Annoynymous

11/22/2019 Feeling a bit insecured about my partners in the business. I feel like they don't have the same motivation or position for the business to be successful as i want it to be. I guess i have to see that coming. And prepare for the future. Because for me, being financially independent is the most important thing. I want to achieve it. It is absolutely necessary for my growth and to fulfil my survival needs and wants I will focus on my personal entrepreneurial works more.

11/21/2019 What i am noticing in myself is that now a days i have been spending a lot of time on thinking rather than doing the work that needs to be done. I have been thinking excessively and worrying too much. I do not think it is gonna help. Too much thinking actually backfires. I need less but effective thinking but more work. I see works ahead of me for example: 2 years down the road. I have been planning for a while. Now i think that i should focus on work more.

11/20/2019 Feeling a bit tired. I discussed a business deal with a partner (who is the owner of the farm). What he proposed is basically more beneficiary from him than me. It was not something like win-win situation. I was just pissed off. I guess as we are dependable upon him (because we don't own the farm), so we have limited voice in this matter. So just waiting for our time to come. It's time now just to have patience and do the work to succeed.

Today i discovered an insight. I was thinking about my past romantic involvement... Today was her birthday. I was thinking on what she is doing today and how she had done in the past and so on. I was getting irritated so i told myself to stop thinking about her. But the irritation didn't go off instantaneously. I was noticing that. Suddenly a thing hit in my mind. Like wait a minute, i was not just thinking about her, i was thinking actually about me and how she is still relatable to me! The fact that she was not with me was troubling me. So at first what appeared as "i am thinking about her" was not right. I was actually thinking about myself like how she treated me, how she was to me and how she isn't with me now etc etc As long as i hold "mental ties" with her, she will be in my mind, because it is related to my survival, my desire, my need. What i have learn is that, almost all the time we think about our survival. But in a twisted way, not in a direct manner. What and who can serve us mostly occupies out mind.

Not much in the mood for working today... Anyways... As i am trying to establish my career and i am in early period, so i should just sit tight and work more for the better future.

17/16/2019 Today is kinda off day. "Kinda" because, i have to work here and there also, as i am currently working on multiple projects. Feeling exhausted. I need to strategize my routine swiftly because i am spending most of the times with work. So, strategy is necessary to gain maximum work time, sanity to achieve maximum positive outcome.

@Preety_India i have read some of your recent replies in this thread. My goodness. From your description, what i have comprehended that you were in a living hell with your boyfriend. He was a nightmare. You should have dumped him earlier. I do not know why girls keep falling for assholes. Do you really value yourself? Seems not, because if you valued yourself enough, you would not give your time, effort, love, emotions to this guy. But again, finally you broke it off and did a very brave thing. I think you should focus now only on yourself. You should practice self love. I see it missing. You might also wanna do some research on people who have mental disablities like narcissism and sociopathy and build an experienced eye to recognize them and not to let them enter in your life in the first place. You should also work on yourself. You have to think about what you will and won't allow in your life in order to create a healthy boundary. Once you set that, you will enforce it in your life. Whenever you catch someone breaching your boundary, let them know about it. If they do that nevertheles, do yourself a favor and throw them out of your life. They don't deserve you. Understand that you matter. Your emotions matter. Your soul matter. Your heart matter. Your self respect matter. Love yourself in a way that when anyone misbehaves with you or insults you or breach your boundary, you will be strong enough to excuse yourself from them without any delay. Best wishes to you

11/16/19 How to study a person? = If you do want to study a person, you can not rely on one incident that happened witb him/her and then directly jump into the conclusion about them. Rather than reaching to a quick judgement, you need to study strings of incident that the subject does regularly. You need to observe for a long time to see the pattern of that fellow's action & behaviour. It will give you some insight about his/her mental condition and personality. Now look, while i suggest to observe for a long time, i do not mean that it should be for a year. Because if the person is with some sort of mental disorder or unlikable personality test, you can get stuck and emotionally invested which might cause damage to you. So generally speaking, the time to observe should be 1-2 months, but not more than that. It is very important to weed out those people from your life who are not compatible with you or damaging. You must have the ability to know a person for what he/she is rather than how you want them to be. You should observe like a stoic.

What is justification? Why do we justify anything at all?

I think i am becoming a "man with motivations". My entrepreneurial works and my wanting to date is in the opposite direction of one another. What i am feeling is that i can pursue one at a time. Anyways, need to explore on this topic more...

