nick96

@zenjen There is a similarity between psychosis and spiritual awakening symptoms. Traditional psychotherapy and psychiatry has no theoretical framework to understand and diagnose properly any condition connected with spiritual awakening. They can diagnose as psychotic a patient that is experiencing a powerful and important transformation as a consequence of awakening. The only field of Western psychology that deals with this field and can fully understand it is transpersonal psychology. Don't seek support from conventional psychiatrists ! Their view of the human psyche is very limited . The phases of powerful transformation that come after sudden opening to spiritual experiences are called spiritual emergency or spiritual crisis in transpersonal psychology. I am currently in this phase. What I did at the time was that I combined a Vipassana retreat with Holotropic breathwork and two radical honesty workshops right afterwards. My level of consciousness grew incredibly in a very short time and i had a few mystical experiences. Since then I have been releasing tons of stuck emotions and have had a lot of symptoms that by conventional psychology would have been diagnosed as psychotic. It is really a very powerful healing process that has to be supported . You can find support here http://spiritualemergence.info . If you want to read in depth about this there is a whole chapter in the book " integral psychology" by Brant Cortright.

It's a lot better if you go do it in a workshop with facilitators trained by "grof transpersonal training" I have been told that not even Grof himself used to breath alone. It is not safe to enter some altered states of consciousness alone . In workshops you have always a sitter watching you and facilitators ready to assist you. I spoke with people that have experienced full ego death , astral projections , or other powerful experiences during the technique. These experiences can be extremely scary and can potentially lead to extreme actions if you are alone. I speak also from my own personal experience. Also, if the setting is good, as in workshops , the effectiveness of the technique is incredibly better.

@Growf I had very strong anxiety for years . Anxiety is a consequence of your neurosis. You are out of touch with your true self rooted in being and your thoughts are compulsive. Since your sense of self comes from your mind , automatically you connect your own worth and value to external things you may or may not accomplish. The fear of not accomplishing things is what causes the anxiety. To reduce or completely let go of anxiety you have to stop deriving your sense of self from your mind and become rooted in being, getting back in touch with the sensations in your body, unidenifying yourself from your thoughts and emotions. The greater your anxiety is , the greater the possibility there is that you are denying a lot your emotions. Practically what you can do is : starting working on yourself ( analyze your behaviours and do journaling ) Practice "radical honesty" every day mindfulness meditation every day ( you have to put your attention on the sensations in your body and accept them unconditionally ) physical activities and therapies such as yoga, bioenergetics, Holotropic breathwork, Rebirthing breathwork If you are willing to work hard go on a meditation retreat , like a Vipassana retreat or on a sesshin in a zen Sangha . Be sure that of you decide to do some of the things I listed you carefully speak about your psychological condition and the pills you are taking to the people that organize the activities. You can also read the book called " the power of now " by Eckhart Tolle to better understand theoretically the root cause of your anxiety. For me , the anxiety ended permanently after I had been to a Vipassana retreat in the end of March of this year.

@SMS_Kelesis I have had strong pain and fibromyalgia and fatigue for the last 3/4 years, always increasing in intensity . Years ago I also went to a chiropractor and it was completely useless. I also saw other doctors and they were useless as well, a waste of money. Traditional medicine lacks the foundation for fully understanding these kinds of problems. I began meditating at the beginning of this year after having read the book "the power of now" by Eckhart Tolle. It turned out clearly immediately that ALL my pain was not a purely physical problem but it was due to trapped emotional energy. But I had no idea about it before. Now it is gradually decreasing while I am in the process of releasing the stuck emotions. I don't know if this is your case or not . You can know it based on how happy and fulfilled you are in your life, in your relationships, your work , family, etc. The more you feel overall out of touch from your true self, the more it is likely that a big component of your pain is psychosomatic. things you can start doing immediately are: acupuncture (very important, whatever the cause of your pain this will alleviate the symptoms from the root) mindfullness meditation every day beginning to practice yoga Begin educating yourself on the mind-body connection and on how emotions work ( you can read the book I wrote before ) diet can help a lot ( see in your experience what fits for you ) Good luck .

