Annoynymous

@Leo Gura As God, why would we put ourselves in such a difficult position? Suffering is the no 1 feature of most human lives. Desire leads to suffering. Expectations lead to suffering. Why as God would we create this hell for us which is paradox and difficult? Most important thing is almost 99% of the people would die not bothering about spirituality. It seems like poetic irony.

@Leo Gura it seems like you damned if you do and damned if you don't kind of situation.

On Nakedness sometimes i wonder what is the relationship between Sex and being naked - is there any? Traditional sense of sex implies that one has to be nude in order to have sex. So sex includes nakedness. But is the nakedness include being sexual? I think not. When i am naked, i do not necessarily feel like a sexual being although i know that i can feel like that if i want to. I think being sexual while being nude is a choice, neither a necessity nor inevitable. Sometimes i try to be naked just to feel what it feels like. What i have discovered is that there is a difference of feeling while in cloth or being naked. When i am naked, i feel connected to the nature. Somehow it feels raw, although i can not describe the feeling properly. Also, when i am naked i can see that i do not look at my full body. It feels great to look at my cock just the sake of looking at itself other than peeing, masturbating or bathing. A body part of myself just hanging around outwardly yet so much connected inwardly. It is not aroused, not erected - just like soft small tail. I am thinking on the transformation of the cock from non sexual to sexual position. How it changes physically as well as emotionally is just amazing. I will write about it surely.

Well i was a bit worried about starting this journal. There is a lot of shame going on inside of me on this particular topic. Then i thought of giving it a go because i think if i want to truely question and discover myself, i need to address where it is vulnerable. So here, i would be writing about my sexual conditions, orientation, expectations, fantacies and whatever hits around my mind about it. I think it will help me to release my fear, shame and traumas.

01/02/2020 Well, i have come here to write after a long time. Last time i wrote here was in the last year I have given ielts exam in these time. My overall score is 7.5 i am more than happy to achieve it. Feeling accomplished. I feel like i have completed 1st phase of my goal toward gaining independence and have finished it quite successfully The 2nd phase is about to start. I have to get admitted for MBA so i will take preparation in this phase, i am working in my aquaculture project, i hope to start commercially after finishing the research which i hope to happen in this phase. I am also trying to join a coaching centre as ielts instructor. It will help me to earn some good money. So there is a lot on my to do list. Sometimes i enjoy the process but in other time, i feel quite drained. When i feel down, it feels like i am dragging myself to carry on. So it is also a challenge for me to work on my inner being. What i intend to focus on for improving my inner health is 1) Meditating Daily 2) watching deep spiritual videos. So lets hope for the best

On Ejaculation i think men have got an inclination to ejaculate inside the pussy. one of my favourite sexual fantasy is that i am ejaculating inside a women's pussy and how it is fulfilling etc. It feels like i would be giving something "valuable" to her by doing that. It also feel like a "holy duty". A sense of belongingness with the women. I wonder why i fantasize like that. Maybe it has got some reproduction value. We can not go against our genetics. So as man, i feel like it is my duty sow my seeds from the point of view of giving birth. From that pov, its fine and serve the cause near perfectly. But is it fulfilling and close enough to attain spiritual union? Absolutely not.

@Bridge to Infinity sorry to hear about the person's condition you described although i don't agree with your conclusion. Leo in his videos said several times that not to lost in the content, just look at what these are pointing towards. He had warned us on numerous occasion about turning actualized.org into some sort of dogma and belief system. One of the primary teachings of self development is that a person has to take one hundred percent responsibility for himself. If a person is not aware of the potential danger of his mind's ability to turn things into something dangerous for himself then no amount of "good" content can save him. You are making a mistake by thinking that somehow this channel is responsible for that person's present condition. It is the person who is unconsciously digging a trap for himself, against which almost all actualized.org's content talks about.

