood created by my family condition.

11/08/2019 I have got a bunch of goals at this point my life: 1. Giving IELTS exam 2. Running E-commerce business 3. Fish Farming Business 4. Preparing for admission for getting A MBA degree 5. Starting affiliate Marketing business 6.Dealing with personal trauma & emotions 7. Considering dating & finding relation Mostly i will be talking about these issues.

@Aquarius Girl you need a lot of experience to grow up.

As the US presidential election will be arriving very soon, i think my American & other (who are interested to learn politcs) friends here can enjoy this documentary tv series. It covers some famous races ran by candidates in the past. I am fascinated to see how little things can influence and make or break a person's chance in the election. It's available on netflix.

@How to be wise i think it is too much. Specially if you are in the education sector. Recently i have been studying a lot of materials to build up my career. What i have noticed is that it sucks up my energy quickly. I think i can do more work which involves less mental effort and relatively more physical effort. I think 40 hours/week is more than enough.

@Leo Gura so how to strike a balance between getting laid vs becoming sociopath. Or in another way, being 'nice guy' vs being the sociopath in order to get sex?

@Aquarius hahahahhaha Well to be honest i haven't thought of myself like that. But i think now is the perfect time to contemplate on it