@Hero in progress i am currently in the process of releasing tones of old stuff. Check out holotropic breathwork. It is a very powerful technique to release stuck emotions . You can go to a workshop where you live. https://www.holotropic.com/about.shtml If you are willing to work hard go on a Vipassana retreat . other things you can try are EMDR , Trauma Release Exercise (TRE) https://traumaprevention.com/ , bioenergetics and psychedelics

@kieranperez Radical honesty, intense meditation, Holotropic breathwork, paying attention to the sensations in the body when speaking to others

With ego I mean self concept. With neurosis I mean mental illness based on not completely feeling an emotion and building a part of the self that aims to avoid any possibility for the repressed emotion to rise. Does having an ego necessarily imply that you are neurotic ? Is it possible to have an ego and not be neurotic ? What do people mean when they refer to healthy ego ?

@Anirban657 Almost all behaviour is automatic. You can know it by simply noticing it: when you find yourself doing something you did not consciously think about doing, then it is mechanical. Automatic behaviours that lead you to unhappiness are usually there as a cover for a negative emotion you suppressed when you were a child. At that time they were useful behaviours for you, now not any more. You can get rid of those behaviours by developing body awareness and noticing when an unpleasant sensation arises in your body and being conscious that it is just a sensation and not you. You turn toward conscious behavior by practicing observing thoughts and emotions and distinguishing between reality and thought. Counterintuitively, control on the self comes from self observation. I recommend reading a book called "the power of now" written by Eckhart Tolle to get better understanding.

@harisankartj check out holotropic breathwork http://www.holotropic.com/about.shtml . Go do a workshop close to where you live . it is a very powerful technique to release tones of stuck emotions. Stiffness and tightness in neck and shoulders are a common consequence of emotional suppression, I had it a lot too, and still have it too but it is going away.

I experienced it twice and it works incredibly well to release stuck emotions and you can also have psychedelic-like experiences. I did it to release emotions and it worked great. If you repressed a lot during your life , like me , it can lead to awakening and massive releases also afterwards ( spiritual crisis / emergency ) . So beware if you know you have some serious neurosis. I think it is more effective if you go and do it and have a good meditation routine established. In my opinion, together with meditation and psychedelics , holotropic breathwork is the greatest tool for fast deep psychological change . You just need to surrender and face the emotional pain. And you also have support from facilitators if the places become too dark. http://www.holotropic-association.eu/breathwork/frequently-asked-questions

@harisankartj ALL sciences are thought. All sciences create a mental model of some part of reality. Even if you fully understand intellectually the most recent and complex theory of physics you will not have understood reality directly but you will have understood your mental model of it. What is particular with maths is that in a lot ( but not all ! ) areas it does not have any kind of FOUNDATION with something that we can DIRECTLY CONNECT with our experience of reality ( as in what numbers are ). But the vector space R3 in linear algebra is as much a good model of the part of reality we percieve as space as the model of an object falling described in physics is. The question you are asking is a very deep and important question that has been the object of study by lots of people during a lot of centuries . https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientific_method @harisankartj Yes. Enlightenment experiences can shift your perception of reality to something that appears more like a 180 degrees sight. And this makes me think now that a lot in maths could have a lot of do with our dualistic perception of reality . Bcuz with so many advanced concepts it gets very very close to understanding deep parts of reality that can only be really understood experiencially. Also, in a non- dualistic perception of reality , would it have any sense (or would it even be possible ) to count ?? Maths could be a serious attempt of the human mind to grasp what cannot be grasped with the mind. Quite cool stuff !!

