Lord God

I truly appreciate all the attention this journal has received over the past few days. I promise a new installment likely this evening or tomorrow depending on if I can fit the wall of text around my meditation or not. Leo, as I'm sure you can imagine it's one "I've" heard before haha. That being said taken without the Pulp Fiction reference I daresay it was certainly an applicable quote. Thus bravo on the double entendre. Neil and Ike, thank you for your comments and I hope you enjoy the next installment :). I.am.listening you pose some interesting questions. Firstly as calm and cool as I am about this all now there was certainly some points where I was neither calm nor cool with what was happening. I have a very vivid recollection of becoming one with my entire living room and not really being sure what the heck to do with it. I was the room, the room was me, the books on the shelf were both written by me and read by me. It was a very confusing moment and I certainly felt like I had no control and was being forced to "wake up". It was amusing to say the least because the illusion of control brought comfort and security when it returned, only to also make me completely uncomfortable because I recognized it was just an illusion. I would say the moments of not being calm and cool actually taught me more than the insights I could just see and accept instantly. To address your actual questions: Relating to people is kind of an interesting thing at the moment, I just get out of the way and allow my impulses to take over. If someone is being monotonous and repetitive I hold nothing against them, I'm a machine too. I just accept my impulse to leave the situation and extricate myself. Sharing has certainly become difficult, those closest to me judge me as a bit crazy or fanatical now. That being said I don't really identify with their reaction so it becomes irrelevant, I simply share when I "feel" there is sufficient interest, and don't when I don't. Though I must say people are hardly boring, they are me, I am them. Looking at people teaches me more about myself, and what my ego is judging or holding onto. In that sense they have become infinitely more interesting and I am actually far more tolerant and social than I was previously. I rarely if ever get sad/depressed/mad. The only aggravating thing for me at the moment is that meditation has really cut into my ability to fall asleep. That being said do we truly need sleep when we become aware? Difficult thing to answer. I suppose the best way to answer your question would be to say at this point I'm eliminating almost all of my negative emotions. When I'm frustrated by something it means I'm identifying, the frustration may stay while the monkey mind works it out, but my relationship to it is completely different. I see it only as an opportunity to learn more about "my" self, and how to let go. In that sense even when "I" am upset, "I" am happy. It's a very odd thing to describe. Certainly, though set isn't a word I would use. Martial arts teaches you to flow like a river and as such any goal I set are really just a guideline, and if it comes to pass I am happy, if it does not, I am happy. But to give you an idea: I have been studying MMA since 2009, I would like to compete professionally while I am young. This is my intended source of income to fund the next goal, however should it not work out I always have programming which is lucrative enough. I want to take a pilgrimage across the world. This has been a long time goal, and luckily I have a partner who is also interested. Essentially I'd like to backpack across Europe, Peru, India, China, Thailand, and japan. Each hold something unique either the source of some cultural roots in my personality, or places like Mach-pichu or the Taj Mahal, the many temples and cultures between these landmarks. At each I would like to meditate at least a few weeks and see what insights come. Especially Hiroshima, as depressing and hard as that will be, I feel a few weeks of my life to perhaps have a glimpse at the greatest travesty man has committed is a small price to pay. If funding is sufficient I would certainly be willing to dedicate a decade to this. I'd certainly like to raise consciousness to a point of becoming aware of and able to interact with the Fourth dimension (time) and the fifth (The multiverse). Though that will be explained in my next entry as I had a unique experience with the fourth this week. All that being said the most pertinent goal is to stop having my self re-enter the equation and be able to maintain my states of awareness on a constant basis. Obtain that permanent "I" as it were. All of these goals pale in comparison to that and in honesty at times I find a magnetic desire to just drop everything and work solely on awareness. I am unsure which will win out, or if the two can become mutual, but awareness and consciousness are my ultimate goal at the moment. I would apologize for the lengthiness of this reply, but it seems I can't help but be wordy. Looks like I'll have to remove my promise to be more concise in the future. Truly Z

You assume that Leo would take the viewpoint of it having benefits :P. All and all I would really rather NOT see Leo put a video like this up. While certainly it is a question that everyone heading down this path asks at one point or another, I believe it's really a personal choice. That and the results are entirely subjective, who can possibly say what journeying is going to do for "you", every puzzle has it's own pieces to deal with. How could anyone in a video really tell you whether to do it or not? Sadhguru managed his progress with absolutely no psychedelic or drug usage, I'm sure you could to. That being said I've journeyed and will only leave this warning: Yes the trips opened my eyes to a lot of things, that being said at least one person I've tripped with can turn violent and entirely primal on psychedelics. Literally acting like a monkey or lunatic where you're pretty sure if you approach this individual you're going to get bitten. The real question is why do you feel you need Leo to tell you whether to do them or not? EDIT - I realize after reading the guidelines again that this section is not meant for discussion, and as such I should not have posted this in the first place. My apologies to those involved.