11/15/2019 A bit ago, my father scolded my mom in front of me. I didn't like the way he treated my mom. But whatever his intention behind it is right, at least that is how i find it. My mom's been sick for a long time. On an average, we had to take her to the hospital once in every three months for the last 1.5 years. Her problem is that she is not disciplined. And she is quite adamant about it. She thinks it is not her fault. Being disciplined has nothing to do with her sickness. She thinks that this all happening because her past bad heath condition. Whenever i or anybody asks her, she goes on to saying how she was ill, that she had lost her overy in an early age and this and that, and these are the main reasons behind her current sickness, not her "lack of discipline and healthy lifestyle". But i can see how she is holding an unhealthy belief to excuse herself for not taking proper responsibilities of her problem. It's a kind of self destructive belief. Whatever happened few minutes ago has also created a " tension" in me. I think somehow it triggers me. However, i can learn from my mom's being stuck at the content level, and how she is self perpetuating a "story". It's unhealthy.

14/11/2019 My fish farming work is going on. Things are going well so far. What i am noticing is that there is too much noise in my mind. I feel irritated and exausted in my mind. Mind is like a chatter box. It is going on and on. Do not know the reason behind it.

Elections are long away bro. Polls mean nothing now, really. Maybe we can predict a bit after march 2020 With the primaries, you never know for sure what's gonna happen.

@Bridge to Infinity title of the post caught my attention. Be careful what you wish for. Wanting to become a sociopath to be a non needy person to attract women can be very lethal selfishness. See how the dynamics goes: Becoming a sociopath= becoming non needy= attracting girls Can you see your own selfishness which is huge? This is how evil is born. Look, i am not judging you. You want to attract girls. That's absolutely fine. In order to become non needy, you don't necessarily have to become a sociopath. You can pursue your goal in a conscious,healthy and responsible manner. But don't do such thing as sociopathy. It can create bad karma also which will eventually bite you in the ass.

Dreams are keeping me awake <3

@Nak Khid hard to predict. I want sanders to win. But he is gonna face some tough compitition for sure.

If you are not gonna pick youself up, you have to lie on the ground for good. Because no one is gonna pick you up for you.

I think both are gonna loose.

Selfishness seems evil when it is seen on others. When you do "selfish" deeds, it doesn't appear as "selfish". It is called survival. And survival is not selfish, at least this is the way our ego views it. So as selfishness is survival, it is viewed as necessary. So necessity is the mother of all evil. But what i believe is that, no matter how you view selfishness, it does create suffering. At this point, a confusion arises in me. Well i don't see all people who does selfish things are suffering. Or it can be that a person's suffering is not necessarily being seen outside. People are also good at putting on a " happy" mask. It also creates confusion. But again, does karma really work in this way? The one who is guilty of selfishness, surely suffers?

I am I and you is you There is no "you" in "I"

Identifying people who are psychopath, narcissist, sociopath & bpd is not a easy thing. I didn't put much thinking on them. Whenever i used to think of them, i thought they would be like some weirdos, mad kind of people, the kind that's been shown on movies. But they are not like that. They are like normal people, at least superficially. It's not easy for people to see them as who they are, because they mask themselves almost perfectly. Here's some way to indentify them (according to me) : -- they will talk about something in a way, but do it in an entirely opposite way. -- they will excessively flatter or praise you, give you a sense of comfort at first. But very soon they will use their "fake comfort zone" to control you, excessively. -- they will sometimes show emotions by saying how you wronged them, they will do it when you are not at fault/or you are at a little fault. But they will exaggerate that and make you feel guilty/ashamed. -- after making you guilt trip, suddenly they will act like as if nothing has happened. This behaviour will continue for time to time and make you wonder and ride on an emotional rollar coaster. You will be puzzled. -- They will gaslight your problems. -- They will insult you badly which normally people don't do. -- they can be self centred and really very selfish. Sometimes you can sense it coming out of them.

Are "good things" "for me" really "good things" for "everyone"? I think not.

I still remember how she treated me our last day conversation. Like a pure garbage. I see her now as if she is pure garbage. Nasty person.

accidentally i saw my ex today. I saw her in one of my friend's fb story. I felt like shit. At first, i was getting emotional. But now i feel pure anger. I have decided to 100% avoid her even if i see her face to face. She will be like a death to me.

My crazy thought (maybe?!) : I think there is two types of people one earth. One who is hurt and the other who is going to get hurt.