@harisankartj When speaking of maths referred to just as arithmetics, then the question about defining numbers with an empirical link to reality arises. I remember that in my first year at University the professor of mathematical analysis 1 ( calculus ) was very clear at the beginning of the course stating that we wouldn't focus on defining what a number is. This field is studied in https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philosophy_of_mathematics . Still nobody seems to agree on an answer to that . But other fields of mathematics ( analytical geometry, linear algebra, abstract algebra , real analysis, complex analysis ) in a lot of areas aren't less linked to experience than physics or chemistry are . These fields don't just work with numbers but with wider sets. They infact have a lot to do with parts of reality that we usually take for granted. Linear algebra with vector spaces creates a model of what we perceive as space. Mathematical analysis ( calculus ) studies all the properties that arise when making an infinite subdivision of a dense object . This includes continuous change. The mental concepts that arise from this are very connected to our perceptions of space and time . In this way ,mathematics can be a deep field that creates a model of very fundamental parts of reality. The concepts of continuity , continuos change and derivatives relate a lot to creating a model of the present moment, or rather moving "deeply" into the present moment . They are also connected with constant changing in the present. If you have studied the concepts you can look at their definitions and see for yourself . The concept of infinite in calculus can be a model for our perception of infinity ( for who has been able to experience it... ) . So, maths deals with concepts connected to our experience as deep as space, time ( even if we don't actually experience it ) , present moment, constant change !!

@NickG I have been addicted to video games for 5/6 years, between 12 and 17. In the last years of gaming I also struggled with relapsing and losing will to do other practices. I think compulsive thoughts are definitely connected to some extent to gaming . I think you will not solve the problem by directly imposing yourself to meditate and quit gaming at the same time. If you feel the impulse to game and you can't control it, then it is likely that you are not really grounded in being : that you are neurotic, to some level out of touch with your true self. What you can do to really face the problem at its root is find the root cause of your neurosis. You can analyze the others areas of your life where you do not get the full results that satisfy you (ex: relationships , friends, work , etc ) and begin understanding why that is so. This will lead you to a deeper grounding in being and an ability to control yourself and your impulses. This will also reduce a lot all your compulsive mind activity . This also requires a lot of work, study and emotional labour. You really need to take your life in your own hands. BTW at the time the way I quit the addiction was by selling PS3 and gaming PC . I waited to do the hard work I told you about until I had no other choice left.

@Azrael @Azrael What books do you recommend for my research ? I read "Decomposing The Shadow: Lessons From The Psilocybin Mushroom" by james jesso. Do you think shrooms would be the best psychedelic to begin studying about and trying out ?

@Truth Seekah I like the video bioenergetics catharsis. You know what, I never EXPRESSED myself for 20 years. The only thing I could do was trying to prove myself since my mother did not love me but used me to fill her own deficiencies .

The fact is that I repressed really A LOT . The foundation of my entire sense of self was built on a giant trauma that occured in the first two years of my life. I really had to wake up because at the beginning of this year I was full ( my body could not contain it any more ) ! And it is possible to release/transmute past pain fast. When I had my first big opening at a Vipassana retreat I had very strong vibrations going though my whole body and I felt like emotions were dissolving internally . Also the two times I did Holotropic breathwork something similar happened but with less intensity. I did a mistake by saying I want to do it comfortably : of course emotional labour is challenging and painful . What I really meant is that I am willing to face the pain in greater amounts all together rather than in smaller quantities but separately. I am willing to face any emotional pain no matter how strong it is. During the last time I did Holotropic breathwork all the pain came up together and I felt this huge fear of losing control over everything. The sensation was that of becoming smaller and smaller. But I resisted it : the fear was too much .The facilitators told me after that I was going into ego death . To give you an idea of the depth of the repression , during the last month I temporarily lost sensibility of my left hand and arm for all the emotion that was stored in the hand and in the wrist. What I need are techniques to face more pain together. And, yes , in the end it is all about loving myself and opening to receiving love from others. @Azrael I did EMDR both alone and with therapists around 15 times and it increases and speeds up the process but not that much . Are you sure a small dose of psilocybin wouldn't be effective ? @Nahm the emotion I suppressed the most is deep grief . Some anger too but a lot less.

@Azrael I read your enlightenment post. What psychedelics do you think could be effective for me now ?