Oh man too many to list. If you want something to go meta on life then: Pink Floyd - Endless River Pink Floyd - Darkside of the Moon Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here Theophany - Time's end (A remix of Zelda Majora's mask songs, interesting if you understand the concepts the game presents and certainly intense) These are all albums that are intended to be listened to from start to finish, and can produce a very interesting mindset when combined with meditation..or other things.. Along that same lines but talking song wise: Synkro - Knowledge Synkro - Viewpoint Synkro - Aerial Beardyman - On a mountainside These guys are great for journeying and enjoyment but for straight up meditation I tend to prefer something without the emotional overlays so go with pure bin-aural beats, I have a set I purchased that include babbling brook, dream, transcendence. All very useful to at least quiet the monkey mind right off. That all being said I only meditate with music perhaps two days a week, it's useful for observing your reactions certainly but it's also as someone else pointed out a bit of an addiction thus better to do without when you can.

I think this really comes down to how you interpret "good meditation" versus "bad meditation", getting a funky feeling in your head has relatively little to do with enlightenment work so if you're gauging your meditation based on how much it alters your perceptions you're falling into a sticky trap. As long as you are becoming aware of the self and how you function meditation is successful. You may wind up going 3 months without an insight and then a huge one will drop on you. The trap to avoid is don't assume meditating is going to do anything, don't assume anything about the results. Just know your end goal is the disilusionment of the self and stay focused. If you're looking for insights on what to do with your meditation to get "results" in seeing through the self quickly then I suggest reading P.D Ouspensky's the psychology of man's possible evolution. It will talk about all sorts of things happening in your body that you're not aware of and give you an idea of what to start becoming aware of.

This is a very subjective question and depends where you are in your journey. Are you meditating to assist in self-inquiry? Are you meditating to find that ultimate truth of Enlightenment? Or are you meditating to enhance your present ego (Ie advance your goals, desires etc)? Ultimately meditation assists in all of these things in the same way. I would say the most important reason for meditation is the age old adage of "Know Thyself". Knowing thyself is self-inquiry, it ultimately leads to enlightenment, and it can lead to any kind of egoic desire you have. How? When you start meditation you'll be sitting there doing nothing, and wondering why the heck you're sitting there doing nothing. Everything possible is going to distract you. What purpose does this serve? You then start realizing all the things that distract you on a constant basis from accomplishing your goals. You've learned a bit more about yourself and your addictions and can now start to release them. Moving forward meditation will help you essentially combat the negative influences of these addictions and enjoy a new life whereby you are able to accomplish much more. After that it becomes more interesting, once you conquer those addictions the answer of why you're sitting there will come to you. You'll realize that without those distractions there is actually a lot going on inside yourself you had absolutely no idea about. This will then further your self inquiry as you'll start to see how you work, and why things work in certain ways. Once you're there you'll automatically have an attraction to "the truth" because you won't be able to help but wonder what you actually are behind all this? So as you see, why start meditating is pretty much the same as why you go to work everyday in the beginning. To get more out of life and enjoy the things you have, and recognize the things you don't need.

In my journey I've found lucid dreaming comes more often the more aware I am before falling asleep. I recognize instantly that I am a character in another story and not the ego I was when awake and enjoy remembering and participating in those dreams while they last. That being said from a self development stand point I find lucid dreaming to be akin to masturbation. You're pretty much entering a state of being god and controlling the world around you and not really paying attention to the self inquiry anymore. The only way which lucid dreaming has really helped me is I can then become aware of why I pushed the dream in one direction or the other, and thus become more and more aware of the ego at play even in sleep. Thus allowing more hours of personal development per day.