I have found an amazing channel. Here it tries to answer the question if math is something objective or it is just human creation. The way they had presented it is mind blowing. Take a look at this :

An image that represents the Union through Sex

Sexual Arousal by Visual it is true that for male and female,visual is one of the most vital players for sexual arousal. For Male, they absolutely depends on visual to arouse. So what captures a man's eye at first? Of course, the physical appearance of opposite sex. I do not know about others, but what i notice first about a female is their face and body shape. If it attracts me, then bam. I start to feel the heat. It would be a lie if i say i don't check out for breasts as almost all other men. I find it awkward to look at woman's breast when i first look at her. It is kinda creepy. But if i get introduced, then it depends when i would check out for that. Maybe after spending some time, if our conversation goes fine. ### i think arousal works in a counter intuitive way. I have noticed that if i see some woman wearing revealing dress, many times i won't be aroused. But if i see some tiny part of her physique gets revealed accidentally like side boob or belly, i would be aroused almost immediately. I have also heard some men reporting the same experience on this matter. I think a sense of secrecy plays a huge part in arousal. People are curious by nature and if one can intrigue their curiosity then they would seek to find answers like hell.

Only if they don't make it as an excuse to cut you salaries or raising your house rent and amount of your college debt.

@Bno i think that yes, UBI will cause inflation if it is given in the form of money. But if it is given as a service, it won't. Federal govt has to ensure that the citizens are getting their UBI's in form of service like housing, education etc.

Conservatism and it's effect on my sexuality i was raised in a conservative society. My family is also conservative but a moderate one. Since childhood i used to be a introvert person who would spend hours in observing others and questioning everything. I was and am curious about pretty much everything as hell. In my early teenage time, i used to question the nature of this world and existence of myself. Why am i here? What is my purpose? What is these place? - these were some common questions too ask. Maybe i was looking for an authority figure to guide me and tell me what it is. As i have said early that i live in a conservative area, teaching about religion (Islam) is very common here. I also read in a islamic oriented school so it also influenced me directly. So i turned to religion. I began to read quran and other religious text. I had found some sort of shelter in it and beginning to subscribe to it quite quickly. So it did have an impact on my views on sexuality. In islam, it is prohibited to look at women (without "mahram", which basically includes mother, sister and other close relatives) twice. No romantic relation, no sex outside marriage, no masturbation etc. It was also described how one would be punished in this life and afterlife if he violates these rules. So i believed all of that and start practicing. It meant i could not masturbate. Can not have romantic relationship. So the sexual energy inside me was on the rise. I used to feel frustrated, annoying and anxious. Even though masturbation was prohibited, i used to do it within few days of abstaining. Then i would guilt myself, become pretty upset about it. I did not like my cock getting erected. I did not like to see a women who wear revealing dress but at the same time i was feeling pretty attracted towards her. I was getting teared apart. Sometime it felt like going against myself. Suppression, repression was very common. I was not even aware of the dynamics of my sexual energy and how to become conscious of it. So it gave me pretty hard time. I was sexually repressed by myself, until one day i decided to explore what lies outside of my thinking pattern and belief system. I am writing this journal in a nonlinear, scattered way. But it is an expression of my sexual self, which was suppressed for a long time. I think this is the time when i need to vent out whatever is in my mind to open up sexually in a honest way. It's a process of discovery, outside of the box. I want to see what can i discover.

@Husseinisdoingfine i think this is an excellent analysis. I do not think giving 1k per month is gonna improve the situation. It can result into inflation and i doubt its feasibility. How about free medicare? How about free housing and free education? These can be some good and realistic goal to achieve. But i don't think Yang is in for those.

@egoeimai actually what you described is quite eye opening because hey, it's quite difficult to find other examples of men and women viewing sexuality that you described. In a conservative society (prescisely where i live), women do want commitment before sex in 98% of the case. It's mainly because of consevetism. On the other hand, men in this kind of society enjoys privilege sexually because of hyper patriarchal societal pattern. So it is quite hard to experience sexual dynamics other than that.

@egoeimai lol. I think how you see cock and pussy is quite relative

Looks like the presenter of TYT likes yang's personality more this his healthcare policy. He seemed to me like a populist, appealing to their needs while maintaining the same old status quo policy. A centrist in disguise of a progressive. It can mislead many people. Disappointed with Yang.