@ajasatya @Arman @Leo Gura @Nahm I am in the middle of spiritual emergency. For the last four months I have had incredible quantitaties of emotional releases ( around 300 hours of grief ) and big shifts in my visual perceptions of reality . I had one experience of nonduality and various deep experiences of great appreciation for reality.My view on myself , life and others has changed radically. My ego is dying. But I still have a lot inside .Emotions are coming out automatically, I don't even need to meditate .My body is literally vomiting out tons of shit. I need a place that fully supports me. Last month I spent three weeks in a zen Buddhist monastery and it helped me a lot. The problem was that I made too much noise in releasing the emotions and the monks were disturbed. Now I want a way to release FAST and COMFORTABLY the remaining emotions ( I think I have about 100 hours left based on how I feel my body) . I could do Holotropic breathwork a lot of times but there is no such place in Europe where I can do it. I read psychedelics like psilocybin can help to force a greater amount of emotions to be faced together . Also just opening a lot with people helps me a lot but I have few people who are able to support me now. What advice can you give me ?

@Leo Gura What spiritual truths are you talking about ? Is it everything that has to do with awareness and acceptance of past non experienced emotional pain ?

I just returned from a Holotropic Breathwork workshop. I have had an incredible release of emotions, especially anger and deep grief. I have increased a lot my awareness on the traumas that I experienced when I was a child. I discovered that I could not feel a wide reange of emotions for so many years, I was completely cut out from them. Great part of my self image was built as a consequence of repressing very big grief when I was very small. I experienced a lot of this emotion but I still have a lot inside. Now I feel incredible energy movement inside of myself and I feel very disoriented in my mind. After experienceing the emotions, when I looked myself in the mirror I felt a horrible sensation, like dying ,as if I did hot recognize myself. I am going through a fundamental part of my life and I am understanding fundamental things about myself. I also had a very fast out of the body experience for the first time in my life during the Breathwork. During the breathwork I reached quickly the same state of consciousness that I reached after a lot of hours of meditation at the Vipassana retreat. Now I have also contacts of psychotherapists dealing with Transpersonal psychology and I think that I can have great support from them, also with the use of other techniques. I will anyway continue everyday with my meditation routine, even though now I immediately feel big movement inside of me when meditating. Any other advice would be great

I have been meditating almost every day since when you wrote these posts. I read the book "The Power Of Now". Through meditation with body awareness I had some intense body reactions. After some time meditating I got constantly distracted by thoughts about wanting something to happen in my body and the need to be in control. Two weeks ago I decided to attend a 10 day Vipassana meditation retreat. On the 5th day I had a huge emotional reaction (almost 3 hours of huge grief) and realised fundamental things about myself and about the root my neurosis . On the evening of the 6th day I had another strong reaction and the meditation teacher said that Vipassana was too strong for me and made me leave the course. The following days I stayed with some people connected to the curse who told me to distract myself and not to meditate. I think that was a very wrong thing. I distracted myself for about a week , until now. Anyway, I made huge fundamental realisations about myself and I understand the power of meditation. Now I find myself with even more psychosomatic pain than before, my situation is crtical. I am sure that I still have huge emotions inside and that Anapana/Vipassana meditations work perfectly for expressing them. I also know that alone I definetly don't have the power of will to meditate so efficiently to reach the point of expressing them. Do you have any advice ? Does anyone know about meditation retreats in Europe similar to Vipassana retreats where I can express freely emotions ?

What is the personality ? What does the personality depend on inside a person? What is the relationship between ego and personality?

@Deep But how can true personality not depend on anything ? I imagine there must be something inside me that makes me express authentically in the way I do, or not ? In general, an ego that is more similar to true personality facilitates emotionally ( makes less emotionally challenging ) to express oneself , right ?

@Prabhaker So what is exactly my true personality inside of me ? The ego for example is a mostly subconscious mental structure with beliefs about all my personal characteristics and my model of reality . Similarly, what is in this sense my true personality ? Or is true personality just connected to the fact of living consciously, so over the level of identification with thoughts and emotions, and so it isn't a "thing" inside the mind ?

Thanks for answering! In this other post : Leo Gura said that personality and ego are two very different things and that personality remains also in person that achieve enlightenment. He also said that personality is not rooted in beliefs. I imagine that from how you define personality here you mean the ego and the behaviours it generates in the person. I think Leo refers to a true, intrinsic personality that is not distorted by the ego. It is this that I am asking about . Where is this true personality rooted inside the person ?