Gorlov

Only thing I would argue is that you are OWED happiness. By whom? By reality? Reality doesn't owe you anything. Often-times, when we grow and develop, it's by following our 'blisters' rather than following our bliss. Pain will teach you valuable lessons that joy doesn't know about. As a living being, you will receive results based on your choices and the efforts that you make. Life doesn't owe you happiness any more than it owes you anger or sadness or glory. These are all things produced by your conscious efforts. Life WILL reward you with happiness if you do the 'right' things, but it will not just award it to you if you are, for example, massively egoic, insecure, and apathetic. No - step up and you'll get what you have tried to receive. But you are not entitled to any more than you have chosen and deserved. Extra note: and sometimes you'll get hit with things you don't deserve! It's a messy game out there.

Absolute freedom wouldn't look like anything, it would just be a void. You can only have things exist if you have rules and constraints. Otherwise it's like trying to design a videogame that doesn't have any physics engine, any graphics or any models or AI. What the heck would that look like? It would just be a blank screen. The universe is not 'enslaved' because slavery suggests a slave and a master. You are somehow conceptualising reality as being the slave of these rules that are commanding it. In truth it's not like that. They are not two separate things. Reality IS the ruleset, it's not the slave of the ruleset. If anything, rules ARE freedom - they are what creates the playground that consciousness can then experiment and grow in. The goal isn't to get rid of rules, it's to learn what they are and get better at playing the game.

I don't think it was entirely planned. Fairly sure that when Leo spoke about becoming a millionaire and having threesomes, those genuinely were his goals. Then I guess it began to dawn on him that there are better and less egoic pursuits than that, and that's when the channel took a new direction.

Think of your mind as a tool that can serve you or hinder you. It's not something to destroy, because if it wasn't useful, you wouldn't have it. I can see that you're characterizing it as some kind of tormentor, but this is bound to lead to self-attack and make you introspective and stifled and resistant. Here's an idea - rather than fighting your mind, befriend and cultivate it. See when it's hurting you, note down patterns of bad thoughts, and try to remain sceptical and clear headed, establishing a mind that is healthy and inquisitive and supportive of you. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Having a functioning human mind is a beautiful gift. Embrace it.

To a degree I understand exactly what Leo is saying. We're all here evolving and that much seems to be evident. We try different ways of living - whether that's chasing pleasure or chasing spiritual experiences - and there are many cul-de-sacs and traps that we can fall into, and when something doesn't work we stop and follow a different avenue in an attempt to navigate the evolutionary maze. Keep what works, discard what doesn't - that's natural selection, not just in species but also in personal development. I only have one issue. I don't think it's a good idea to use the analogy that your life is a maze that you're trying to escape from. To wake up every day convinced that you are lost in a metaphysical maze is... unhealthy, to say the least. It's quite a claustrophobic and sinister metaphor. I know that you could use all kinds of different metaphors for life - life is a game, life is a rollercoaster ride, life is a whatever you want. But to be convinced that you are trapped in a giant maze and that you are going to spend decades escaping - I can only imagine what that might make your life look or feel like. You would literally be spending years trying to ESCAPE. Not thrive, not flourish, not contribute, not grow, but ESCAPE. I'd posit that rather than focusing on being trapped, imprisoned, and trying to escape, one might want to examine exactly what makes this experience we call 'life' work. Are we actually here as prisoners? Or is there value in this experience we are having? Perhaps rather than prisoners, we are students? Perhaps this isn't a rat maze, but a rat SCHOOL? And maybe school would make a better metaphor than a maze? Because the implications are different. That way, rather than attempting to run away from this thing before us, or solve it like it's some puzzle that has an answer, we would be focusing on developing, growing and thriving. It's possible that that would be a more helpful and productive analogy to use. Let me know what you think.

I have the same experience. I became so focused on 'personal development' that I ended up by myself reading, taking notes and meditating most days, sometimes going off into the forest to meditate by myself. I took LSD experimentally. I decided that I was going to destroy my ego and try to become enlightened and eradicate my sense of self. Here's what happened. I ended up distant from my mum and sister, who were pissed at me because every time they wanted me to snuggle up with them and watch a movie I told them that movies were just distractions and there were more important things I had to do (like contemplate by myself). I ended up with an anxiety disorder from LSD, and though I actually DID dissolve my sense of self, let me tell you that having no sense of self is TERRIFYING. It got to the point where I was looking at a picture of myself and having a panic attack because there was no connection there to me at all. LSD was very intense and screwed up my life with anxiety for about a year. I did have some useful insights from it, but in the broader sense of things, it was actually quite traumatic. This is just my experience, but I have my own way of doing self-help now. I focus on goal-setting, simple and achievable things such as getting amazing at guitar or better socially. I've laid down the very intense spiritual stuff, because trying to become enlightened, quite frankly, screwed up my life for a while and made me distant from people. It was only coming back to these people afterwards that I realised what I'd lost - friendships, a win-win social circle, supportive and loving relationships. Meditating by myself had not given me any bigger insights than that being all alone and trying to elevate yourself spiritually is bloody lonely. Interestingly, it didn't show me what I could become - it actually made me value what I already had. So here's my two cents: I'm an advocate of practical self-help that creates results you can see and touch. When you wake up in the morning next to someone amazing with a big smile on your face, that was good self help. When you drink a delicious smoothie that leaves you feeling energised the rest of the day, that was good self-help. When you and your friends go on a spontaneous trip into a national park and survive and laugh and high-five about it afterwards, that was good self-help. But there's no need to be an isolated, self-absorbed, wannabe prophet. Structures exist for a reason, and trying to destroy everything that makes you you, all of your understanding of the world, and everything that connects you to society so that you can 'escape the maze' is just that - destructive.

I think seeing a proffesional would ofc be a good idea. But I also wonder if you're a very creative person? I sometimes have the same sort of dreaminess (though by the sounds of it nowhere near as problematic). For us dreamy people, it could be a weakness or a strength. It means we can get caught up in negative thoughts - but, if we can clear up our headspace and make it a positive one, I find that in this dreaminess some really good ideas come to me. Just wondering if this could also be seen as an advantage in some way, if you're creative

My biggest realisation ultimately came from Eckhart Tolle. Beyond form, beyond thought, beyond knowledge, beyond the body, beyond the mind, there is PEACE. I feel like this is what you meant by The Void? The silent observe behind everything, that which has no specific form, but can be anything. Really cool post!

Ask yourself why you need to win. What is there to really win? Founding your sense of security on winning or losing is a bad idea, because this is such unstable ground. Instead, see if you can have a complete soul regardless,of victory or defeat. Aapreciate that the ego may have been damaged, but you remain the same. You don't have to get rid of this feeling, you just have to realise that it isn't you. You are the OBSERVER of this sensation, but you are not the sensation itself.