I would say you either need faith or a complete lack there of. For example you either need to have faith in enlightenment being possible, which given it's impossibility to communicate means faith in a lot of fantasy. Or you need to have a complete lack of faith that you know the truth or what existence is. Either the faith that it exists will create a magnetism towards finding it through the view point of a fanatic, or the complete lack of faith that you have any idea what exists at all will also create that same magnetism through the eyes of doubt. What is important is the awareness of truly not knowing existence, and following the conscious traction that brings until you find something you truly can "know".

Personally I find posture is entirely subjective, my first months of meditation I did entirely laying down and looking at the ceiling. I then began sitting up simply because I found an increased amount of attention was automatically placed on the subject when sitting versus being leisurely. I have tried full lotus having flexibility from martial arts but I find leaving the palms and fingers in that manner uncomfortable and distracting thus my preferred pose would be this: Avatar posture Do these things really have an effect? Well I would say laying down surely made it easier to just get lost in sensation, but in honesty I have had just as many insights in both postures. I think it really comes down to what position you can hold for your target duration without being distracted by the labor of maintaining it. Perhaps as I advance the merit of certain things will become clearer. edit- It seems the position I was doing according to some sources is the full lotus. From my original understanding full lotus was with your palms up resting on your thighs with the fingers touching. Versus others allow for the fingers to be cupped and held bellow the navel.

This, and only this over and over again. Your question kind of relates to the whole dualism vs monism debate (See Kant vs Berkeley or read Tertium Organum by P.D Ouspensky). To paraphrase dualism proposes that there is an inner world and an outer world one where we experience things which is entirely subjective, and one we participate in which is objective. Monism proposes that everything we know is only as it is because we imagine it that way, and there is no inner/outer world just your own imagination conceptualizing. In that regard how can you tell if someone is truly enlightened or not? Well I pose the question how can you even tell if someone is a someone or not? How can you know the world even exists outside of you, or if you simply trying to figure out your own self create characters to interact with and learn from? This is the problem with the circlejerk of philosophy in the sense that it doesn't really ever answer this question only poses them. In the end you really have no means to measure this and it shouldn't really make any difference on your journey. As far as you're aware if you're really self honest in y our experience you're the only one with sensations, the only one with an inner world, and you've never witnessed another being, only the sensations "they" cause within "you". To put it concisely you can't know if someone is enlightened in the same way you can't know when you close your eyes that the world is still there, you have no real evidence or data to prove either theory so simply do as Leo suggests, take that which gives you insights, and leave the rest be. Truly Z

Personally I would say it really depends on where you are at maintaining awareness. The big problem I see in meditating once per day is most people do this right before sleep, when you meditate right before bed it's like increasing awareness just to completely turn it off and you don't get to use the insights you obtain during that session in practice immediately and may forget some by morning. Breaking up your meditation even into three 20 minute sessions can be very valuable. If you wake up and the first thing you do is focus on becoming aware then you are likely to enjoy the insights of that awareness throughout the morning, then another 20 minute session at lunch or as soon as you feel the awareness is fading will launch you once again into flowing aware of your actions or lack thereof. I still find a session before sleep is important, it allows you to reflect on when you were asleep that day, and when you were actually conscious, thus what to modify in your routine the next day to allow more of the latter. Therefore I would propose that it is not just the number of sessions per day that is relevant, but when those sessions take place. I myself do 1.5 hours in the morning, multiple 20 minute sessions during the day when I am idle, and another 1.5 hours before bed. Though that level of commitment is obviously hard to find time for. Truly Z Edit: I should also mention that prolonged duration obviously has it's own set of benefits. It's difficult to quiet the monkey mind at first in just 20 minutes, whereas if you force yourself to make it to that hour mark and beyond you may notice insights you will never come to in smaller sessions. With that in mind I would perhaps in your case propose doing different sets on different days and seeing which benefits you most. Ie 2x30, 3x20, and then 1x60, and see how it goes.

"Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so". - Shakespeare Wanting in and of itself is not a bad thing, either is wishing (which from my understanding you are actually speaking of visualization). To want something isn't in your control and gives you the chance to explore where a want comes from, why it is there, and what it will fulfill for you. Visualization is a very powerful technique when mastered, which allows one to make a connection between ones current state, and the state where the thing visualized is obtained. However the trap to avoid is thinking that the visualization alone manifests this particular thing. Visualization can be used to allow you to see the illusory boundaries you have placed between yourself and what "you" want. You may then simply act out the correct mechanical movements in order to obtain said goal. Simply put, neither of these things are bad. It is how you treat them that determines it. If you spend all your time fantasizing about what you want, then you're not putting any energy into actually taking steps to obtain it, and that in my opinion is the trap of it. There is also identifying with what you want to the point of becoming upset if you don't achieve it, this too must be avoided and requires a great deal of inner work to recognize. truly Z

Isn't all spirituality "fake" spirituality when taught? How does one who is not yet in a spiritual state differentiate between "fake" and the "true" without having any understand of what truth is? Sadhguru proposes during his talks that at one point any being comes to an impasse of understanding everything is nonsense, or everything is sacred. Both are beautiful viewpoints, and both equally enlightening. The reason I quote that is to say that any experience or metaphor is illusory, or fake. Whether they are sacred, or nonsense entirely depends on your present view. Leo proposes in his latest video on human knowledge that even everything he is teaching or has put on actualized.org is all illusions, it's all nonsense. What is different here is that his nonsense is claiming it is nonsense which may give you an insight into other illusions present in your world view. In my humble opinion this is the true purpose of any spiritual teaching. To give you insights into the illusions you cling to, and perhaps assist you in avoiding illusions down the way. In that sense both "fake" and "true" spirituality are important. Both can give insights (albeit in different ways) into life, and the illusions permeating "your" existence. It all comes down to how open minded your present state is, and how "you" receive the information. Sometimes falling into a trap is extremely important, only in falling into the trap and extricating oneself from it can one learn to see the trap for what it is. Furthermore that realization that it is a trap had to come from within, and can then spark the motivation to not just avoid future traps and see them for what they are, but to pursue the actual truth. And that's what this whole thing is all about is it not? Truly Z

My interpretation of the Ego would be as follows. If you read through P.D. Ouspensky's "The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution" he proposes a distinction between essence and personality. Essence being what you are actually made of and the personality being your flavor at the moment or the current "I" that you refer to as yourself. The problem with the ego/personality and where it is important to recognize it's illusory state is that the ego is masquerading as the essence, and one cannot know their essence when they believe falsely that the personality is the essence. The reason the personality illusion is so persistent it it has drawn lines from one moment to another, or one "I" to the next creating this tapestry of a self that doesn't really exist. You can get in touch with this in a number of ways, certainly you are aware that your personality has been shaped by cultural or deep emotional moments in your life? Well if you consider that any intellectually compelling, or emotionally intense moment can leave an impression on the personality, the personality can be considered a summation of these moments. That being said the "I" who is good at math, and the "I" who is functioning on a date with my girlfriend are actually not the same "I" at all. It is the memory of both of these "I"s in this moment gives the impression that they are a strung together set all describing the personality or ego "me". What if I had never learned mathematics in the first place? Or never had an intense break up? Surely "me" as "I" am now would be a completely different being? If you can follow that then you can see personality is temporary and morphic, and that which is temporary is not truly the essence of one's self. So what use does "me" have if it doesn't truly exist, and is not the truth of one's being? For that I turn to Ford's book "Becoming God" in which he uses the Freudian model of Ego, Id, and Superconciousness to lavishly explain how one can alter life at an instant if they so choose. I will change the model a bit and go with Leo's proposed model of conceptualization which I believe is in Spritual Enlightenment Pt.2. If the superconciousness can be taken as the numinal thing, and the ID as perceptions, then the ego would certainly be concepts. The purpose of being a concept is to ask the question "How does this relate to me?", and thereby move the wheel forward flowing information from Numina to perception to conceptualizing it and learning more about one's own nature, about what one can become, and what one finds pleasant or wishes to avoid. The ego or personality is a very important part of any life, it simply isn't the permanent "I" that we believe it is. In it's correct position and understanding of it's nature the ego allows us to experience a very beautiful fairy tale which in turn teaches us more about ourselves and what we wish to become. I would go further but I feel this is already an overwhelming amount of information, hope it helps someone get an insight. Truly Z (Bear in mind I have paraphrased things from books, and added "my" own take on them. Don't take any of the opinions or text as the author's intended information. I simply like to source where certain insights came from.)