As the year 2019 is going to end very shortly, i want to say something about actualized.org I think it was in june,2016 when i was surfing through youtube, looking for some basic self help videos. I accidentally bumped into one of leo's video and started watching it. I felt very resonated with it but did not really realize what valuable thing i have found. For the next 5-6 months i watched a handful number of this channel's video. The more i listen, the i became intrigued. It was amazing. I learned about enlightenment for the first time, how 'I' am a fantasy and so on. 6-7 months after subscribing to thiss channel, i got my first mystical experience. Man, it was so fucking amazing. It was a giant whale. It motivated me to dive into self acutalizing. I started to watch leo's video like hell as i felt like an addict to that. I started to read books, start practicing and contemplating more on spirituality. It's been 3.5 years and still i am deep into this journey. I have joined this forum and become an active member since last year. I have met amazing and like minded people here, learning from them and sharing about my journey as well. I will not say that i have achieved a lot in these times. I have got a lot to do but i had some real success to motivate me to carry on. One thing i can say that i have commited to self actualization for life and much credit goes to actualized.org and Leo Gura. So Leo, thank you for sharing these amazing content and motivating me. I am grateful to you. I hope you will continue to share amazing insights in upcoming years and help me and other like-minded people over the world. Lastly, i would say your reproductive capability is amazing

Control over ejaculation : A delicate balance its like a temperature metre. It as the temperature begins to rise high, the metre goes high. If temperature goes down, as well the metre.. While masturbating /penetrating , one has to maintain the energy to have orgasmic feeling. The pleasure is not ensured by achieving and maintaining the sexual energy aka semen at a certain level, it is gained by riding high by going close to the point of no return and riding low close to semi/non sexual level. It's like going back and forth. It sounds easy in theory but in practice, it is wayyyyy harder than one can imagine. It's the essence of taoist sexual mastery. ways a man can fail : - if he is desperate and needy about sex - lustful. I don't think lust helps to have a better sexual performance - lack of mindfulness. As it is a process of going back and forth, one has to be conscious of that process. Otherwise, he is gonna accidentally ejaculate. - thoughts on ejaculating while sex/masturbation. Lol it's a huge issue for me. Sometimes when i am high on sexual energy and horny as fuck, even the thoughts of ejaculation was enough for flushing the sperm in my pants. The feeling is good but the cause is lost and now i have to change my pant - unconscious manipulation my oneself to ejaculate. It happens when one his high on energy by does a poor job at transforming it.

You are destined to be hijacked. Until you wake up one day and master it.

penetration Fantasy 5.5 inch in length black cock. Unlike human, a cock is judged by its ability, it is not a victim of racism. its work is to cultivate like a farmer. It enters the pussy and immediately feels a lot of pain. When it decides to leave, it starts to miss the pussy. It realized that this pain brings along the pleasure also. So it goes back and forth inside of the pussy. Its a dilemma for the cock. What to do? It can not take it or leave it. It fails several time by misunderstanding this dynamic as a pleasure vs pain game. It looses a lot. Sometimes it leaves its seeds inside the pussy immaturely, until it understands that this dynamic is all about release. It release pain, traumas, suffering. It creates explosion of joy and beauty. It gets the divine union with the pussy. Thus the cock learns to hold and carry on the task of deep entering by accepting the paradox of pleasure and pain.

The kind of women i want as sex partner as a man, i do have a preference. It look like this: - a women who would communicate with the pussy, not with the mouth. Mouth can lie, body can not. I don't want to go through all nonsense to have sex. I want a woman who would have sex first to know me through bodily communication. - a women with high sex drive. I want her to scream and moan loudly.willing to have sex 3-4 times/week. - round size big breast. Big areola. When she is on top, i want to see her breast going up and down in a rhythmic motion. - she should like to be deeply penetrated for hours. When my cock would be drilling inside her pussy, it will be pleasant to see that she squirted a lot of fluid.

Sexual Energy Transformation : A big Challenge as i have mentioned above, i have tried many times to transform sexual energy but failed ultimately with little success. If i do not ejaculate for 2 days, i can feel that sexual energy builds up. Suppose i have just ejaculated. Then it will take atleast 24 hours to feel aliveness in my cock. Then, slowly, i can feel that an energy is on the process of building up in my genital area. In this building up period, i can feel my sensitivity and horniness is building up. It feels like the energy is rising upward, from my cock to naval to heart and finally, my head. It usually happens within 48 hours. From this time, i feel super excited, horny, intelligent,productive etc. Its a feeling of total ALIVE *-* the real practice begins from here. In this time, my mind can get distracted. I am always thinking about sex. Even a picture of a girl can give me an erection. My cock in this phase gets super hot and hard. Its the time to penetrate- this message can be felt quite clearly. But within 72 hours, it can get quite irritating. It starts to feel like prison. Like you have some delicious food in front of you but can not eat it. Within 96 hours it feels like hell. I usually loose my concentration and obsessed about sex. Its like i want to penetrate like hell. I get usually impatient and desperate in this period. One might think if he have sex in this time frame he will have amazing sex. But i don't think that is true. I think if i put my cock in a pussy in this time, i will immediately loose my seed. It will be very bad sex. As far as remember, i lasted highest for 7-8 days. Then i couldn't bear anymore and ejaculated. The sperm level is too much high if i wait that long. And when it comes out, it gets shoot out at an usual distance. This release calms the mind. But after some time, i realize that i have lost the battle. I have tried to hold semen for several times and tried many techniques. I will write about it in the future.

When to Ejaculate (For Men) i have noticed that for the last couple of days, i have been talking about non-ejaculation. Now it's time to talk about when to ejaculate First of all, i think a person, when he has fully mastered taoist sexual practices, need not to wear condom or any other protection while having sex. His protection is his own control. He does not really need external protection. A man should only ejaculate when he and his partner consciously decides to give birth a child. I repeat, Consciouly. Then according to his partner's period time, there will be a time period when the woman's egg will be total fertile (one can calculate that). As far as i know, that time period lasts for 2-3 days. In these time, man will have sex with woman as he normally does. After they are done satisfying each other, the man will consciously and willfully release his semen inside the pussy. His cock should not hold back at all. He will also help woman to receive the seed. He will continue to do that until the woman becomes pregnant. Once he gets the news, he will again stop ejaculation. It is like a ritual that can only be done by high conscious person.

How to Have a Cock inside (For Women) I am writing it from man's point of view. So it is just a point of view, not some holy words. This is also my expectation from a woman as man. Cocks are designed in a way that they are destined to enter into a pussy and visit the realm for a while. I think cock is the most under appreciated body part. It is soft yet strong like a shape shifter. It searches for emptiness, where it can fill up the void and spread happiness. It wants to be in a place where it can feel belongingness. So here come the pussy. It is empty. It needs to be filled. From primal point of view, it seeks the seed. From low conscious stand point, it wants earthly pleasure, from high consciousness, it wants to be in an eternal union. A cock can serve a pussy with joint collaboration. If a pussy seeks seeds, cock can give it within seconds. If it seeks pleasure, cock has to become more efficient and provide better lasting deep penetration. Usually the cock fails itself along with the pussy. So in quest for deep and longer penetration, cock learns the technique and face the pussy. If it tries well enough, cock and pussy will discover union. Through cock, a man can unleash his highest possible sexual expression of masculinity. In this sense, it is masculine art where cock is paint brush. A paint brush like cock tries to find a suitable pussy as canvas to express it's art.so what is a suitable pussy to a cock? A home, not a foreign land. A place where it can roam, not tied up. A warm place that is loving. Emptiness full of love. A welcoming place, not repelling. Through cock and pussy, a man and a women can connect physically, emotionally and mentally. So how women can make their pussy suitable for a man's cock practically? - A loving gaze and appreciation for cock. - holding the cock to feel its skin - rubbing the cock by masterbating men. Remember, its taoist balance. If the man wants to balance it by not ejaculating, you have to maintain balance as well. If you rub the cock too much, he will ejaculate. If you rub it too little, it has no affect in men and they may think of it as you negligence. If you can master the balance for your man, it is a huge plus. - kissing the tip of the cock (0.5-1 inch). Kiss as if you are kissing in the lip of a man. - suck the cock. Its not like blowjobs we can see in porn, it's like sucking a chocolate. - if man uses condom, take it and put it on the cock by yourself This activities conveys a message to the man : you appreciate and accept his cock. You love his masculinity and ready to accept as it is. I think this respectful way of treating a cock is missing in most cases. If a pussy is not home for man's cock, it will most likely : - enter pussy like a foreign land - show reluctance to communicate with pussy - do the task of penetration in a shallow way - ejaculate inside the pussy very quickly, with or without using protection. Ejaculation in most cases are cold approach toward a pussy. It won't happen if the cock is adored and accepted.